Hi everyone

[Custard_cream]

Hi,

I've never been diagnosed with SA, but then again I've not tried to get a diagnosis. I really struggle in social situations.

I am 26, I have no friends and haven't had any since the age of 10. On joining high school, I went from shy to some weird extreme shyness where I just didn't speak to anyone and spend the whole time alone.

I work, but don't feel close to anyone. During lunch, certain people sit in a group and socialise, I sit there in the group, but don't feel like I can join in, because whatever I say will be just too quiet and also too boring, so I don't say anything. I just feel invisible and it's just really getting to me how everyone else seems to get on really well and talk about general stuff and their problems while I just don't feel like I have any connection with anyone.

I am considering just going out at lunch just to avoid feeling invisible, but running away from the problem is not going to help. I felt so bad about it yesterday that at the end of the day I just went home and cried.

One to one conversations at work I get away with making small talk although with some people it can be really awkward with lots of silences and I end up going over the conversation in my head for ages afterwards.

It's weird, I want to be sociable, I'd love to have friends but in reality getting that seems impossible. I just want to feel normal.

I just feel really lonely at the moment and I hope by signing up to this board I can hopefully learn to deal with this problem a bit better.

Thanks (sorry if this is really long, but just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere as I can't really speak to anyone about this offline!).

[thaigreen]

Hey CC. Love the name!

I identity with alot of things you have spoken about. You're not alone, I assure you. See you in the forum.

[Mortigantoj]

Welcome to the site!

[Sunshine Recorder]

Welcome to the site. I feel the same experiences when it comes to social situations, so you're not the only one.

[[Martin]]

Hello Custard Welcome to sauk

[Custard_cream]

Hi, thank you for the warm welcome...it is nice to know that others feel the same as I do and to find people who understand!

[Clayman]

welcome

[Mysterious Stranger]

Welcome aboard!

[elfie]

hi hunny

hope you find all the help you need hear

hugs

elf

[Indigo_]

Welcome to the forum I'm a similar age to you and can identify with what you're saying. I've been busy during my lunch breaks for the last few weeks and I'm finding it difficult to go back to sitting with everyone else for an hour.

[Custard_cream]

Thanks for the welcomes - I am so glad that I found this forum! It makes me feel a bit better knowing that there are people who I can speak to who are having the same problems.

Originally Posted by DefyingGravity

Welcome to the forum I'm a similar age to you and can identify with what you're saying. I've been busy during my lunch breaks for the last few weeks and I'm finding it difficult to go back to sitting with everyone else for an hour.

Hi DefyingGravity, everyone comes and sits near to my desk and this other persons desk at lunch so the only way to get out of it is to find a bench somewhere and listen to my ipod or something. I really don't want to have to do that but I might feel less uncomfortable if I just don't join them at all...part of me wants to tell them how I feel but then they wouldn't understand anyway, maybe if I don't join them then someone might ask why and I could try being honest and just tell them I feel like I don't fit in, I never know what to say and I just feel invisible and hope that helps?

I can understand how you are finding it difficult to go back to sitting with people for an hour... I just wish the lunch hour away and recently have been clock watching or just staring at my computer.

[Sunshine Recorder]

^Can't somebody invent a hexagon shaped biscuit named "Hexagon Suns"? I wanna be part of the gang, too!

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Custard_cream

Hi DefyingGravity, everyone comes and sits near to my desk and this other persons desk at lunch so the only way to get out of it is to find a bench somewhere and listen to my ipod or something. I really don't want to have to do that but I might feel less uncomfortable if I just don't join them at all...part of me wants to tell them how I feel but then they wouldn't understand anyway, maybe if I don't join them then someone might ask why and I could try being honest and just tell them I feel like I don't fit in, I never know what to say and I just feel invisible and hope that helps?

I can understand how you are finding it difficult to go back to sitting with people for an hour... I just wish the lunch hour away and recently have been clock watching or just staring at my computer.

