Do you find the weekends lonely?

[hollowone]

Although working, I look forward to being able to relax, one thing I don't look forward to & one thing that really hits me (especially if I go into certain public places) is the isolation & the sense of 'you have no friends, everyone has got tons of friends and/or a partner'.

Do any of these experiences resonate?
-You do things on your own, notice EVERYONE around you with other people and wish you had someone with you, be it friends or partners
-You have the choice of staying at home or going out alone and being reminded of how you've got no-one to hang out with
-you have few or no friends, if they're not available or busy, can't get hold of them it's the above
-you do things on your own & wish you knew more people
-you feel a bit envious of all those lucky people

The worst thing is, it feels like being the only one in the situation. It can seem like everyone but you has either a MASSIVE social circle or a partner and is NEVER forced to be on their own (at least not week after week).

To be truthful, as much as I like to have a rest I UTTERLY DREAD the daytime isolation. It'd be nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this on warm summer weekends. I'm putting this out now because I'm dreading the daytime loneliness. It would be nice to be a lucky bugger with a bigger. social circle and/or a partner.

Does any of this resonate with anyone? Are there people who feel the same about summer weekends?

[Tonkin]

Yeah, I can relate to this I think.

I do feel a bit more self conscious when walking out by myself on the weekends.

I slightly worry if I bump into someone I know, it will be seen as weird that I'm out on my own when weekends are for friends and family.

In the week I don't mind as it feels like people will think I'm walking somewhere for work or doing general admin things or whatever.

It's all in my head so it's nonsense really but it's what I feel a bit.

Actually after reading this thread, I feel quite self conscious as I'm in work today and I'm the only one here so I feel like a bit of a loser, especially as it's a nice sunny day.

[biscuits]

A spend a lot of time around people in the week, so I'm glad for a little bit of quiet time at the weekend

How about finding something slightly sociable to do at the weekends e.g. volunteering on a short term project, a meet up, an exercise class, a walking group, a meditation group, a ceramics course, a short course, a chess club, some sort of friendly competition etc. Even having something to work towards e.g. a charity walk.

It's not quite the same as having a close friend or lover, but it's a step in the right direction to experiencing those things. It might help a little bit with the feelings you're experiencing.

It's also important to avoid romanticising the lives of others. I know plenty of people who feel dragged along to things that they'd rather not go to

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Tonkin

Yeah, I can relate to this I think.

I do feel a bit more self conscious when walking out by myself on the weekends.

I slightly worry if I bump into someone I know, it will be seen as weird that I'm out on my own when weekends are for friends and family.

In the week I don't mind as it feels like people will think I'm walking somewhere for work or doing general admin things or whatever.

It's all in my head so it's nonsense really but it's what I feel a bit.

Has this feeling changed at all as you've got older Tonkin? (I don't know how old you are, but I've a feeling you're in your 30s or maybe 40s.)

I certainly felt like that in my teens and twenties. I was so agonizingly self-conscious I could barely move. Even going to a restaurant was torture. But today, at 45, I don't really care. The one great thing about getting older is that you become invisible. No one cares what you do - and you don't feel them judging you. Plus, as people age they tend to prefer staying in anyway. It become more 'normal'.

[anxiouslondoner]

I get bored at weekends. I don't know if this is the same as loneliness though. I often wish I was with other people, but without the pressure or expectation to interact much. But when I'm with other people, say my parents, I often wish I was alone. Through no fault of theirs. Being sociable drains me. But not in a satisfying way, it's not like I've exhausted my need to be social, just my capacity for it.

I seem to have lost interest in most things. I can't bring myself to take up any hobbies because I can no longer get interested in doing anything. I find myself playing video games that I am bored of, or watching Youtube (that's a big but unsatisfying rabbithole) There's a sense of pointlessness hanging over everything.

I do crave love, affection and being appreciated. I doubt that I will ever have that, given my ability to block it out, and being unable to accept it.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by Moksha

But today, at 45, I don't really care. The one great thing about getting older is that you become invisible.

Here I disagree. I'm older than you but still frequently get judged (very) negatively.

I relish the time at the weekend with my partner to relax from the work week.

[Dougella]

^ Is that more with people you have to interact with though, like people at work? Rather than just strangers when you're walking about somewhere public.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by limey123

Here I disagree. I'm older than you but still frequently get judged (very) negatively.

You mean when you walk around on your own at weekends? That surprises me limey. Maybe I'm just less self-conscious, but I have never felt people judging me for being on my own. I certainly felt that way in my teens and twenties. In fact, I was so self-aware that I used to crash into things, bang my head and trip over. My awareness was totally focused on the people around me (who, of course, were all looking at me, and analyzing me, and laughing at me).

Now I genuinely don't care. I have very few friends and don't really want any. I cannot imagine anything worse than sitting in a pub with 'the lads', swigging beer and making stupid jokes. It would be like a perpetual Mock the Week episode.

