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  #391  
Old 21st August 2017, 22:39
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Aww Thanks for your reply Clementine..
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  #392  
Old 22nd August 2017, 11:01
Punxsutawney Phil Punxsutawney Phil is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering Shygirl.

I have never made a suicide attempt but I have regularly wanted to end my life, so I know they are the worst feelings in the world. They are feelings sometimes beyond tears, a very lonely place where you don't feel there is anyone who you can call up to talk to, as it is as though you have exhausted all possible avenues of comfort and support. I have even had people get so sick of my feelings that they have said in anger, 'well why don't you kill yourself then?" It was horrible at the time, but looking back I understand why they said it, because these kinds of emotions are too much for some people to deal with, and some people simply cannot identify with it, believing life is always worth living and we have to battle on, no matter what. These are 2 very different mindsets, and I absolutely fall into the 'depressive' type, and am often weak in the face of my depressions, and it is difficult for me to want to just soldier on sometimes, as others can do.

When I was living in Germany a few years ago I actually posted a 'goodbye' message on facebook. I'm rather embarrassed when I think back because it was clearly an attempt to get noticed, a cry for help. Not that I should feel ashamed of that need, nor should any of us when we are in pain, as it may be the only way of getting some attention, which ultimately could save us, and in my case I was isolated and lonely in a foreign country after all. But it ended up with my mum, who's attention was drawn to my message by a friend who happened to see it online, contacting the police. The UK police then contacted the German police about this message of a person intending to kill themselves, and by about 2am in the morning there was a loud buzz on the door of my apartment!! I immediately put two and two together and knew what it was about, so I became scared that I had started something stupid. So I ignored them, but they kept on buzzing, and they were shouting up from the street: 'Hallo? Die Polizei KŲnnen Sie uns hereinlassen?" (Hello, it's the police, can you let us in?). If I hadn't answered, I think by law they would have been allowed to break in, so I crawled downstairs in my dressing gown and let them in. Then this weird conversation happened, owing to my German being fairly basic, with me having to try to explain myself, as they had clearly only received a vague message about somebody planning to kill themselves which they had to investigate. I obviously felt mortified for wasting their time, because I knew in the back of my mind I was probably not in danger of killing myself, and it was simply my familiar old thought patterns, beating myself up and then crying for help. That's not to say my emotions weren't genuine, as I felt really desperate. The police were not allowed to leave me alone, so they had to take me down to the station for a psychological assessment to determine if I was a danger to myself (or others). This all happened around 3am. After the psychologist understood I wasn't bat shit crazy - and by this point I was doing everything and everything to convince him I was normal enough and just wanted to go back to bed and go to work in the morning - they eventually let me go. This time I had to walk back to my apartment, which took about an hour and I reckon I was home by 4am. I slept for 3 hours then got up for work, and never told a soul what had happened!! It was one of the weirdest nights of my life. I felt kind of embarrassed in the police station, but it was also nice to get some attention, and the police were friendly. I remember the chap who spoke the best English was huge, well over 6 foot, but when he spoke English it sounded really camp. He sounded like Pepe the King Prawn from the Muppets: 'Why you want to kill yourself, hmmm?" Is not good you know, okay?" After I arrived home I did call my mum to tell her I was okay. That was an interesting night!!
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  #393  
Old 22nd August 2017, 14:52
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Punxsutawney Phil
I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering Shygirl.



I have never made a suicide attempt but I have regularly wanted to end my life, so I know they are the worst feelings in the world. They are feelings sometimes beyond tears, a very lonely place where you don't feel there is anyone who you can call up to talk to, as it is as though you have exhausted all possible avenues of comfort and support. I have even had people get so sick of my feelings that they have said in anger, 'well why don't you kill yourself then?" It was horrible at the time, but looking back I understand why they said it, because these kinds of emotions are too much for some people to deal with, and some people simply cannot identify with it, believing life is always worth living and we have to battle on, no matter what. These are 2 very different mindsets, and I absolutely fall into the 'depressive' type, and am often weak in the face of my depressions, and it is difficult for me to want to just soldier on sometimes, as others can do.

