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  #31  
Old 2nd June 2015, 18:29
girlinterrupted girlinterrupted is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phool
Simple answer yes. I have no children, no siblings and an elderly mother. Anyone's guess as to which of us pops off first!

My real life friend circle has diminished to virtually none. Well none that I really see or hang out with.

I have a large group of cousins but all much younger than me so I won't be hanging out with them in my old age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phool
Oops didn't finish post. So to sum up unless I dramatically become more sociable its gonna be pretty isolated. I worry mostly about losing my independence if my physical health fails.
Snap,minus the cousins (have 2 but have only met them a couple of times,well over 20 years ago now,wouldn`t know them if they passed me in the street).
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  #32  
Old 3rd June 2015, 23:04
GlasgowFilmTheatreFan GlasgowFilmTheatreFan is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Losing independance due to physical health issues is a worry for me. In one way it might be good to be in a home where some others were around, avoiding total isolation, but then you see those hidden camera documentaries where patients are left soaking in their wee for hours

Do people here feel they would be able to accept the help of a befriending service when older if that helped you stay in your own home? Or would you feel too proud or have worries things could get nicked? It must be difficult feeling the need to depend on others for help. I have been joining in a group phone call for anxious people weekly and most people in the group are retired or disabled, I find it quite helpful and this might be the way I am most comfortable accessing support, both now and in future.
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  #33  
Old 5th June 2015, 19:08
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AuroraSky
Losing independance due to physical health issues is a worry for me. In one way it might be good to be in a home where some others were around, avoiding total isolation, but then you see those hidden camera documentaries where patients are left soaking in their wee for hours

Do people here feel they would be able to accept the help of a befriending service when older if that helped you stay in your own home? Or would you feel too proud or have worries things could get nicked? .
Yes, this scares me as well. I'd hate depending on the kindness of random strangers. Partly because it is humiliating, partly because a lot of people have little kindness to give. My neighbour's mum ended up housebound with 'carers' (and I emphasize the inverted commas) coming to see her for an hour or so each day. They used to steal anything that was left laying about. My neighbour said if she left a new packet of biscuits or a magazine for her mother, it was gone the next day. And she didn't dare complain as they'd just deny it then take it out on her mum. The house stank of piss and her mum ended up with bed sores and blood poisoning because the carers were so lazy, incompetent and uncaring. But I guess that is my destiny unless I can summon up the nerve to take my own life. I have no children and wouldn't want to bring any into this shithole of a world. But I have no nieces and nephews either, no close friends and very little family. When my mother goes I'll be totally alone.
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  #34  
Old 5th June 2015, 19:47
Unnecessarily Long Username_1 Unnecessarily Long Username_1 is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
But I guess that is my destiny unless I can summon up the nerve to take my own life.
For me, this is where the Class A drugs come in. I know I wouldn't have the nerve to take my own life, but I can easily imagine scenarios where I might become quite reckless with it. My decision to take hard drugs would be borne not primarily from a desire to die, but from a desire to experience some kind of pleasure. The likelihood of assuming room temperature is merely a happy coincidence.
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  #35  
Old 8th June 2015, 11:12
Phool Phool is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

@girlinterrupted @azalea sorry for delayed reply I don't come on the forum that much but it kind of makes me feel better knowing its not just me.
A couple of my partners friends died recently. He is 48 and his friends were 45 and 54. Brought it home to us that life is too short and he has started addressing some if his physical health problems. I am trying to with mine but am starting to feel I might be getting arthritis which is worrying.
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  #36  
Old 25th June 2015, 12:03
Cowman Cowman is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Yes I worry about it but there is nothing I can do about it (I'll scream if anyone says there is!!!) - Not that I can really get any more lonely and isolated than I already am.
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  #37  
Old 25th June 2015, 12:22
Between The Bars Between The Bars is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cowman
(I'll scream if anyone says there is!!!)
Yer bloody right, it pisses me aff tae! All those Mr & Mrs fkn know it all's.
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  #38  
Old 23rd June 2017, 19:27
GlasgowFilmTheatreFan GlasgowFilmTheatreFan is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Just wondering if anyone who participated in this thread had anything change in the couple of years since. In my case, my main disability (bipolar disorder, not social anxiety) got worse, so I never made any progress with training or volunteering and paid work is looking pretty unlikely for me. In the past year I did make some friends through Meetup groups, but of the three main groups I attended two of them had the organiser step down, and aren't on quite such a stable footing now, so I can't really depend on them to still exist in the longer term, and I have only made one or two friends there in the sense of people that I see outside of the meet context. I live on my own now, and am just getting around to making my place tidy so that I can enjoy being in my flat by myself - still not there yet. I think I could get more enjoyment if I was a bit better organised - for example made a "DVD night" watching a film and having proper microwave popcorn and a glass or two of wine. I am trying to think more on a day to day basis and enjoy the little things, and not worry too much about what will happen if/ when things like SA UK or my local Meetup groups aren't around for online company.

