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  #331  
Old 17th August 2017, 23:18
Nervous Wreck Nervous Wreck is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
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  #332  
Old 17th August 2017, 23:30
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^ take care clementine, hope you're alright.

My bdd will always be there cause frankly I'm not convinced I'm wrong. Sure my way of viewing it is off but the reasons I think what I do are there everyday and I only I see it really cause it's never something I let others see. That's positive.
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  #333  
Old 18th August 2017, 11:57
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^,^^ thank you both
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  #334  
Old 29th August 2017, 14:36
Ichigo Ichigo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

How do people learn to like themselves? I see lots of people on Instagram being all body positive saying how all bodies are beautiful and such, but when you have had issues since about 10 years old how can you change your thought process? I absolutely loathe the way I look, and my confidence and self esteem has always suffered due to my uglyness.
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  #335  
Old 6th September 2017, 22:55
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
It seems that whenever BDD is discussed in the media the sufferers are always stunningly beautiful people who experience relentless praise and admiration but for some reason can't believe it.
That's not confined to the media. OK, it always has to be said that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. It's incredibly subjective. But, you only have to look at photos of plenty of people on this site who have BDD to see that many are well above average in the looks department, and could be described by many as handsome or beautiful.

I've also counselled a few people with BDD and my own subjective (private) opinion is that they, too, have been what could be described as well above average as far as looks are concerned.

Isn't this the thing with BDD though? It's not how others see the sufferer, it's all about how they see themselves. It's a highly distorted self-view. Reassurance tends to be useless to the BDD sufferer because, as I said, how others see them is not the issue. It's how they see themselves that is the problem.

Robert Pattinson is someone I know nothing about other than he's some guy off the telly so I don't know about his issues. But even if he is told he is beautiful to look at a million times a day and he is financially rich beyond our wildest dreams, if he has BDD, little of that will register when it comes to how he views himself. Just because the world assumes certain things about him based on how he looks does not mean he also assumes the same things about himself.
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  #336  
Old 7th September 2017, 02:40
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
The highly subjective nature of the issue is highlighted again when you say you don't feel you have the distorted self-view component of BDD. From distance, and without being inside your head, I can never know the facts of the matter there, but my purely personal observation (which could well be totally wrong) is that you do indeed have a distorted self-view. I say this because I've seen many, many pictures of you in my time here, and none of them tally with how you describe yourself. This points to there being at least some distortion going on there. If it were just me who thought this then it could be put down to me not reading things accurately, but when poster after poster pretty much say the same thing it points to any major distortion coming from your end.

Of course, as I said in my other post, any positive feedback tends to be dismissed by the BDD sufferer anyway. It doesn't tend to help much at all, although it is meant with good and honest intent. I mean no offence here, and I'm not trying to diagnose anything. All I'm saying is that from a distance it does at least appear that there is a certain level of distortion going on, but you are the one living your life, so you will know yourself far better than I do.

But anyway, one way or another, I do hope you can make progress on this, whatever the issue is, so you can find a bit of peace.
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  #337  
Old 9th September 2017, 15:10
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
I don't think people saying you look "normal" is them being snide in any way. It's difficult for people to strike a balance. If I thought I was a hideous mess and someone said no, you look like Brad Pitt, it would obviously be bullshit. If they said yes, you do look a bit like Quasimodo, then that would also be bullshit too. In reality, unless we are supermodel material (and even that's massively subjective) or genuinely hideously disfigured, we will fall into the 'normal' category.

Opinions? I get your point there. We do often get told to dismiss the negative external opinion and embrace the positive. As though only one has validity. But BDD is not really about how others see us anyway, it's about how we see ourselves.

We can't really do much about what anyone else may or may not think. All we can do is work with how we think ourselves. We can choose to buy into what others may think or not, it's up to us. To be honest, though, I think many people with a poor self-view do buy into what they perceive as negative feedback as a form of confirmation bias. Basically, it backs up what they already believe. Everything else is dismissed because it doesn't back up the established narrative. When we accept as valid only what fits into the established narrative, that narrative gets further and further entrenched and consolidated.

