Attraction

Amora · #1 21st September 2011, 16:25

Do you need to find someone attractive to have a relationship?
How important is attraction?
Would you consider being in a relationship with someone you were'nt attracted to at all because this person has a good heart or because you're lonely?
Do you find many people attractive or do you find very few attractive?

Just wondering as I find very few attractive and wonder if that's odd.
I think its important to feel some attraction to have a relationship and wondered if most people feel that.

Pandapop · #2 21st September 2011, 16:38

Attraction to personality? Yes for sure, especially to keep a relationship going.
Attraction to looks? No, well for me no.

I find that the attraction to me wanting to get to know/be with someone is down to their personality and the chemistry between us, for me its nothing to do with if I find their looks hot.

I have a certain looks in guys that I always find pretty hot and attractive (everyone does), does this mean I look specifically for them looks every time I want to date someone? Hell no, almost never.
At the end of the day if your not attracted to someones looks but their personality if you end up falling for them for some strange reason you end up finding them extremely attracted look wise too. Which I guess is why some people after they split up they wonder how they were ever attracted to someone like that :P

Sea · #3 21st September 2011, 16:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amora

Do you need to find someone attractive to have a relationship?
How important is attraction?
Would you consider being in a relationship with someone you were'nt attracted to at all because this person has a good heart or because you're lonely?
Do you find many people attractive or do you find very few attractive?

Interesting questions. I don't know the answers though. Will be interesting to see what others say.

Optimistic · #4 21st September 2011, 17:16

Yes, I think being physically attracted to someone is important. but I also agree that the more I like someone's personality, the more I am attracted to them physically.

Tom123 · #5 21st September 2011, 17:22

I think finding the person attractive is important. Going out with someone you are not attracted to would be more like having a friend than a partner. I think things like sex, making nice compliments etc would all lapse/not be there and make the other person feel pretty shit.

girlinterrupted · #6 21st September 2011, 17:35

For a romantic/sexual relationship? Then yes I`d have to find them physically attractive or they`d just be friends. Good-hearted people whose personality I`m attracted to would fall into the friend category too I guess. For a partner they`d need to have all that plus I`d have to have the physical attraction.
Oh and in answer to the last question of whether I find many people attractive,I`m not sure. I think I find some aspects of some people attractive,very very few have I ever found attractive in all aspects (enough for a partner I mean).

Only_human · #7 21st September 2011, 17:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amora

Do you need to find someone attractive to have a relationship?
How important is attraction?
Would you consider being in a relationship with someone you were'nt attracted to at all because this person has a good heart or because you're lonely?
Do you find many people attractive or do you find very few attractive?

For me it is fairly important. I'm not talking ratings or them specifically being stereotypically attractive to others, but I, personally have to be attracted to them physically on some level yes. I doubt i'd get sexually aroused by someone I find unattractive, especially over time when the excitement of the potential physical touch lessens, and so as I would consider sexual compatibility to be important, I wouldn't be with someone I wouldn't necessarily desire to be engaging with sexually as that's fundamental to long term relationships, I believe. However, attraction can grow over time. But when all is said and done, there still must be some physical attraction for me to want to take that next step.

Essentially personality is always going to be more important to me as I could never be in a relationship with someone I didn't respect or want to be around generally. I definatley couldn't be with someone i found physically attractive but had a really bad personality where as i'd probably be more open to it if it was the other way around but I think that's walking on dodgy territory as most people's physical needs often over run emotional ones. It's not the be all and end all but it's certainly important as everyone needs to feel desired from time to time. But, if I became good friends with someone whom I did not fancy but we became close I would always consider it as chances are i'd have grown to see them in a more attractive light over time as i'd want to see them that way as they were my friend. I think it's best never to say never but I think it's unlikely unless I was attracted to them on some physical level.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amora

Just wondering as I find very few attractive and wonder if that's odd.
I think its important to feel some attraction to have a relationship and wondered if most people feel that.

I may find someone attractive but not fancy them, so it just depends on my personal preferences and what lures me in, which ofcourse is likely to include aspects of their personal traits I specifically am drawn too. I am the opposite to you, in that I find most people attractive on the surface or at the very least can identify specific things I can name that I find physically attractive about them, but like I say that is different in my mind to fancying someone and necessarily wanting to take that attraction further.

talisman · #8 21st September 2011, 18:40

Physical attraction is important for me. I couldn't pretend to find someone attractive even if I liked their personality, but as others have said, people do grow on you once you've gotten to know them, so I might grow to like someone's appearance (within reason).

diplodocus · #9 21st September 2011, 20:02

For a relationship, both physical and personality.
I personally wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone I wasn't that physically attracted to because I know eventually it would create problems. Same with personality as well. But I find people can grow on you in terms of personality, the same (at least for me) isn't true with physical attraction but I suppose it could be with lots of cosmetic surgery

Johnni · #10 21st September 2011, 21:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pandapop

I have a certain looks in guys that I always find pretty hot and attractive (everyone does), does this mean I look specifically for them looks every time I want to date someone? Hell no, almost never.
At the end of the day if your not attracted to someones looks but their personality if you end up falling for them for some strange reason you end up finding them extremely attracted look wise too. Which I guess is why some people after they split up they wonder how they were ever attracted to someone like that :P

What would be one of these strange reasons?