[LittleMissMouse]

Yes, absolutely. I am very jealous of people who have a close circle of friends to call on at the weekend. It would just be lovely to be in a situation where, say on a summers day when the weather is nice just to have a couple of people to ring and say "are you doing anything, do you fancy going down to the river for a bbq" or something like that. I do get pangs of jealousy if I walk past people out and about with friends at the pub or having lunch over the weekend.

I do manage to fill my weekends with stuff most of the time, but it would be nice if there was just a bit of variety and a bit more socialising in them.

[Amara 94]

I work on the weekends. So not really.

[Sunrise]

I spend my days off recovering from work. I'm too tired and drained to have a social life and my days off are the only "me time" I get. The last thing I want to do during my free time is deal with people.

I suppose I'm a bit envious of those who don't find their ordinary daily lives absolutely exhausting and can look forward to social activities at the weekend, but I'm not one of those people and it's something I find hard to relate too.

[trulyblue]

I purposely work most of the weekends so I'm kept busy but I work in a shopping centre so Saturdays I'm constantly seeing groups of friends and families together it does make me feel sad wishing it was me.
I always feel worse in summer where everyones out and about and busy and you can hear neighbours having parties/bbqs and I'm just stuck on my own. I've felt lonely for years but it's really having an affect on me right now. There are days where I feel like being sociable but no one to ask to hang out really.

[Mr. Spaceman]

I tend to stay inside on weekends and prefer going outside on weekdays when it's less crowded and stressful. Regardless I've been alone for so long it barely registers any more and and I mostly just feel indifference to seeing people hanging out with friends and partners. That crushing shame and self-consciousness I used to feel always being by myself has mostly gone too and I can go on trains and planes, go into coffee shops and explore foreign cities on my own feeling pretty indifferent to the people around me. Like Moksha I found as I've got older I've become more invisible, or at least feel more invisible, and that's a good thing. I could sit on a bench for hours and I doubt anyone would notice I was there.
Granted technology has played a part in this and now people can constantly keep in touch with their own friends and family on the go they're less inclined to bother about complete strangers. My 77 year old mum on the other hand barely uses her phone and always makes a point of starting a conversation with whoever she sat next to on the bus or train...

[hollowone]

Hi Biscuits

How about finding something slightly sociable to do at the weekends e.g. volunteering on a short term project, a meet up, an exercise class, a walking group, a meditation group, a ceramics course, a short course, a chess club, some sort of friendly competition etc. Even having something to work towards e.g. a charity walk.

If such things existed in my area, I'd gladly grab the bull by the horns. I the things you suggested existed and catered for people my age (30's). Those things would be the antidote.

I have a splendid idea. Why not have such things provided in all communities catering to younger people? Things people can turn up to alone? Things people who're new in town can turn up to.

This is all that's needed to cure the loneliness epidemic; give people places they can go to, even if alone to meet new people, get to know people, be part of community..

[Bored]

If only there was a forum where anxious people could organise meets to do things at the weekend

[limey123]

Originally Posted by Moksha

You mean when you walk around on your own at weekends? That surprises me limey. Maybe I'm just less self-conscious, but I have never felt people judging me for being on my own.

I don't generally do that. But when I do, I quite often attract negative attention. But it's more due to how I look (or because I might appear uncomfortable, or probably both) rather than because I'm on my own.

A part of me would like to have a group of mates to sit regularly in the pub with, and to be able to feel completely comfortable and natural doing so. But another part finds the prospect a bit unnatural (for me) and scary even. It's a weird feeling.

[Tonkin]

Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.

I also don't often feel lonely. I recognise that I am alone. That isn't a feeling, but an appreciation of a fact. There is a distinction. I feel some regret and disappointment that I am alone, but rarely loneliness.

Yes, I can relate to that I think.

I like my alone time and don't really feel lonely when I'm alone.

But I also think maybe I'm missing out by not being around people more often. Mainly missing out on the things you can do by hanging out with other people, like having a bbq and few beers on the beach/park. Obviously you can do that on your own but at the very least, it involves a lot more work as you have to do everything (prep the food, do the bbq, carry all the stuff, etc). Sharing the load in a group does have it's benefits. Then there's no one to chat to etc.

I'd like to be able to spontaneous arrange something when I'm in the mood and have it happen. But at the moment, it would take planning and arranging things in advance and more often then not, when the time rolls around to do the thing, I'm not really in the mood to do it so I don't enjoy it.

If I could just sent a text when I am in the mood, then 15 mins later people have assembled to do something, that would be idea!

Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.

However, I suspect a lot of these people are "stuck" doing stuff they'd maybe rather not (who really wants to sit on the beach all day chatting rubbish with others?

Yeah, I remember when all my free time was taking up with socializing and most of that time I used to wish I was doing something else or with different people!

The grass is always greener!

Originally Posted by Moksha

Has this feeling changed at all as you've got older Tonkin? (I don't know how old you are, but I've a feeling you're in your 30s or maybe 40s.)

