The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

[Mellie]

Sorry just seen this, i don't know what I want to do with my life I just painfully exist.

[Stepford]

Sorry to hear this Mellie, I know what you mean though. All I find helps is to keep distracted, like play a game, decorating, think of and do various projects, for me that's mostly fixing things, learning electronics (arduino etc).

[Boy]

Originally Posted by Mellie

Sorry just seen this, i don't know what I want to do with my life I just painfully exist.

Yes, I can relate. But perhaps there is something that makes you a bit more happier? Or keeps you occupied and away from suicidal thoughts?

For example, for me it's making YouTube videos and hanging out in my cryptocurrency world. It took me a while to find these hobbies and pick a topic for my YouTube channel, but now I am always excited about the next video I would make and the investigation that I need to do.

Also, I felt very suicidal when I was completely alone and had nobody around. The suicidal thoughts then disappeared, when I found someone. I know sometimes it might be too hard to find someone who can relate, support and be with us, but maybe some small steps you could start with towards this goal?
I believe there is something that you would like to do, but maybe at this point you find too unrealistic?

[Mellie]

Yes there is actually would love to be a mental health nurse but I have no social skills and no GCSEs, you need 5 gcses to get into mental health nursing, when I was in hospital a few times patients kept talking to me about their problems maybe Cosi was a good listener or maybe cos the staff didn't bother with anyone lol but I can't see this happening cos I don't know how to talk to people which gets me really down and I can't focus on anything atm either so I mostly just just stare at the tv or listen to music. I tried to take up gcses recently but gave up cos I couldn't concentrate with others. Maybe the meds I was on before damaged my brain. Read that anti psychotics can do that to people.

[Mellie]

The only reason i am still here cos I'm scared ofr destroying my body in the process.

[Percy]

Aw Mellie

[Mellie]

[Boy]

Originally Posted by Mellie

Yes there is actually would love to be a mental health nurse but I have no social skills and no GCSEs, you need 5 gcses to get into mental health nursing, when I was in hospital a few times patients kept talking to me about their problems maybe Cosi was a good listener or maybe cos the staff didn't bother with anyone lol but I can't see this happening cos I don't know how to talk to people which gets me really down and I can't focus on anything atm either so I mostly just just stare at the tv or listen to music. I tried to take up gcses recently but gave up cos I couldn't concentrate with others. Maybe the meds I was on before damaged my brain. Read that anti psychotics can do that to people.

Mellie, it's so nice to hear that! Really good wish and aim to become a mental health nurse!
I suck at social skills as well. I work in the office and stay quiet for most of the time and I do get very depressed about that.
I cannot give you any advice about your studies, my university was a pain during the first year, but then it became quite nice. People around me were very mature, I was pleasantly surprised about that.

Hope you are ok and please stay strong. People on this forum can support you, so if you need sometimes to talk to someone, I'm sure you can find someone to talk to in here

I had a lot of suicidal thoughts in the past, basically during every stage of my life, but I am happy I am still here now. Just because I found some things I enjoy doing, I love travel and nature. So, perhaps you will find something soon that would be able to brighten your day, even if it's just for short periods of time

[Percy]

You'd make an excellent mental health nurse Mellie

[Mellie]

I don't think I would be because of my lack.of social skills.

[Percy]

You can work on your social skills

[Tembo]

I really don’t know why the **** I exist. I don’t belong here. **** this pathetic ridiculous society. I have nothing in common with anyone

[Tembo]

^ apologies, my comment was a bit extreme, I do have a few things in common with people. My comment was not directed at this forum, but society in general. I’m really struggling to see the point of my existence here to be honest. I feel like society is just going downhill, particularly in the UK.

Thank you for your comment Nanuq, especially as my comment was a bit aggressive.

Maybe if I felt like I was part of a community I’d feel better. Even though I live in a large town, there doesn’t seem to be much going on. I used to be part of a pub quiz team, but Covid destroyed that. Many people in my local Meetup group have moved back to France and Germany too.

[Sunrise]

^You always come across as such a genuinely decent person on here. I hope you get through what you're currently feeling. Look after yourself.

[Tembo]

^ thank you Sunrise. I feel like I just moan all the time and don’t really bring much positivity . Hopefully I can be more positive soon.

[humphrey]

On Saturday morning I woke up after having dreamt that I had committed suicide. It has really shaken me up the last thing I remember of the dream is that I was thinking this is going to hurt, but that it will be over soon.

In my dream I was really depressed, the same as when I had my breakdown years ago, and then in the dream I kill myself. But I did not dream how I did it.

It has really shook me up! I have been a bit up and down lately but no where near as bad as I was in my dream. It scares me to think I might dream it again.

[Dougella]

^ Dreams can be very disturbing sometimes, but it's mostly just our brains working through things or even remembering things from the past.

[joklend]

I'm just not cut out for anything. What is the point.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

As if any of us cut out for anything- it’s all a game of pretences. Don’t chuck away the one golden ticket of existence. A lot of good and it’s worth clinging on.

One useful saying is ‘This too will pass’ and it’s a good saying.

[joklend]

it's all taken an awful long time to pass

[limey123]

Originally Posted by Ronnie_Pickering

One useful saying is ‘This too will pass’ and it’s a good saying.

“þæs oferēode, þisses swā mæg”

[joklend]

Wow, thanks for the lesson in Old English here, fascinating.

[Dougella]

^ Has something happened Kooky_Monster or did you just have a really difficult day?

[Dougella]

^ Maybe you do need more support, it's hard to be dealing with things mostly on your own.

[Mellie]

If it was easy to kill myself I would.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Mellie

If it was easy to kill myself I would.

No don't say that Mellie.

[Mellie]

I will be alright percy.

[Percy]

I hope so

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.

Me too.

One stumbling block is my mum. I suspect I'll do it when she's gone. I am a bit uncomfortable with the idea of her having a dead son on her hands. But maybe I'm bullshitting myself again.

Hopefully you have more reasons too, but yes a parent losing their child is devastating. So sparing your Mum going through that if you can is best.

[joklend]

Honestly, I doubt I'll see out the year.

Any dreams just go, any friends just go, any hope of love just goes.