Living alone

CarlOfTheWorld · #1 29th May 2011, 13:00

I'm moving out of my parents house soon and will be living on my own. I'd like to find out from people who have moved out of their parents to live on their own if it has affected your SA in any way?
My main worry is that I'll feel lonely. I'll hate the quietness and my thoughts will be all over the place.

wlien · #2 29th May 2011, 13:10

I moved out in January, it is hard to start with, it took a few months before I really felt ok, still have moments of feeling weird. Coming home to an empty house is bad and not having anyone to talk to. Sleeping in the house alone is possibly the worst for me, I'm used to all the noises now but if I were you i'd have few days off work after you move in just so you can get used to sleeping.

The good things are that you can cry when you want without anyone knowing and you don't have to let anyone know if your going to be late home.

CarlOfTheWorld · #3 29th May 2011, 13:23

I'm just looking forward to having my own space and the freedom to do what I want when I want. I don't think coming home to an empty house will be much of a problem for me, I'm usually happiest when I'm on my own, I can be myself. I think I will get a pet though so I don't get too lonely.

Ubyse · #4 29th May 2011, 14:00

I have lived on my own since I was 21, for ten years now. I guess in a way it has made it worse, because you have to make an effort to actually be around people, whereas when I lived with my parents I had people around me 24/7. A lot of the time I cant be bothered to go out anywhere, and I have actually pushed people away through not wanting to socialize (not intentionally), not fully realising that SA has been the reason.

It can make you 'set in your ways', when I first moved in here I would be very aware I was alone and would be looking for reasons to go out. Now I am happy enough to just be in my own company.

So just depends on the way you look at it I suppose.

A pet is a good idea, they can be great company.

xTKsaucex · #5 29th May 2011, 14:25

Shove a tv / radio on 24/7. Seriously helps than plain silence.

GhostOnMagneticTape · #6 29th May 2011, 15:52

I live on my own, it's been a gift and a curse... as you need to encourage and support yourself to try and at least get out every day even just for a walk which I've been failing miserably in doing but it's still nice to be independent, have your own space and time.

I would like to have a pet but am worried it will make a noise and disturb neighbours plus I live near a busy road and always see "lost cat" posters.

Good luck with the move.

kastra · #7 29th May 2011, 15:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarlOfTheWorld

I'm just looking forward to having my own space and the freedom to do what I want when I want. I don't think coming home to an empty house will be much of a problem for me, I'm usually happiest when I'm on my own, I can be myself. I think I will get a pet though so I don't get too lonely.

I'd definitely recommend a pet, I lived on my own for 3.5 years and I think having my cat there really helped. I was never totally alone and it meant I didn't get spooked by random noises in the night cos I'd just assume it was him

an adult cat is almost certainly gonna be easier to deal with than a kitten by the way, you can't really leave kittens for more than 2-3 hours but adults will adapt really quickly.
It can get lonely for sure but it's also nice not having to live by other people's rules or listen to their noise or have to deal with their tidiness (whether it's way more or less than yours, I've found both cause problems). Just try and make sure you get yourself out of the house every now and then and try not to vegetate in front of the PC too much (easier said than done

).

Ubyse · #8 29th May 2011, 16:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlienBuddha

I live on my own, it's been a gift and a curse... as you need to encourage and support yourself to try and at least get out every day even just for a walk which I've been failing miserably in doing but it's still nice to be independent, have your own space and time.

I would like to have a pet but am worried it will make a noise and disturb neighbours plus I live near a busy road and always see "lost cat" posters.

Good luck with the move.

Just a note on pets - I live in a small 2 bedroomed flat with neighbours either side and below me and I have a cat. A lot of cat breeds make very little (if any) noise once they're neutured/spayed you dont want a female cat on heat cos yea that would be noisy! The most noise my cat will make is a tiny little meow or a purr, that you would struggle to hear from the next room never mind next door.

