SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > Other Mental Health Issues
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 28th January 2020, 14:48
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

I have never claimed to be a victim. I have never played the victim. So I am not looking for sympathy with this thread. Maybe I have been victim to green eyed monsters. Does that make me arrogant and big headed?
I have read that scapegoats are often unconsciously chosen or marked because they are the righteous and talented ones. I was a talented youngster yet I am a failure of an adult.
I feel that it is because I never had a loving and supportive family. That I had no solid foundation to build on. I feel like I was made into the black sheep. I felt like if I succeeded that my family would actually dislike me even more. That they would have called me a snob or a b^tch who had nothing to be high and mighty about. That they wanted to see me "come down to earth with a thud." So I never had anyone to prove myself to or anyone who was proud of me for all my efforts. So my natural ability just went to waste.
But that is only a fraction of my story.

I guess I was an easy target for manipulative people. I've had friends walk all over me. My childhood neighbour tried to assault me, and I never said a word as I knew no one would believe me. I had a fiance who broke me into pieces and will never admit to himself that he did. None of them will ever apologise.
None of them will ever admit to themselves consciously that their actions were cruel. Even though I have been in a mental health rehab facility. That it happened not long after I was riding high so it was obvious that something had happened to the outside. But I was too scared to tell the health workers.

Everyone else just got on with their lives and nobody cared I was shattered, not just emotionally and physically. Mental illness seems to spread to a person's soul. I am not in a sense religious, but I believe a person's spirit can be broken. And how do you heal some one's lost faith in human kind?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 29th January 2020, 19:50
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

So maybe I am lying a little when I say I don't want sympathy. I can't find many books on scapegoating. I've found lots of good articles but can't find a stand alone book about family scapegoating. Do you ever find yourself saying why do I get treated like c^ap all the time when you are angry? And when you do stand up for yourself it just backfires. Or you get told you are imagining things. If I was happily married with my own family maybe it wouldn't matter so much. But I'm in early 30s and it seems unlikely to ever happen. Tired of fighting some days
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 29th January 2020, 20:09
Dougella Dougella is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 10,401

Mood
Cynical

Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Maybe it's because scapegoating tends to come from other kinds of disfunction going on in families? I'm sorry I can't offer any suggestions.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 29th January 2020, 20:13
biscuits biscuits is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: in the tin.
Posts: 18,884
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Family is a toughie, but as with all things that you feel are detrimental to your MH and general well-being, sometimes you have to break away. You can do it slowly and gradually. It sounds like you'd benefit from breaking away a bit. Perhaps being away from them will be scary at first, but after a while you might then start to feel better about yourself and freer (free-er.. is freer the spelling?!) to meet new people, people who lift you up.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 30th January 2020, 01:53
Deer Deer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: County Durham
Posts: 905

Mood
Goofy

Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Well, when you have lost your confidence, it can make you second guess your own judgement which makes relationships very difficult and confusing.

Maybe you are caught in a mode of black and white thinking? That, it was all because of them or it was all because of me? Maybe, you relying too much on finding an answer is causing you to not step back and think certain things through?

I went through a phase of 'blaming' parents like I think many of us do for a certain period of time and that is helpful in some sense but then it just never satisfies. Well it didn't for me anyway. So for practical purposes looking back in the past just seemed futile to a certain extent because it wasn't going to change anything.

Having said that I wouldn't discount what you feel at all. You could be completely right or your thoughts could be part of the truth but maybe some feelings have narrowed your perception and you haven't thought about how you could have dealt with it better?

Or,maybe you are vulnerable and don't express your feelings firmly enough? Or others don't see how you really feel and are hurting your feelings without knowing?

It isn't always easy that's for sure especially when you are sensitive and it feels like people are kind of out to pick at you. I still feel like that now and I just resort to avoiding socialising which isn't ideal but its just the lesser of two difficulties.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 30th January 2020, 09:24
Deer Deer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: County Durham
Posts: 905

Mood
Goofy

Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

^Well, I like your post very much and glad you highlighted how serious psychological abuse can be however I just want to point out that sort of treatment at an early age can in fact lead to a very black and white thinking pattern later in life.