For me, I'm worried about the conversation at lunch time turning personal. I'm fine if I'm sat there with my colleagues discussing work but when they start to talk about their weekends, what they've been up to, etc I feel like I have nothing to contribute and I get anxious about them asking me personal questions. We have different lunch times where I work so I spend most of my lunch on my own anyway and then other people join me for the last fifteen minutes of my lunch. Maybe you could join them for ten minutes or so towards the end of lunch and see how that goes?

Originally Posted by biscuits

Hi

What a wonderful screen name!!

Let's start a gang!

I love custard creams (very calorific though! ) Can I join the gang even though my username is not biscuit related?

[Indigo_]

^ Just realised I quoted you in my previous post...sorry!!

[Custard_cream]

Originally Posted by DefyingGravity

For me, I'm worried about the conversation at lunch time turning personal. I'm fine if I'm sat there with my colleagues discussing work but when they start to talk about their weekends, what they've been up to, etc I feel like I have nothing to contribute and I get anxious about them asking me personal questions. We have different lunch times where I work so I spend most of my lunch on my own anyway and then other people join me for the last fifteen minutes of my lunch. Maybe you could join them for ten minutes or so towards the end of lunch and see how that goes?

When I get asked what I am doing at the weekend I'll always answer that I "don't know yet" or that I've got loads of cleaning to do. In reality I'll be sat at home feeling crappy about not actually doing anything except seeing my parents on Saturday night and that I'm sat at home for the rest of the weekend waiting to go back to work again!

It's difficult when the conversation turns personal, I'm not great at giving advice on this as I give the shortest answer I can anyway! Maybe if you've seen a film at the weekend mention that and turn the conversation back on them and ask whether they've seen it or something so if you feel like you are being put on the spot, then everyone might just continue the conversation then.

I think I'll just not join them tomorrow, after Tuesday I have been a bit put off by it and I just found it really upsetting! It's funny, I have known these people for nearly nine years and I am still no better at joining in in a group and they know hardly anything personal about me!

The last two days there has just been one person joining me for lunch as the other has been off. Hate the awkward silences, not knowing where to look, not knowing what to talk about and if I ask a question and get a response I never know what to say in response to that, it's awful!!

[Custard_cream]

Originally Posted by biscuits

Hi

What a wonderful screen name!!

Let's start a gang!

Haha, love it! The biscuit gang! - and thanks haha, I thought I would choose something different to usual for a username, I do love Custard Creams with a cup of tea, although I try not to buy them in as they are so unhealthy and I'd just eat loads of them.

[Focused]

Hi custard cream and welcome, hope your finding this place useful

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Custard_cream

When I get asked what I am doing at the weekend I'll always answer that I "don't know yet" or that I've got loads of cleaning to do. In reality I'll be sat at home feeling crappy about not actually doing anything except seeing my parents on Saturday night and that I'm sat at home for the rest of the weekend waiting to go back to work again!

It's difficult when the conversation turns personal, I'm not great at giving advice on this as I give the shortest answer I can anyway! Maybe if you've seen a film at the weekend mention that and turn the conversation back on them and ask whether they've seen it or something so if you feel like you are being put on the spot, then everyone might just continue the conversation then.

I think I'll just not join them tomorrow, after Tuesday I have been a bit put off by it and I just found it really upsetting! It's funny, I have known these people for nearly nine years and I am still no better at joining in in a group and they know hardly anything personal about me!

The last two days there has just been one person joining me for lunch as the other has been off. Hate the awkward silences, not knowing where to look, not knowing what to talk about and if I ask a question and get a response I never know what to say in response to that, it's awful!!

I usually spend my weekends alone in my flat and then I pop to my parent's house on Sunday afternoon. I like spending time alone though. Working all week and being surrounded by people, I definitely like my weekends to myself

Conversation probably flows better in a slightly larger group. I find silences awkward but in my experience, the more you join in with group conversations, the easier it becomes.

[Lifebuoy]

Hi CC... You write really well and you're open about your feelings and experiences. You're a SAUK professional before you've even started! Welcome.