Most cats are also more than happy to be house cats. I've had mine for 4 years and she hasnt been outside once apart from when I take her to the vets, and she's fine.

The thing I think make cats good pets for people living alone also, is that you can leave them in the house whilst you go out to work or out for the day, if they're litter trained they make no mess, and as long as they have food, water and a few toys they dont care. mine will just sleep

I would recommend a cat as a pet to anyone in this type of situation!

Geminus · #9 29th May 2011, 17:48

I've lived on my own for years and it's brill! But it does get lonely and you do tend to notice what it is to really have an empty house. I think a cat is a brilliant idea (I have one also, got her 3 years ago and she's been a godsend).

It is an effort sometimes when you are used to locking yourself away, to push yourself to interact and that safe space can easily become a cage. So I would suggest try to keep this in mind and not get too comfortable with locking yourself away for the wrong reasons.

If you have good friends whom you enjoy hanging out with, this can be brilliant as they can stay over from time to time and you've no need to curb your behaviour other than for consideration of your neighbours. (Thankfully for me I'm in a semi and the house next door has a noisy teenaged daughter, so I doubt anything I do is too intrusive).

I would think carefully about your environment, in the sense that this is going to be a place where you spend a lot of time and you will want to feel comfortable as well as safe there, not more depressed. So try to make it pretty

Another bonus is getting to walk around butt naked with out any concerns.

Other than this, exciting times my friend... I hope it's great for you !!!

CarlOfTheWorld · #10 29th May 2011, 17:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by kastra

I'd definitely recommend a pet, I lived on my own for 3.5 years and I think having my cat there really helped. I was never totally alone and it meant I didn't get spooked by random noises in the night cos I'd just assume it was him

an adult cat is almost certainly gonna be easier to deal with than a kitten by the way, you can't really leave kittens for more than 2-3 hours but adults will adapt really quickly.
It can get lonely for sure but it's also nice not having to live by other people's rules or listen to their noise or have to deal with their tidiness (whether it's way more or less than yours, I've found both cause problems). Just try and make sure you get yourself out of the house every now and then and try not to vegetate in front of the PC too much (easier said than done

).

Thanks for the advice. I already sit in front of the PC too much and I don't watch a lot of tv. I always have my music on so it's not too quiet. I'd go mad without it. I might get a cat and a dog. I was brought up with cats but I actually prefer dogs, I think they appreciate you more and I can take them for walks. I don't like the idea of leaving the dog in the house though while I'm at work hence why I want a cat to keep him company.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ubyse

Just a note on pets - I live in a small 2 bedroomed flat with neighbours either side and below me and I have a cat. A lot of cat breeds make very little (if any) noise once they're neutured/spayed you dont want a female cat on heat cos yea that would be noisy! The most noise my cat will make is a tiny little meow or a purr, that you would struggle to hear from the next room never mind next door.

Most cats are also more than happy to be house cats. I've had mine for 4 years and she hasnt been outside once apart from when I take her to the vets, and she's fine.

The thing I think make cats good pets for people living alone also, is that you can leave them in the house whilst you go out to work or out for the day, if they're litter trained they make no mess, and as long as they have food, water and a few toys they dont care. mine will just sleep

I would recommend a cat as a pet to anyone in this type of situation!

Thanks. I am looking to get a cat and a dog so hopefully they can play together when I'm not there. I've had a house cat and they are easy to take care of. I find they sleep most of the time. I know dogs are hard work but I think they are good company and you can talk to a dog and they seem to understand you unlike cats. Plus I like the idea of taking him for walks even if it's the only time I get out of the house.

Thanks for all your replies.

Mr Ploppy · #11 29th May 2011, 18:00

I would like my own place, so much of my problems are related to family. It's not their fault, just the way we are.
A nice flat in a block of professional people, no kids around, & nice distant views would be ideal.

The loneliness would be a problem though. I would have to have a lot of outside stuff to deal with it.

