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  #1  
Old 7th October 2018, 11:49
Spider22324 Spider22324 is offline
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Default Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Hi folks,

Not sure if this is the correct section of the forum in which to post this thread, but here goes!

For a long time, I've had very low self-esteem and to make matters worse, I have a habit of taking what other people say to heart.

I'm nearly 30 and there are quite a lot of "common" things that I've never done, which the vast majority of people would have done by now. For example, I've never been trick or treating, never drank alcohol, never driven a car and never tried Chinese or Indian food, plus a myriad of other things. I do have reasons for not having done those things (e.g. I don't want to drive and I'm such a fussy eater).

Yesterday evening, being the curious person that I am, I decided to go on Reddit and ask "What common thing have you never done or experienced?" I posted my list of the things I've never done. Huge mistake. Before doing so, I was very sure that I would get a few people saying things like "You're missing out" and "Try it". Unfortunately, the comments I received were far more harsh and brutal than I expected. People were saying things like "What kind of sad life have you lived?" and "You need to live a little", as well as "You were raised wrong." Someone even said, "You sound like a poof." And another person said something along the lines of "I'd be extremely embarrassed if I admitted I'd never done those things." Needless to say, I deleted the entire post and its comments before deactivating my account.

As a result, my self-esteem has been dealt quite a blow and I actually felt a little sick earlier. I know people say you should just be yourself and don't let other people bother you or change who you are, but I still feel a bit down and hurt, and it may take me a while to forget about this. Does anyone have any advice? It would be useful to know what to do if this should happen again in the future. Cheers.
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  #2  
Old 7th October 2018, 12:04
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

I think reddit is known for being full of stupid kids. I wouldn't post there in general and I wouldn't take the words of idiots to heart. There is no reason to do anything you don't want to in life, just live life the way you want, as long as you are not hurting anybody else.
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  #3  
Old 7th October 2018, 12:12
Tembo Tembo is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

I know its difficult, but I really wouldn't take it to heart.

Think about the type of person who would spend their time on the internet telling people to 'get a life', or saying you were raised wrong. It says an awful lot more about them, then it does you.

There are plenty of people who haven't done some "common" things.

A cousin of mine is a 'big shot' at a marketing company in London, is very popular and travels the world - yet he has never driven a car. Also, someone at work is also very popular - wife, car, house, kids etc, yet he has never been to London (an hour away from us). I'm certainly not judging those people for not having driven a car or been to London. My point is, most people have probably not tried out something that's "common". As Schmosby says, just live life the way you want to!
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  #4  
Old 7th October 2018, 15:31
Spider22324 Spider22324 is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
Aw - you should make the post again on this forum and you'll have a more supportive reception and will probably be relieved to find out that you're not the only one
Which is exactly why I feel right at home on this forum!
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  #5  
Old 7th October 2018, 17:28
Tom Morello Tom Morello is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Reddit has a lot of idiots depending on the subs you go on, I wouldn't post anything life related on there. Ironically the people who were putting you down probably haven't lived much themselves.
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  #6  
Old 7th October 2018, 21:08
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

I have no idea what Reddit is (perhaps I should, but I seem to have managed to get through 57 years without it, so I don't feel I'm missing out), but I have had similar comments levelled at me in real life; however, mostly these have been in jest, as most of us have something we've never done which everyone else seems to have - with me, it's often films or television programmes I haven't seen, "celebrities" I don't know, cultural references which have passed me by (I've also never been trick or treating!) - but whatever it is, most people aren't seeking to judge, they are just trying to respond in what they see as a vaguely amusing way. If they are being serious, then as others have said, their opinions are not worth contemplating.

I don't understand why it seems to matter to another person - particularly a stranger whom you're never likely to meet - what you have or haven't done; all that matters is whether you feel just as happy without these things as you would with them. To take just one example from your list, not having drunk alcohol, to me, should be seen as an advantage! You are living the life which is right for you and having the strength to do that instead of living the life others would want you to lead should be a boost to your self-esteem instead of damaging it.