And also, just to be clear as I get the sense that you have reacted overly emotionally to my post, I am not aware of the details of his/ hers experience so I was trying to be suggestive of ways of approaching it as a mental or emotional obstacle.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 30th January 2020, 10:57
Deer Deer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: County Durham
Posts: 905

Mood
Goofy

Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

no worries, lovely
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 30th January 2020, 12:07
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: near Bolsover, Derbyshire
Posts: 1,022
Blog Entries: 14
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Hi FindingFaroffrivers, it is hard from what you have written to determine exactly what has happened in your past, but it seems fairly certain that you have experienced some traumatic events; I can't comment on your relationship with your family, or what passed between you and your fiancé, but the attempted assault by your neighbour would have been traumatic in itself, especially as you kept this to yourself. You also mention entering a mental health rehab facility after something had happened on the outside, which again you kept to yourself - I'm not clear from what you've written whether this "something" was one of the events which you had already mentioned, or not?

You mention being a "talented youngster" and having "natural ability" but being a "failure of an adult"; I wonder what makes you feel a failure? Many of us who have mental health issues may not find success in the traditional sense, but in overcoming our obstacles and creating any kind of life for ourselves, we achieve success equal to, if not greater than, the perceived successes of those whose obstacles were far less challenging. You also say that you feel that achieving success would have made your family dislike you more, but it could also be possible that they may have been proud of you. Our perceptions of what might happen in a given situation are often tainted by experiences from our past (real or imagined) and not always accurate.

I cannot say whether the relationship you had with your family amounted to scapegoating and/or emotional abuse, or simply mistakes made my parents who did not know how to handle a talented child (whilst not comparing myself to you, I know that my own parents tried to be loving and supportive, but in a world where autism was not understood - and I was not diagnosed as such back then - they had no idea how to raise me and tried the best they could, at least as I now know from examining my life retrospectively, but at the time I felt unloved, unwanted and unsupported). One thing I do know is that every parent makes mistakes and those mistakes can have a greater or lesser impact on our lives from that point forward - and in saying that, I am not being in any way dismissive of parents who are emotionally and mentally abusive, but these things are not always deliberate and may be done with the best of intentions.

Similarly, I have no idea what happened between yourself and your fiancé but I do know that relationships are difficult at the best of times; it is entirely possible that your fiancé was not aware of the damage he was causing (and it is also possible that he was a manipulative abuser, I can't discount that either). Human beings hurt each other all the time, often without any intention or even realisation of what we have done; most of us are so wrapped up in our own lives and issues that we don't see the impact our actions and/or words have on others. Again, I am not comparing my life to yours, but I know that I have been deeply affected by the actions of others when those people had no understanding that they had any impact at all on me, let alone the depth of that impact (again, something I have only discovered retrospectively - and as I am writing this, I can see the Kierkegaard quotation in Nanuq's signature, which seems so pertinent right now: "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards").

I think, from reading between the lines of your OP, FindingFaroffrivers, it would appear that you have kept all your issues to yourself for far too long; it may be time that you shared your experiences, possibly with a therapist, to try to make sense of what has happened and enable you to move forward. You are still young and there is time for you to achieve the things you want, but the past is what seems to be holding you back and you may need to examine that in order to find your future. Another thing I noticed from your words is that you mention that you "never had anyone to prove [yourself] to" and I wonder if you feel the need to seek validation from others, instead of from within? I realise that this could be the result of feeling unloved and unsupported as a child, but I hope that you can, at some point, realise that the only person you need to prove yourself to is yourself - although, of course, it does help when others recognise our qualities, successes and achievements.

