SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > SAUK Community > Club 30-81
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 25th August 2017, 16:58
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North Yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,358
Blog Entries: 44

Mood
Inpain

Default Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

Hi Everyone

Do you find , the older you get the harder it is to make friends .. . At least when I was at school I did make some friends ... Sadly now they are more like people I just know rather than friends .... Now it's where do you begin , lol .... The things I like , are kind of things that seem immature to some people , or other peoples similar to my age kids do ... (play on Xbox) ....

It is very hard when you are socially awkward and don't go out ... The joys of social anxiety, meh .....

I dunno ...
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 25th August 2017, 20:15
Mo34 Mo34 is offline
Co-Administrator
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: South East
Posts: 9,392

Mood
Tired

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I'm not sure. I think ppl get a bit more choosy as they get older with regard to friends as they have less time to spend socialising so kind of thin there social group out to what they need/enjoy the most. I suppose as well many ppl have family commitments - partners/children when there older which again is time and energy consuming.

There's also less opportunity to meet new ppl I guess, school/college and uni give you access to a lot of ppl and activities. Adult life not so much.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 25th August 2017, 20:20
Phizz Phizz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Birmingham
Posts: 402
Blog Entries: 5
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

Yea, I can relate to this. I guess as I've got older I've settled into a bit of a routine and since I don't go out much means my interests are a bit narrow. When I talk to people and they ask things like "What have you been up to lately?" it can sometimes be hard to think of anything. I guess it would be easier if I went out more but I don't want to do that cause of my anxiety and so on and on it goes.

Still nothing wrong with indulging in things like Xbox or other things people consider immature. As long as you enjoy them.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 25th August 2017, 23:48
Toxic Toxic is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East Yorkshire
Posts: 7,111
Blog Entries: 3

Mood
Alienated

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

Is it because of the age..or because your not in many social situations?

I question it myself, I'm 31 and haven't really made a new friend in about 8 years. Part of me just associates it with the fact I'm getting older, I suppose the real reason is in the last 8 years I don't think I've ever really attended anywhere barring the small company I work for

I personally find work so mentally draining the last thing I want to do when I'm free is spend any more time dealing with people...or leaving the house...so it seems for me I either try and find some friends...or keep my job, I can't seem to do both

And yes of course, then theres the fact other people our age are too busy with adult things like children and such..I have no interest in them, when they are mentioned at work I just switch off
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 25th August 2017, 23:57
Utopia Utopia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 798
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I really have no idea, but maybe it's because our behaviour has changed? I've notice people just completely blanking me when I message them, when in the past when I would send a message to a friend on msn they would always get back to me, so maybe it's a cultural change? I used to like chatting to people online, I found that easier.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 26th August 2017, 00:09
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: bethmoora
Posts: 8,341

Mood
Shoveit

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

Think people shut down to new experiences after a while ( a mouthful coming from me I know!) and just see it as another nuisance they could do without. Maybe. I actually have no idea. I just like how the magic letters appear when I tap the shiny thingy.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 26th August 2017, 00:22
Mr. Spaceman Mr. Spaceman is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: London
Posts: 4,688
Blog Entries: 1

Mood
Tired

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

Reminds me of this Seinfeld bit

Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 26th August 2017, 17:07
humphrey humphrey is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 345

Mood
Lurking

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

It definitely gets harder the older you get. People assume your married, have kids (grand kids) etc. When you don't have any of those things, you tend not to have anything in common with majority of the population.

All they will talk about is their family, if you are on your own like most of us on here, what can you relate to. I think it tends to make us seem weird. Plus when you struggle with conversation normally, this just makes it doubly difficult.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 28th August 2017, 03:18
Inutt Inutt is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 15

Mood
Gloomy

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I've been thinking I should make more of an effort to make some friends for a while now, but have been having similar problems.

I think a large part of the problem for those of us that enjoy computer games and the like is that they're indoor hobbies that we do pretty much entirely in our own homes, and they're not really something that can be done after meeting up with other people. Add to that that we tend to spend our free time at home, which makes it particularly difficult to meet anyone with similar interests, since they'll be at their home too where we'll never meet them...

The mid-nineties were quite good for that - computers were capable enough that they could play decent games, but it was pre-broadband so if you wanted to play multiplayer games, you had to drag your computer round to a friends house. I remember doing that many times. Now everything's online and the games themselves are geared towards playing against random people from across the world, rather than the ones you know.


On a more general (and less nostalgic) point, Meetup.com is a good idea in theory, but not so much in practice, at least for me - I'd like to go out and do things and meet people, but the thought of meeting up with a group of people I don't know, in a place I'm not familiar with, to do something I've not done before, is just not something my social anxiety will allow.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 31st August 2017, 01:39
Inutt Inutt is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 15

Mood
Gloomy

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

@GlasgowFilmTheatreFan - I don't really know what I want from a friend either (or life generally). I think I'd like to know someone I can talk about personal things with, but given how much embarrassment and anxiety I get from even very basic conversations, that'd be something I'd have to slowly work up to. I'm not really sure I actually have that much to say anyway though (personal or otherwise), but it'd be nice to have someone to watch TV with now and again.

