I think someone is trying to bully me at work

[Gomen]

So someone I went to High School with got a job at the same place as me 3 months ago. He works 3rd shift, I'm on first. So I see him when I go in first thing in the morning. Usually him and two other girls age don't go home immediately.

They sit in one corner of the restaurant on their phones and talking. Well now every morning I go in the boy yells my name "Gomen!" (Using that as a example) He is doing that sarcastically.

[Gomen]

So this morning when I go in I see him sitting at the table with the two girls. I have to clean the restrooms so I go to the back to get stuff. And when I come back to the lobby I hear the guy whistle.

I said something to him I can't remember what. Then he says he still loves me and the girls start laughing like they heard the best joke in their life. So I walked into the bathroom and I hear one of the girls say "He looks like he would shoot the store up. [Boys name] you'd be first on his hitlist".

I was in their for a couple minutes but I can still hear the girl outside telling to the boy to go in there to me. Finally he comes in and asks if we are going to make babies. I told him to just stop, thankfully he left and I heard the girl asking what I said.

[Gomen]

I don't know what to do. I don't wanna fight this guy and lose my job and get arrested for fighting in public. I'm also paranoid (I live in America) if I say something these girls might have boyfriends who might drive by at 5am in the morning when I'm there and come in and try to intimidate me. You never know what might happen.

At same time I feel like I have to defend myself. I lift weights so if it came down to it I'd be up to it.

[Moksha]

Jesus, avoid a fight if you can Gomen. Not because I give a *** about the bully. Anyone who bullies deserves a vicious beating. But life 'ain't like a Hollywood movie. What if you knock him down, he cracks his skull and has to be rushed to Hospital? Bare minimum you are likely to be sacked. Whatever you do avoid getting into a row with one of the girls. It sounds like they'd disappear if he did (god, the only thing I hate more than a bully are their cowardly, verminous little side kicks).

I'm sorry though. Having someone like that from school show up at work or in my neighbourhood is my worst nightmare. I can think of one horrible little rat in particular. I haven't seen him for 15 years. But if I did I'd find it hard to resist grabbing him by the throat.

[Gomen]

What do I do? Nothing? I think the reason why he is doing it is because I'm quiet to begin with. I'm an easy target because I'm quiet and people know I won't say anything.

You'd think having spent 6 days in the gym for 3 years people wouldn't mess with me. This guy is like 300lbs of fat with a don't care about nothing attitude. I feel like he does it to make himself feel better.

[gregarious_introvert]

^ You're probably right about his motivation, Gomen, plus he is showing off to impress the girls. The best response by far is to rise above it and not let him see that he's getting to you; if he gets no reaction, he will soon get bored with it.

Violence solves nothing, it just reduces you to their level and you will be the one who has to suffer the consequences; far better to turn the other cheek.

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[Consolida]

Yep I agree with Moksha and GI - violence is never the answer.

Although I can totally understand why you would feel like grabbing this immature idiot around the throat and kicking the living daylights out of him, it won't solve a thing but make an unpleasant situation far far worse.
At the very least you would lose your job, or if this bully was physically hurt the Police may be called and you'd end up with a criminal record.

Also don't pick a fight with the girls. Ignore their silly sniggering. Like you say, they have boyfriends who could possibly drop by and intimidate you. Girls like that probably have boyfriends whose knuckles drag on the floor and you could be the one who gets seriously hurt.

You mention you live in America so I guess the fear of someone pulling out a gun during a physical fight is never far away? In the UK young people are increasingly avoiding getting involved in brawls because there's a big chance someone will pull out a knife on them.

The girls are clearly impressed by this idiot, god knows why, and the three of them don't sound like they've matured at all since first starting High School!

They are obviously trying to get a reaction out of you with their pathetic comments but don't give them the satisfaction of falling for the bait. You are a much much better person than them Gomen.

Hopefully your shifts won't clash for too long and this pathetic guy and his sidekicks will soon disappear.

Stay strong!

[Aelwyn]

So sorry you're having to put up with this idiot.

Could you talk to a manager about it? Surely they would step in if a customer harassed you like that?

[db838]

He sounds like an absolute knob. Back in the past I'd have just taken it really personally if it happened to me and got really down about it, nowadays I think I'd be assertive enough to go over to their table and openly take this piss out of them back. They hate nothing more than ridicule themselves. Takes a bit of nerve though.

[Gomen]

Originally Posted by Melangell

so sorry to hear you're having to deal with this

I might be wrong, but to me this kind of bullying seems worse in America, but maybe that's just because in the UK we're used to American films set in schools, where everyone seems to have to have a role to fit in to and harassment and bullying seem the norm and also for some reason a perfectly good and endlessly churned out story line. The bullying itself is never called into question in this kind of film, the 'victim' always has to overcome it in some way

Whenever I watch a film like this with my kids, the youngest, who's really kind and outgoing, always says, this film is making me sad...and I always tell him, "that would never happen here...American schools are horrible"

Like I say, I might have these dynamics wrong, but it's harder to know how to advise when you are living in a different culture. Do work places have anti-bullying policies?? They do here and so if you feel like you are being threatened, bullied or harassed you have a written policy telling you what action to take.


Hopefully this guy is such an arse that he'll lose his job anyway. xx

Let me tell you, those movies portrayals are spot on. When I was 6th grade (I would have been 10 years old) my classmates ran off FIVE English teachers. That is no lie. See and these unraised kids grow up and are worse when they are older.

[Gomen]

Originally Posted by Aelwyn

So sorry you're having to put up with this idiot.

Could you talk to a manager about it? Surely they would step in if a customer harassed you like that?

Not really. 2 years ago when I first got the job something similar happened. A boy started talking about me behind my back telling others I weird because I was so quiet.

This went on for two months and finally I went and told the head manager about it. He told me the boy quit yesterday. I was really surprised. Its funny because 6 or 7 months ago I seen the boy at his new workplace. He came up to me and apologized because he said he heard about it, he denied ever saying anything. I knew he was lieing but I told him that we were good anyway.

But you see I dont want to have to keep going to the manager because its embarassing to be a bully magnet.

[Bluebear]

Bullies stink. I have zero respect for them. I haven’t been to a manager about bullies either... I actually don’t think you’re a bully magnet, it’s just that there are so many of them. They are slimy and excruciatingly insecure. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.