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  #331  
Old 17th August 2017, 19:14
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'm not in a great place at the moment and I also feel a bit embarrassed and don't really want to go back over any of this stuff right now, but I really wanted to say thank you for the nice comments and support. It is a complex issue and it really does mean a lot to know that some people understand and care
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  #332  
Old 17th August 2017, 22:18
Nervous Wreck Nervous Wreck is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
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  #333  
Old 17th August 2017, 22:30
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^ take care clementine, hope you're alright.

My bdd will always be there cause frankly I'm not convinced I'm wrong. Sure my way of viewing it is off but the reasons I think what I do are there everyday and I only I see it really cause it's never something I let others see. That's positive.
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  #334  
Old 18th August 2017, 10:57
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^,^^ thank you both
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  #335  
Old 29th August 2017, 13:36
Ichigo Ichigo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

How do people learn to like themselves? I see lots of people on Instagram being all body positive saying how all bodies are beautiful and such, but when you have had issues since about 10 years old how can you change your thought process? I absolutely loathe the way I look, and my confidence and self esteem has always suffered due to my uglyness.
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  #336  
Old 6th September 2017, 21:36
abc abc is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Genuine question: what actually is BDD?

I was reading an article about BDD the other day but I stopped when I got to the part where they quoted Robert Pattinson from Twilight talking about his struggles with BDD. I didn't know how to react to that. I think I just let out an exasperated sigh. I don't want to look like I'm belittling the struggles of this Hollywood A lister who regularly makes "Top 10 Most Beautiful People" lists, and whose average day probably consists of being showered with money by top modelling agents whilst being chased by thousands of adoring fans, as I'm sure his body image issues are as valid as anyone's, but I really don't know what to say. It seems that whenever BDD is discussed in the media the sufferers are always stunningly beautiful people who experience relentless praise and admiration but for some reason can't believe it.

I suppose some would find it reassuring that these people who are portrayed as perfect are as flawed as the rest of us and deep down are basically normal people with normal worries and insecurities, but it seems to have the opposite effect on me. I was told I had BDD but I feel so detached from these people I may as well be on a different planet. Even if realistically I don't resemble some sort of crude monster from a low budget Hammer Horror film, I do not look good by any stretch of the imagination. I'm a balding, haggard looking thirtysomething. I am considerably below average for someone my age (I'm 31 but look at least 10 years older), and I get plenty of people tell me how terrible I look. I don't have "imagined ugliness". I'm guessing I have BDD in as much as I have an unhealthy pre-occupation with my physical appearance, but I don't have the dysmorphia aspect as my perception is realistic. Would this even be classed as BDD?

I always find it interesting how the advice given to the people I referred to earlier often consists of "don't be silly you're gorgeous", whereas I tend to be told that I just need to get over myself and learn self-acceptance. It used to irritate me to be honest, but I think I've realised that I'm actually being given the good advice and learning to accept yourself and not become so pre-occupied with it is probably a much, much better way of approaching it than being given constant reassurance.

The thing I think I still struggle with is the nasty comments I get. It tends to be either outright nastiness, or incredibly patronising advice about how "it's what's inside that counts", or even worse, being told that I just need to make more of an effort and start combing my hair and improving my personal hygiene, which I find quite offensive as I'm nowhere near that much of a dysfunctional social inadequate and make as much effort as I realistically can. It frustrates me that people seem to make assumptions about me just because of how I look. I'm not an angry, bitter, resentful person; and I find it unbelievable when people assume I must be jealous of them! Just because I'm ugly it doesn't mean I live a life of constant misery and despair, and infact I would say I am a very positive person. The only thing that makes me angry is that they make these untrue assumptions.

The answer obviously is self-acceptance. I only wish I could be accepted by others too and they could see past my unique exterior. Not that I'm blaming others as that would be very unhealthy. Maybe the key is just to ignore these people. I suppose it actually does make me a bit bitter that in a world increasingly obsessed with perfection I'm seen as somehow inferior. I guess the only thing I can do is keep trying my best. I think the answer is not to learn to like the way I look, but to accept it and to not be so pre-occupied with it.