@gregarious_introvert - I do need to look into MeetUp related stuff in more detail - I've only really skimmed through the available groups without looking into many of them all that much. The things you mention like meeting up with the organiser beforehand and not having to enter alone would certainly help. Interestingly, I notice the location you have on your profile isn't all that far from where I live, so if I do manage to make it to a meetup, it might end up being one of yours :-)
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 31st August 2017, 23:48
Inutt Inutt is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 15

Mood
Gloomy

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

@gregarious_introvert - maybe, but it's something I'd have to work up to I think. I'll bear it in mind though, thanks.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11th November 2017, 01:30
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I hate that thing when couples only associate with other couples. I have a friend who I only ever see her during the day. And this has been ever since she married about 12 years ago! What's up with that? I'm not a child.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 7th December 2017, 22:20
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

To be fair, my friend and her husband are very happy, and she is very busy - works full time plus commute, husband, children. I'm somewhat grateful she has any time over for friends but she says it would do her head in if she just did work and family all the time. It's more the fact, that I know she sees more of her couple friends that annoys me.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 15th January 2018, 09:46
Hayman Hayman is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Cheshire, UK
Posts: 429
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I'm always someone who's struggled to make friends. Even during my school days I could probably comfortably count on both hands the amount of genuine friends I had. Those that actually wanted to spend a reasonable amount of time with me outside of school? Just three of them. One of those only knew me in primary school and another, only in secondary/high school.

I've not made any friends in my adult lifetime only acquaintances. Most come and go. Most of them going I don't actually mind. I'm quite content in my own company as I've had too many bad experiences by trying to be social and friendly with people. It just backfires on me. It would be nice to have friends of the same or similar age to myself, but I can't relate to them when it comes to discussing things and that's been the case for many years now. I'm completely out of my depth. It's like me, as a conference side, playing a premier league team a few matches back to back. I'd rather not waste my time.

I'd be lying if I told you that I'm fine with all of this, all of the time. I'm not. There are several days or weeks in any given year where I do feel incredibly lonely. In those situations, I try and think about the advantages of not having any real friends (no pressure when it comes to birthday's, Christmas e.t.c) to help me over it.

In recent years I've pushed myself into more social situations. It's not given me any new friends, but it's helped me to at least develop a little bit of self-confidence that I was never able to develop in the above situations.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 17th January 2018, 00:11
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,185

Mood
Lurking

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

It is a lot more difficult, I think maybe its past hurts and failure to open up which holds me back from making newer friends.
Or I'm just an unlikeable weirdo, could be all of this!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 17th January 2018, 03:10
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 12,193
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

^ Well I like you

I think as you get older you realise that you can't like, or be liked by everybody. Making friends is hard, keeping them is even harder. This might sound cheesy but I can thank the Internet for the friends that I've made and many of my friends are inside my phone, or computer and it's helped me feel less alone.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 17th January 2018, 14:38
Azalea Azalea is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Haydock, Merseyside.
Posts: 2,954

Mood
Pensive

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I never had friends as a child, when my kids were young I had people we met up with but not friends as such.
in the last couple of years I've slowly started to make a few friends, some from chat and some locally so I'd have to say I've found it easier as I've got older.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 17th January 2018, 22:18
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: near Bolsover, Derbyshire
Posts: 449
Blog Entries: 10
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I have yet to make my first friend, but I feel that it's only a matter of time now, so I would have to say that I'm finding it easier as I get older; at least there are people around me now who are able to tolerate my presence!

It is only in recent years that I have come to understand how my condition made me appear to others, so I am in the process not only of reducing the negative impression I made on others, but also learning to become a social being and to turn acquaintances into friendships.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 22nd January 2018, 16:42
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,185

Mood
Lurking

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

^^^ aw thank you newbs, I like you too
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 23rd January 2018, 00:00
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

People just have less time and emotional energy to spend on friendships, and they would rather spend their friendship time on existing friends. Also lots of people get stuck in a rut and are just less open to new things generally. Also, I think it is true that once you hit mid 20s or so, couples associate with couples, couples with kids associate with couples with kids, and so on. When you're younger, couples and singles hang out together and nobody has kids. I don't know why they do this though. It definitely is a thing that happens. I've definitely seen mums make mum friends after 30, that is common. But generally? Not so much.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 23rd January 2018, 00:31
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 234
Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

I think it's harder because most people are or are presumed to be settled into their lifestyle habits more. There's less room for change, growth. Many have children or a serious spouse to consider, particularly when it comes to the implications of befriending the opposite sex. When you're in your teens and 20's, befriending someone of the opposite sex while dating is more common because most are "seeing" each other rather than in deep relationships where by they need to check in with their other half for time out. Rightly or wrongly, I often question the intentions of married people that contact me in view of platonic friendship. I'm not against it at all- but it feels strange to meet one on their own. I also think most matures just don't have the time/commitment to meet if they have kids they need to run around constantly or tag along - they usually want to befriend other parents. I also think the older you get, the less you feel the need to cramb in lots of contacts- it becomes more quality over quantity because social media, the front etc doesn't really matter any more as you aren't expected to have as many friends given most people drift apart with changing/new family priorities. For this reason, I think people are more specific about what they look for in a friend and are more choosey.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 5th February 2018, 21:53
sensitivesoul sensitivesoul is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 91
Blog Entries: 1

Mood
Creative

Default Re: Why is making friends harder the older you get ??

Most people I think create their own "friendship group" through getting married. With that often comes children and in laws, leaving little time for proper friendships so people become pickier over who they will allow into their circle. My life is the polar opposite to this, though and I place high value on friendships. I think for me it's always been tough going but knowing I don't relate to most people around me as I didn't follow "the script" makes it harder. I'm happy following my own path although I do wish it had been a path that does connect me better with other people. Or that more people were "like me".
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 11:49.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.