I don't have BDD, thankfully, but I assume there is a double whammy with it. One where the BDD is about how poorly the sufferer sees themselves, which is distressing enough. But also there seems to be an aspect where what others appear to think also plays a part too, because any perceived negatives are absorbed in order to back up the inner narrative. So, the BDD itself is a about how the sufferer sees themselves, but external negatives are used against the sufferer, by the sufferer, as well.

Anyway, I best leave it there for now. I'm only on my phone and I'm struggling to articulate myself as well as I'd like on this.
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  #338  
Old 19th September 2017, 22:00
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'd really really like to be able to wear a paper bag over my head at the moment. Usual worries + progressive hair loss + possible rosacea (and I don't think it's just paranoia) make this a face I'd rather not have seen. My BDD book tells me that I'm wrong to think everything would be okay if I looked differently. Bollocks. I can guarantee things would be better than this.
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  #339  
Old 21st September 2017, 23:20
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Sorry that you're feeling that way, Appear. I'd be happy if I had your face.

[That sounds creepier and more serial killer-esque than intended.]
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  #340  
Old 21st September 2017, 23:22
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I get what you mean, abc. Well, I mean that I relate and not that I think the same thing about you!

Sometimes I can't even look at my face because it looks all wrong. I fixate on something and it makes everything else look peculiar. It's almost as if I can't see my face as a whole.
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  #341  
Old 22nd September 2017, 14:16
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ I think I'm a bit like that. I'm mostly a walking nose, sometimes strolling eye-bags and occasionally a wandering jaw.

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
Sorry that you're feeling that way, Appear. I'd be happy if I had your face.

[That sounds creepier and more serial killer-esque than intended.]
Thank you, bikkies. I'd definitely be happier with yours. Wanna do a swap? I could finally get my bob (assuming I get your scalp as part of the deal too).
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  #342  
Old 22nd September 2017, 20:56
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'd definitely be up for a face swap. Hair is included in the deal, yup!

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow, but I'm not getting a bobbing bob. They're too high maintenance for the likes of roll-outta-bed me. You'd probably enjoy getting it to look just right. My hair is very badly behaved if it's below shoulder length though.
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  #343  
Old 1st October 2017, 09:02
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'm feeling especially vile recently, I can barely find anything about myself that doesn't look 'wrong'. My skin is awful at the moment and it feels as if it belongs to somebody else. I'm trying to avoid mirrors or I just want to cry.

After the funeral I was looking through old photos with my cousin of us at various ages. I've never looked normal, I've always been awkward and out of place. Like an alien who's just been put into a random human body and has no clue what to do with it or how to act.

I don't care about looking pretty, I just want to look right.
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  #344  
Old 8th October 2017, 17:05
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Kind of want to scratch my face off today.
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  #345  
Old 8th October 2017, 17:27
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ hope you're alright biscuits

My skin is going berserk lately. I hate my face.
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  #346  
Old 8th October 2017, 18:07
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Thanks, Miggs. You know how it is

I like your face
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  #347  
Old 8th October 2017, 18:15
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
^^

I like both of your faces
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  #348  
Old 9th October 2017, 04:59
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miggs The Terrible
^ hope you're alright biscuits

My skin is going berserk lately. I hate my face.

I agree with newbs.

You and Biscuits both have lovely faces - wish you could see it for yourselves
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  #349  
Old 16th October 2017, 22:08
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Oh thank you, newbs and Muggins.


I just looked in the mirror and I really need to pluck my eyebrows before The National Trust builds a car park outside my house and start charging people an entry fee.
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  #350  
Old 16th October 2017, 22:35
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Aw, I wish we lived closer - we could have done each other's. What shape do you want? Stretching cat or frightened cat?
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  #351  
Old 17th October 2017, 13:22
Wuzshy Wuzshy is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Have been deeply ashamed of my own body in the past but got over it. Once I got into mantras like Ive done this before it wont kill me I decided to get over the one situation that scared me the most. Being naked. I got over lots of smaller fears first though.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no one sees another person in the same way as someone else.
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  #352  
Old 8th November 2017, 23:50
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I feel awful at the moment. Lots of bad thoughts about my appearance, especially my face.
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  #353  
Old 9th November 2017, 00:05
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
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  #354  
Old 16th November 2017, 19:17
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Sorry, I didn't see the double hug. Thank you.