I doubt I will ever like the way I look, but if I can learn not to let it bother me so much I will have succeeded.
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  #337  
Old 6th September 2017, 21:55
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
It seems that whenever BDD is discussed in the media the sufferers are always stunningly beautiful people who experience relentless praise and admiration but for some reason can't believe it.
That's not confined to the media. OK, it always has to be said that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. It's incredibly subjective. But, you only have to look at photos of plenty of people on this site who have BDD to see that many are well above average in the looks department, and could be described by many as handsome or beautiful.

I've also counselled a few people with BDD and my own subjective (private) opinion is that they, too, have been what could be described as well above average as far as looks are concerned.

Isn't this the thing with BDD though? It's not how others see the sufferer, it's all about how they see themselves. It's a highly distorted self-view. Reassurance tends to be useless to the BDD sufferer because, as I said, how others see them is not the issue. It's how they see themselves that is the problem.

Robert Pattinson is someone I know nothing about other than he's some guy off the telly so I don't know about his issues. But even if he is told he is beautiful to look at a million times a day and he is financially rich beyond our wildest dreams, if he has BDD, little of that will register when it comes to how he views himself. Just because the world assumes certain things about him based on how he looks does not mean he also assumes the same things about himself.
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  #338  
Old 6th September 2017, 23:53
abc abc is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I think that helps illustrate my point. I don't comment on the way other people look but there are plenty of people on this very site with BDD who I imagine would be considered by many to be above average, and these are "normal", regular people. Although I sympathise with them I feel completely detached from them and cannot relate to them at all. I'm not one of them. I don't feel in any way reassured when I read about BDD and those who have experienced it. It makes me feel confused and alienated. My perception of myself is very accurate and I don't experience "imagined ugliness", my concerns are very real. In some ways I experience the opposite to what they do. I don't think it's any more (or less) severe to what they experience, just different. As I said I can emphasise but clearly it is something different.

I don't think I have the distorted view aspect of BDD but I definitely have the irrational pre-occupation with my appearance aspect. As subjective as it is, in a general sense I would not be considered physically attractive and do not conform to present day western beauty ideals. I believe that receiving so many negative reactions is what caused these issues for me and I honestly 100% believe that if I were to suddenly wake up looking different one day I would be instantly cured.

I'm quite angry that they used the BDD label with me to be honest. I think it's actually caused me more harm. I think it should have been approached in a completely different way. I clearly need help with this but I don't know how to go about it. Maybe it is because the condition is so misunderstood but I feel it was an incredibly inappropriate diagnosis and I think it has actually done more damage in the long term.
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  #339  
Old 7th September 2017, 01:40
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
The highly subjective nature of the issue is highlighted again when you say you don't feel you have the distorted self-view component of BDD. From distance, and without being inside your head, I can never know the facts of the matter there, but my purely personal observation (which could well be totally wrong) is that you do indeed have a distorted self-view. I say this because I've seen many, many pictures of you in my time here, and none of them tally with how you describe yourself. This points to there being at least some distortion going on there. If it were just me who thought this then it could be put down to me not reading things accurately, but when poster after poster pretty much say the same thing it points to any major distortion coming from your end.

Of course, as I said in my other post, any positive feedback tends to be dismissed by the BDD sufferer anyway. It doesn't tend to help much at all, although it is meant with good and honest intent. I mean no offence here, and I'm not trying to diagnose anything. All I'm saying is that from a distance it does at least appear that there is a certain level of distortion going on, but you are the one living your life, so you will know yourself far better than I do.

But anyway, one way or another, I do hope you can make progress on this, whatever the issue is, so you can find a bit of peace.
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  #340  
Old 9th September 2017, 12:10
abc abc is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I don't think I've ever received any positive feedback. I've received neutral feedback and been told I look "normal" but I don't find it reassuring (what is "normal"? Is being called normal an attempt at a snide, backhanded compliment?) I've also had a lot of negative feedback, and I honestly believe if I didn't have so many people be nasty about the way I look I wouldn't have any issues like this at all.