I actually wouldn't mind living next door to the family. Just as long as I have a place to call mine.

CarlOfTheWorld · #12 29th May 2011, 18:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geminus

Another bonus is getting to walk around butt naked with out any concerns.

Other than this, exciting times my friend... I hope it's great for you !!!

You do that too?

Thanks for the advice. I do have good friends who I only see a few times a month if I'm lucky and I'm always stopping at their place so it will make a nice change for them to stop at mine. Plus I get to have parties whenever I like.
One thing I'm dreading is having noisy neighbours. I'm fairly quiet but I do like my music. I have it on most of the day. I don't normally have it too loud, not for long periods anyway but I'll ask them if I'm making too much noise and I'll either turn it down or put my headphones on.

-meep- · #13 29th May 2011, 18:04

I agree, cats are wonderful little companions!

Geminus · #14 29th May 2011, 18:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarlOfTheWorld

You do that too?

Thanks for the advice. I do have good friends who I only see a few times a month if I'm lucky and I'm always stopping at their place so it will make a nice change for them to stop at mine. Plus I get to have parties whenever I like.
One thing I'm dreading is having noisy neighbours. I'm fairly quiet but I do like my music. I have it on most of the day. I don't normally have it too loud, not for long periods anyway but I'll ask them if I'm making too much noise and I'll either turn it down or put my headphones on.

Dude, if they're too noisey, call the council and complain. Personally my last neighbours were noisey, didn't bother me as I could be noisey back and feel no guilt but my ex hated it when it came to sleeping at night.

Caribou · #15 29th May 2011, 20:01

I live alone and I love it.

GhostOnMagneticTape · #16 29th May 2011, 20:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ubyse

Most cats are also more than happy to be house cats. I've had mine for 4 years and she hasnt been outside once apart from when I take her to the vets, and she's fine.

The thing I think make cats good pets for people living alone also, is that you can leave them in the house whilst you go out to work or out for the day, if they're litter trained they make no mess, and as long as they have food, water and a few toys they dont care. mine will just sleep

I would recommend a cat as a pet to anyone in this type of situation!

I feel bad about keeping a cat inside all it's life though.

I would prefer a dog to get me outside more but I have to consider the cost of food, vet fees and if the landlord will be OK with it. Ah well, thanks for the advice and something to consider.

Ubyse · #17 29th May 2011, 21:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlienBuddha

I feel bad about keeping a cat inside all it's life though.

I would prefer a dog to get me outside more but I have to consider the cost of food, vet fees and if the landlord will be OK with it. Ah well, thanks for the advice and something to consider.

As long as you get the right breed, they are perfectly content to stay indoors. Obviously there are some breeds where it would be wrong to do so. Some pure breeds like ragdoll cats have to stay indoors because they're...erm not the most intelligent things

A standard moggy, as long as its not an older cat that is used to being outside will be perfectly happy being indoors.

They're very clean animals so easy to look after, not like dogs

I'd also advise getting pet insurance...just incase

kastra · #18 29th May 2011, 21:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ubyse

As long as you get the right breed, they are perfectly content to stay indoors. Obviously there are some breeds where it would be wrong to do so. Some pure breeds like ragdoll cats have to stay indoors because they're...erm not the most intelligent things

A standard moggy, as long as its not an older cat that is used to being outside will be perfectly happy being indoors.

They're very clean animals so easy to look after, not like dogs

I'd also advise getting pet insurance...just incase

I agree with all this

At one point my cat was very sick & needed surgery that cost thousands and he would have died without it, insurance covered it all so I didn't have to even think about what I would do which was a massive relief.
Mine has lived indoors all his life too, I used to take him out on a leash but he started getting spooked really easily and running back inside. My bf's cat used to live outdoors most of the time as well and now she's lived here nearly a year she hardly ever goes out ever, we let her in the garden a few times a week and she's always scrabbling to get back in within about 5 minutes.
On that note actually 2 cats are even more fun than one

catlover · #19 29th May 2011, 22:23

Carl, good luck!

