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  #421  
Old 26th September 2017, 19:19
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Thatís good to hear Synagence
Obviously not good that youíre suffering with suicidal thoughts but good that you never have any intention in putting such thoughts into action.

I still have the occasional passing thought, but ever since becoming a mother over 14 years ago I knew for sure that suicide would never again be an option.

Even if a person doesnít realise it, I think thereís always someone, somewhere, that would feel shattered if they were to end it. Most people touch the lives of those around them more than they ever realise.
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  #422  
Old 10th October 2017, 18:24
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Times like these I wish I had girlie friends .... Whatever I do Iím in a no win situation and the tracks look so inviting.....
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  #423  
Old 10th October 2017, 22:25
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Look after yourself SHYGIRLAJB x
Hopefully these feelings will pass soon
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  #424  
Old 11th October 2017, 00:48
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Really wish I had someone to talk to about my suicidal thoughts

Apparently this society is much more accepting to talking about mental health. Well I certainly can't talk about it to family, friends or work colleagues. No one understands, no one gives a shit in this pathetic selfish society.

Maybe I'll get some of my old childhood teddy bears out from the loft, and chat to them. They'll be more understanding than any human.
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  #425  
Old 11th October 2017, 19:01
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
^There is always someone you can talk to! I'm a long way from you so can't promise to talk face-to-face, but happy to give my number if you want to chat on the 'phone. I can't promise any profound insights (you'll have seen from my posts that I talk rubbish) but I can promise to listen.
Thanks, that's much appreciated . And you don't talk rubbish!

I'm feeling a little better today, and rather embarrassed about that post now.

I've been at work all day so that has distracted me.
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  #426  
Old 11th October 2017, 20:23
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Glad you're feeling better, Aleks
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  #427  
Old 12th October 2017, 02:24
wd40mk17.4 wd40mk17.4 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I wouldn't burden my family with guilt by doing it I don't think.
But I want to die, getting hit by a car, or being stabbed by a mugger or something.
When I get heart palpitations lying in bed trying to sleep, I actually kinda hope its a heart attack.

This week so far I felt ok, happy and smiley and hyperactive, now I'm crashing hard and it's back to the constant suicidal thoughts and crying for the next week or so.

I want off this ride.
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  #428  
Old 21st October 2017, 13:56
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

We are all superfluous.

I struggle dealing with the lack of basic decency most humans display. Just knowing so many poor quality people exsist makes me sad, but there are good people and they are not that hard to find.

Maybe you should try making some changes in your life to reduce your exposure to the bad and increase exposure to the good.
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  #429  
Old 21st October 2017, 15:53
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^ no you aren't GI

be kind to yourself, like you would be kind to a friend
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  #430  
Old 21st October 2017, 20:06
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
This past week, I've come to realise how unwanted and pointless I am in a world which has a different set of values to those I can accept.

I really am superfluous.

You are wanted though and definitely not pointless ...
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  #431  
Old 25th October 2017, 04:26
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I had a really bad night of suicidal thoughts a couple nights ago, so I watched some funny videos on Ye olde YeTube and one vid got me going good. But laughing made me feel worse, I was laughing hard and it made me wanna cry salty tears of sadness to put on my chips, not that I had chips, I did have Doritos though. Anyway it passed but lately the mantra has been seeping in every day; ďkill myselfĒ, especially when I have low moments; I usually do stuff to cheer myself up or distract myself when I feel down but now I just dwell on suicide when I feel low instead. It got me tuh realising that suicidal thoughts have actually become part of my everyday life now; Iíve even started getting worries and thoughts on what to sort out before I die or something. And the other day I was just laying there and then I thought ďI could kill myself right nowĒ. And thoughts like that, how easy and quickly it could be, keep occurring to me. I donít like being consumed by these thoughts but lately theyíve been taking up a lot of my brain space, even more brain space than what wikipedia does, ha!