Anyone else had changes for better or worse in the last couple of years?
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  #39  
Old 24th June 2017, 00:51
GlasgowFilmTheatreFan GlasgowFilmTheatreFan is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

MissKitty that does sound a difficult situation having to be so reliant on yourself. I think it can be tricky for older always-single women but I wonder if widows who depended a lot on their partner find themselves feeling unprepared. Would be interesting to see a statistic. Having said that, I have observed older women being quite good a getting together to support each other, go on day trips or coach holidays together, things which might not appeal at the moment but could at a different age. There are online friendship sites for woman like togetherfriends.com where women find penpals, activity pals, theatre or cinema companions - I don't think there is a same-sex equivalent for men. Men seem to have "old men's pubs" (dour places with no music and decor unchanged for 20 years) and "men's sheds" and that's about it! Maybe things will have changed if I'm lucky enough to make it another 20 years.

Even if it's a struggle to think and act upon making big changes in your life I hope you can make a few smaller ones which bring you a bit of new happiness. For example, I'm a hopeless cook, but have had the idea of occasionally buying posh sourdough bread, some good cheese, and have that with an apple for dinner (OK and a glass of wine too!). Just little things like that to make the most of being on my own and being able to make choices that please only myself.
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  #40  
Old 24th June 2017, 06:29
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

It is really worrying me. In the near future I'm going to be living completely alone for the first time in my life. I'm trying to tell myself that this is a new chapter and to see some positives, to be honest though I'm absolutely terrified. Prolonged isolation has proven to be a very dangerous thing for me and SA makes it difficult to do much to help myself with that.
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  #41  
Old 24th June 2017, 17:07
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Given I'm an only child who probably has more chance winning the lottery than finding himself comfortably in some sort of relationship.

At the grand old age of 31 and still living at home, my only real source of interaction with other people was my parents my dog and my work colleagues

my dog just died, my parents are mid 60's and my work colleagues are more than enough for 40hrs a week..I don't need want to be around them for a second longer

I'm terrified, I'm not fully convinced I'm capable of lasting on my "own" despite what I used to think 5 years or so ago.
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  #42  
Old 25th June 2017, 08:20
silenus silenus is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Yes. I am pretty comfortable on my own at the moment, but I feel like I'm living on borrowed time. Sooner or later something will change for the worse and I will have no support. I don't know what will happen to me when I retire. I always had half an idea that I would go and live in Germany to be near my sister, but I guess that can't happen now. Thanks Brexit voters.
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  #43  
Old 26th June 2017, 14:41
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I worry about it a lot lately.

I have a family, but my boys are growing up so I know in few years they'll need me less & less & will move out. I'm married & my husband has a whole big load of health problems. I worry about him getting ill or becoming disabled & I worry about him dying

For all the stress being around other people causes me, I don't do very well by myself and even after a few hours alone I start to get despondent and down.

I imagine when I do end up alone I'll have a lot of rescue dogs. Hopefully I'll live somewhere pretty & by the sea, so I'd have some comfort in that.
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  #44  
Old 26th June 2017, 15:38
Nervous Wreck Nervous Wreck is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

^ similar here. My boys are grown up, not moved out yet, but I'm certainly not 'needed' in the way I was. Hubby has his own interests which I could share in, but don't want to!! I don't do well on my own and I worry an awful lot about bad things happening to the people I care about. It's an irrational fear but one that has gotten worse lately.
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  #45  
Old 27th June 2017, 16:02
les les is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I have been looking back over this post and saw my original answer, this was posted on the 2nd May 2015 and by the 2nd July I had moved to the flat I now live in, since then and now that I am old enough to have one, I have installed a panic button attached to the phone, this was a priority for me as a few years back I took a nasty tumble getting out of the bath, and it did shake me up a bit, It took ages to recover enough to get up. My neighbours all keep an eye out for one another and that's no bad thing, and the housing association I rent from have sheltered housing units, so when I am old enough to move into it, there will be no problem with an internal move. It just goes to show that even those of us with such a restrictive life, things can eventually change.
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  #46  
Old 29th June 2017, 18:36
Quicksand Quicksand is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

its happening already. i'm in the 46-54 age group.
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  #47  
Old 29th June 2017, 20:14
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

^whippersnapper
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  #48  
Old 2nd July 2017, 00:17
Neotrinity Neotrinity is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Hello, haven't been posting on here lately, but would start again as I don't see why not. Hoping very much to beat my various issues and have been making some real progress but a long way to go (well, I guess there is no destination, just changing & improving your 'interaction' with yourself and circumstances as you go along). BTW, I'm 41 and there's a heck of a lot I still want to do. I owe it to myself to be positive. I certainly don't look at younger or wealthier people and feel inferior to them. I just suffer when I feel disconnected, undervalued and misunderstood, which admittedly is most days. I went to Mind, and am getting some real help from a mentor, and it's something I would recommend to others!
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  #49  
Old 3rd July 2017, 16:34
Hayman Hayman is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope when my parents pass away. I'm not entirely sure that I can. I have a brother, but he lives 240 miles away.

