In a pickle with my fiancée

Clive · #1 24th February 2012, 21:12

Hello all,

I'm not sure this is SA related exactly, but I've got no-one to talk to, so here goes...

I'm getting married in July. Something I wasn't expecting, but it's happening! Or at least I hope it is... I met my fiancée a year and a half ago. It's been a rocky ride so far, but she means the world to me.

So, for the wedding, we decided we wanted to have the entire wedding party wearing turquoise. The men in matching suits and turquoise cravats, the seven (yes, seven) bridesmaids in matching turquoise dresses, and we wanted our mums to be wearing something light and turquoisey, too.

My fiancée gets invited to go shopping with my mum and grandma, to get my mum's dress. My Grandma turns round and says to my fiancée "Now she wouldn't want to be wearing turquoise, would she? Because then she'd look like she was trying to be a bridesmaid". My fiancée immediately has one of those moments where you start to question your own opinion, and feels totally put on the spot, so goes along with it. She spends a couple of hours with them before she has to come home, without them finding a dress, then later on gets a text from my mum saying she's found the perfect dress which she's totally fallen in love with. It's dark blue... We're both so, so gutted.

We draw a picture of the wedding party, to get an idea of what the all important photo will look like, and quickly realise there's just no way my mum can wear a blue dress. We consider other options, like changing my dad's suit, or the bridesmaids dresses to blue, but fail to come up with anything that's going to work. We then spend the next couple of weeks deliberating over just how we can put this to my mum.

Yesterday we went over, on my mum's birthday, and she showed us the dress. The idea was that I'd tell her how much I'd set my heart on everyone wearing turquoise, and ask how she felt about being the only one wearing blue. We figured it'd sound better coming from me, and wanted to say it was specifically what I wanted, otherwise she may think my fiancée is just throwing her toys out of the pram and being a bridezilla, which isn't the case. My mum loves this dress. She goes upstairs to get it, and her friend tells us how beautiful it is. I already know how much my mum loves the dress, but this really throws me. She brings the dress down, and I just can't bring myself to say anything! After a good 30 seconds of me desperately trying to find a way of bringing the issue up, my fiancée does it. This is NOT what she wanted to happen! She asks how she'd feel about being the only one not wearing turquoise. I try SO hard to join in to this conversation and back my fiancée up, but struggle, as my fiancée is already saying everything I wanted to say. Also, while this is all going on, my dad starts trying to talk to me about something else, then as I stop listening, appears to get the hump. Ugh!

My mum looks kinda heartbroken, and we leave with her saying she doesn't mind not matching, but she'd have a think.

Needless to say my fiancée is furious with me, and isn't talking to me today. I tried talking to her about it earlier, but she wouldn't let me. We had a brief chat on the way back, and she just didn't feel she could ask my mum to take the dress back without me backing her up.

Don't know if anyone has any advice or thoughts? I just wanted to write about it really. I feel so distraught.

Mortigantoj · #2 24th February 2012, 21:24

Assuming you're having a wedding ceremony and then a reception afterwards, could you maybe see if you're mum would be willing to wear something turquoise for the actual ceremony and then change into the blue dress she really likes for the party bit?

It's your wedding, so really it should be your preference!

Also, where's my invite...?

beetlejuice · #3 24th February 2012, 21:33

Accidentally spill turquoise paint on the dresses?

Azi · #4 24th February 2012, 21:36

Aww! Wedding planning can be nightmarish! You just want everything to be perfect, and things get in the way.

I know having that perfect image in your head is natural, but try not to let it get in the way of what the big day really is; it's about your love, and the beginning of your life together. I don't know what the blue dress is like, but is there anyway to teem it with turquoise accesories, or a turquoise sash? That way your mum feels comfortable in the dress she's picked, but you guys still get your colour scheme. Also, dark blue and turquoise comlement each other really well, and she does have a point - you don't want to be too samey. The bridesmaids could have dark blue accessories too, clutches, blue jewellery, maybe stoles.

In a way, not getting between your mum and fiancee is probably a good thing - weddings are a time of great stress, but they can also bring people together, especially gals and their mothers in law.

Best of luck with it, and congrats on the upcoming nuptials

Clive · #5 24th February 2012, 21:58

Thanks for the replies people.

I think the issue is more that my fiancee now thinks my parents and family are going to think she's a bridezilla! What I could have done in two sentences has turned into a nighmare for her.

My fiancee did mention a costume change to her! Not sure what she thought of that idea. We have also discussed turquoise accessories and stuff, but haven't yet come across an idea that would work. Hmmm!

