Do you feel comfortable posting on SAUK ?

[karl-32]

Originally Posted by Cynic

HIYA HUNNI ASL

lmao!

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

When using SAUK do you feel comfortable discussing a subject which is important to you, or perhaps embarrassing or hurtful ?

yes,..I've only ever seen people receive helpful, thoughtful posts when a real SA~related issue has been discussed.

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Do you feel confident that it won't descend into misplaced, ill thought, humour, or dismissed as unimportant or stupid ?

only if it's originally been an off-topic or frivolous thread in the first place,..posted in,.. say... 'The Basement' etc.

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Does it change if you are male or female ? For example if discussing a relationship, medical or sexual problem, do you think females get a more sympathetic ear than males, or vice-versa ?

I don't really think so,..as most Avatars are often gender~ambiguous, and so replies are often free of any mis-placed sentiment,...
but often, Men will be overly-sympathetic to known Women ( i.e. obviously feminine posters,..probably because Men like Women, and naturally want to express care & affection.)

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Does it honestly feel non judgemental and safe ? Indeed, should this place be a safe, non judgemental place ? Is it "poster beware, judgements and piss takes ahead", and should the mods make that fact more clear to new members ?

yes,..I honestly feel that if you post something that's obviously a sensitive issue, and an issue close to all SA people's hearts,.it will definately be responded to with care, sensitivity and will often be helpful for all, especially the OP

Originally Posted by Dragnet

With everything above, do you feel the rules change depending on who is posting, ie: different rules for a popular poster or a clique ?

I often feel the replies relate to the nature of the original post,....
if it's a common,..often-visited problem, it will tend to generate a lot of feedback,..if it's a real cry for help, or a display of brave honesty, then it will often be treated similarly,...
there are lots of cliques,..if you like to see things that way,..
just certain people often tend to respond to certain other people, whose posts they often feel an affinity with, or enjoy,..
and people will often respond to a post of someone they know well, or have met,..
some people who are often on here will be read more than those who rarely post unfortunately.

[nessa456]

I feel perfectly comfortable posting on here. This is probably because I don't post to make friends (I wouldn't know how to specifically do that anyway) but to express my opinion. I get the impression most people want to make friends so what they say is far less important than how they say it and how well other people think of them as a result of saying it.

I sometimes make the mistake of getting carried away on some threads when it's a subject matter that 'pushes my buttons' so to speak. Then I can end up offending people sometimes as a result of being too focused on making my point and forgetting about the effect it's having on other people. I'm not using the Aspergers as an excuse here but it totally goes out of my mind how other people might be feeling when a situation like that arises. My brain just doesn't consider it. The mods on here are very quick to act though, which is very good in my opinon.

[Azi]

Originally Posted by AxelFendersson

That's hard to avoid. Say something people disagree with, and they'll feel the need to argue. Say something most people agree with and they just quietly nod to themselves.

*nods quietly to herself*

I'm very often aware that I'm effectively 'talking' to thousands of people, which makes me clam up a bit.

[Phool]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Neither do I, nor have I on any forum I've been on.

Agree. For me its a forum for reflection and understanding myself better by learning from others' experiences.

[Mr Ploppy]

If you can make local friends along the way it doesn't hurt.
I haven't made any by the way.

[Laura Palmer]

Originally Posted by Darling

I've seen quite a few instances of women (on here) rhetorically asking why "all men are such bastards" (or words to that effect). Whenever they're challenged, they immediately back down, because they don't actually believe it to be true in the first place. When a woman makes that kind of ridiculous sweeping generalisation, it's usually in exasperation, as a direct result of a person or an incident which seriously troubled them.

Whereas, those men (on here) who claim that women with SA "have it easier than men" or that they're only ever attracted to "confident bastards" are usually utterly convinced that it's true. I don't think it's (always) borne out of misogyny, but rather an innate sense of victimhood, mixed with a great dollop of bitterness and no small amount of general idiocy.

I agree, Darling. *giggles*

The reason why us ladies have permanent headaches, is due to the constant banging of our heads against the wall, whenever we try to counteract the never-ending stream of utter nonsense, spouted by some men on here; telling us what we want! Which, of course, is always ignored by them, anyway.

[T]

Yeah i feel comfortable here as i feel at home here as i don't have to explain stuff if i don't want too and its nice to talk to people with similar problems as yourself also nice to meet up once in awhile...

[Effervescing Elephant]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Does it change if you are male or female ? For example if discussing a relationship, medical or sexual problem, do you think females get a more sympathetic ear than males, or vice-versa ?

Posters that are known to be female (not everyone reveals that information) seem to get an awful lot more attention, and more personal following their posts. This isn't exactly surprising and would happen in any mixed group. It can be frustrating for a male who is anxious that they are being ignored though.

