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  #571  
Old 7th May 2018, 18:46
jd90 jd90 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Well better a false alarm than a real one
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  #572  
Old 14th May 2018, 15:10
Kooky Monster Kooky Monster is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

My mind has been wandering over to the dark side and toying with the idea of suicide way to often recently, it's starting to concern me.

Truth is I feel trapped and don't know how to grieve for my mother. All I feel is pure anger, at her, at myself, at everyone and I don't know how to get rid of it.
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  #573  
Old 15th May 2018, 01:50
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I donít have anything helpful to say, but I hope you continue to hang on in there Kooky Monster as you will get through this in time. To suffer feelings of intense anger and despair after losing a loved one sounds completely normal to me and of course if you throw SA into the mix (and consequently perhaps have only limited emotional support from family/friends) I imagine things will be all the more tougher. My husband spoke to a Counsellor after losing a loved one which did help to some extent - maybe it may help you too Kooky

Like I say, I have nothing very helpful to say but just wanted to respond. I do hope you can get through this horrible time and continue to regularly post here as folk do care x
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  #574  
Old 16th May 2018, 00:51
Kooky Monster Kooky Monster is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Thank you for replying to me, Muggins

Your post was more helpful than you think. I can't really afford to see a counsellor privately with all the money I'm having to spend filling hungry kitty bellies, but I've found a local bereavement support group and a charity that offers 1-1 support too, so I'll be contacting both of them - hopefully they can help me cope a bit better.
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  #575  
Old 16th May 2018, 00:55
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I hope you find the bereavement support groups helpful Kooky, I can only imagine how hard it is for you Stay strong x
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  #576  
Old 16th May 2018, 00:56
Kooky Monster Kooky Monster is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Thank you, Dimples
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  #577  
Old 16th May 2018, 09:12
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

@ Kooky Monster - so glad to hear youíve found a local bereavement group and some possible 1-1 support I wish you all the very best with that
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  #578  
Old 16th May 2018, 09:51
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

@Kooky Monster, I'm pleased that you have been able to find some support to help you through this difficult and sad time, I hope you find the groups helpful and of course you have so much support here too. Grief is, as I'm sure you know, an intensely individual and personal thing, there are no right or wrong ways to grieve and I am sure that you will find your own way forward in time. I am not the only one here who will be thinking of you.

@Muggins, your post started with "I don't have anything helpful to say", but you did! I hope you know how much your posts have helped people on this forum, myself included; it's very rare that you don't have anything helpful to say and your contributions to this forum are invaluable.
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  #579  
Old 16th May 2018, 13:41
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Aw you are very kind GI
I think many of us here could do with having a gregarious introvert in our Ďreal livesí telling us how how valued we are when we flounder
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  #580  
Old 17th May 2018, 13:12
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^My rates are very reasonable, although I have a very full diary at weekends!
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  #581  
Old 19th May 2018, 23:42
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kooky Monster
^^ I too hope you're okay, Spud



I'm just coming through the other side of this, brought about by my recent period. I don't always get it - thank God - but some months it causes my MH to just swan dive. I end up plagued with suicidal thoughts and my mood becomes absolutely erratic. I've spent the past week just climbing the ****ing walls and feeling like I'm losing my mind.
Thanks for your reply. I've been going through this feeling again this week. I'd give anything for it to stop. Hope you're ok.
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  #582  
Old 8th June 2018, 03:33
Caboose Caboose is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

i've got quite a bit to feel happy about lately, but right now all i can think of is how pointless and worthless i am and maybe i should just end it. sick of being me and living in this stupid head of mine.
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  #583  
Old 26th June 2018, 00:26
Kooky Monster Kooky Monster is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Stuck. Completely and utterly stuck and hopeless. I feel like I'm going insane and I don't see a resolution, well apart from one.
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  #584  
Old 26th June 2018, 08:11
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Hang in there Kooky Monster
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  #585  
Old 26th June 2018, 13:15
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling great right now, Kooky; I really enjoyed meeting you at the book club last month and you're a very witty, interesting and intelligent person with a lot to offer both here and in real life. I'm looking forward to seeing you again next month, although as you know I'm off to Spain (in about 15 minutes) so can't make it on Friday.


After losing my 'phone in Canada a few days ago, I'm using a replacement which won't allow me to download Tapatalk, so I'll be off the site until 5th July, but if you (or anyone else) would like to PM me at any time, I'm here for you (or will be, as soon as I'm reunited with my laptop!). In the meantime, I hope book club goes at least as well as the last and that you feel better soon.

