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  #1  
Old 10th February 2020, 20:41
Julie547 Julie547 is offline
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Default The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

Hi everyone

I am just struggling at the moment. I have always struggled with social interaction since I was younger. The feeling of not fitting in, always being the person on the outside and jealous of people who find it so easy to connect with people. At the moment I finding it harder to put a face on and even talking to people especially in work. I am now in this vicious circle which has left me feeling not part of team due to me being distant. I then start overthinking that people don't like me, that they are looking at me strange because I am so awkward. The lifeline is my family, my Husband understands me I have a connection I feel like I belong when I am with my husband, kids and family. Its just when I leave the comfort of my family I really struggle. Sorry for the rant!
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  #2  
Old 10th February 2020, 23:41
Tom1985 Tom1985 is offline
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Default Re: The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie547
Hi everyone

I am just struggling at the moment. I have always struggled with social interaction since I was younger. The feeling of not fitting in, always being the person on the outside and jealous of people who find it so easy to connect with people. At the moment I finding it harder to put a face on and even talking to people especially in work. I am now in this vicious circle which has left me feeling not part of team due to me being distant. I then start overthinking that people don't like me, that they are looking at me strange because I am so awkward. The lifeline is my family, my Husband understands me I have a connection I feel like I belong when I am with my husband, kids and family. Its just when I leave the comfort of my family I really struggle. Sorry for the rant!
I think you have achieved a lot in life, found a partner, got married, had children. I would say if you are content with your own family life, it doesn't really matter about anything else. Although if it is causing you to feel down about your situation at work I can only suggest trying your best to interact with
your colleagues. I'm sure you have a lot you can talk about with others, if people are dismissive of you, that is not your problem. I've no doubt the negative thoughts are in your own head and not a reality. What is it you find hard about socialising? do you feel you have nothing in common or have a different sense of humour/interests?
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  #3  
Old 11th February 2020, 18:26
alpha alpha is offline
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Default Re: The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

I've always felt like an outsider since I was a child. I've got to quite like it, I just wish I had more deep connections with people, I don't think I have any at the moment. But yes, I've been in work/education situations where I've felt like that. It's not nice in that sort of situation, I'm not sure what the solution is. But I do think there's a difference between being an outsider and being disliked, it's easy to get socially anxious and paranoid when it feels like you aren't part of the "group".
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  #4  
Old 18th February 2020, 13:06
Jimmy77 Jimmy77 is offline
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Default Re: The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie547
Hi everyone

I am just struggling at the moment. I have always struggled with social interaction since I was younger. The feeling of not fitting in, always being the person on the outside and jealous of people who find it so easy to connect with people. At the moment I finding it harder to put a face on and even talking to people especially in work. I am now in this vicious circle which has left me feeling not part of team due to me being distant. I then start overthinking that people don't like me, that they are looking at me strange because I am so awkward. The lifeline is my family, my Husband understands me I have a connection I feel like I belong when I am with my husband, kids and family. Its just when I leave the comfort of my family I really struggle. Sorry for the rant!
What you describe is pretty common Julie. Just because someone seems confident, or has lots of friends, doesn't mean they don't feel the same. Establishing deep, loving relationships with other human beings, where they really understand and care about you, is hard.
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  #5  
Old 18th February 2020, 18:35
Julie547 Julie547 is offline
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Default Re: The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

Hi
Jimmy
I Just find the whole human interaction process a lot harder than it should be the struggles in my head are crazy I'm all over the place! I know I am my worst enemy if I don't like myself who else is going to. I completely understand that it can work the other way as well, you can have lots of friends and put a front on and feel so alone. You just don't know what's going on in other peoples lives its very hard. I will literally go without speaking to people I know for weeks or months and the only time I will speak to someone that is not my family is the next day in work but its only small talk. So then I'm having a battle in my head that I should have more friends or should be speaking or spending time with them then the other side of me is like they probably won't want to speak to me or spend time with me anyway or I just can't physically or mentally do it. Just wish I could find peace in the mind once and for all.
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  #6  
Old 18th February 2020, 18:46
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie547
Hi
Jimmy
I Just find the whole human interaction process a lot harder than it should be the struggles in my head are crazy I'm all over the place! I know I am my worst enemy if I don't like myself who else is going to. I completely understand that it can work the other way as well, you can have lots of friends and put a front on and feel so alone. You just don't know what's going on in other peoples lives its very hard. I will literally go without speaking to people I know for weeks or months and the only time I will speak to someone that is not my family is the next day in work but its only small talk. So then I'm having a battle in my head that I should have more friends or should be speaking or spending time with them then the other side of me is like they probably won't want to speak to me or spend time with me anyway or I just can't physically or mentally do it. Just wish I could find peace in the mind once and for all.
Sounds like self-torture Julie. SO much of our suffering is self-inflicted and unnecessary. You write "I should have more friends", not "I would like more friends". Who told you you should? I'm not criticising you Julie - I do exactly the same thing! I'm full of toxic shame, and most of it is me inflicting it on myself. We internalise other people's judgements, and then torment ourselves with not measuring up, not fitting in, not being normal, not doing what we ought to do, etc. But it's all in our heads. I think that's why I so love rebels and outsiders, especially those who embrace their weirdness and are proud to be odd or different.
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  #7  
Old 18th February 2020, 19:15
Julie547 Julie547 is offline
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Default Re: The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

It is definitely self torture and its a viscous circle that just goes around and around and it feels like I can't get off! But you know what I can't be arsed with it anymore just going to go in to work tomorrow and just be me weird and awkward in a good way
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  #8  
Old 18th February 2020, 19:16
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The feeling of not belonging anywhere in the world

I agree with Moksha, I couldn't help noticing the "should" rather than "would"; it's great that you feel that connection and understanding with your family and that you have that safety net. Like alpha, I also feel like an outsider (even on this forum, sometimes) but have grown to like it.

If you would like more friends (and if your family is enough for you, then that's great, nobody can tell you how to live your life), then - and this is something I have written on here so often that I worry I'm starting to sound like a cracked record (an old-fashioned form of storing music made from vinyl, for younger readers) - perhaps you could try seeking out others who fit in with you, rather than trying to fit in with people whose interests aren't congruent with yours? So many of us seem to think that others have expectations of how we should live, whom we should like, what we should do (or enjoy) when there is enough diversity in the world for everyone to be able to live the life they want and not worry about how everyone else lives.

Cherish what you have with your family and if there is something more you would like to (not think you should!) have, look for it on your own terms.
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