I don't know how one heals one's faith in humankind, because although I have come close several times in my life, I never quite lost mine; I do know that there is good and bad in everyone (I think I just unwittingly quoted Stevie Wonder) to varying degrees and that, in my experience, as a whole there is more good in humankind than bad (even when the opposite seems to predominate). I also know that there are a lot of good people on this forum who have supported each other through dark times (I have benefitted from that support and possibly wouldn't still be here without it) and shown love to strangers, people they know only through a keyboard and screen - if that doesn't portray the innate goodness of humanity, then I don't know what does.

I do think that you need to start by talking to someone, though.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 30th January 2020, 16:51
limey123 limey123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,191
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanuq
^^

Nice Kierkegaard quote (Livet forstås baglæns – men må leves forlæns)

Btw, it's Søren with an "ø"

Sounds like some good advice from GI.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 30th January 2020, 20:03
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

I can tell my story in more detail for the forum. Without the similes and metaphors. Here's the facts . Here is why I feel like a failure.
It all went down hill for me when I landed in the acute mental health ward of my local hospital. I was eighteen . I had had a breakdown that consisted of some psychotic features. So yes very scary for people close to me. I had been off the rails for a good while before hand. I completely rebelled and went into "self destruct mode." So I needed to go to rehabilitation. I could have went on a road of no return but taking drugs was against my beliefs. So it was alcohol and I dropped out of college.
So one failed suicide attempt later, I was in hospital for the 28 day detainment. Placed on mood stabilising medication, patched up and home.
To be honest I was always rebellious. I was a bright and intelligent kid but I hated been told what to do. My parents and grand parents were very authoritarian in parenting style. There was no room to manoeuvre. Not for me anyway. They let my male sibling off as boys will be boys. But me. All they did was pick on my faults. Just as somebody commented above. I was never praised despite being top of the class. I was never rewarded for anything. My parents enforced that nothing gets handed to you on a plate. That nothing is ever what it's cracked up to be. My English teacher told them to start saving as I was University material and my parents told me that if I wanted any form of training I could join the armed forces on my sixteenth birthday and one day I would look back and thank them for putting a roof over my head and food in the cupboards. They thought that was enough. There is no way I could stand a drill sergeant screaming orders in my face! So basically I felt that I had to take care of myself.
That's why I feel like a failure. I was supposed to be someone. Have a career and a future. But I was always restless. I was diagnosed as having bi-polar affective disorder. So I know that I would inevitably have needed treatment at some point.
But I would have recovered faster and never relapsed as much if I had a good support network. I would have dusted myself down and got back up. But even though I admired my grand parents, they were extremely old fashioned. And my dear ol' dear turned them against me. She never had a promising word to say to them about me. I was never in trouble until I rebelled. I was a good kid. Hence why I felt I had nobody to make proud of me after my grandparents turned their attention away thanks to my histrionic mum. They took my sibling on holiday and I had to stay at home for not doing all the housework ! I was also a high flying competitor at martial arts.
Instead of loitering the streets like my friends, I did kick boxing six days a week. Now my parents did say good things about this to some people. But it wasn't where my heart lay. I wanted to study. I was academic. I was good at sport because I put in the hours. But I was not ad good as my team mates. And being the competitive types they often made jokes about my figure or appearance. I had a lot to contend with as a teen. And the boss would always ask if I was hiding something as I got down in the mouth from time to time. Or "moody" as they put it. I was just a teen and juggling a sports career with school and friends.
My parents did not help.me out financially as much as my team mates. Because they spent so much time drinking in the pub. If my mum was in a mood she would not even give me my dinner money!! And I would have to walk home for weeks on end. And my group of friends would mistake me Being withdrawn for being a bit "weird."
Cont..
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 30th January 2020, 20:22
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