Why is it that when people receive positive feedback they are told to believe it and that they should be listening to what other people think because their opinions matter, but if they receive negative feedback they should dismiss it and ignore what other people think because their opinions don't matter? Are other people's opinions only valid if it's positive? Although it's not really about caring about what other people think. I'm not a misanthropist and I enjoy being social, but sometimes I feel like I'm being told I should avoid and ignore people and basically live a life of solitude. That seems like very strange advice.

I don't really understand the condition at all and find any comments or advice I am given confusing and am not sure how to interpret it most of the time.
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  #341  
Old 9th September 2017, 14:10
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
I don't think people saying you look "normal" is them being snide in any way. It's difficult for people to strike a balance. If I thought I was a hideous mess and someone said no, you look like Brad Pitt, it would obviously be bullshit. If they said yes, you do look a bit like Quasimodo, then that would also be bullshit too. In reality, unless we are supermodel material (and even that's massively subjective) or genuinely hideously disfigured, we will fall into the 'normal' category.

Opinions? I get your point there. We do often get told to dismiss the negative external opinion and embrace the positive. As though only one has validity. But BDD is not really about how others see us anyway, it's about how we see ourselves.

We can't really do much about what anyone else may or may not think. All we can do is work with how we think ourselves. We can choose to buy into what others may think or not, it's up to us. To be honest, though, I think many people with a poor self-view do buy into what they perceive as negative feedback as a form of confirmation bias. Basically, it backs up what they already believe. Everything else is dismissed because it doesn't back up the established narrative. When we accept as valid only what fits into the established narrative, that narrative gets further and further entrenched and consolidated.

I don't have BDD, thankfully, but I assume there is a double whammy with it. One where the BDD is about how poorly the sufferer sees themselves, which is distressing enough. But also there seems to be an aspect where what others appear to think also plays a part too, because any perceived negatives are absorbed in order to back up the inner narrative. So, the BDD itself is a about how the sufferer sees themselves, but external negatives are used against the sufferer, by the sufferer, as well.

Anyway, I best leave it there for now. I'm only on my phone and I'm struggling to articulate myself as well as I'd like on this.
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  #342  
Old 10th September 2017, 00:15
abc abc is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

When people tell me I look "normal" I assume they mean I still look hideous but in a "normal" sort of way. As in I do still vaguely resemble a human being, just not a very good one. On the few occasions people have said I actually look good it's been so disingenuous it's laughable. Although I appreciate they are probably just trying to be kind it is so obviously bullshit and I find it quite patronising and an insult to my intelligence. Maybe this is some form of confirmation bias but I feel people are more likely to be honest when they are critical. I actually would much rather people were honest with me even if it does seem harsh or unkind as I would much rather get a realistic opinion even if the truth hurts. I don't believe lieing to someone to make them feel better is helpful. I would say it's a form of avoidance. It may provide temporary happiness but in the long term it's much more helpful to know the truth as then you can hopefully correct where you are going wrong.

I'm under the impression from what I've read that most people with a BDD diagnosis rarely get negative feedback, and many get overwhelmingly positive feedback. I actually have had a lot of negative feedback, to the extent that people think I'm exaggerating or lieing when I tell them. I think it's fair for me to take it on board and believe what they are saying.

Most of my friends are young women who are very critical of the way men look and maybe being surrounded by them has a negative impact on me when it comes to this. Not that I want to criticise them as they're my friends and I think they're amazing but maybe I find it a negative influence. Obviously this is my problem and nobody else's but I think I do find being seen as "the ugly one" disheartening.

I think I just need to stop being such a wet drip and stop worrying about such a ludicrously insignificant first-world problem. It's embarrasing that I'm so concerned by this when there are far more important things going on in the world. I think I just need an incredibly hard kick up the arse. Not that I'd ever give that "advice" to someone with BDD, but I don't think I have BDD or any sort of mental health issue, I'm just a dick. And the best solution to that probably does involve a pair of steel toe capped size 10's and my buttocks.
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  #343  
Old 19th September 2017, 21:00
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'd really really like to be able to wear a paper bag over my head at the moment. Usual worries + progressive hair loss + possible rosacea (and I don't think it's just paranoia) make this a face I'd rather not have seen. My BDD book tells me that I'm wrong to think everything would be okay if I looked differently. Bollocks. I can guarantee things would be better than this.
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  #344  
Old 21st September 2017, 20:46
abc abc is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I was feeling relatively "ok", in as much as it hasn't been bothering me too much recently, but suddenly for seemingly no apparent reason I feel like the most hideous excuse for a human being ever.

