#1
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Hi folks
Hi everyone, new member here. I'm a 39 year old guy from the UK. I've had a look around the forum and can relate to a lot of the posts I've read, so thought I would join you to see if sharing some of my experiences will help.
I've had social anxiety as long as I can remember. When I was 3 or 4, I remember hiding from the other children at school, and being afraid of the large group of children my mum had invited round for my birthday party. I somehow managed to cope well enough to get through my school years and I think I was about 20 before I realised there was something 'different' about me, as I always found it difficult to relate to other people. Despite this, I quite enjoyed my years in university with a few close friends - especially getting as far away from home as possible where I couldn't see anyone from the past. My anxiety started again around 2003 when I moved in with my girlfriend (now my wife) to our first home. I developed a real fear of the neighbours who lived opposite as they were overly friendly to us when we moved in, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Eventually I went to see a counsellor who offered CBT. This did help me a lot, but not in the way I expected - instead of helping me brave visiting the neighbour, it made me realise that I didn't actually have to visit the neighbour if I didn't want to, as we didn't have anything in common. The neighbour is still opposite but I've not spoken to them since 2003... After coping for quite a while, my anxiety has become worse again in the last couple of years after a change in circumstances. I have young children and as a result, have started to get to know some other parents in the area. I preferred it when I was anonymous, as I now worry about who I'm going to bump in to and what I'm going to say to them. On top of this, my job has recently changed and I have been promoted to a manger which means I am no longer just doing a back office job I like and am good at. I've actually found the management side OK with most of the staff I am managing directly, but am really struggling to interact with the other higher-level staff. On the surface my life probably appears quite successful as I'm married with kids, and am in a well paid job. I have one close friend I've known since I was 9, who I can talk to naturally about most things (although not how bad my anxiety is), and I can talk to my wife. Otherwise I feel quite alienated. I can actually cope reasonably well when faced with new people, especially if I never have to see them again, but really struggle when meeting people for the second, third time - and especially meeting them unexpectedly - as I'll run out of 'stock' questions to ask and my mind will go blank. Most of the time I end up just nodding 'hello' or blanking them, and if I talk to them again I'll find it really awkward. I've even started to feel awkward with my eldest son, who I used to get on really well with when he was younger, and I usually struggle to contribute to internet forums as well which is something I never had problems with when I was in my early 20s (I'm now generally a lurker). I struggle most with telling people about my interests / likes and dislikes - I cope well enough when discussing work stuff professionally, but usually end up lying when anyone asks me what I'm doing at the weekend, what I do outside of work etc. Even my wife and best friend don't really know everything about me - my interests etc. Anyway that's probably enough for an introduction. I'm hoping that maybe joining a forum with like minded people will help me to gain the confidence to come out of my shell and learn to interact with others again. Thanks for reading. |
#2
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Re: Hi folks
Hello! Welcome to SAUK.
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#3
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Re: Hi folks
Hi everyone, thanks very much for the warm welcome
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#4
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Re: Hi folks
Quote:
Hopefully the teenage years won't be as bad as you expect. My fear is that my son will turn out like me, but then I may never know - my parents don't really know how I feel. I'd really like to try and help him if I can, but finding social contact difficult and stressful myself makes it difficult to expose him to a lot of social situations outside school. |