I certainly felt like that in my teens and twenties. I was so agonizingly self-conscious I could barely move. Even going to a restaurant was torture. But today, at 45, I don't really care. The one great thing about getting older is that you become invisible. No one cares what you do - and you don't feel them judging you. Plus, as people age they tend to prefer staying in anyway. It become more 'normal'.

Yeah, I'm in my 40s now. But yes, it's definitely gotten better. When I was in my teens living in a smaller town, I would never have gone out on my own with no purpose.

But it was always because I'd be worried about bumping into someone I know and them asking what I was doing and me not having a good answer. Rather than random people judging me.

In my 20s and 30s I lived in big cities so it was rare that I would bump into people I knew when out on my own.

I still feel like that now. I don't really care what people I don't know and won't see again would think of me. But it's more if I bump into someone I know and they're like, "what are you doing on your own?".

If I went to a town where I didn't know anyone for a day or something, I'd feel a lot more comfortable and less self conscious. Now my biggest fear is probably walking into a coffee shop to sit down for a quiet drink on my own then seeing someone I know in there and all kinds of awkwardness breaking out. You know the sort of person you know well enough to chat to but not well enough to sit with. Terror!

[AuroraSky]

I guess some might say my weekends are lonely but I have a very strong preference for doing things during the week and avoiding crowds and queues. For example, this afternoon I went to a favourite cafe which does a great bagel called "Escape From New York" - pastrami, emmental cheese, nice crunch gherkin, and I got a side of a cup of soup and a latte too. Obviously it's not ideal to be disabled and unable to work but this afternoon I had my pick of tables and no feeling of being rushed to leave - on a Saturday or Sunday I'd be waiting a good 20 minutes for a table to be free and then feel obliged to leave as soon as I finished eating and drinking so someone else could have a turn. I don't go to cinema much these days but likewise it's much quieter on a weekday matinee and in the arthouse place I go to has more other people on their own then and less couple having a date night.

As someone once said to a nurse stuck working shifts, no one ever made a rule that weekends can only be Saturdays and Sundays. Plenty of people who work in hospitality or as hairdressers or whatever can be working at weekends but still get their needed downtime and enjoyment on a Monday or Tuesday (I appreciate it can be hard co-ordinating things with those who work Mon-Fri 9-5 in that scenerio though).

[hollowone]

I notice a lot of the discussion has gone along the lines of 'I like my own company, yeah it's good' rather than 'I feel the same dissatisfaction, what can be done to fix it, what solutions can be found?'

I thank Biscuits for the most most helpful reply. The stuff suggested needs to be more widely-available on weekends as well. Meetups, clubs, walking groups, volunteering. COMMINITY stuff that doesn't require you to know tons of people already.

Regarding the points of 'people judging you for being on your own'. I've had that feeling in the past. First; ARE they judging as much as you think (I'm not)? Second; if they are judging, how would they like it (treat others as you like to be treated)? If they do F@#k them! I bet a lot of those people are TOO COWARDLY to be out.

[biscuits]

^ aw shucks

There's usually opportunities in most areas and sometimes you have to look for places that are close that you perhaps have to get the bus to or drive to.

There's usually a volunteer centre that's a hub for lots of organisations.

You've gotta know where to to look and what to search for really!

Some places have a community board.

Hope you find something

[biscuits]

Aw thank you, Crafty Elf. I was struggling to pull off the "Helfire Club" look haha

The cat is Luna from Sailor Moon

[biscuits]

Ooh I like your winter cottage scene. That wall. Gotta love a rustic wall.

[Clumsy*]

^ and your avatar is making me want to fast forward to Christmas, Elfie

^^ I loved watching Sailor Moon as a teenager. Nice blast from the past

[biscuits]

^ haha for ten hours I was badass. I need a badge saying that.

[Hayman]

I enjoy my weekends as I don't have to deal with the difficult social aspects at work. The weekend gives me the opportunity to 're-charge the batteries' to face the working week ahead.

I'm usually in bed at roughly the same time on Friday nights as I'm tired and I spend a lot of Saturday dozing on and off if I'm not out in the morning with the parents somewhere. It's only by around Sunday lunchtime I feel as though I'm 'recovered' from the week and looking forward to enjoying the weekend. The next thing I know it's late Sunday afternoon and then I'm worried about the week ahead at work again...

The only weekends which actually feel like 'weekends' to me are Bank Holidays or those I extend by a day by booking off either Friday or Monday. The regular weekends at times feel like a case of 'blink and you'll miss it'.

I used to go walking at weekends but found that has pretty much stopped in recent years. I do need to start doing this again at some point.

My weekends can be a little lonely at times. I wouldn't deny it. However, I honestly wouldn't want it any other way.

[choirgirl]

I was a bit startled by Biscuits' avatar. But I didn't want to say anything.

[biscuits]

@Dean thank you hahaha

^ hehe sorry for any temporary distress caused

[genovese]

A timely thread.




https://www.marmaladetrust.org/

[hollowone]

Good timing! Literally just logged-in half 11.