As things stand, the loneliness factor is mainly down to never having had a girlfriend and being the only person in my old 'circle of friends' (only in vague touch with one, now…) who's still yet to get anywhere by around 12 years – it's become an enormous bugbear in my life. At my age, there's always partners to fall back on and seek support from. Who do I have? No one. It's just me...and people genuinely ask me why I've suffered with depression and lack confidence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxic
At the grand old age of 31 and still living at home, my only real source of interaction with other people was my parents my dog and my work colleagues
I'm 32 and remain at home with the parents. Yes, there's the parents (my mother is very unwell at the moment) who are both in their 60's. I have a cat who spends most times outdoors at the moment and I spend around 45 hours a week with work colleagues - most of which I don't particularly like. Any social time with them outside of work just feels like unpaid overtime to me...

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. Losing a pet is truly horrible... I've been there before. My sympathies to you...
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  #50  
Old 3rd July 2017, 18:36
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I have suffered from loneliness myself in recent years -- some of it is self inflicted, some not.

I also suffer from depression so that just adds to the lack of motivation for meeting new people.

I really worry when things like meetup are not so effective, it really doesn't fill me with confidence for trying something like that.
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  #51  
Old 3rd July 2017, 22:27
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayman
I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope when my parents pass away. I'm not entirely sure that I can. I have a brother, but he lives 240 miles away.

As things stand, the loneliness factor is mainly down to never having had a girlfriend and being the only person in my old 'circle of friends' (only in vague touch with one, now…) who's still yet to get anywhere by around 12 years – it's become an enormous bugbear in my life. At my age, there's always partners to fall back on and seek support from. Who do I have? No one. It's just me...and people genuinely ask me why I've suffered with depression and lack confidence.



I'm 32 and remain at home with the parents. Yes, there's the parents (my mother is very unwell at the moment) who are both in their 60's. I have a cat who spends most times outdoors at the moment and I spend around 45 hours a week with work colleagues - most of which I don't particularly like. Any social time with them outside of work just feels like unpaid overtime to me...

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. Losing a pet is truly horrible... I've been there before. My sympathies to you...
Hm, Thanks Still pretty raw, just trying to think of other stuff, not that I really have much else going on in my life!

Yeah, I can relate a lot to that, well my dads falling apart due to his previous job and my mums disabled so I'm not fully convinced that either of them are going to be around for that much longer and its freaking me out constantly, Only the last year or so It's really hit me how alone I'm going to be, there is no other family, no siblings, I have 1-2 friends but they are not local and I only see them every couple of months at best

The depression is quite strong at the moment!
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  #52  
Old 8th July 2017, 22:34
Danica Danica is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

My mum is the only reason I'm still alive; she's wonderful, supportive and knows how to deal with any situation so if I didn't have her, I'd have nothing to live for. When the inevitable happens, I'll be totally alone. I have relatives who live great, fulfilling lives abroad but they rarely visit so they've almost become like strangers.

Although I do worry about becoming more lonely and isolated as I age, financial insecurity is what terrifies me the most because when you get older, it's more important than ever to live in an environment that is safe and secure - especially if you don't have any family or friends to look out for you. The thought of my faculties diminishing and ending up in a state-run hell hole often keeps me awake at night.

The way I feel about my life right now, I hope I don't live past 50.
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  #53  
Old 6th November 2017, 20:19
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

There was a woman whose body wasnt discovered for i think 10 years because all her bills were being paid online.

Thats how my life will end. Non-one will notice. Just like when I lived.
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  #54  
Old 6th November 2017, 22:10
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GlasgowFilmTheatreFan
Anyone else had changes for better or worse in the last couple of years?
I've had a few changes, joined a drop in group which I still attend twice a week, we do crafts or just chat and there are support workers for anyone who needs them.
I've also attended 2 meets, this time last year I'd have never done it and have made a few new friends.
I've been going out a lot more after overcoming my fear of public transport and although I've lost part of my family I'm less lonely than I have ever been.
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  #55  
Old 24th November 2017, 20:10
HermannHesse HermannHesse is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I really don't see why it matters. It fact, it would be quite a cruel kick in the teeth if - after years of having no interest from others- life gave it to you, well into your 70's.

I'd rather be isolated and alone in old age.

I needed friends (and lacked them) in my 20's, 30's, etc. when we could have had shared adventures. I needed girls, fun, excitement, travel, opportunity - all absent. I needed 'breaks' from life, that I never got. The moment has all but passed now and life has lost almost all potential for me.

So, I can't really see any great appeal in having company while I sit around in adult nappies, dribbling bits of poorly chewed food onto my chest, shouting incoherent inanities at the TV. I needed it yesteryear, not in X number of years, when I'm to be too decrepit to even wipe my own cock after a wank -a wank that will probably not even be possible.

Not that I will get anywhere near to old age. I'm at the cusp of running of out interest. As I say, life has lost all potential now and there is nothing left.
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  #56  
Old 24th November 2017, 20:16
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

^ You're still far too young to say that life has lost all potential!
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  #57  
Old 24th November 2017, 20:21
Johnny88 Johnny88 is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

The older I get the more I enjoy the thought of being lonely and isolating myself. Family and people just become more of a burden for me.
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