Comparing to others and coming up short.....

[tiptop]

I know this is part of a depressive thing, but have found myself doing this automatically much more recently and hate myself for it. I know logically things aren't always as they seem, but I always think that everybody else is more of everything - more accepted, more loving connections, more personality etc etc etc and everywhere I look just seems to highlight the gulf between myself and others to massive degrees. I was watching something on TV last night with lots of twee, happy couples and had to turn off because the 'comparison' thing in my head was too great. It just seems to be getting worse especially with Xmas coming up - everybody making plans with their close knit families when mine is just rife with dysfunction but then, that's another story!

It's an ugly trait to have but does anyone get where I'm coming from?

[tiptop]

PS, Also, I work with a lady who is lovely and everybody always comes in to see her and if she isn't there, asks where she is. Sometimes, people only talk to me to ask where she is or how she is and I feel like I almost don't exist! So that just highlights how this lady is much 'more' popular than me but she is lovely so I can see why. It's bizaare because in lots of places I've worked, I've been in a team of two and the other person is mainly much more accepted etc than I am. Even when I left somewhere once and my colleague had also moved on (say her name is Z) , I bumped into another old colleague and the first thing she asked me was 'how is Z?' Not how am I getting on, or whatever!
Just wish I could be somebody else....hate being me at times.

[boredwithanxiety]

I understand where you're coming from. Under-rating yourself, I expect it's pretty common amongst people with SA. People have said to me more recently that I am always heaping too much pressure on myself and striving to be someone better and that I should just accept myself for the 'lovely' person I am, but I rarely see that. I feel that's it's because I don't reach out enough to other people, so why should they come to me? Funnily enough I do tend to attract the outgoing types; in friendship or relationships, probably because they're bolder? Yes I'm always comparing others in a better light

[samelen]

I wish I could be somebody else sometimes. I had my life, and I hate my anxiety. I too see people with better lives than mine. My friends seem to be enjoying life a lot more than I am. Three of my closest friends have boyfriends and I don't. One doesn't rub it in my face, so she's fine, but the other two do. I get to the point I don't want to hang out with them anymore because of it.

[pinkwafer]

I try my best not to do this because I'd end up hanging myself

[BusterBluth]

It's a natural thing, I think most people do it. The grass is always greener on the other side and all that jazz. I try not to do it as it just makes me angry and resentful, I try to focus on the positive things and count my blessings.

This is easier said than done of course... Totally get the 'happy' people on tv thing, I never watch Hollyoaks because it's literally just all great looking young people getting off with each other and having fun - ooh how it makes me wanna hurt them lol.

For sure it's natural for us to compare ourselves to others, it's how we tell where we are etc in our own lives. The best thing to do is to avoid it or actively try to be inspired by it, think good for them, how can I do that? That's what I reckon anyway.

It's hard though, I mean I hate it when my cousin comes round and tells me about what a stud his younger brother is (roughly the same age as me) and how well he's doing and everything but wtf?! Good for him at the end of the day, what's the point in stewing on it and thinking about how awful my life is or can be. Be inspired folks.

[Sleepless]

Yes, I do it all the time.

[Toxic]

pfff..ive done this for years

its depressing (i mean i dont even like watching TV with happy couples or stuff in now thats depressing in itself /foreveralone) but yeah...ive always thought theres someone you can think of in your circle of friends you can always think "well at least hes similar to me..or shes doing a bit worse overall" (i know its not a good way of thinking to be slightly happy to know your doing it better in life than one of your friends or something..) ..but then these days in thinking about people i know.......im the one whos doing worse

i have friends with jobs, i have friends with girlfriends/partners/husbands/wifes, i have friends with their own houses..mortgages or even rent..and i may have the odd friend or two who has none of the above (like me!) ..but even they have something ive been unable to do - a licence and a car (it may not be much but its an achievement and helps with independance)

Which all in all sucks, which is why im actually starting to cut myself off from people, theres been invitations to meet up again with people from University, i have zero intention of attending because im a failure, everyone will be talking about the last year thats passed, how they have got on with their careers and live and then it will just get to me and i have sod all to contribute..

its even worse when the ones i do keep in contact with have the cheek to complain about having to get up and go into work when (well for 1 guy anyway) hes going into his office and sits all day doing stuff on a pc for $45000 a year..hes really not doing anything more technical than im doing on my own to pass time out of boredom for free...yet he complains he would rather be at home doing nothing...ill bloody swap in a heartbeat

ugh..i could rant about this all day..its slowly driving me over the edge

[kastra]

I do sometimes, it's worst with my sister because she's like what I could have been if I'd never been crazy, but it really is so futile and pointless. What does it really matter what someone else has, and how does it help you to get upset and angry about it?
We probably don't see everything with these other people too. Even those who acheive a lot can still suffer from mental illnesses, they just might be better at hiding it to the outside world. When we get stuck in these thought cycles they become self-perpetuating and they need challenging.

[Paladin]

Almost everyone seems to judge themselves alongside others (am I wrong?) so it's hard not to, and almost feels like I'm just in denial to not think about it. But yeah I do this every day. I'm 23 and severely lacking social skills & experience and I have to try to hide this all the time it's so embarassing.

[daznsaz]

sack that as a bad idea.dont compare yourself to anyone

[Thomas]

This is the main thing that's brining me down at the moment. My best friend is really popular, all the girls are into him etc. Nearly all my friends are actually really just his friends that I know for him, and they usually ask me questions about him rather than myself when he's not there.

It seems any party or social event we go to, all the new people we meet will know his name and have his number and be chatting to him online the next day. No one will even know my name.