Originally Posted by Dragnet

With everything above, do you feel the rules change depending on who is posting, ie: different rules for a popular poster or a clique ?

I think there is a clique on SA UK. There are posters who could write "Lol I've farted!" and get 10 replies in half an hour while I can post a serious comment or a joke and it will be totally ignored. This also happens everywhere so I can't exactly complain. It seems to be human nature. The question then becomes "how do I become part of the clique?" Why am I always on the fringes of any gathering?

[T]

I don't think there cliques i just think the more effort you post here and go to meets the more people will chat with you...just my opinion

[Detox]

I don't feel very comfortable posting here, compared to a few weeks/months back anyway.
I know I have made a few 'enemies' or people who dislike me, and with most posts I don't feel comfortable with the people here to post personal experiences or thoughts, I used to on my profile blog for example but I recently deleted them.
I've also noticed when ever I get quoted its always the same people picking apart my post or attacking my views, etc.

I've only read three pages of this thread so far, but as for the 'I hate men' thing. I do know recently a member posted something that stunk of Misandry and hatred, but a mod deleted it after a few angry replies.

Oh, and I've also had threads completely ignored by everyone also, its a shame you can't delete your own threads. What a way to make you seem like a freak, completely shunned on an SA support forum.

So not comfortable in the slightest if I'm honest.

[Paladin]

No I find it quite an unnatural wa to communicate really, but then I don't like texting or emailing or facebook either, I seem to come across overly-formal in writing and think too much over my words.

[bornthisway]

Yes, mostly because no one here knows me in real life

[Mr Ploppy]

My answer is... not really.

I only post threads about things which aren't hurtful, embarrassing to myself, or close to my heart. I've certainly learnt my lessons there. Too many who are willing to take it out of context or indulge in misplaced comedy.

I have to say to anyone who thinks it helps to be light hearted about something which is very important or hurtful to the OP, it doesn't help, and makes me question your motives.

[Lone Dog]

A lot of the time I find I don't know the answer to the questions, when they are asking something about your opinion or feelings or thoughts. Is it normal to have no opinion or ideas on various matters? I'm always impressed by people who have instant facts & opinions at their fingertips.

[Phool]

Originally Posted by Lone Dog

A lot of the time I find I don't know the answer to the questions, when they are asking something about your opinion or feelings or thoughts. Is it normal to have no opinion or ideas on various matters? I'm always impressed by people who have instant facts & opinions at their fingertips.

I only post where I have some life experience or a definite opinion. Even then I restrain myself e.g. If someone is obviously very young and has a relationship issue I don't think its my place as a 36 year old to advise them as my world view will be very different to theirs. I actually wish more people would post in the 30 to 81 room about issues for older people.

I also feel a bit intimidated by people who have had lots of therapy as I've only had a bit so my posts are just based on my own thoughts rather than being of any psychological value.

[nessa456]

I think there are people who will reply to a post becaue it's a person they've got to know who's making it, regardless of the content of the post and then there's people who reply to the content of a post.

If you try and make a 'content' type post amongst a group of people who are mainly acknowledging the people they know it will often fall on deaf ears as they are having a 'banter' amongst themselves so it's out of synch with the mood the thread has taken on. Someone may pick up on your post later on but possibly not.

It's the difference between conversational type posts and informative ones.

I can do the informative ones but the conversational ones I can't really do - they seem not to be based on information at all and all about bonding theough the use of certain types of word. This type of thing eludes me completely - I'd feel I was being very false if I tried to do one.

People can think this means you are overly formal and unfriendly but they often don't realise it means a person just isn't 'wired' for that kind of conversation and appreciates more information-focused interaction.

It's like when there's a sex scene during a drama, I yawn and think 'Just get on with the plot!' - that's how the banter type posts affect me but I can see they play an important role for most people.

It's 'social brain' vs 'knowledge brain' type posts. Most people specialise in one type or another.

As far as giving advice goes, if you say things like 'In my opinion' and 'I've had this happen to me and this is what I did', it covers you in terms of people thinking you're saying you know it all (because no one does). All experience is valid though and what's happened to you and how you dealt with it may well be useful to another person so you might as well share it.

[Mr Ploppy]

Originally Posted by nessa456

It's like when there's a sex scene during a drama, I yawn and think 'Just get on with the plot!' - that's how the banter type posts affect me but I can see they play an important role for most people.

I like that analogy on the banter posts, couldn't agree more (And I do the same when watching films)

[yuffie]

I feel uncomfortable because i'm not as smart as alot of the posters on here and tbh I actually can't understand the long deep posts as I can't concentrate very well. I post anyway cos sod it no one can see me.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by yuffie

I feel uncomfortable because i'm not as smart as alot of the posters on here :

I think intelligence is common to all,..
perhaps you're not as "intellectual" as some,..but that's no bad thing.

