#31
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Me too. A day where I had just one mood would be completely alien to me.
Also my fear of being abandoned stretches to fear of loved ones dying or being cheated on too. Just sobbed all the way through love actually because of the cheating storyline. Couldn't watch Karl Pilkington the other day because it was all about getting old and anything like that triggers horrible thoughts about death. I seem to be getting worse. I think watching an actual sad film nowadays would be too much for me. I sometimes think itd be easier to explain things that DON'T trigger me. |
#32
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Borderline Personality Disorder
I was diagnosed by a private psychiatrist but I have never tried to be diagnosed on the nhs because I don't want it on my medical records. i do know quite a few people who have been diagnosed by the nhs with it. Almost always after a suicide attempt and all women. In fact, I always believed it to be over diagnosed. (In inpatients) I'm not entirely sure though. I feel it's one of those things that only really get diagnosed at crisis point in hospital.
Before I knew I had it, I went to GPs constantly trying to explain that I had more than just depression wrong with me and my mood swings were severe and affecting my relationships. They just said that I should be happy during the happy times and tried to give me more CBT even after I told them I've tried it loads of times and it has not helped. They told me to stop having sex with loads of people because it was dangerous and to stop self harming or I would have lots of nasty scars. Helpful. Obviously a GP can't diagnose but they were very reluctant to send me to anyone who could. Always IAPT or just changing my meds. I think you have to be assertive and persistent which I wasn't. It'd always take me another year or so to go back and they'd just fob me off again. To which I would say ok thanks bye. DBT is a popular therapy for BPD. I couldn't afford to keep going to sessions privately so I haven't tried it. CBT isn't really given for BPD. Some kinds of counselling can be helpful. |
#33
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I had DBT in my late teens. I never had any therapy or counselling since, but am now waiting for therapy to start in a place that's specifically for people with personality disorders. I remember the work sheets we used for DBT came from some text for treating borderline personality disorder, so I've always wondered if that meant I had it myself, and the fact that I've been referred again to a place specialising in it makes me assume I must at least have some informal diagnosis of it.
BPD doesn't really fit with me though. I don't have volatile relationships because I don't allow myself relationships, and I don't do anything impulsive or reckless that I can't keep hidden and manage alone. I identify with a lot of the feelings that are meant to be associated with it, the vulnerability, paranoia, tumultuous moods, difficulties with sense of self, etc, but I just don't feel like I fit the typical profile of what a BPD sufferer is meant to be like, my behaviour doesn't line up with the feelings. |
#34
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I have heard that dbt is the only effective therapy for bpd. I expect that you would have to go private for it. It doesn't cure it but it can help people to manage it. I don't think that psychiatrists are at all keen on diagnosing people with personality disorders because of the lack of effective treatments.
Add into this the fact that symptoms of cptsd can look like bpd. On the plus side this is more treatable and the response to trauma rather than being your personality. |
#35
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Hi, I received DBT treatment through the NHS, though I'm told I'm lucky as it's not available widely in the UK.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk |
#36
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I hate my borderline. Sure the highs are insane euphoric experiences, but I know in a heartbeat that can turn into major hating of everything.
5htp has made a massive difference to me along with changing the way I think about things. The idolising/demonising of people (even the same person in one day) has ceased. My massive abandonment issues have faded I still compulsively do things I shouldnt I struggle every day to not pick up my old drinking addiction |
#37
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I used to be convinced I had this. Saw two psychs in UK - one said I had traits and that my issues are just my personality (hello, isn't that a personality disorder), and the other said I have mild bi polar.
As I have got older my problems in relationships have become less prominent and I am lucky I have found a really great supportive partner who is understanding. |
#38
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
It's happened again.
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#39
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ Thank you. You know what it's like.
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#40
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ Sorry to hear this Nancy. But forget about it. It's done. Tomorrow is another day where you can live on just to mess with the people that make you feel like doing yourself in.
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#41
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Isabelle I'm having the same problem right now except I dont go out and just drink at home. I went years not drinking at all because of meds but a few weeks ago decided I just dont care any more.
Like you I just cant stop when I start, I can be pouring another and thinking that I really dont want it but just have to do it. The willpower thing is very difficult, I find the same with cheese and chocolate. |
#42
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
same.
the only way is total abstainance if, like me, you cant stop when you start |
#43
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Quote:
Now I just allow myself to drink on the odd occassions. My point is, you seem very aware of the issue, which tells me you're more in control than you think. Take that as a positive. You say you can go months without drink, well it's ok to get completely wasted on occassions, you're a northerner after all. And who hasn't embarressed themselves on a night out? If you wake up the next morning without regretting your actions the night before, then it was a pretty sh*t night out. One day you might get "over" and out grow this phase too. But in the mean time there's nothing wrong with enjoying a night out to excess. |
#44
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I need advice.
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#45
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ Ha. Of all people on here I'd never ignore you.
