Deleted all my online fantasy friends

[Zardo]

I also asked for a ban on a SA forum [SAS] I spent too much time on, I'll stay here though for now.
So many years wasted, I found the forum started to amplify the feelings of self-hate in being an inexperienced male at this age still in all aspects, e.g relationships, career, I need to move on. I guess all the "still a virgin" ect threads didn't help either.

Also deleted my facebook and instant messenger contacts that never talk to me.
I need to get out more, fill my mind with activities, live while I still breath and not sit around just existing like I'm just waiting to die. I must try, I CAN NOT CARRY ON LIKE THIS.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Well done, I hope you overcome this life killer. It would be nice seeing more people overcome SA as it would make it feel much more easier to overcome. I also have virtual friends I made thorough SAS on fb, I only speak to about 2 of them though, I'm not getting rid of them. But if I was I would keep the 2 I speak too and delete the rest and also some high school mates I have that weren't nice to me.

[Zardo]

Thanks Charlotte and retepe for replying

I think I've been too hasty deleting some of my online friends now though. A guy from Australia I chat to, texted me asking my I'd deleted him and was upset. I just hate carrying on this way but maybe I could balance it out better, I just don't see the point now. If I see zero benefit in my real life then it's ultimately meaningless.

Maybe I'll reactivate my FB, but I deleted everyone as well beforehand it sucked being ignored and just spectating on everyone else's lives. Seeing new relationships, photos, new adventures while I had none of that. My sister even made a post saying "happy birthday mum" on my wall because she thought I'd just show her it because I still live at home. It's like I don't even matter or exist.

It's scary and I feel even more lonely now, but I will not go back...change or die.

[Superfred]

Well done for trying to make a change

On-line socialising is addictive, especially if you find socialising in other ways difficult. Trying to get out in the off line world more often might be a positive step in over coming social anxiety/phobia. I know it's a massively long and difficult path to becoming more confident and relaxed around people but it's worth a go (sorry if that sounds a bit negative)

Just keep at it and I hope you find a way of life that makes you feel happy - even if that ends up being as life spent on-line - as long as you are happy and content that's what matter,

Good luck

[Purple Lightning]

You have a great attitude, it's very inspirational ... and I love it!
Come on, you can do this ... keep that chin up and don't ever stop believing in yourself.

Stay strong and keep pushing forward - you WILL get there one day

[misska]

good on ye, I asked the phone company to give me a new number because didnt want anyone to contact me now i have to go around and tell everyone my new num in case they need to oops, and have deleted my facebook lots but always go back to it when im bored

[Dandelion10]

Zardo these sites are sources of support, not black holes of wasted time. Use them in moderation, I don't know about you but this site is my equivalent of having some social contact and I feel more isolated if I don't use it.

[Zardo]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

Zardo these sites are sources of support, not black holes of wasted time. Use them in moderation, I don't know about you but this site is my equivalent of having some social contact and I feel more isolated if I don't use it.

I know but as I get older and my life stays the same I feel that I don't belong anymore. My life has become too stale, I need to try new things that's all.

[endo_endo]

then i wish you the best

[daveysurfy]

I know how you feel pal, best of luck to your new endeavours, and online will always be here if you need it

[kingped]

Zardo, it's a good idea - as long as you do fill the gap with new activities beneficial to you.

I went cold-turkey on football forums which I used excessively. This left a hole in my life which I didn't fill and it wasn't good for me.

[Zardo]

I don't think I'll be filling my time with new activities I just want to be left alone, I don't deserve friends anyway. Feeling more antisocial than socially anxious now in a way.
I'm missing my online buddies, I bet they haven't noticed I've gone though. No good carrying on like I have been anyway.
I might find new friends and new forums, but I'd rather have a real life also which is totally empty of people to interact with except for my parents.

[misska]

Originally Posted by Zardo

I don't think I'll be filling my time with new activities I just want to be left alone, I don't deserve friends anyway. Feeling more antisocial than socially anxious now in a way.
I'm missing my online buddies, I bet they haven't noticed I've gone though. No good carrying on like I have been anyway.
I might find new friends and new forums, but I'd rather have a real life also which is totally empty of people to interact with except for my parents.

can u do a hobbie or a course to fillup some time I know i only have my parents to im hopeing to join a gym or go swimming

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Originally Posted by Zardo

I don't think I'll be filling my time with new activities I just want to be left alone, I don't deserve friends anyway. Feeling more antisocial than socially anxious now in a way.
I'm missing my online buddies, I bet they haven't noticed I've gone though. No good carrying on like I have been anyway.
I might find new friends and new forums, but I'd rather have a real life also which is totally empty of people to interact with except for my parents.

Everyone deserves friends, I've noticed that I blame myself for some things SA causes me to do. Such as feeling nervous around certain people, not putting full effort into talking with some people. But if my SA is subconsciously making me act certain ways, why should I feel bad. I should accept that SA causes certain behaviours.

[Flowerbomb]

Originally Posted by Melissa1988

Yes I agree, I like to come on here for support. It's nice knowing that there are other people out there like me.

Its definately brilliant for isolated people Dandelion

[Flowerbomb]

Originally Posted by Zardo

Thanks Charlotte and retepe for replying

I think I've been too hasty deleting some of my online friends now though. A guy from Australia I chat to, texted me asking my I'd deleted him and was upset. I just hate carrying on this way but maybe I could balance it out better, I just don't see the point now. If I see zero benefit in my real life then it's ultimately meaningless.

Maybe I'll reactivate my FB, but I deleted everyone as well beforehand it sucked being ignored and just spectating on everyone else's lives. Seeing new relationships, photos, new adventures while I had none of that. My sister even made a post saying "happy birthday mum" on my wall because she thought I'd just show her it because I still live at home. It's like I don't even matter or exist.