[Indigo_]

^ Definitely no toes stepped on there

[Custard_cream]

Originally Posted by Lifebuoy

Hi CC... You write really well and you're open about your feelings and experiences. You're a SAUK professional before you've even started! Welcome.

Thank you, and Hi! This forum is about the only place I feel can be open, it's nice to be able to say what I am thinking and have people understand, rather than just change the subject (family).

[Custard_cream]

Originally Posted by DefyingGravity

I usually spend my weekends alone in my flat and then I pop to my parent's house on Sunday afternoon. I like spending time alone though. Working all week and being surrounded by people, I definitely like my weekends to myself

Conversation probably flows better in a slightly larger group. I find silences awkward but in my experience, the more you join in with group conversations, the easier it becomes.

I ended up staying in at lunch today, it wasn't as bad today as Tuesday, they actually spoke about a topic which I could contribute to, I kept getting asked questions! Really hate being put on the spot though and have people sat there waiting for me to answer when I get asked a question and my mind goes blank (so annoying!!), was nice though to I suppose feel like I existed! Maybe they realised the other day that I was a bit fed up, I don't know.

How do you find awkward silences when you are just having a one to one conversation? I end up willing the other person to speak, racking my brains for something to say! They seem to go on for ages!!

I understand what you mean when you say it's nice to have weekends to yourself, it's nice to have a break, and get away from the pressures of work. I feel like that sometimes, but I can't help but feel like I am missing out, when people talk about their friends and how they meet up for drinks or plan holidays together and I'm still going on holiday with my parents at my age and have a non-existent social life.

[matrix]

Totally relate to your experiences but,
AT least your not getting bullied!
I seem to get frequently bullied for being different/quiet/socially awkward !

[Z.]

Hello there and welcome to the forum

I've just got to say though...custard creams are awful.

There I said it

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Custard_cream

I ended up staying in at lunch today, it wasn't as bad today as Tuesday, they actually spoke about a topic which I could contribute to, I kept getting asked questions! Really hate being put on the spot though and have people sat there waiting for me to answer when I get asked a question and my mind goes blank (so annoying!!), was nice though to I suppose feel like I existed! Maybe they realised the other day that I was a bit fed up, I don't know.

How do you find awkward silences when you are just having a one to one conversation? I end up willing the other person to speak, racking my brains for something to say! They seem to go on for ages!!

I understand what you mean when you say it's nice to have weekends to yourself, it's nice to have a break, and get away from the pressures of work. I feel like that sometimes, but I can't help but feel like I am missing out, when people talk about their friends and how they meet up for drinks or plan holidays together and I'm still going on holiday with my parents at my age and have a non-existent social life.

Well done for staying in at lunch the other day, it might not seem like it to you but it's a big step forward It sounds as if they were interested in what you had to say, seeing as they asked you questions. My mind goes blank too sometimes. People will ask me quite a simple question and I won't be able to remember the answer! Silences during one to one conversations can be awkward. I always rack my brain for something, anything to say to fill the silence.

I still go on holiday with my parents. It's one of the only things I'm quite open about with other people Holidays are expensive and I can't afford to go away without my parents helping financially.

[Custard_cream]

Originally Posted by matrix

Totally relate to your experiences but,
AT least your not getting bullied!
I seem to get frequently bullied for being different/quiet/socially awkward !

Sorry to hear that you are getting bullied Matrix, it must be awful for you. I am lucky that I am not getting bullied. There was name calling at school, I used to get called a freak by someone in our year every time she used to see me....then 6 years later when we ended up in the same class, she asked why I didn't talk!? When stood on my own at lunchtime/breaks, I used to get people coming up to me asking why I had no friends, people asking why I didn't speak, people taking the mick because I am ugly. I would be so glad when the bell went at the end. At work I don't get bullied, just get the usual jokes every so often about how the quiet ones are always the worst etc. If you are at work/school, have you spoken to someone about it?

Originally Posted by JzMunch

Hello there and welcome to the forum

I've just got to say though...custard creams are awful.

