More shy of men

[ladylou]

I'm not as shy ,quiet around women as I am men , men do terrify me sometimes especially the good looking around my age type or sometimes even younger men than me , I can smile ,saw a few words to a female cashier at a till say ,if it was a man I become all shaky and no words want to come out ,argh if I could get over that It would be half the battle.

[umm]

Do you think it's something around attraction? I can be the same around women I find attractive, particularly in the work place, and I have to consciously override that blokey part of my mind. Sometimes it's not possible and I just thought broadcast and go redder than red, and avoid avoid avoid the whole situation. But for you, I dunno, maybe you could think about actually embracing the little frisson, if there is one. The world could use a little more love. I am assuming by your handle you are female; if so, in that sort of exchange, if it is something around attraction, you are the one with the power - enjoy it!

[flumpsy]

I tend to blush far more around the opposite sex, I also tend to rethink all my words afterwards more.

[Hollie]

I'm really shy around men too, I think it's attraction or worrying if I'm being judged on my looks/body :/

[ladylou]

Originally Posted by umm

Do you think it's something around attraction? I can be the same around women I find attractive, particularly in the work place, and I have to consciously override that blokey part of my mind. Sometimes it's not possible and I just thought broadcast and go redder than red, and avoid avoid avoid the whole situation. But for you, I dunno, maybe you could think about actually embracing the little frisson, if there is one. The world could use a little more love. I am assuming by your handle you are female; if so, in that sort of exchange, if it is something around attraction, you are the one with the power - enjoy it!

Yeah if I find them attractive , I go really shy and can't even make eye contact.

[scott1953]

I feel exactly the same except around women especially around women my own age they really intimidate and increase my anxiety yet around men i feel totally relaxed

[SociallyAwkard]

Originally Posted by Hollie

I'm really shy around men too, I think it's attraction or worrying if I'm being judged on my looks/body :/

I'm the same, and not just around men. My trouble is I judge myself too much, so I presume everyone is judging me just as harshly and then I worry about it.

[Hollie]

Originally Posted by SociallyAwkard

I'm the same, and not just around men. My trouble is I judge myself too much, so I presume everyone is judging me just as harshly and then I worry about it.

I can really relate to that I try to think, 'I'm not judging anyone harshly like that, so why would they judge me?' but it's hard

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by Hollie

I'm really shy around men too, I think it's attraction or worrying if I'm being judged on my looks/body :/

I think that's my problem too ! With any man I feel they are judging how I look.
If I find them attractive that's even worse !!

[SociallyAwkard]

Originally Posted by Hollie

I can really relate to that I try to think, 'I'm not judging anyone harshly like that, so why would they judge me?' but it's hard

It really is. I think I'm just concentrating on my flaws, so presume other people are too.

[archy]

it's always harder not to be anxious around people you find attractive even if you wouldn't want to date them and its because we want these people to see are best side so we are worrying about are unattractive parts of us mental and physical so its hard to relax.

[Beccaa]

Originally Posted by Hollie

I'm really shy around men too, I think it's attraction or worrying if I'm being judged on my looks/body :/

I'm exactly the same, if I'm in around a man I find even the tiniest bit attractive I'm just completely awkward, can barely look at him and worrying what he's thinking of me the whole time.

[Nazim]

Men experience absolutely the same around women.
I would say the anxiety is even worse.

[Morgana]

I have different sorts of anxiety around men and women. I think I'd probably get along better with men (my best friends as a child were boys), but there's always something telling me to stay away, and that I should try to be friends with women instead. But although I think I'm 'in the right' by talking to other women, I usually have a difficult time trying to observe the finer points of social codes and often end up acting submissively.

[alan78]

i turn into a red faced,sweaty stuttering bafoon around women...its a good look honest

[flumpsy]

If I am to be making an appearance at anything where a female who I think may be interested in me or where I am interested in them is also to be present then I just dont turn up. I prefer to sit at home doing nothing and wondering why I am such a dck.

It happened quite badly about 10 years ago. I knew I liked her and that made me hide away a bit but when I got a message back via a friend that she was hoping I was going to ask her out, I just stopped going out entirely. This was for about a year. During this time I rarely went out, I noticed that she started going to the kind of thing I was always at, regular club nights, and then asking if I was going. I stopped thinking of it as a compliment, or a possibility, and it turned into a bit of a nightmare. Obviously she started to think it was made up and I was taking the pss out of her, I felt awful. I did explain to a common friend using the word 'shy' but this was way too late. She stopped going out and eventually I started getting confident that she wouldnt be there so I went out again.

I am not sure if I would do anything different nowadays. I would like to but I am not sure I would.

[Stotch]

Originally Posted by flumpsy

If I am to be making an appearance at anything where a female who I think may be interested in me or where I am interested in them is also to be present then I just dont turn up. I prefer to sit at home doing nothing and wondering why I am such a dck.

It happened quite badly about 10 years ago. I knew I liked her and that made me hide away a bit but when I got a message back via a friend that she was hoping I was going to ask her out, I just stopped going out entirely. This was for about a year. During this time I rarely went out, I noticed that she started going to the kind of thing I was always at, regular club nights, and then asking if I was going. I stopped thinking of it as a compliment, or a possibility, and it turned into a bit of a nightmare. Obviously she started to think it was made up and I was taking the pss out of her, I felt awful. I did explain to a common friend using the word 'shy' but this was way too late. She stopped going out and eventually I started getting confident that she wouldnt be there so I went out again.

I am not sure if I would do anything different nowadays. I would like to but I am not sure I would.

It seems you have a fear of happiness, or maybe you've built it up so much in your head that you think the reality may not live up to the fantasy. The standard advice would be me saying 'go out more, push yourself to go', however for you it could be better to learn another skill. To learn to be happy in your own company, to be able to stay in and not feel bad about yourself... to love yourself Flump.

[flumpsy]

^ That has been my plan Stotch, be happy on my own, or try. The fear is definitely the social aspect though. Until there was the extra pressure of thinking she was expecting me to talk to her I just about got by, nervous and quiet but I was turning up. Then the anxiety before hand was so much I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house so I didn't bother.

I do (or did) tend to destroy anything good just as it was about to happen by bailing out. I dont intend to breed so once my spooning robot is finished I all be pretty happy without a partner.

[J Stabler]

Am the same around women i find attractive. Blushing, awkward silences ect. Damn you social anxiety! I think women just find it weird to be honest i think for a man its a lot worse but maybe i am wrong. Forever alone ha!