Those with the saddest lives are those who believe they can tell others how to lead theirs.
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  #7  
Old 7th October 2018, 21:47
Spider22324 Spider22324 is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
I have no idea what Reddit is (perhaps I should, but I seem to have managed to get through 57 years without it, so I don't feel I'm missing out)
Don't worry, you're not missing anything. It's full of idiots. From what I've experienced, it seems to be enemy territory for us SA folks.
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  #8  
Old 8th October 2018, 10:56
slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Reminds me of this xkcd cartoon

At one of my daughter's birthday parties a few years ago a parent had never heard of guacamole and it was quite enjoyable introducing it to them and watching them try it for the first time and like it.

-----------------------
Dan
-----------------------
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  #9  
Old 10th October 2018, 22:51
hollowone hollowone is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Aah, the internet negativity brigade, that's all it is. It's surprising what lengths people they'l go to knowing no-one will punch them in the face.

Those opinions are NOT THE OPINIONS of the vast majority of people. People DON'T BEHAVE LIKE THIS IN REALITY.

As has been said already, Reddit is full of kids (of the cretinous ill-brought-up variety). Why would you want the approval of them anyway?

Honestly mate, PEOPLE DON'T BEHAVE THIS WAY IN REALITY!

The million dollar takeaway
A lot of those negative comments were reflections of THEIR insecurity, not yours! I'm starting to sound like my dad but I'm RIGHT. This mindset I've got has resulted in confidence and not giving a **** about what people think.
This is the posters lack of confidence;
Quote:
I'd be extremely embarrassed if I admitted I'd never done those things
Not a problem with you. Their fear of disapproval is what's at play. Anyone with any confidence will happily admit that & they're willing to try new things.

Honestly, don't bother with these cretins.
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  #10  
Old 13th October 2018, 22:07
Spider22324 Spider22324 is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Quote:
Originally Posted by hollowone
As has been said already, Reddit is full of kids (of the cretinous ill-brought-up variety). Why would you want the approval of them anyway?
Judging by experience, I'm pretty sure Reddit is indeed full of kids, especially ones who don't know what they're on about. One of the things I've never done is watch Breaking Bad, and on my Reddit post I explained that I've never watched it simply because I'm not a TV person (i.e. I don't really like watching TV). For some goodness knows why reason, my comment was downvoted (twice) and somebody replied to my comment with something along the lines of, "That's so stupid. No one is born a TV person." Truth be told, I didn't read the whole reply because I was so dumbstruck by the whole situation, but still, that was an extremely daft reply.
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  #11  
Old 14th October 2018, 08:06
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Theres a lot of places like that on the internet

the student room forum is a good one

Everyone there is an entrepreneur by the age of 18 with a diverse portfolio of stocks and shares and other various investments. If you havent got any of that your a complete failure. (To be fair the first time I encountered that, I did wonder where the hell I'd gone wrong in life but its too late now)

I think reddit has some useful boards, probably somewhere...and a lot of stupid ones full of kids. I never really got on the whole reddit bandwagon, I glanced past it and ignored it like I do with social media.

Odds are theres going to be a lot of people on their lying/bending the truth to make themselves feel better.
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  #12  
Old 15th October 2018, 00:02
Ronnie_Pickering Ronnie_Pickering is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Damn that's a big shame. You do got to be cautious sometimes on the internet how open you are etc, half the time I expect the worst sometimes when I make threads at places and then you are ready for the bad responses, and also pleasantly surprised by the good responses.
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  #13  
Old 15th October 2018, 10:57
Spider22324 Spider22324 is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Quote:
Originally Posted by affluenza
Damn that's a big shame. You do got to be cautious sometimes on the internet how open you are etc, half the time I expect the worst sometimes when I make threads at places and then you are ready for the bad responses, and also pleasantly surprised by the good responses.
Honestly, the initial responses were OK, as it was mostly people saying things like "You're missing out" or "You definitely need to try it", along with some friendly suggestions. I thought that was the end of it, but after I woke up the next day and logged back into my account, the post's comments section had exploded with the absolutely scathing responses I mentioned. Over 600 comments had been posted in the space of 8 or so hours. I'm not joking. Most of them were directed at me, but a fair number of them were also aimed at someone who said he'd never had a wet dream.
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  #14  
Old 15th October 2018, 17:14
Spider22324 Spider22324 is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Quote:
Originally Posted by XIX
Are you feeling better about this a week on Spider22324?
Better now, thanks. Received some pretty good advice here!
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  #15  
Old 15th October 2018, 17:20
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
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Default Re: Self-esteem was hurt badly today

Good :D
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