The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

[Percy]

Sorry to hear that joklend

[Blackflies]

^^ Sorry to read you’re feeling so low. It is hard to get attached to the highs when life often seems to knock you down at regular intervals. But sometimes even those series of knocks, where it feels like they hit you one after another, there is the odd occasional fleeting good day that somehow pulls us through. Sometimes that doesn’t feel enough to keep going but I hope you can latch on to some fleeting sense of hope for one of those days again. I do appreciate the weight of life and the burdens that come with it so often feel heavy though.

[Mellie]

I can't cope with this, everyone is talking about me everywhere I go, even on games and TV. I just wish it was easy to die. everyone is constantly laughing.

[Percy]

Aw Mellie

What help are you recieving?

[Mellie]

I'm in supported living. how are you?

[Percy]

Yeah I'm doing good. In my new flat, getting support from the hospital(which is just around the corner), community support twice a week and my social worker. I also start Boxing, hopefully judo and a singing group soon

[Mellie]

I'm glad you are getting support hope you enjoy the groups.

[Percy]

Thanks young lady

[Mellie]

no problem glad you are good now

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Mellie

no problem glad you are good now

How about you, how you doing?

[Mellie]

honestly not good

[Percy]

Aw, poor Mellie

Anything i can do?

[Mellie]

im going to delete my account

[Percy]

No, don't go. I'm sure there's somethings we can do for you

[Mellie]

there's nothing anyone can do.

[T]

I've been here years Mellie i know where ya coming, felt like that in the past......SAUK is a good base....helped me a few times!

[Mellie]

Thanks T , i will keep my account

[Mellie]

Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.

Hope you do stay Mellie.

are you feeling better?

[Sunrise]

I feel like the only thing that's keeping me alive is I don't want to give all the people that hate me the satisfaction of actually dying. I don't want them to win. I can just imagine all the gloating, all chuckling to themselves about how it's no surprise that the weirdo has finally topped himself.

My motivation for staying alive is basically spite. My attitude is at least I'm annoying these people by continuing to exist.

I wish I could just randomly drop dead one day, that would probably be the best option for all concerned really. No more procrastinating, I'd be gone and that would be it. A permanent solution to a permanent problem.

[Sunrise]

I feel like I've achieved all I'm capable of in life now. All the things I can do I've done, and all the other things I wanted to do I tried but I failed at. I don't really know what's left now.

I envy those who feel like they're underachieving and lack motivation. I envy their hope. I think I used to feel like that, like one day I would be able to do some of the things I wanted to if I just tried hard enough, but it hasn't worked out like that.

I don't know why I'm still alive. It feels stupid that I still keep going when I have absolutely nothing to live for anymore. If I was a race horse they'd have shipped me off to the knackers yard a long time ago. I don't think it makes me a fighter, if it's a fight where you're getting absolutely pummelled in every single round it's embarrassing still trying to compete. I think all it does is prove what little self-respect I have.

[biscuits]

^

hold on to that hope you had about trying things out in a new place with new people and new opportunities.

[gregarious_introvert]

^^ if you had no self-respect, you probably wouldn't be posting here, but you do seem to lack self-esteem, which you shouldn't because you're clearly an intelligent person who is maybe lacking one piece of information which might make more sense of this vast puzzle called life.

You talk about achievement: why did you feel the need to achieve anything in the first instance? Was it for yourself, or to meet the expectations of others? If the latter, then that's not achievement, that's conformity. Thing about what you want and then ... be selfish (within reason!). You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.

You say that you "tried and failed" at things you wanted to do. I know there are plenty of things I've tried to do and failed, which is why I'm not currently the old goalkeeper in the Premier League, or lead guitarist in a legendary rock band, but if your goals were a little less pie-in-the-sky than mine, then they should be achievable. If you really wanted to do something and failed, try again; if you didn't really want to do it, don't bother. A few days ago, at an event in Belgium, I was reminded of a quotation from Nelson Mandela: "I never lose, I either win or learn"; that's what failure is, a learning opportunity - although that isn't always easy to see when our self-esteem has taken a knock.

Twenty years ago - even ten - I could have written a very similar post to yours (in fact, I did, but I had them all deleted, which now I wish I hadn't) and I couldn't have imagined the ways in which my life would change. Keep looking for new ways to move forward, new people who are more inline with your thinking and goals, new directions in which to move.

[Aelwyn]

^ Excellent post. I like what you say about so-called achievement, and what a trap it can be.

[Sunrise]

Thanks anyway, but I'm not really looking for practical advice. I've been "challenging myself" for over 20 years now, every day is a battle I face head on but I don't feel like I have the energy for it anymore.

Why aren't you allowed to just not like life? Why is it supposed to be this amazing gift? I don't see it like that. For me it's a constant battle against the odds which requires an exceptional amount of effort just to keep my head above water. I'm a pariah in the strange little community I live in and I don't know how or why I'm supposed to take any sort of pleasure from that? It doesn't feel worth it, nothing does.

If I could swap with a terminally ill person who has everything to live for and gains a lot of pleasure from life then I wouldn't hesitate. It's not fair how I somehow keep going yet there are people with so much to live for who don't get that chance. Sorry if that is crass and disrespectful, but that's how I feel. Like I say I would gladly swap with them if I could.

[gregarious_introvert]

^ Who said anything about challenging yourself? You mentioned failing at things you wanted to do, so you must have had a reason for wanting to do them? If you want to just not like life, then of course you can do that - I did that for half a century, until I discovered that I did like life. Nobody's asking you to take pleasure from being a pariah either, but at the same time you don't have to let the opinions of others affect you.

I do suspect, however, that if you didn't want life to change, then you wouldn't keep posting in the way that you do. The only practical advice (although you don't want any) which I can offer is to work out what it is that you really want and then seek ways to get it - and stop caring about the opinions of those who don't care about you.

[Dougella]

^^ I think for a lot of people life doesn't feel like a "gift", it's just something to get through the best they can. We didn't choose to be here but we are, so while we are we may aswell find ways to live and be that suit us. Whatever that is for you Sunrise that's ok.

[gregarious_introvert]

^ Doesn't sound like a friend to me. There are many people who care about you, Mellie - a lot of them (including me) are right here on this forum.

Sent from my M2010J19CG using Tapatalk

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Mellie

So a friend just told me no one cares about me cos i dont hold conversations. Just want to die.

Some friend. We care about you Mellie.

[biscuits]

Aw, Mellie

What a cruel thing to say to another person

We care about you x

[Chess&Junkfood]

I'm sorry that happened to you, Mellie It goes without saying that you are fantastic! And this forum is very lucky to have you as a member!