Anyway, theyíre just stoopid thoughts but itís hard sometimes to not see them as more than just an option but as an inevitable outcome; like Iíve been putting it off forever but now things are coming to a head. I know that for anyone whoís suicidal thereís always a reason to live and thereís more to them than what they think there is, but I just worry sometimes that I might be one of the exceptions to that, one of the reasons being that Iím not depressed so itís not depression or distorted thinking on my part and so it makes me think itís just logical and wonít pass

But like I said itís just thoughts, though it makes me feel rotten, or kinda like how Iíd feel if I woke up one evening and realised everyone in the world was dead and turned into zombies or something, ha! Itís a feeling that comes and goes and when it comes it just kind of taints everything and makes it all feel wrong and distorted and it makes me feel detached, and then that makes me feel like a whole load of horrid stuff is gonna happen and keep happening and I just hate that feeling and nothing seems to help get rid of that feeling because as I said, when I feel like that then everything feels tainted, even funny YeTube videos and coconut & pineapple juice, gahaha! Then when it passes everythingís alright again and my pineapple & coconut juice tastes great and funny images of Squirrels doing Karate kicks are funny again. Until the Silent Hill Siren sounds again... or something, ha! I donít know if Iím making sense, Iím not good at explaining I donít think
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  #432  
Old 25th October 2017, 07:24
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ You made perfect sense Rebka , I get the everyday thoughts too and it seems like I'll just go through life always 'wanting' to die.
I'm sorry you get these thoughts, but least they go away at some point, I wish I had some advice ha! Just know you're not alone.
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  #433  
Old 25th October 2017, 14:44
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^ I think I know what you mean about the suicidal thought but not being depressed. I used to have moments like that as a child at times when I was so god damn bored and didn't have many friends and just felt like such an outsider, but they soon passed and I was my happy, hyper self again. I'm really so sorry about the way you're feeling.
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  #434  
Old 25th October 2017, 20:32
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I donít know if itís loneliness or not in my case, but I know itís not depression. I donít know if I can pinpoint any one reason, it can all become a bit muddled haha! But I hope you start feeling thereís good stuff ahead and not nothing

Anyway, thankya gregvert, my coconut & pineapple juice has regained its flavour, and not just because itís been in the fridge for maybe longer than what it shouldíve been

Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopia
^^ I think I know what you mean about the suicidal thought but not being depressed. I used to have moments like that as a child at times when I was so god damn bored and didn't have many friends and just felt like such an outsider, but they soon passed and I was my happy, hyper self again. I'm really so sorry about the way you're feeling.
Having those thoughts in childhood can be especially confusing, Iím sorry you had those moments

But thanks Utops

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dimplesxo
^ You made perfect sense Rebka , I get the everyday thoughts too and it seems like I'll just go through life always 'wanting' to die.
I'm sorry you get these thoughts, but least they go away at some point, I wish I had some advice ha! Just know you're not alone.
Thank you Dimples Iím sorry you have those thoughts too
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  #435  
Old 25th October 2017, 21:33
affluenza affluenza is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

if it's not depression, then maybe it's a kind of sadism of the mind. To realise you are vulnerable, then it turns into a mind-kink. And then reasoning adds itself to it. I have some weird ocd as well- and one trick I used to use is to think 'thank you brain' for that. To sort of disconnect myself from that thought.
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  #436  
Old 25th October 2017, 21:49
squareroot squareroot is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

(Ignore this, testing second account)
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  #437  
Old 26th October 2017, 03:45
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^ hmm mind-kink? Sadism of the mind? So kind of like fifty shades of grey-matter?

