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  #1  
Old 1st October 2017, 16:27
clyde33 clyde33 is offline
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Default Going out tonight and dreading it.

I have to go to a social thing tonight that i've been asked along to. I couldn't say no and faking illness isn't an option. It's in a pub which i know is going to be busy. There's a couple of people who will be there that i know, but i'm still dreading it. The noise, the busyness, the heat, the waiting awkwardly at the bar, the bar person then not being able to hear what i say, not knowing what to say in conversation with the others, sitting there fidgeting looking awkward etc etc etc.

Any survival tips please? I can't get drunk as i'm up at 6:30am tomorrow morning. Ugh.

Edit: (Afterthought) What if a stranger speaks to me? What if i need to use the toilet and can't find it? What if i slip and fall in front of people? Will people stare at me and think "ooooh look at that big fatty"....
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  #2  
Old 1st October 2017, 16:49
Velcro-Touch Velcro-Touch is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

You'll be fine, if you can't find the toilet ask someone, if they don't hear you at the bar repeat yourself no big deal, happens to everyone 50% of the time in a busy pub, you're highly unlikely to fall over lol, if a stranger speaks to you it'll be fine probably just boring small talk. It's won't be to hot it's October.

Just let the more out going people lead conversation and it'll only be for a few hours. You'll survive, never know might even relax and it won't be that bad, might even enough yourself a little bit
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  #3  
Old 1st October 2017, 17:19
migster migster is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by clyde33
Edit: (Afterthought) What if a stranger speaks to me? What if i need to use the toilet and can't find it? What if i slip and fall in front of people? Will people stare at me and think "ooooh look at that big fatty"....
What's the worst that could happen if you don't immediately find the toilet? You might spend a couple of minutes walking around the place looking for it but it's not like people will be staring at you and checking your every move. People are way too far into their own selves and absorbed by whatever they are doing and pursuing to give a damn about you or anyone else that they don't care about.

As for slipping and falling in front of people, have you ever witnessed someone go through that experience? If so, do you recall what your thoughts and feelings were? I don't know you but I would bet that your first thought was "are they okay?" or something along those lines. And that is precisely what most people would think too. If you were to slip and fall the tragedy that would ensue would be of your own creation and take place in your mind. And it seems from the language you use to describe yourself that the reason for that is lack of self-esteem.

I hope you go in there with one goal in mind; the goal to have a few drinks and relax a little as you allow the alcohol to work its magic. Getting drunk may not be an option today but there's nothing stopping you from enjoying yourself. That's what everyone will be doing.
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  #4  
Old 1st October 2017, 18:11
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

Hope it goes ok, Clyde

you don't have to enjoy it, if it's not your thing, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself. It's good of you to go, I can't even remember the amount of meals out/birthday drinks I've made up excuses for in the last 10 years, I just gave up on making myself go out to anything.

The things I have been to, I've left quite early and had a glass of wine when I've got in.

& I'm sure you won't fall over, but if you do someone nice will help pick you up
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  #5  
Old 1st October 2017, 19:02
Hayman Hayman is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

From my (albeit limited) experience, pubs are usually quite quiet on Sunday's as people have work the following day. Friday's and Saturday's are an entirely different matter though. My local is usually crammed full on both those nights where you'll do well to find a seat either inside or out in the beer garden at the side of the car park.

I tend to find on busy evenings I'm completely ignored at the bar. I know there's been occasions there's been people waiting behind me (arrived after I did), but are served before I'm even acknowledged... Naturally, Social Anxiety prevents me from saying something and there's been at least one occasion I've literally had to lean my top half over the bar at a near 45 degree angle just to be seen... I will admit this doesn't help my Social Anxiety and I will admit my palms start to sweat and I can feel frustration build up when it gets close to this point. It only galvanises further points as to why I don't like going out...

Survival tips? If it's a new pub to you, check out where the toilets are before even getting a drink and sitting down. I’ve done this before... A stranger talking to you? Unlikely, I'd say. Barring the bar staff, I can’t think of many occasions where I've been spoken to. The only times I can think of this is if someone is brushing past you in an isleway e.t.c... Just the usual "Sorry mate..." and things like that. Actual conversations? Nope. I can't think of a single occasion. I honestly can't! I've been in four pubs alone over the last month and the only people who have spoken to me is the barman.

I've been stared at in pubs on a few occasions - purely because I'm the only man there sitting alone without any friends or more importantly by todays social expectations - a partner. I've largely got around this by finding quiet corners or some obscured seat/table somewhere. Unless I'm going out with someone, I'll rarely sit in full view unless I have no other choice.

Anyway, I really do hope it all goes well for you tonight. Please tell us how you get on!
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  #6  
Old 2nd October 2017, 02:40
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

Every time I go out for a pub meal there's always those regulars that just look at you and sometimes sort of look bemused, or like you're an outsider "ye don't belong here outsiderrr", they all just look at you, haha! Bloody regulars!
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  #7  
Old 2nd October 2017, 05:10
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

I hope you got on okay last night.
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  #8  
Old 2nd October 2017, 10:02
migster migster is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

So, Clyde, how did it go last night?
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  #9  
Old 2nd October 2017, 12:48
clyde33 clyde33 is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

Thanks for the replies.

Yeah, it was ok i guess and not really as bad as i thought it was going to be. I think that's my problem with most situations - i overthink and end up imagining things to be worse than they turn out to be.

Was still pleased to get home though.
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  #10  
Old 2nd October 2017, 12:53
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

That's great Clyde, so glad you survived & it wasn't so bad xx
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  #11  
Old 2nd October 2017, 15:14
Hayman Hayman is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

Hi Clyde! Thanks for the update!

Don't worry about it – overthinking things is very common from my experience. As often as it’s said (and it's a very tiresome saying), sometimes throwing yourself into social situations even though the 'alarm bells' may be ringing in your head is a good course of action to take. This is basically what has helped me 'come out of my shell' more in recent years…and I have to hold my hands up, to a certain degree it has helped. Sure, it's not given me any lifetime progressions as it would do for others (which is still about the biggest bugbear I have in life), but it's at least given me some crumbs of confidence in myself. A 'hollow victory' as it were…

What you need to do, if you can, is now build upon that experience. Try and go out again at another time… Sure, it'll still be difficult and that fear factor never diminishes entirely (in some cases not at all, depending on the company you're with) but you should be a little more 'sure' about yourself. This is what I've found happens the more I've gone out… Sure, I'd still rather stay in and I feel I can be more myself at home, but going out to certain places with certain people doesn't overly bother me any more.

Yes – it's always pleasing to come home! The feeling of relief?! I know it well!

Anyway, well done on being brave enough for your outing!
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  #12  
Old 3rd October 2017, 15:25
migster migster is offline
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Default Re: Going out tonight and dreading it.

I used to feel the same way as you and would feel relief at the end of an outing in town or whatever until I realised that this is the wrong kind of thinking. The right way of thinking (for me, anyway) is to tell myself it wasn't a bad day/night/whatever at all and that a similar experience should follow as soon as possible. These days I don't allow myself to feel relief at getting home and instead force myself to think of when next to get out there and try again. Not trying is not the solution. We are what we think.

Very happy for you that it all went well!
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