Caboose, I've been where you are now - depression doesn't need a reason to come calling and sometimes sneaks up when, as you say, you have quite a bit to feel happy about. Just try to remind yourself that it will pass and - if you can - focus on the things which bring you joy (even if they don't bring you joy right now!).
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  #586  
Old 27th June 2018, 12:31
AireleeBray AireleeBray is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

im so ridiculously trapped & chained to everything in this life i cant see its ever going to end.
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  #587  
Old 27th June 2018, 20:09
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I know you might feel like that right now but you're a great person and things can get better.
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  #588  
Old 27th June 2018, 20:09
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kooky Monster
Stuck. Completely and utterly stuck and hopeless. I feel like I'm going insane and I don't see a resolution, well apart from one.
Sending you hugs Kooky Monster.



I haven't been in work since Monday, in fact I haven't left home since Friday. I can't be bothered to go out and I don't want to see or speak to anyone. I've slept most of the time and when I'm awake I stare into space and don't do anything. The flashbacks from bullying have been really intense in recent days and it's making me feel really miserable and affecting my outlook on life. I've also had suicidal thoughts but I won't act on them. It's difficult to explain how I feel but it's like a shitty, painful and emotional feeling in my chest. I'm so switched off, almost cut off from other people. End of moan.
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  #589  
Old 27th June 2018, 23:06
Kooky Monster Kooky Monster is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Sending hugs back to you. I'm sorry to hear you're having such a terrible time at the moment. I hope things improve for you soon

Thank you also jinny and Gregar for replying to me.
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  #590  
Old 2nd July 2018, 00:07
Sebby Webby Ding Dong Sebby Webby Ding Dong is online now
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

dunno how much longer i can cope with feeling like this. thinking about death more and more lately. have no hope left for anything.
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  #591  
Old 2nd July 2018, 00:52
Sebby Webby Ding Dong Sebby Webby Ding Dong is online now
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ thank you .. the things you've said to me, here, and in the past are pretty much the only thing keeping me going at the moment heh

i hope it passes too.. but it doesnt feel like it will this time. i dont think anything is ever going to change. ive tried so hard this past year and abit to get myself out more, apply myself to stuff, trying to be more confident with people, faking confidence, trying cbt again, volunteering.
and in many peoples' eyes im sure they would say i have progressed a lot in this past year. im willing to agree with them up to a point. but i still feel just as isolated and trapped as i always have. in a way, even more so than before.
i think before when i wasnt really trying, and i was keeping to my safe zone, i could hold onto hope that if/when i do try to get better, my life will improve drastically. now that i've been trying, and i still feel terrible, i dont have that hope anymore that things can get better, becuase here i am many months into my last ditch effort to salvage something from this life ive messed up and ruined, apparently beyond repair.

dunno why it hasn't occurred to me before but it finally did a day or so ago, that if i do decide to take a hop, skip and a jump to the other side, i should make it look like an accident. i know it will still hurt my family immensely, but at least they won't be tormented with feeling like they could or should have done something and feeling like they should have seen how much pain ive been in etc.
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  #592  
Old 3rd July 2018, 17:42
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I'm sorry you're feeling like this and I can relate, I remember feeling the same in the past. One thing I would say is that often change/recovery takes time which can be difficult when you've finally taken the step to try to work on things and then you feel like it's happening very slowly. But that doesn't mean that you're not improving and that things won't continue to get better. You deserve for your life to get better and for things to improve, you really do.
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  #593  
Old 3rd July 2018, 17:54
jd90 jd90 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^ I'm sorry you're really struggling at the moment, I've been there when you improve and feel that it'll just keep going and going and it doesn't and you're right it is worse in a way. But you have to have hope, if you can improve, like you've clearly done then you can continue to improve. Please don't do anything, life is full of possibilities no matter how shit it gets whereas death is so final. So hang on in there, acknowledge it's never gonna be anything but easy and keep ploughing through. Don't lose hope, try and find some idea you can cling onto to get you through the really dark times and I really hope you do. Good luck mate
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  #594  
Old 4th July 2018, 19:12
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

[QUOTE=Sebby Webby Ding Dong;2391503]...

^Another poster sorry to hear you're feeling at the end of your rope so to speak. I know what it is to feel so overwhelmed by your 'mistakes' or how long it's taking you to fix them, that you just feel buried by them with no way out. However our lapses in judgement will always seem so much more severe to us than anyone else. I won't patronise you by saying things will get better because sometimes that takes so long to happen that waiting and expecting things to just fall into place makes things feel so much worse than just accepting things might be shitty for a while. I think that's part of the safe zone vs trying process. Unfortunately, our efforts don't always seem to give that instant gratification in the way we hoped. I think it's because we spent our entire lives putting these steps on a pedestal and suddenly they're achieved and there's no waiting audience to cheer us on or no sign of what to do now. I also believe some people are just born sadder than others, that no matter how perfect we make our lives, the fractures of our past sort of always stay with us and surface again every now and then. But I will say that although I don't know you personally, I remember from here and chat, how funny, honest, gentle and sincere you can be- traits many of the world are lacking so I can't help but think that while there are some people in this world who don't contribute much, you are surely not one of them- even if you sometimes feel that way. Hope you'll find your way out of this current dark spell. Take care.
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  #595  
Old 5th July 2018, 17:14
Sebby Webby Ding Dong Sebby Webby Ding Dong is online now
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^^^, ^^^, ^^, ^ thank you all for the kind words of support. it helps hearing such things, puts some weight on the almost empty positive side of the scales of my will to keep going.