I never applied myself at high school. Even still I worked hard enough to have attained a "proper" job at some point. I could have aimed for art school. But my bi-polar kicked in around 15 and I lost a bit of concentration for studying. I was more out going and it was great. So I thought. But my break down at 18 was crushing.
I needed a year out. At the least. But after being forced to sign on at the Job centre I found that I could not face the humiliation for too long and I accepted any job I could. And I fell into that pattern. Having to take whatever first job came my way. Beggars can't be choosers. Said ol' mum.
I was a shadow of myself after hospital. There is no guide book on re building after a mental breakdown. It's bi-bolar type one that I have so as well as ups and downs, I had symptoms from another misunderstood disorder. Schizophrenia racing thoughts. Now, medication keeps this well under control, practically non existent. A psychotic episode is what I went through. Thank God the doctor only told me this. I was old enough So I did not need my parents to accompany me on her conclusion. Stress and alcohol abuse they said were the catalysts.
My ol'parents were dogmatic in their belief that it was entirely genetic. It must come from my real fathers side, they speculated but then again there is a crazy one on grand side....
My parents bore no responsibility for my melt down. They never asked the doctor if someone had possibly abused me. And that is the first thing that pops into everyones head if a high achieving person has a break down. I must have something wrong with me. They seemed to hope that there was something wrong with me. But there is still not enough evidence to scientifically pinpoint what causes mental disorders. Most agree it's a combination of predisposition AND the environment a person is raised in. And I was raised in a volatile household.
Cont.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 30th January 2020, 20:26
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

I was jumped on my way home from school once. And yes there was someone who.attempted to assault me on multiple occasions. They always stopped and never went through with it. I wasn't ready to talk when I first seen the doctor. I needed to get established on my mood stabilizers first. And I refused the art therapy that they offered. I wanted to get as far away from the hospital as possible. And travelling to an actual psych hospital to do therapy scared the living day lights out of me!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 30th January 2020, 20:34
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

I tried to go back to College. I did so far too soon. I never gave my mind time to recuperate. So I went for menial jobs. I got no privacy at home. I had lost my zest for life. Now I had one more secret to shamefully hide. I had been a mental patient.
I grew apart from most of my friends. Most of them thought it was alcohol I had a problem with. That wasn't it. My boyfriend stuck by me. Some people told him not to. Others said they were happy to see us together.
We got on great for a few years.
I tried to get a better job. Missed out on one or two by a whisker. My confidence always lagging. I never really quite solved the inner anguish. Yet my boyfriend stayed . My parents made me feel like I did not deserve him.
Cont.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 30th January 2020, 20:48
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

We moved in together. We were going to rent a flat and see how things went. We worked hard and got a little house. Took out a mortgage and I was only 22. Him 25.
He started to change. Took his ill moods out on me. I knew what he was like for fighting when he went out drinking when we first started dating. For 8 years he spent his money on whatever he liked while at his parents house. I tried to say we were on the property ladder so money would be tight for a while. But he wouldn't listen. He became very emotionally
controlling and possessive. He knew what I was doing every second of the day. But I was used it. My parents were so authoritarian and I lived in a small town. I longed for independence so much it hurt.
I took.evening classes at college while working full time. I got a better job. It was tiring. But the stigma of being in a mental health ward caught up with me and when the hierarchy found out, I knew I was living on borrowed time. I was referred to occupational health department. In other words they were saying: we know. We know about the hospital.
Cont.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 30th January 2020, 20:55
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

So on the verge of losing my job. The boyfriend is drunk one night and he says that I.dont have any friends left because I.am a "funny farm reject" and that he could do better than me. So I smash the remote control as it hits me hard. He gets mad that he will have to pay for it saying that he looks after me and I shouldn't break things in HIS house, I am lucky I drive HIS car. He has the life of a dog for sticking by me. So when I get the call from my ol'mum about my Granfathers funeral, I tell her that me and him are finished. I dont cry. I am numb by now. I am a sensitive person. But I don't cry.
Cont.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 31st January 2020, 08:44
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default The elephant in the room

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deer
Well, when you have lost your confidence, it can make you second guess your own judgement which makes relationships very difficult and confusing.