There I said it

Hi JzMunch, thanks for the welcome. I love custard creams, dipped into a cup of tea haha!

Originally Posted by DefyingGravity

Well done for staying in at lunch the other day, it might not seem like it to you but it's a big step forward It sounds as if they were interested in what you had to say, seeing as they asked you questions. My mind goes blank too sometimes. People will ask me quite a simple question and I won't be able to remember the answer! Silences during one to one conversations can be awkward. I always rack my brain for something, anything to say to fill the silence.

I still go on holiday with my parents. It's one of the only things I'm quite open about with other people Holidays are expensive and I can't afford to go away without my parents helping financially.

Thanks - hopefully the next few lunchtimes will be ok, tomorrow I know that I will be on my own with my manager, awkwardness haha!

I enjoy going on holiday with my parents. I often worry though what I am going to do in 5 or 10 years time, because I don't think they will want me to go on holiday with them forever. I did consider trying to go abroad on my own for 3 or 4 nights earlier this year, but I don't know whether I would just completely panic or whether I would love being away from everything and everyone for a few days.

[Indigo_]

^ I hope things go okay for you tomorrow

Maybe they enjoy your company on holiday, you never know . Do you have a sibling you could holiday with? I have never gone away on my own, I just don't think I personally would enjoy it. I've gone on a few mini-breaks with my sister though. Maybe you could try a holiday on your own in this country first? To test the water.

[Custard_cream]

Thanks DefyingGravity. I've got a sister and two brothers. There is no way my brothers would go on holiday with me and I have suggested to my sister that we go on holiday but I don't really think that she would really want to go abroad with me for a week - I'd probably annoy her too much haha. I have suggested going on a night out just in town, but she makes excuses like she's too busy or she has no money, but then I'll find out that she has been out with her friends numerous times in the following weeks anyway, she's only ever once been on a night out with me - maybe I have put her off? I think she just finds me a bit boring and that she'll have more fun with her friends instead. I often think if my own sister finds me that boring, what hope would I have of anyone who isn't related to me wanting to actually spend time with me.

I could try a mini break in the UK - I'll think about that - probably wouldn't though as I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Hope you are OK and that you have had a nice weekend.

[thetalkingstove]

Originally Posted by Custard_cream

I often think if my own sister finds me that boring, what hope would I have of anyone who isn't related to me wanting to actually spend time with me.

I think its just a matter of finding people on the same wavelength to hang out with...and that doesn't necessarily mean a sibling. I know a few people who have plenty of friends but don't see their brothers and sisters much as they're just not similar people.

I wouldn't worry that it says anything about you

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by Custard_cream

When I get asked what I am doing at the weekend I'll always answer that I "don't know yet" or that I've got loads of cleaning to do. In reality I'll be sat at home feeling crappy about not actually doing anything except seeing my parents on Saturday night and that I'm sat at home for the rest of the weekend waiting to go back to work again!

It's difficult when the conversation turns personal, I'm not great at giving advice on this as I give the shortest answer I can anyway! Maybe if you've seen a film at the weekend mention that and turn the conversation back on them and ask whether they've seen it or something so if you feel like you are being put on the spot, then everyone might just continue the conversation then.

I think I'll just not join them tomorrow, after Tuesday I have been a bit put off by it and I just found it really upsetting! It's funny, I have known these people for nearly nine years and I am still no better at joining in in a group and they know hardly anything personal about me!

The last two days there has just been one person joining me for lunch as the other has been off. Hate the awkward silences, not knowing where to look, not knowing what to talk about and if I ask a question and get a response I never know what to say in response to that, it's awful!!

Hi custard cream

If i get asked what im doing at the weekend i too always answer with " i dont know yet" like im actually going to be making plans when i know full well i will be sat at home all weekend and pretty much all week with no plans!!

i avoid speaking about personal things to i find it awkward.

i understand how awkward it can be not knowing what to say to people and having those awkward silences but i now try and tell myself that its not down to just me to keep a conversation going so dont worry so much.