helped me get through today a little, which was god awful. i had to keep going off at work to hide to try and pull myself together and give myself a pep talk to not burst out crying. if my doctor was still working, id consider going back to him to get back on anti depressants, but he retired last month and i just dont have it in me to go to a new one to explain everything about me.
i got some shitty news the minute i parked at home too which has made me feel really unwelcome at the block of flats i recently moved in to.
i cant do anything right and im just sinking sinking sinking. i have a morbid curiosity to find out just how dark my life can get.
ive been trying to make a friend at work, but im useless at socialising in person so i probably make her feel uncomfortable. also ive pretty much convinced myself that shes starting to hate me.

ugh. sorry.
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  #596  
Old 5th July 2018, 23:42
Hylian Hylian is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Coincidence.
I just came here to post that, while driving home from a friends tonight, I was thinking "I could come off the road here and make it look like an accident".
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  #597  
Old 6th July 2018, 04:59
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

@ Sebby Webby Ding Dong (great username btw)

Iím sorry to hear that you are finding things so tough at the moment
I can totally understand how emotional pain can cause you to feel that you donít want to continue living anymore because Iíve felt exactly the same way, albeit quite a long time ago.

You know the people who love and care for you would be devastated to lose you. Suicide or an accident, it really makes no difference, as your loved ones would still be left devastated by your loss and condemned to a lifetime of awful heartache.

I agree with Hermann that our time here is so short that we may as well stick around and see what more life has to offer us. If it absolutely sucks then every one of us will soon enough be shedding off this mortal coil anyway. But who knows, unexpected things may occur during the days, months, and years ahead that will make you sometimes feel glad to be alive.

In my 20ís I remember driving my car a long winding country lanes late at night and thinking why donít I plough into a tree or wall at high speed and put an end to this mental torture that Iím feeling. But perhaps the fear of hurting those I love, of ending up still alive but physically incapacitated and in an even worse situation or even of maiming other innocent road users in the process was what stopped me. Also, I think I must have still been hanging on to the tiny glimmer of hope that something may change for the better which I knew dying would snatch away from me forever. Iím a strong believer of where thereís life, thereís hope and all that.

I can now safely say, despite still suffering with SA and regular bouts of depression, that Iím glad I didnít have Ďan accidentí and that my half hearted suicide attempts failed because Iíve experienced some of my happiest and proudest moments since - the birth of my child easily being amongst them.

I truly hope you decide to stick around Sebby because there are people who love you. Just from the posts you've shared on this forum I can see that you are a wonderful personality and have such a lot to offer others. You clearly have friends here who greatly value you and want to offer you support. You are certainly not alone. And for what itís worth, I really think you owe it to yourself to stick around a little longer to see what the future has in store.

I hope all of that hasn't come across preachy or patronising. I struggle to find the right words.
I just wanted you to know that you have the support and understanding of lots of us in the SAUK community

Take care
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  #598  
Old 6th July 2018, 20:20
AireleeBray AireleeBray is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

i hope everyone struggling knows they are important they do matter & there are people who truly care about them even if its just through this forum, you arent entirely alone in this.
I know its so so difficult & frustrating & our mind tells us all the wrong things sometimes.
sending virtual hugs to anyone who needs one

i tried to end my life before i had my children not believing id ever have anything. 3 years after that i had my daughter.
life goes by so fast & i also believe its worth sticking around to see the good things that will happen
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  #599  
Old 7th July 2018, 01:06
Austere_Lemur Austere_Lemur is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Here we are again... Not to belittle anyone on here; I mean I hope I arrive here in good company. I thought, becoming 27 years old a couple of weeks ago, that maybe I'd turned a corner-stone. Of course not. I haven't even reached a year's anniversary of attaining my driver's license in Norway (it's the only good thing I've done, really) after moving here a couple years ago.

You know when your parents and family (if your parents even tell the latter);it's meant to be something you 'grow out of'. Well I've got news for y'all. I started self-harming at the age of fourteen; I never really stopped. I've even been through short bursts in my life where I thought I was 'good' - no such thing. I don't mean to discourage anyone here. I'm just really down in the dumps right now; I never really climbed out - but that doesn't mean that others won't!

Sorry for the pessimism; I'm just in a particularly bad stretch at the moment...
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  #600  
Old 26th July 2018, 22:14
AireleeBray AireleeBray is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I think im guilty of blaming other people too much. I am the problem here i realise now
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