I went through a phase of 'blaming' parents like I think many of us do for a certain period of time and that is helpful in some sense but then it just never satisfies
The experience of rehab really did crush my confidence. It affected every area of my life. I quit driving lessons when I was close to my test. It wasn't only confidence though. I couldn't afford a car and my parents would not help me get one. As long as the doctor vindicated them from any blame they didn't care. They pulled out all the stops. I rebelled and had something wrong with me. That was what they held onto and told themselves. My parents actually said that they wish I had got ill sooner because then they could have put me into care and that I was a pathetic human being for needing help for mental health. Not to mention they told everyone that I may never get better. The doctors said the complete opposite - I still had a bright future as I was a bright young lady. My parents ignored them. They looked at all the negatives. If it wasn't for the encouragement from doctors and nurses, I would have ended my life. I am certain of it.
I had lost my burgeoning sports career for good. Not only was my reputation in tatters but the medication had side effects that made it hard to get back in shape. I would never compete at a high level again.
I couldn't rely on a good reference to get a job I was capable of doing because I had no confidence to approach someone and ask. And I had been in trouble because of the episode. I had done some out of character things that I was ashamed of. I was full of regrets and didn't like myself all that much.
My self esteem plummeted and permeated into every section of my life. Love life. Social life. Work life and family life. I did have reasons for rebelling. But my family and bf would enforce that I was sick at the end of the day. You can't hold down a job? You were in the Looney bin remember. You had terrible friends before the breakdown remember. It's no wonder nobody will back you with a reference and risk their reputation. You were in the mental health ward. Nobody let me forget I was in hospital.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 31st January 2020, 13:51
Deer Deer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: County Durham
Posts: 905

Mood
Goofy

Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Yes, I have had similar experiences. And, though it is often good to talk and be able to have your feelings validated by someone you can trust, I also think that there comes a point where you have realise you are banging your head against a brick wall if you hope to get the validation from those that have continuously let you down. And also wishing things turned out different.

I don't mean you shouldn't have strong resentments and all that but kind of just looking at how to move forward whilst also dealing with the past, you know? Like ask yourself, what is the next best step I can take to improve my life, and what am I capable of doing at this moment? Sometimes,we are just a few little steps from feeling some relief from the things that drag us down.

Since, I left hospital, I have just dropped all demands that I used to put on myself. I just do what is best for me,and what I am capable of doing which at the moment isn't much.

But, my god, please distance yourself from your family if that is attitude. I felt the burden of it just by reading your posts.

So, what is your situation at the moment if you don't mind me asking? Have you got much support and independence?

Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 1st February 2020, 11:50
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

I am in a better place now
Me and family drew up a truce.
Which means agreeing to
Disagree a lot but
Things changed and family
Life is more peaceful.
The past rears it's
Ugly head at inconvenient times.
No resolution is perfect.

I know to an outsider
That someone saying
That they wished they
Could put someone
In care, just because
They are temporarily
Out of sorts, is
A horrific thing to say.
They did not say
It to me, I overheard them.
But men from
My walk of life
Try and act tough (hard)
And they were drunk
When they parted with
This nugget of wishful thinking.
Plus I am only
Their step daughter.
They were (and still are)
Simply self centred
And drunk and foolish.

Like you said I accept
The best I can
Get with my family.
Expecting them to
Ever admit they
Were wrong would
Be like banging ones
Head off a brick wall.

I can see the light at the
End of the tunnel.
Its about time it
Was my year.
Maybe this year eh.
I don't want it all.
I am independent.
Have my own space.
Doing some volunteer work.
Life is ok. I am ok
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 1st February 2020, 12:21
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: near Bolsover, Derbyshire
Posts: 1,022
Blog Entries: 14
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

^ I am glad to see that you have found some positivity, FindingFaroffrivers; I don't think any of us expected you to share your life story, but the thing I found most interesting in what you wrote is that the one event I would have expected to have more impact than anything else (although how we are affected by things, of course, varies from person to person) is the one which you dismiss most quickly - and that is the multiple occasions of attempted assault.