Anyway, you said I can never pm you again. |
#46
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
How do you stop yourself getting ridiculously attached to and obsessed with people? Just thinking out loud really... how do you know when to trust your own feelings?
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#47
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Quote:
It takes time |
#48
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Quote:
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#49
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Quote:
I don't know but I was probably about 11 the last time I was not inappropriately attached to/obsessed with someone. Sometimes it's a couple of people at once but often it's just one person. Now I'm married it's always with friends that I get it with which helps a little cos actually trying to date someone and feeling like that about them is horrendous. Now I always feel guilty though about being obsessed with people other than my husband. Sometimes I'm attracted to them which in itself is normal but when I get obsessed with them I feel guilty. Like its normal to find other people attractive but feeling so strongly doesn't feel so normal. I trust that I will not actually do anything about it. I'm aware as its happening that it will go away one day but it doesn't help the feelings. It doesn't make me consider leaving my husband for them - I actually love my husband rather than being obsessed with him and so it's different but the obsessive attachment is exciting and when you can't just get rid of the feelings it's difficult to not feel awful. Cutting the person out of my life doesn't help - it just goes straight to the next one. Often it's a completely platonic thing and I'm not sexually attracted to them but I still feel obsessed with them which is also confusing. I feel like I'm some kind of crazy stalker. |
#51
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I think this is partly why I'm so afraid of trying to make friends. I used to become infatuated with anyone who showed me any attention or affection. I'm sure I still would, except I don't bother trying to connect with new people any more. I figure I'll instantly make things weird, if only in my own head. Almost certainly outside of my own head too, given the chance.
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#52
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I'm feel like I'm in self destructive mode. I feel like being reckless. I feel like I want to stop fighting my impulsive nature. I feel like I want to get so intoxicated. I feel like sleeping with all the women at work who's expressed an interest in me.
I'm not sure why I'm feeling like this, and I hate it this feeling, but I'm not going to do any of the above. |
#53
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ What have I done now?
Only messing, what's up? |
#54
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Thanks Clementine
A lot of good points in that. |
#55
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
That's an interesting article, Muggins I've always struggled with the idea of having BPD because I thought it was something that only manifested outwardly, and I'm not an aggressive person and wouldn't dream of even raising my voice to someone. Despite this, I still feel like I'm somehow a harmful person, that I'm 'bad' in some way, and it's for the best if I keep everyone at a distance. It's like I expect there to be some evil in me that would come out if I gave it a chance, because why else do I constantly feel guilty?
Something I've wanted to post about, and I don't know if it ties in with this at all, is the feeling of being 'dirty'. Not necessarily in a hygienic sense, but feeling as if I'd taint someone if they got too close to me. Like my thought patterns would infect them somehow, or if someone touched me I'd leave some kind of mental residue on them. |
#56
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
A piece just on Amy Winehouse just now analysing her death. And it was found a year before she died she was diagnosed with BPD, which of course wasn't the reason she died. But apparently as she'd abstained for alcohol for a long time then went on a 48 hour binge session that was the principle cause. They were trying to explain why she relapsed -and pointed out her BPD which was she was prescribed dialetical treatment. She basically refused the treatment. Another thing behind her death was her position, had she been in any other position- she may well have survived..
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#57
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Quote:
There is no prototypical presentation for borderline personality disorder. A diagnosis made according to the DSM guidelines, employing the standard interview, only requires "at least five" features to be present from a list of nine. That gives you a total of 256 different possible combinations, as a starting point. Then there is the fact that the diagnostic categories themselves are, well, crap (and enormously contested), and that comorbidity is the norm both between the personality disorder categories (if you meet the diagnostic criteria for one personality disorder, you are likely to meet the criteria for 2.7 personality disorders on average), and with other forms of mental illness. To suggest that there is a typical presentation for BPD, or any other personality disorder, is ludicrous. It's also extremely prejudicial to then go on and claim that we need to invent a new, separate category of "quiet" versions of this diagnosis to describe people who aren't, what, outwardly violent? I'm not even clear what is supposed to be captured by a "quiet borderline" diagnosis, given that nothing in this essay would be out of place for any person with a borderline diagnosis. Self-harm and self-isolation are absolutely examples of acting out. I'm so confused. But I think what annoys me more than anything else in this essay is this stuff, Quote:
I don't want to detract from something that others found comfort in reading, but, uh, well. Actually I'm not sure how to finish this sentence. |
#58
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Quote:
B*tch knows. |
#59
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
There's been a big shift in my therapy group, more than half of it have finished their 6 months the last couple of weeks, and new people are filtering in. I'm not sure why, but since Thursday's session I've been feeling toxic. It was probably meeting new people. I feel like I haven't taken a bath in a year, only mentally... if that makes any sense.
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#60
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I'm sorry you've been struggling so much No one's going to judge you for posting about how you feel here.
I've started doing it too for the first time in months. I don't think I'm suicidal right now, it just feels like the only thing to make me feel any peace with myself. I hope you're at least staying safe, Clementine. |