Bleak future

Stanley Rainbird · #1 8th February 2010, 17:47

I've been in a foul mood for the past few months. I can handle the past, it's the future that is killing me. I see nothing. I mean I have no future, no real part to play. It's this realisation that has deadened my emotions, I no longer fear anything worth fearing. I'm still scared shitless of all the unimportant stuff that has managed to paralyse me. I guess that depression set in, I try and make light of whats going on but it feels right. The world around me remains beautiful, but for a shape of black waiting for nothing. I do apologise that this is such a bleak post, but it's how I really feel.

LongerTripBackHome · #2 8th February 2010, 19:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chaplin

I've been in a foul mood for the past few months. I can handle the past, it's the future that is killing me. I see nothing. I mean I have no future, no real part to play. It's this realisation that has deadened my emotions, I no longer fear anything worth fearing. I'm still scared shitless of all the unimportant stuff that has managed to paralyse me. I guess that depression set in, I try and make light of whats going on but it feels right. The world around me remains beautiful, but for a shape of black waiting for nothing. I do apologise that this is such a bleak post, but it's how I really feel.

I waiting a long time (over 10 years) for depression to properly hit me due to my sa. When it did, you've summed up how it felt for me too. It wasn't the present itself, it was the lack of hope for the future. My thinking was "I don't enjoy the present, and as I get older the lack of relationships/kids/settling down will become more intolerable for both me and society's impression of me. So if this is as good as it gets, what's the point?"

But this is depression talking, because you're missing the crucial point that everyone can change for the better as well as the worse. It might not feel like it right now, but deep down you hopefully know it's true. Lack of hope for the future is a very common symptom of depression.

rayman · #3 8th February 2010, 20:08

I,m sorry to hear of both your probs, i feel for you cos last week i was in the deep... i couldnt see anylight and couldnt face anything.
Today was my 1st good day in a while, so i know there is hope.. for me and both of you.

Warmer · #4 8th February 2010, 20:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chaplin

I've been in a foul mood for the past few months. I can handle the past, it's the future that is killing me. I see nothing. I mean I have no future, no real part to play. It's this realisation that has deadened my emotions, I no longer fear anything worth fearing. I'm still scared shitless of all the unimportant stuff that has managed to paralyse me. I guess that depression set in, I try and make light of whats going on but it feels right. The world around me remains beautiful, but for a shape of black waiting for nothing. I do apologise that this is such a bleak post, but it's how I really feel.

I feel very much the same right now

. Im trying to be positive but dont even seem to be able to get myself started doing the most simple easy things I know that I should be doing ...Sigh.

LongerTripBackHome · #5 8th February 2010, 21:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayman

I,m sorry to hear of both your probs, i feel for you cos last week i was in the deep... i couldnt see anylight and couldnt face anything.
Today was my 1st good day in a while, so i know there is hope.. for me and both of you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm out of the midst of my depression now too, and it only took 3 months

. I guess I had a lot saved up over the last 10 years. But that's why, having come out of it somewhat (though still feeling the after-effects), I am able to better reflect and hopefully, like you, try to convince the OP that this is a temporary frame of mind, not a permanent one.

Stanley Rainbird · #6 8th February 2010, 21:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by LongerTripBackHome

Don't get me wrong, I'm out of the midst of my depression now too, and it only took 3 months

. I guess I had a lot saved up over the last 10 years. But that's why, having come out of it somewhat (though still feeling the after-effects), I am able to better reflect and hopefully, like you, try to convince the OP that this is a temporary frame of mind, not a permanent one.

A couple of years ago I felt as I do now. But it went. The difference this time being is that I notice how the pattern goes. I am filled with hope, my hope fades, I then feel like crap for a while. The prospect of hope is no different from the prospect of more disappointment. I have lost the invincibility of my youth, I used to believe that I could do anything. How wrong I was.

rayman · #7 8th February 2010, 21:23

Were you on meds ?
What did you do to get yourself better LTBH ?

Stanley Rainbird · #8 8th February 2010, 21:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayman

Were you on meds ?
What did you do to get yourself better LTBH ?

I've never taken meds
I became hopeful and the sadness went

LongerTripBackHome · #9 8th February 2010, 21:29

... and that's why people have doubts about meds. They take so long to work and depression nearly always clears up on its own anyway.

Speaking personally, I've started taking Citalopram and can only assume it's had a big effect, because I've really started feeling better in the last 2 weeks and that's at week 6 of taking it, which is meant to be when it really starts kicking in. Also going for CBT which is helping, albeit in a more slow-burning (but probably longer-lasting) way.

Stanley Rainbird · #10 8th February 2010, 21:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by LongerTripBackHome

... and that's why people have doubts about meds. They take so long to work and depression nearly always clears up on its own anyway.

Speaking personally, I've started taking Citalopram and can only assume it's had a big effect, because I've really started feeling better in the last 2 weeks and that's at week 6 of taking it, which is meant to be when it really starts kicking in. Also going for CBT which is helping, albeit in a more slow-burning (but probably longer-lasting) way.

I started CBT last week and it seems to have made me worse. I know that this is because I am thinking about a load of stuff I try not to think about. I was always told that if it doesn't hurt, then you ain't trying hard enough. This was a saying for sport, but I think it translates well to dealing with shit from the past.

Lititia · #11 8th February 2010, 22:16

Going over past experiences, and how we have 'ended up' where we are is always emotionally difficult and I hope your therapist is a good enough one to be gentle with opening up these memories, and is able to help you close them.

In the meantime, remember that depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain - an ailment as real as any other, and go easy on yourself. Try and do some small things that make you smile each day - eat something you like, listen to something you like, get some fresh air if you can. Let yourself heal as you would if you were suffering from flu, for example. You wouldn't expect yourself to jump up and go straight back to normal during a bout of flu, nor can you during a bout of depression.

Hope you start feeling better soon!

GoldFish · #12 9th February 2010, 05:35

yeh i'm in a similar pickle at the moment, i just graduated from a diploma course and i'm still yet to be offered a proper interview..
its weird that my three cousins all obtained a great job less then a month after they finished their courses and now they have houses or a mortgage. my sister was similarly lucky...

i still have my part time hospitality job but at 26 its a little scary looking ahead at the future, things could change for better or worse in terms of finances and when it comes to making friends and progressing its not happening. i am trying but something is missing here. there is not enough balance. its like at least if i'm finding money and a job hard to acquire then my fun social life could balance things out but even that is very mundaine.....

the thought of having a girlfriend is to humiliating for me, she'd have to be very understanding and not overly superficial, but then there is that whole meeting the parents "oh so what do you do?" ..."oh yeh i'm working as a kitchenhand right now" all line up for the queue ladies...and the thought of not being able to have decent healthcare or even a house and a decent job is a very scary thought because everyone in my family circle and extended circle have been successful in that area and its something we all deserve...so the pressure is high

its that sort of pickle