But itís one way of looking at it for sure! And sound advice too Ďthankya brain, now shush up brain!í haha! I might try that in future, thanks Ramon
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  #438  
Old 27th October 2017, 00:10
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebka
Having those thoughts in childhood can be especially confusing, I’m sorry you had those moments
I remember thinking this while on holiday at a friends holiday home in the middle of nowhere in France, I was basically just bored as hell -- this was the early 2000's and I had no internet, lol. I think it was just hormones, but yeah It was like a depressive mood swing, but it quickly passed.
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  #439  
Old 1st November 2017, 11:32
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

If it wasn’t for all the thoughts of how it would affect my loved ones and knowing that I can’t put them through it, there’s still no doubt whatsoever in my mind that suicide is what’s best for me and it’s something I should have gone through with the first time I attempted it in my teens.
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  #440  
Old 1st November 2017, 11:45
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ In my opinion the world would be a worse off place if youíd succeeded all those years ago. I wish there were more warm hearted folk like you in this world
I hope these feelings pass Clem I know it may not seem much, but you know you have lots of SAUK friends who are here for you
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  #441  
Old 1st November 2017, 12:07
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Thank you, Muggins. You’re always so kind.

I think I’ve been suicidal for however long I’ve known it was an option so I don’t think I’ll ever be without these thoughts, obviously they fade sometimes though.
I don’t think I’ve ever not felt that I’m not supposed to exist, that I’m a mistake.
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  #442  
Old 1st November 2017, 19:15
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I know I canít speak for you Clementine but Iím sure suicide isnít whatís best for you at all Iím glad the attempt in your teens didnít succeed, and like Muggins said the world would be worse off if youíd succeeded in the attempt. I know how cheap and meaningless saying this can feel, but itís true! And no way are you a mistake!

But I hope youíre okay Clementine
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  #443  
Old 1st November 2017, 20:14
Nervous Wreck Nervous Wreck is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I find it quite sad that someone as warm, caring, and gentle as Clementine is, should feel that the world would be better off without them, when the world is full of folks who have inflated ideas of their own importance who never give a thought to anybody except themselves and who feel that we are all better off for them being here when in reality the exact opposite is true! When we feel so totally worthless I know that it is very hard to see our value in society but I can assure you Clementine, that you are certainly valued here, and I'm pretty sure amongst the people whom know you everywhere else. You always give thoughtful and considered advice with a measure of empathy and common sense. I endorse every comment that has already been made. Stay strong Clem.
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  #444  
Old 1st November 2017, 20:30
Nervous Wreck Nervous Wreck is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

What is it Bertrand Russell said?
The trouble with the world is the stupid are full of confidence and the intelligent are full of self doubt

Surprisingly true, that one!!!
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  #445  
Old 1st November 2017, 21:33
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Thank you all so much, it really means a lot.
I donít think I'm ever going to be completely free of these feelings.
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  #446  
Old 2nd November 2017, 22:38
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

These bad thoughts doesn’t seem to want to go away .
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  #447  
Old 2nd November 2017, 22:41
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by SHYGIRLAJB
Sorry youíre feeling so bad, sweetheart.
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  #448  
Old 2nd November 2017, 23:15
SHYGIRLAJB SHYGIRLAJB is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine
Sorry youíre feeling so bad, sweetheart.
Thanks , itís just terrible when whatever you do or try the thoughts are still there ..
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  #449  
Old 2nd November 2017, 23:27
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I know It really is. Try and have faith that it can get better, even if you can’t see how right now x
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  #450  
Old 3rd November 2017, 16:06
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^ Iím so sorry you are feeling that way John, I think most of us here can relate and have felt that way more than a few times during our lives Well meaning platitudes such as things will get better, thereís always light at the end of the tunnel, blah blah blah.. sound so meaningless and empty when youíre in the depths of despair or simply have had enough of living, but countless folk have passed this way who have gone on to find a little happiness and purpose. Of course, (as I think the oh so wise Gregarious introvert will agree ) these better moments can ebb and flow and sometimes youíre back thrashing against the rocks, but there are things that can make life feel a little bit more worthwhile. You say that you have liked life in the past? What was it about that time that made things seem more worthwhile?

I hope that you can find something to bring you a little happiness again John Keep posting here too , I know itís helped me
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