When I was living in Germany a few years ago I actually posted a 'goodbye' message on facebook. I'm rather embarrassed when I think back because it was clearly an attempt to get noticed, a cry for help. Not that I should feel ashamed of that need, nor should any of us when we are in pain, as it may be the only way of getting some attention, which ultimately could save us, and in my case I was isolated and lonely in a foreign country after all. But it ended up with my mum, who's attention was drawn to my message by a friend who happened to see it online, contacting the police. The UK police then contacted the German police about this message of a person intending to kill themselves, and by about 2am in the morning there was a loud buzz on the door of my apartment!! I immediately put two and two together and knew what it was about, so I became scared that I had started something stupid. So I ignored them, but they kept on buzzing, and they were shouting up from the street: 'Hallo? Die Polizei KŲnnen Sie uns hereinlassen?" (Hello, it's the police, can you let us in?). If I hadn't answered, I think by law they would have been allowed to break in, so I crawled downstairs in my dressing gown and let them in. Then this weird conversation happened, owing to my German being fairly basic, with me having to try to explain myself, as they had clearly only received a vague message about somebody planning to kill themselves which they had to investigate. I obviously felt mortified for wasting their time, because I knew in the back of my mind I was probably not in danger of killing myself, and it was simply my familiar old thought patterns, beating myself up and then crying for help. That's not to say my emotions weren't genuine, as I felt really desperate. The police were not allowed to leave me alone, so they had to take me down to the station for a psychological assessment to determine if I was a danger to myself (or others). This all happened around 3am. After the psychologist understood I wasn't bat shit crazy - and by this point I was doing everything and everything to convince him I was normal enough and just wanted to go back to bed and go to work in the morning - they eventually let me go. This time I had to walk back to my apartment, which took about an hour and I reckon I was home by 4am. I slept for 3 hours then got up for work, and never told a soul what had happened!! It was one of the weirdest nights of my life. I felt kind of embarrassed in the police station, but it was also nice to get some attention, and the police were friendly. I remember the chap who spoke the best English was huge, well over 6 foot, but when he spoke English it sounded really camp. He sounded like Pepe the King Prawn from the Muppets: 'Why you want to kill yourself, hmmm?" Is not good you know, okay?" After I arrived home I did call my mum to tell her I was okay. That was an interesting night!!



Thanks for your reply and for the hugs , they are much appreciated at the moment ... .... It's very hard at the moment when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel ...
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  #394  
Old 24th August 2017, 01:06
Punxsutawney Phil Punxsutawney Phil is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^Hope you feel better soon Shygirl.
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  #395  
Old 24th August 2017, 11:59
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Punxsutawney Phil
^Hope you feel better soon Shygirl.
So do I , thanks ...
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  #396  
Old 26th August 2017, 02:49
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I kind of get the feeling that many of the people around me want to drive me to suicide. It kind of makes me want to just become a complete recluse becuase what is the point in associating with people like this?
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  #397  
Old 26th August 2017, 02:56
flumpsy flumpsy is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ you shouldnt. Its possible of course that your brain is making you feel this way (rather than their intention) but even so if you are made to feel this way then removing yourself from feeling this way isnt a bad option. As long as you dont remove all human interactions, that is not a good thing. Do you have people who dont make you feel this way ?
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  #398  
Old 28th August 2017, 03:31
Fluorescent Grey Fluorescent Grey is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Don't wake up thinking about killing myself anymore, thanks to the meds, but I'm too damaged and life is never going to be ok.
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  #399  
Old 28th August 2017, 03:48
flumpsy flumpsy is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I have been struggling with this a bit of late. The main thing that stops me is the state of the house and stuff I would be leaving others to deal with and what it would do to my mum. But as I am gradually sorting my house out and have been considering just how badly I would deal with my mums passing before me, well, y'know. I do wonder if living in a shithole is actually a good thing for me, because I wouldnt want to let anybody else have to deal with it so I must carry on.
Hey, what can I say, its nearly 4am and things are dark.

Please dont quote.
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  #400  
Old 28th August 2017, 22:34
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by flumpsy
^ you shouldnt. Its possible of course that your brain is making you feel this way (rather than their intention) but even so if you are made to feel this way then removing yourself from feeling this way isnt a bad option. As long as you dont remove all human interactions, that is not a good thing. Do you have people who dont make you feel this way ?
I'm doing everything I can. I don't really trust people so much anymore. It's common for people to bully others if they can. People make me feel like I'm not wanted -- like they don't really want to know me anyway. I try to be as rational as possible, but obviously emotions can change the way you interpret things, but it's not as if there isn't any truth to what I'm thinking. Maybe it's not literally everyone, but I've had people say that to my face (that I should kill myself).
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  #401  
Old 3rd September 2017, 18:44
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Still feel the same regardless of what I do to change my mood , meh ...
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  #402  
Old 3rd September 2017, 23:23
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Really sorry you're still struggling, SHYGIRL.


I've had a quite few 'I can't ever be okay, so don't want to try anymore' moments today, which inevitably lead to certain thoughts. I've been keeping myself busy doing things but they're still there, quietly scratching.
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  #403  
Old 4th September 2017, 15:18
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appear
^ Really sorry you're still struggling, SHYGIRL.