It's scary and I feel even more lonely now, but I will not go back...change or die.

My own view on being deleted by online friends if you are genuine is mindless on behalf of the other person if you ask me & very petty. You dont have online friend to then delete them, unless of course if they have pissed you off, I just block mine 13 blocks up to now oops I didnt say that, I dont agree that they are fantasy friends either, you may meet you may not who cares.

[Zardo]

Originally Posted by Karen

My own view on being deleted by online friends if you are genuine is mindless on behalf of the other person if you ask me & very petty. You dont have online friend to then delete them, unless of course if they have pissed you off, I just block mine 13 blocks up to now oops I didnt say that, I dont agree that they are fantasy friends either, you may meet you may not who cares.

Yep I've treated them all like shit doing this, but we'd never meet up as they live in other countries [mostly]. Hmm this has all turned into a triumphant failure!

[kingped]

Can't you contact your good online friends and explain yourself and, maybe, keep in contact via email or something?

[Zardo]

Originally Posted by kingped

Can't you contact your good online friends and explain yourself and, maybe, keep in contact via email or something?

I've already replied to a few who wondered what was going on with me, I think things will be okay with them still at least.

[kingped]

Incidetally, Zardo, how did you make your online friends.

I've tried to form online bonds through email and, a few times, messenger.

However, I find it impossible. The interactions don't seem to carry any emotional connection. Having a meaningful social conversation in email is impossible, I've found. It ends up being a forced exchange, where each person tries to make sure they respond to each of the other's points. The result is a rather token conversation - however much the sympathy is between the pair and, even, when there are common interests.

In my brief experiences, it seems impossible to make a friend only online. But, I admit, I haven't given it a lot of effort.

[Zardo]

Originally Posted by kingped

Incidetally, Zardo, how did you make your online friends.

I've tried to form online bonds through email and, a few times, messenger.

However, I find it impossible. The interactions don't seem to carry any emotional connection. Having a meaningful social conversation in email is impossible, I've found. It ends up being a forced exchange, where each person tries to make sure they respond to each of the other's points. The result is a rather token conversation - however much the sympathy is between the pair and, even, when there are common interests.

In my brief experiences, it seems impossible to make a friend only online. But, I admit, I haven't given it a lot of effort.

Because I just stay in mostly, I went in chat rooms, various forums and just ended up adding people to chat to. I have a online friend in Chile I've known 10 years now, she's just had a baby.

Some people you don't get on with and text chat conversations are more forced, but others are great. Just like real life, some people will get on with you more than others i suppose.
The thing is you have a very limited real life, online friends become a poor substitute if you yearn for and need more. But it's better than nothing at all.

[Sunset]

I would disagree that its better than nothing at all. Nothing at all might force you out the house.
People you meet online are not really friends , unless they become offline friends..they dont actually know you.

When I was about 19 I was stuck at home and on benefits. I lived with my mum and got my first pc.

I met many people online, and all of them turned out to be fake. Occasionally I would actually meet them offline and they were all misfits or strange in some way. One guy was dangerous.
One was chatting behind his wifes back and declaring love for me.
I felt ashamed that I was spending so much time on the net chatting to strangers so I stopped doing it.

My life improved and I was less lonely.

[Zardo]

Originally Posted by Sunset

I would disagree that its better than nothing at all. Nothing at all might force you out the house.
People you meet online are not really friends , unless they become offline friends..they dont actually know you.

When I was about 19 I was stuck at home and on benefits. I lived with my mum and got my first pc.

I met many people online, and all of them turned out to be fake. Occasionally I would actually meet them offline and they were all misfits or strange in some way. One guy was dangerous.
One was chatting behind his wifes back and declaring love for me.
I felt ashamed that I was spending so much time on the net chatting to strangers so I stopped doing it.

My life improved and I was less lonely.

That's all true enough I suppose, I could have maybe met a few friends I made online and even gone on some dates, from POF. But I always felt too anxious to go through with it. I think I actually found it easier to get women interested in real life, approaching them drunk in clubs mostly.

But that's a different topic, it's all been a waste but things aren't as easy as they were when I was a bit younger. I'd rather stop but with lack of options, I must stick with it for now until I feel more ready to "get out there" again.

[kingped]

Its cos SA cuts off real-life social interaction and there is a tendency to seek a substitute online. It's the reason that I come to this forum.

It can provide solace but then, as mentioned above, it can be harmful. Online interactions aren't real and can provide a false comfort while life passes by.

In fact, it is pretty dangerous how easy it is for someone with SA to get addicted to the internet.

[dace]

Originally Posted by Sunset

I would disagree that its better than nothing at all. Nothing at all might force you out the house.
People you meet online are not really friends , unless they become offline friends..they dont actually know you.

When I was about 19 I was stuck at home and on benefits. I lived with my mum and got my first pc.

I met many people online, and all of them turned out to be fake. Occasionally I would actually meet them offline and they were all misfits or strange in some way. One guy was dangerous.
One was chatting behind his wifes back and declaring love for me.
I felt ashamed that I was spending so much time on the net chatting to strangers so I stopped doing it.

My life improved and I was less lonely.

Were they really all fake? You mean they were all like psychos pretending to have SA just to prey on vulnerable people ?

In what way were they strange or misfits, that sounds harsh? SA makes people nervous... being really nervous makes people come across as strange. :o That's why it's such a shiety disease, people misread nervousness often and assume there must be something much worse wrong with them. If someone has had to deal with that for too long then perhaps they will develop genuine eccentricities, that doesn't mean they are permanent or that they should be given up on.

Or were you truly very unlucky? I am sorry, I am just very curious.