I wish I could pinpoint what it is exactly I dislike about my appearance as it isn't really anything specific, just my face in general. I've realised recently that technically I have a lot of facial characteristics that are widely seen as attractive, but for some reason it still doesn't work and I just look weird.

Imagine if you bought a flat pack wardrobe, but when you open the box you find that even though all the bits are there, the assembly instructions are all in German. You get the general gist of it and follow the diagrams, but once you've finished you realise that although it vaguely resembles a wardrobe, it doesn't look quite right. Something's gone wrong somewhere but you can't figure out what. And that's what my face is: a poorly assembled Ikea wardrobe.
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  #345  
Old 21st September 2017, 22:20
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Sorry that you're feeling that way, Appear. I'd be happy if I had your face.

[That sounds creepier and more serial killer-esque than intended.]
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  #346  
Old 21st September 2017, 22:22
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I get what you mean, abc. Well, I mean that I relate and not that I think the same thing about you!

Sometimes I can't even look at my face because it looks all wrong. I fixate on something and it makes everything else look peculiar. It's almost as if I can't see my face as a whole.
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  #347  
Old 22nd September 2017, 13:16
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ I think I'm a bit like that. I'm mostly a walking nose, sometimes strolling eye-bags and occasionally a wandering jaw.

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
Sorry that you're feeling that way, Appear. I'd be happy if I had your face.

[That sounds creepier and more serial killer-esque than intended.]
Thank you, bikkies. I'd definitely be happier with yours. Wanna do a swap? I could finally get my bob (assuming I get your scalp as part of the deal too).
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  #348  
Old 22nd September 2017, 19:56
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'd definitely be up for a face swap. Hair is included in the deal, yup!

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow, but I'm not getting a bobbing bob. They're too high maintenance for the likes of roll-outta-bed me. You'd probably enjoy getting it to look just right. My hair is very badly behaved if it's below shoulder length though.
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  #349  
Old 1st October 2017, 08:02
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'm feeling especially vile recently, I can barely find anything about myself that doesn't look 'wrong'. My skin is awful at the moment and it feels as if it belongs to somebody else. I'm trying to avoid mirrors or I just want to cry.

After the funeral I was looking through old photos with my cousin of us at various ages. I've never looked normal, I've always been awkward and out of place. Like an alien who's just been put into a random human body and has no clue what to do with it or how to act.

I don't care about looking pretty, I just want to look right.
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  #350  
Old 8th October 2017, 16:05
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Kind of want to scratch my face off today.
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  #351  
Old 8th October 2017, 16:27
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ hope you're alright biscuits

My skin is going berserk lately. I hate my face.
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  #352  
Old 8th October 2017, 17:07
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Thanks, Miggs. You know how it is

I like your face
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  #353  
Old 8th October 2017, 17:15
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^
^^

I like both of your faces
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  #354  
Old 9th October 2017, 03:59
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miggs The Terrible
^ hope you're alright biscuits

My skin is going berserk lately. I hate my face.

I agree with newbs.

You and Biscuits both have lovely faces - wish you could see it for yourselves
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  #355  
Old 16th October 2017, 21:08
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Oh thank you, newbs and Muggins.


I just looked in the mirror and I really need to pluck my eyebrows before The National Trust builds a car park outside my house and start charging people an entry fee.
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  #356  
Old 16th October 2017, 21:35
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Aw, I wish we lived closer - we could have done each other's. What shape do you want? Stretching cat or frightened cat?
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  #357  
Old 17th October 2017, 12:22
Wuzshy Wuzshy is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Have been deeply ashamed of my own body in the past but got over it. Once I got into mantras like Ive done this before it wont kill me I decided to get over the one situation that scared me the most. Being naked. I got over lots of smaller fears first though.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no one sees another person in the same way as someone else.
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