I've had a quite few 'I can't ever be okay, so don't want to try anymore' moments today, which inevitably lead to certain thoughts. I've been keeping myself busy doing things but they're still there, quietly scratching.

Thanks ... ((hugs))
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  #404  
Old 10th September 2017, 03:19
Fluorescent Grey Fluorescent Grey is offline
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Well I'm a ****.
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  #405  
Old 11th September 2017, 01:36
wd40mk17.4 wd40mk17.4 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I'm thinking about this often, moreso recently. Kindof trundling towards it slowly and inevitably.
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  #406  
Old 11th September 2017, 05:33
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ oh no

Is there a reason why?
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  #407  
Old 11th September 2017, 20:54
wd40mk17.4 wd40mk17.4 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Isolation, really.
Feels like if my life was a film, an editor would look at that mess and go
"well, its not gonna get any better so lets end it here, and save some work"
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  #408  
Old 11th September 2017, 23:06
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ are your meetups not working out then?
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  #409  
Old 11th September 2017, 23:35
wd40mk17.4 wd40mk17.4 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Nah not really. Theres one up in Newcastle that the SAUK chatroom peeps are organising, might go to that one, I'm lonely enough that I might actually catch a flight cross-country for it lol
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  #410  
Old 11th September 2017, 23:46
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ well if you go the that meetup I hope it turns out well, and if you don't go I hope you manage to find some way of feeling better and less isolated it can't be fun feeling like that, especially if it's making you think of suicide
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  #411  
Old 21st September 2017, 19:08
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Still feeling really bad and those train tacks I saw the other day looked so inviting.... 😡😡😡😭😭😭
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  #412  
Old 21st September 2017, 19:25
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I hope this loses some of it's intensity for you very soon
Have you sought any help?

You've mentioned having a lot of anger built up too, I know how desperate that can make you feel Could you look into relaxation exercises or something like that to help you feel a bit calmer at least?
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  #413  
Old 24th September 2017, 21:49
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine
^ I hope this loses some of it's intensity for you very soon
Have you sought any help?

You've mentioned having a lot of anger built up too, I know how desperate that can make you feel Could you look into relaxation exercises or something like that to help you feel a bit calmer at least?
Sorry I didnít reply sooner .. My dr knows about it ... Iím seeing someone from the mental health team at the end of October... The anger was partly the meds and really bad ladies issues that seemed to aggravate the situation... Iíve tried distraction but itís too hard at the moment ...
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  #414  
Old 25th September 2017, 21:46
Quicksand Quicksand is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Briefly thought about it the other evening but decided I'd prob botch it up anyway and land in A&E for a week explaining myself to cross nurses. Ooops.
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  #415  
Old 26th September 2017, 13:33
Synagence Synagence is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I've had a couple of evenings of having thoughts around being not good enough and being better out .... what's kinda shocking me is the casual nature in which they have come back and manifest in my head ... had a bout of these last year but its come back and it wasn't until today i realised that this has come back to me...

I'll be ok .. the one good thing is that they are just thoughts - there's fortunately never been intent
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  #416  
Old 26th September 2017, 18:19
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Thatís good to hear Synagence
Obviously not good that youíre suffering with suicidal thoughts but good that you never have any intention in putting such thoughts into action.

I still have the occasional passing thought, but ever since becoming a mother over 14 years ago I knew for sure that suicide would never again be an option.

Even if a person doesnít realise it, I think thereís always someone, somewhere, that would feel shattered if they were to end it. Most people touch the lives of those around them more than they ever realise.
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  #417  
Old 10th October 2017, 17:24
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Times like these I wish I had girlie friends .... Whatever I do Iím in a no win situation and the tracks look so inviting.....
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  #418  
Old 10th October 2017, 21:25
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Look after yourself SHYGIRLAJB x
Hopefully these feelings will pass soon
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  #419  
Old 10th October 2017, 23:48
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Really wish I had someone to talk to about my suicidal thoughts

Apparently this society is much more accepting to talking about mental health. Well I certainly can't talk about it to family, friends or work colleagues. No one understands, no one gives a shit in this pathetic selfish society.

Maybe I'll get some of my old childhood teddy bears out from the loft, and chat to them. They'll be more understanding than any human.
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  #420  
Old 11th October 2017, 18:01
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
^There is always someone you can talk to! I'm a long way from you so can't promise to talk face-to-face, but happy to give my number if you want to chat on the 'phone. I can't promise any profound insights (you'll have seen from my posts that I talk rubbish) but I can promise to listen.
Thanks, that's much appreciated . And you don't talk rubbish!

I'm feeling a little better today, and rather embarrassed about that post now.

I've been at work all day so that has distracted me.
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