It took me several years to get used to living on my own; it was the loneliness and coming home to an empty apartment after work. The worst time was the weekends.

I agree with the others about having a pet. Sounds like you're planning on having both a cat and a dog. I've heard that a lot of cats don't get along with dogs. Have you considered two dogs? (I'm a cat person myself, but I agree with you about the friendliness of dogs and the fun of taking them out for a walk.)

CarlOfTheWorld · #20 29th May 2011, 23:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by catlover

Carl, good luck!

It took me several years to get used to living on my own; it was the loneliness and coming home to an empty apartment after work. The worst time was the weekends.

I agree with the others about having a pet. Sounds like you're planning on having both a cat and a dog. I've heard that a lot of cats don't get along with dogs. Have you considered two dogs? (I'm a cat person myself, but I agree with you about the friendliness of dogs and the fun of taking them out for a walk.)

Thanks. I have a few friends who have a cat and a dog and they get on just fine. I guess it depends on the type of dog or cat. Having 2 dogs will be too much hard work I think. Im more of a dog person even though I was brought up with cats.

CarlOfTheWorld · #21 30th May 2011, 11:17

I'm buying. I haven't bought a place yet but have an idea what I want.

charlie188 · #22 30th May 2011, 12:19

I lived by myself for a year. I think the key is to not get stuck in a rut/spend all your times indoors and not see many people like I did. I felt like I'd lost touch with reality a little towards the end and felt quite lonely a lot of the time. But everyone is different.

If you have quite an active life with lots going on, you should be fine!

Good luck, I hope it goes well for you

wintertulip · #23 30th May 2011, 15:26

I live in student accommodation so I share a kitchen but have my own room and bathroom. I like the people I live with, but often wish I lived completely alone. I don't mind spending a lot of time alone, I think you get used to it after a while. So long as you have ways of cheering yourself up when you get lonely and people to contact for a chat, it's fine.

CarlOfTheWorld · #24 31st May 2011, 13:45

Cool, it's interesting to know how others find it living on their own. I can't wait. I don't think I'll mind being on my own, I actually feel the need to get away. I feel trapped with my parents. Things are too awkward and I have a hard time dealing with it. As much as I love them they can be hard work. I can't be in the same room as them for long periods. But that's a different story altogether.

STRING3R · #25 31st May 2011, 18:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarlOfTheWorld

Cool, it's interesting to know how others find it living on their own. I can't wait. I don't think I'll mind being on my own, I actually feel the need to get away. I feel trapped with my parents. Things are too awkward and I have a hard time dealing with it. As much as I love them they can be hard work. I can't be in the same room as them for long periods. But that's a different story altogether.

I feel awkward around my parents as well. Probably because they both have very different personalities, and I don't know how to act around them.

CarlOfTheWorld · #26 31st May 2011, 22:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by STRING3R

I feel awkward around my parents as well. Probably because they both have very different personalities, and I don't know how to act around them.

My parents are just quiet. Without the tv on my dad usually reads the paper while my mum just stares into space. It's very uncomfortable.

Between The Bars · #27 31st May 2011, 23:13

remember to pay all your bills

Wheelie Bin Bird · #28 1st June 2011, 00:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by FOR REAL 2

remember to pay all your bills

I didn't!

Blue Haze 2 · #29 1st June 2011, 00:59

Been living alone since April and I'm loving it.

My mum keeps phoning me up and coming round to check up on me. lol, I'm a big boy. I can look after myself. The only thing is; I don't know how to use a washing machine.

Geminus · #30 1st June 2011, 01:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Haze 2

Been living alone since April and I'm loving it.

My mum keeps phoning me up and coming round to check up on me. lol, I'm a big boy. I can look after myself. The only thing is; I don't know how to use a washing machine.

LMAO!!!