When did you realise how socially awkward you might be?

[Amara 94]

I pretty sure now that my autism is obvious that it instantly makes me socially awkward but then I look normal enough to be expected to act normal. I think I’ve just noticed that I probably shove across as socially awkward.

I know that’s late. But I looked at a picture am old colleague use to take of me. One I use to be attached to but show wasn’t a true friend, had her own issues now I think about it. In one photo I noticed how I wasn’t as focused on the cake and people as my other colleagues. But at the time I didn’t notice this. That looks awkward because I’m not doing what everyone else was doing.

I’m looking to change jobs but I have to accept the fact I would likely be socially excluded or even ostracised because I come across as awkward. I’m currently socially ostracised by some at my current job.

I feel like I am the friends people like to keep a secret. Their don’t mind being my friend one on one it in a quiet place but in a social place t they need to look socially normal so are more avoidant of me.

[Amara 94]

I kinda think this links to what I’m saying

https://www.tameri.com/wordpress/aut...ble-instantly/

[Dougella]

I started to realise in primary school but the older I got the clearer it became.

[Amara 94]

Originally Posted by Dougella

I started to realise in primary school but the older I got the clearer it became.

I think I had an idea since Primary School or so but didn't see it as truth. I saw it as something I could change.

It became clearer the older I became but I think I didn't really see myself as being socially awkward until recently, as in a few days ago. I think I always thought it was something that could be fixed or that wouldn't be much of a deal in the right environment.

Now that I see myself as socially awkward it feels like I expect others to not understand me and it hurts less. I also feel less need to put in the effort to not be socially awkward. I expect to face social exclusion or ostracisation in future jobs. Rather than being fixed I think I could fid a place I belong but probably won't fit in or would always be a bit eccentric or off. My cousin in Nigeria suspected I was gay the first time he chatted to me, he is a closet gay teen. He said because something seemed off about me.

[biscuits]

I was always really chatty and confident in primary school. I was the narrator for the Christmas play to all the parents. I loved being on the microphone. I loved dressing up and performing. Then all of a sudden I changed.

I developed earlier than the other girls, so felt different and very self conscious! I started blushing all the time too. When secondary school rolled around, I was separated from my friends. The people I was confident and free with. I was faced with all these new faces in an unfamiliar environment. Suddenly I couldn't speak. No words would come to my mind. I felt like a freak. Why could I be chatty and silly with my friends and then feel like a hoover had sucked out my personality, passion, thoughts and ideas around everyone else?

After a while, my friends made new friends and I was unable to speak around them. Everyone was so nice to me: they didn't mind me sat there silently like a potato. But it was torturous for me. I started avoiding my friends.

I decided after GCSEs that it would be a good idea to go to college. A new start seemed sensible. On the first day I was put in a tutor group. Two girls took me under their wings and we made friends instantly. They were older than me. Everyone was older than me and they seemed so cool. They knew so many other people at college. Everyone seemed out of my league. I felt so out out of place.

In the end I went back to school based sixth form. I'm glad I tried to go to college and tried something different to try and challenge anxiety. I learnt to make sure I stick things out for longer, definitely.

That's a long story-Ed way of saying... Year six.

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Alone.

I think I had an idea since Primary School or so but didn't see it as truth. I saw it as something I could change.

It became clearer the older I became but I think I didn't really see myself as being socially awkward until recently, as in a few days ago. I think I always thought it was something that could be fixed or that wouldn't be much of a deal in the right environment.

Now that I see myself as socially awkward it feels like I expect others to not understand me and it hurts less. I expect to face social exclusion or ostracisation in future jobs. Rather than being fixed I think I could fid a place I belong but probably won't fit in or would always be a bit eccentric or off. My cousin in Nigeria suspected I was gay the first time he chatted to me, he is a closet gay teen. He said because something seemed off about me.

I actually remember thinking when I was a child that when I grew up I would know how to talk to people etc! Did not happen...

[choirgirl]

At school. I thought if I kept trying I would get better. I did not get better.

Adults expect you to get better at that age so it was not an unreasonable expectation. I certainly tried.

I lost confidence in my 20s as well.

I'm not massively socially awkward (I don't think) but I am on the wrong side of the bell curve.

[Sunrise]

I actually think I'm in denial about it and am yet to realise just how bad I really am. I think I'm possibly a lot worse in reality than I think I am.

[Amara 94]

Being socially awkward is not the same thing as being bad.

[Sunrise]

By "bad" I meant "severe", although I do see it as a negative thing. I think a lot of people find my behaviour very off-putting.

I think I lack the self-awareness to accurately judge how good my social skills are, which is probably a good indicator that they're not too great.