I hope that this year is your year, but if the positivity you express in the post above isn't sustained, then you may need to consider discussing your issues with someone who can make more sense of your history than I (or most others on this board) can - and I worry that, whilst you have provided some detail regarding other life events, these attempted assaults are the ones you have buried and maybe not dealt with? As things seem to be good at the moment, perhaps you don't need to right now, but (and I hope they don't) should things start to feel less hopeful, examining that issue may be something worth considering.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 2nd February 2020, 10:05
Utopia Utopia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: London
Posts: 1,193
Blog Entries: 7
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Well, if things are doing much better now, and you are doing charity work, then keep it up, don't let your family or past drag you down, you need to look to the future. Tbh, it seems like you might have some abusive people in your life and it's better to try to cut ties with people that are only making you feel worse. Stay confident that you are right, and prehaps your family were jealous of your capabilities? I mean they would never admit that but you need to draw confidence from that possibility, at least privately, and move forward.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 5th February 2020, 01:01
Deer Deer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: County Durham
Posts: 905

Mood
Goofy

Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

Quote:
Originally Posted by FindingFaroffrivers
I am in a better place now
Me and family drew up a truce.
Which means agreeing to
Disagree a lot but
Things changed and family
Life is more peaceful.
The past rears it's
Ugly head at inconvenient times.
No resolution is perfect.

I know to an outsider
That someone saying
That they wished they
Could put someone
In care, just because
They are temporarily
Out of sorts, is
A horrific thing to say.
They did not say
It to me, I overheard them.
But men from
My walk of life
Try and act tough (hard)
And they were drunk
When they parted with
This nugget of wishful thinking.
Plus I am only
Their step daughter.
They were (and still are)
Simply self centred
And drunk and foolish.

Like you said I accept
The best I can
Get with my family.
Expecting them to
Ever admit they
Were wrong would
Be like banging ones
Head off a brick wall.

I can see the light at the
End of the tunnel.
Its about time it
Was my year.
Maybe this year eh.
I don't want it all.
I am independent.
Have my own space.
Doing some volunteer work.
Life is ok. I am ok
I thought you'd wrote a poem for a moment then
Ah, good, good! Glad to hear you have tour own space like. It'd be a nightmare having to live under the same roof of your parents.
What volunteering you doing? Anything interesting?
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12th February 2020, 16:29
FindingFaroffrivers FindingFaroffrivers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Blog Entries: 51
Default Re: Tired of wearing the VICTIM sign

W
Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
^ the thing I found most interesting in what you wrote is that the one event I would have expected to have more impact than anything else (although how we are affected by things, of course, varies from person to person) is the one which you dismiss most quickly - and that is the multiple occasions of attempted assault.

I hope that this year is your year, but if the positivity you express in the post above isn't sustained, then you may need to consider discussing your issues with someone who can make more sense of your history than I (or most others on this board) can - and I worry that, whilst you have provided some detail regarding other life events, these attempted assaults are the ones you have buried and maybe not dealt with? As things seem to be good at the moment, perhaps you don't need to right now, but (and I hope they don't) should things start to feel less hopeful, examining that issue may be something worth considering.
I have never told a therapist about the attempted assaults. My parents went to the man's wedding last year for crying out loud and it was a small and intimate wedding. I know they would never find out, that I told a therapist. Do you know how hard it is to hear them speak so highly of him and make a big deal over which dress to wear and what present to get them and listen to my mum rave about their honeymoon. Having to feign being interested and feeling two faced for doing so. Maybe it is time I found a professional to tell. I will have to get my psychiatrist to refer me to someone. And the last time they did that, the person I started therapy with left their post and I just couldn't face starting over again with someone new. But I will have to start again with someone new.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 22:51.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.