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  #1  
Old 16th February 2018, 21:41
mattsdad mattsdad is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 6
Default Hi folks

Hi everyone, new member here. I'm a 39 year old guy from the UK. I've had a look around the forum and can relate to a lot of the posts I've read, so thought I would join you to see if sharing some of my experiences will help.

I've had social anxiety as long as I can remember. When I was 3 or 4, I remember hiding from the other children at school, and being afraid of the large group of children my mum had invited round for my birthday party. I somehow managed to cope well enough to get through my school years and I think I was about 20 before I realised there was something 'different' about me, as I always found it difficult to relate to other people. Despite this, I quite enjoyed my years in university with a few close friends - especially getting as far away from home as possible where I couldn't see anyone from the past.

My anxiety started again around 2003 when I moved in with my girlfriend (now my wife) to our first home. I developed a real fear of the neighbours who lived opposite as they were overly friendly to us when we moved in, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Eventually I went to see a counsellor who offered CBT. This did help me a lot, but not in the way I expected - instead of helping me brave visiting the neighbour, it made me realise that I didn't actually have to visit the neighbour if I didn't want to, as we didn't have anything in common. The neighbour is still opposite but I've not spoken to them since 2003...

After coping for quite a while, my anxiety has become worse again in the last couple of years after a change in circumstances. I have young children and as a result, have started to get to know some other parents in the area. I preferred it when I was anonymous, as I now worry about who I'm going to bump in to and what I'm going to say to them.

On top of this, my job has recently changed and I have been promoted to a manger which means I am no longer just doing a back office job I like and am good at. I've actually found the management side OK with most of the staff I am managing directly, but am really struggling to interact with the other higher-level staff.

On the surface my life probably appears quite successful as I'm married with kids, and am in a well paid job. I have one close friend I've known since I was 9, who I can talk to naturally about most things (although not how bad my anxiety is), and I can talk to my wife. Otherwise I feel quite alienated. I can actually cope reasonably well when faced with new people, especially if I never have to see them again, but really struggle when meeting people for the second, third time - and especially meeting them unexpectedly - as I'll run out of 'stock' questions to ask and my mind will go blank. Most of the time I end up just nodding 'hello' or blanking them, and if I talk to them again I'll find it really awkward. I've even started to feel awkward with my eldest son, who I used to get on really well with when he was younger, and I usually struggle to contribute to internet forums as well which is something I never had problems with when I was in my early 20s (I'm now generally a lurker). I struggle most with telling people about my interests / likes and dislikes - I cope well enough when discussing work stuff professionally, but usually end up lying when anyone asks me what I'm doing at the weekend, what I do outside of work etc. Even my wife and best friend don't really know everything about me - my interests etc.

Anyway that's probably enough for an introduction. I'm hoping that maybe joining a forum with like minded people will help me to gain the confidence to come out of my shell and learn to interact with others again. Thanks for reading.
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  #2  
Old 16th February 2018, 23:56
anxiouslondoner anxiouslondoner is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pandaemonium, SE27
Posts: 7,042
Default Re: Hi folks

Hello! Welcome to SAUK.
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  #3  
Old 19th February 2018, 20:35
mattsdad mattsdad is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 6
Default Re: Hi folks

Hi everyone, thanks very much for the warm welcome
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  #4  
Old 21st February 2018, 20:22
mattsdad mattsdad is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 6
Default Re: Hi folks

Quote:
Originally Posted by jinny
Do you mind me asking how old your eldest is? I have 2 boys of 11 and 10, I have started to worry about their teenage years coming up.
Hi Jinny - thanks for the welcome. My son is 9 although he already acts like a teenager, he spends most of his time playing computer games... I think he's a bit like me, he's quite shy and likes to spend a lot of time on his own. My younger son (5) is more confident, he's definitely the boss of the house although I find it harder to relate to him / understand his behaviour.

Hopefully the teenage years won't be as bad as you expect. My fear is that my son will turn out like me, but then I may never know - my parents don't really know how I feel. I'd really like to try and help him if I can, but finding social contact difficult and stressful myself makes it difficult to expose him to a lot of social situations outside school.
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