[Phool]

Originally Posted by yuffie

I feel uncomfortable because i'm not as smart as alot of the posters on here and tbh I actually can't understand the long deep posts as I can't concentrate very well. I post anyway cos sod it no one can see me.

I can't do long posts either - either read or write them - my attention goes awol and I end up posting a few times on the same thread as different things occur to me. I also have the 'sod it no one can see me / knows me' philosophy.

[Phool]

Originally Posted by nessa456

It's 'social brain' vs 'knowledge brain' type posts. Most people specialise in one type or another.

I usually agree with you Nessa, but I'm less sure about this. I like both types of posts e.g. What kind of meds are people on? vs How has your childhood impacted on you? The former is likely to stay informative and the latter become fairly conversational. I am not a purely social or purely intellectual being and can engage in both ways. And I would assume this is the case for most people.

For me whats important is that I have had significant enough experience or a substantial opinion on the subject matter.

[yuffie]

Originally Posted by Phool

I can't do long posts either - either read or write them - my attention goes awol and I end up posting a few times on the same thread as different things occur to me. I also have the 'sod it no one can see me / knows me' philosophy.

Originally Posted by jerry302199

I think intelligence is common to all,..
perhaps you're not as "intellectual" as some,..but that's no bad thing.

Thanks Phool glad i'm not the only one

Jerry302199, thanks, I like to think that too, it's cos I have ADHD lots of long words in a long thread is a bit of a nightmare for me.

[marki]

feeling ignored etc is a common theme but i really do think its down to peoples own perceptions. There are much less friendlier places than here on the net.

[nessa456]

Originally Posted by Phool

I usually agree with you Nessa, but I'm less sure about this. I like both types of posts e.g. What kind of meds are people on? vs How has your childhood impacted on you? The former is likely to stay informative and the latter become fairly conversational. I am not a purely social or purely intellectual being and can engage in both ways. And I would assume this is the case for most people.

For me whats important is that I have had significant enough experience or a substantial opinion on the subject matter.

Yes, as I was typing the post I did think that there are people who are good at both.

I see posting on forums as the only place I can feel more equal to others as I feel confident with the written word. I can't express myself as well in spoken language as it's all about coming up with quick replies, being able to get people to listen and being flexible enough to keep jumping from one topic to another. I feel at ease posting on here but out of my depth in spoken conversation as it's a different skill-set. Most spoken conversation has no real substance to me - it all seems very repetitive and focuses on how the emphasis is put on the words ie style over content.

I think posting on forums has become, for me, the 'grown-up' version of doing essays at school ie if people respond positively it's like getting a gold star! Lol

[nessa456]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

I like that analogy on the banter posts, couldn't agree more (And I do the same when watching films)

Thanks

These film-makers seem to think the viewing public have a great desire to see 'bedroom scenes' but I'm sure the majority are bored by them. I much prefer the allusion to it having taken place to having to wade through the actual act as there's just no way to make it interesting - we've seen it all before!

[Phool]

Originally Posted by nessa456

Yes, as I was typing the post I did think that there are people who are good at both.

I see posting on forums as the only place I can feel more equal to others as I feel confident with the written word. I can't express myself as well in spoken language as it's all about coming up with quick replies, being able to get people to listen and being flexible enough to keep jumping from one topic to another. I feel at ease posting on here but out of my depth in spoken conversation as it's a different skill-set. Most spoken conversation has no real substance to me - it all seems very repetitive and focuses on how the emphasis is put on the words ie style over content.

I think posting on forums has become, for me, the 'grown-up' version of doing essays at school ie if people respond positively it's like getting a gold star! Lol

They don't have gold stars but here's a trophy : ) :trophy:

I've been thinking about something else as well... you mentioned something about Aspbergers ona thread somewhere and from the above posts Yuffie and I seem to have attention defecit issues and it got me thinking that actually most people on here have SA alongside other conditions which also shape how they respond to threads.

[nessa456]

Originally Posted by Phool

They don't have gold stars but here's a trophy : ) :trophy:

I've been thinking about something else as well... you mentioned something about Aspbergers ona thread somewhere and from the above posts Yuffie and I seem to have attention defecit issues and it got me thinking that actually most people on here have SA alongside other conditions which also shape how they respond to threads.

Even better than a Gold Star!

Perhaps in some cases the SA is caused by the other condition(s). Mine has a direct link to the Aspergers as a lot of people basically frighten me! They are far too unpredictable and judgmental for me to cope with.

[Ladicius]

Yes. But to be honest, these kind of topics, the ones that go a bit off topic, no.

[Mr Ploppy]

One thing that annoys me is if you post a problem which is a bit contentious, some members go into judgemental finger wagging mode instead of helping.

Yes, I need your judgement when i'm rock bottom.