People have been telling me that I've lost loads of weight, not that I was particularly tubby. So I've gone out and bought some chocolate cheese cakes because my mind doesn't want me to be thought of as attractive. I don't want people to notice me or be interested in getting to know me because then they'll know that I'm so weird and have rubbish social skills.

Just when I thought I couldn't get more ****ed up /
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  #355  
Old 16th November 2017, 19:22
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
I don't want people to notice me or be interested in getting to know me because then they'll know that I'm so weird and have rubbish social skills.
That is some twisted logic

I've been officially diagnosed with BDD (co-morbid with SA - actually the two reinforce each other) and am now working on the issue with my psychologist. It's gonna be a tough nut to crack though as there is nothing I can do about how I look
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  #356  
Old 16th November 2017, 21:07
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Yeah, my mind is an arsehole.

Accepting that there's nothing you can do about it and realising that we have more to offer than our appearance is probably the key. Don't ask me how to do that though haha

It would be interesting to know what sorts of strategies your psychologist uses, if you wouldn't mind sharing. Of course it's personal and no worries if you'd rather not share
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  #357  
Old 16th November 2017, 21:10
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Thanks for your thoughts biscuits. I'll see how it goes.
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  #358  
Old 17th November 2017, 08:33
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Is it Bdd, if you cant bear to look in the mirror/pictures of yourself cause it makes you sick or bear the thought of someone having to touch your repulsive body, if it’s a realistic reflection of reality?

My undestanding people suffering bdd have a distorted reality of themselves? What if your reality is not distorted? Is this then just realism?
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  #359  
Old 17th November 2017, 20:21
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Whatever you look like, feeling that way about anyone touching you isn't healthy, and in reality no one's so repulsive that they shouldn't have physical contact with anyone.

But I understand feeling that way, I do too about myself. I'm ashamed of my body, and the fact that I'm not completely asexual fills me with guilt, that I'd ever expect or dare to want to be touched. I recognise that it's a distorted way of thinking, but somehow it doesn't make it feel any less right.
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  #360  
Old 18th November 2017, 15:35
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^ I agree with Merrit. I have no idea what you look like but I do know that there is no one on this planet that is SO repulsive that they don’t deserve to enjoy the intimacy of another persons touch.

Although you obviously dislike what you see in the mirror, Vaxjo, you can guarantee that most people, if not everyone, will not share your view at all and a percentage will find you attractive. But then, from the little I know, BDD isn’t about what other people see it’s about the distorted image that you have of yourself. And I realise that is something that is hard to change especially if the way you see yourself stems from negative childhood experiences.

I do understand where you are coming from though vaxjo as, although I don’t really like to talk about it, I’ve grappled with very similar feelings since puberty and have always loathed the way I look.

People used to respond by saying ‘you look fine’ like I was just fishing for compliments which I so wasn’t, and really didn’t understand how bad I felt about myself inside and out, so I eventually stopped telling them.
Also, I have never been able to quite relate to BDD sufferers because when I’ve seen their photos in every case they’ve always looked extremely attractive - something which I am most definitely not! Maybe there’s a BDD club I could join for people who really are aesthetically challenged because I certainly don’t fit in the one where the people in reality look great but think that they look loathsome!

However....

In my more rational moments, I do think that if I believe that other unattractive, ugly, disfigured or disformed people are certainly not the whole sum of their physical appearance then that must apply to me too. Whatever any one of us looks like on a superficial level, we all deserve to be loved and respected, and to experience fulfilment and happiness. It’s an over used cliche but it really is what’s inside that counts, and this includes you too vaxjo


This probably offers zero consolation, but I think my hatred of my looks slightly lessened once I turned 40. Maybe once the wrinkles become more deeply etched and bits of the face start drooping I’ve finally accepted that this is it, and being born ugly wasnt such a curse after all because ultimately the face starts to crumble anyway. And if you never had it, there’s nothing much to lose!! Now when I look in the mirror instead of seeing a repulsive sight I see an aging face staring back and become preoccupied with how many years I may or may not have left

Sorry, I don’t think I’ve helped one bit with this post.

Just wanted to add my two pence worth.

Take care, there is help out there
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