Azi · #6 24th February 2012, 22:04

I'm sure your family don't think she's being a bridezilla - mum's understand that weddings are stressful, and that there's a lot of pressure on brides to get everything 'right'. Tell ya missus, everything will be wonderful because she'll be there, looking gorgeous, everyone will be happy for you, and she'll become your wife. Tell your mum that she'll look lovely in whatever she wears, and you're really happy she'll be there to be part of your special day. Maybe sit them down together with a glass of bubbly each, and online shopping, for some bonding that can't end in too much pressure!

maybellinesmom · #7 25th February 2012, 00:58

I would say the brides and husbands mothers need to really stand out from the bridesmaids on the pictures lol. She'll just blend in and won't be noticed if she's all in blue too. Pink would look fantastic, really compliments turqouise. It is better that everyone is not all the same

Or I could just be talking rubbish again.....but I had pink with turqouise at my wedding and it does look lovely

Medea · #8 25th February 2012, 06:03

I'm not sure how honest to be. I'm a married woman, so I've been through the wedding process.

For me the day was about being happy and being loved and loving to others. I didn't know what my family or hubs family would be wearing. In the end my mother looked amazing in her brown velvet and my mother-in-law looked good in her outfit too. Is it more important that your mother feels amazing in her dress or that everyone wears turquoise?

I've never been into big weddings so I probably don't understand it at all. My wedding was very small and personal. If the turquoise thing is really important to you then fight for it.

My advice would be to really think about what your priorities are. No wedding plans (or wedding) every runs smoothly.

I wish you all the best in your marriage and hope you get all you want.

maybellinesmom · #9 25th February 2012, 08:39

Yes all the best

I replied last night after a few wines and forgot to say how it's really quite difficult getting things to match in similar shades of turqouise and your mum has probably struggled with that and finding something that she feels good in

Aelwyn · #10 25th February 2012, 11:09

Quote:

For me the day was about being happy and being loved and loving to others. I didn't know what my family or hubs family would be wearing. In the end my mother looked amazing in her brown velvet and my mother-in-law looked good in her outfit too. Is it more important that your mother feels amazing in her dress or that everyone wears turquoise?

I've never been into big weddings so I probably don't understand it at all. My wedding was very small and personal. If the turquoise thing is really important to you then fight for it.

(Medea)

Completely agree. My wedding too was small and informal. I wouldn't have dared tell my mother or my mother-in-law what to wear!

Peyre · #11 25th February 2012, 12:00

urggh weddings, why do they have to be so complicated?

not exactly a helpful post but thats all I could think of when reading the post. You'll get through the problems once people's emotions calm down.

diplodocus · #12 25th February 2012, 14:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clive

Thanks for the replies people.

I think the issue is more that my fiancee now thinks my parents and family are going to think she's a bridezilla! What I could have done in two sentences has turned into a nighmare for her.

Firstly sorry to hear about your difficulties. Tbf I think if she was that worried about being seen as Bridezilla then she should have kept quiet and let you get around to saying your piece, however long it took. So in that respect I think she has to accept that it's not your fault that she might be seen as a Bridezilla as she took away the opportunity for you to say something.

However, I don't think she is going to be seen as a Bridezilla for this one thing that I think is fair enough. It would be quite disappointing to look back at the photos and see everyone in Turquoise... apart from one person. They'd stick out like a sore thumb. Wouldn't your mother be embarrassed by that too?

John · #13 25th February 2012, 14:29

Let her wear the blue dress and then use the paint bucket tool in photoshop afterwards to convert it to turquoise in the photos.

Alternatively, why not get both mums to wear blue and then it will look like a planned thing and not stand out.

Azi · #14 25th February 2012, 15:54

^ Good thunking. Traditionally, the mothers of the bride and groom don't match the bridal party, but wear outfits tht complement in formality, colour and style.

Clive · #15 25th February 2012, 19:07

Hmmm, we could ask my fiancee's mum to wear dark blue, but she doesn't really like dark blue - one of the reasons we picked turquoise was because both our mums love turquoise! Plus they then wouldn't match their husbands...

I called my mum about it earlier. She said she really wants to wear the dress, but has been out and bought a turquoise fascinator, handbag and shoes, and also has a greeny, turquoisey wrap. I said that'd be ok, but her dress is a purpley blue, so we don't think they'll really match...

I told my fiancee I'd call her again in a couple of days, and say I'm not sure it's right, and that we SPECIFICALLY asked her to wear turquoise, but she's going to be so upset.

Euuhh!