Pandapop · #11 21st September 2011, 21:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnni

What would be one of these strange reasons?

Lol take the 'if' out and put some coma's in

Johnni · #12 21st September 2011, 22:05

Pandapop · #13 21st September 2011, 22:07

At the end of the day if your not attracted to someones looks but their personality and you end up falling for them, for some strange reason you end up finding them extremely attracted look wise too.

THERE!

Johnni · #14 21st September 2011, 22:16

But you must be attracted to their looks in some way at the start, even a little.

Wings · #15 21st September 2011, 22:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pandapop

Attraction to personality? Yes for sure, especially to keep a relationship going.
Attraction to looks? No, well for me no.

I find that the attraction to me wanting to get to know/be with someone is down to their personality and the chemistry between us, for me its nothing to do with if I find their looks hot.

I have a certain looks in guys that I always find pretty hot and attractive (everyone does), does this mean I look specifically for them looks every time I want to date someone? Hell no, almost never.
At the end of the day if your not attracted to someones looks but their personality if you end up falling for them for some strange reason you end up finding them extremely attracted look wise too. Which I guess is why some people after they split up they wonder how they were ever attracted to someone like that :P

Pandapop · #16 21st September 2011, 22:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnni

But you must be attracted to their looks in some way at the start, even a little.

Doesn't have to be that way for me tbh, most of my ex's have been grenades

Johnni · #17 21st September 2011, 22:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pandapop

Doesn't have to be that way for me tbh, most of my ex's have been grenades

Sarah 'the Situation' Dynowska.

chocolatechip · #18 21st September 2011, 23:15

finding someone physically attractive is quite important to me, though the men i find attractive, other girls dont!

Duke of Prunes · #19 22nd September 2011, 00:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amora

Do you need to find someone attractive to have a relationship?
How important is attraction?
Would you consider being in a relationship with someone you were'nt attracted to at all because this person has a good heart or because you're lonely?
Do you find many people attractive or do you find very few attractive?

Just wondering as I find very few attractive and wonder if that's odd.
I think its important to feel some attraction to have a relationship and wondered if most people feel that.

1. Yes
2. I wouldn't be remotely interested in someone that I didn't find attractive, so it's vital
3. No
4. I don't have ridiculously high standards; most so-called 'average' people are attractive to me unless they have some trait that I find really unsightly

Cue the self-righteous 'omg I don't even consider physical attraction and people who do are shallow' brigade who are totally unaware or in denial of the fact that they filter people out based on it subconsciously whether they like it or not.

AutumnLeaves · #20 22nd September 2011, 00:39

I have tried having a relationship with a man who I shared a close bond with right from the start. I thought he was really hot but he only liked my personality. I would say that it was a form of love, and he is now my best mate, but as a woman it made me feel terrible. It knocked my confidence so badly and it really hurt to have him lusting after other women and not wanting me as a woman. I loved him for a long time but eventually a barrier went up because you can't keep loving someone who doesn't love you back. Now he feels like a brother and I'm glad to have that, but I really wish we hadn't kept alive a hope of it turning into something romantic for so long. Perhaps it's different if you have sex and you learn to lust after them, I don't know; I never had sex with this man.

diplodocus · #21 22nd September 2011, 08:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves

I have tried having a relationship with a man who I shared a close bond with right from the start. I thought he was really hot but he only liked my personality. I would say that it was a form of love, and he is now my best mate, but as a woman it made me feel terrible. It knocked my confidence so badly and it really hurt to have him lusting after other women and not wanting me as a woman. I loved him for a long time but eventually a barrier went up because you can't keep loving someone who doesn't love you back. Now he feels like a brother and I'm glad to have that, but I really wish we hadn't kept alive a hope of it turning into something romantic for so long. Perhaps it's different if you have sex and you learn to lust after them, I don't know; I never had sex with this man.

Sorry to hear about that, must have taken some time to get over

I know some people have said they can find people attractive eventually because they find their personality attractive but it does seem to be more women that say that than men.

I don't think if you'd have been having sex it would have made much difference. Maybe in the short term but it might have ended up being more damaging once the novelty of having sex wore off (which if he wasn't that attracted to you would likely be quite quick). You'd be back to where you started but perhaps feeling worse if he wasn't interested sexually and you might well have developed even stronger feelings for him by then.

I've been on the other side of that situation and I've since decided I won't get into a relationship if I'm not attracted to them because I know I'd just end up hurting them eventually.

well_guy · #22 22nd September 2011, 11:17

Physical appearance including fashion sense is the first thing that attracts me to a woman, but it’s not what keeps me with her.

All my ex’s are beautiful, And no i wouldn’t be able to have a relationship with someone I’m not attracted to physically; I’ll just end up seeing her as a friend.

Azi · #23 22nd September 2011, 11:54

I don't think I could be with someone who I didn't find physically attractive. That said, how attractive I find a person varies quite a lot depending on whether I'm attracted to their personality. There have been several people I've found attractive, but after getting to know them just couldn't see that any more. Likewise, there have been people who at first I didn't find especially attractive, then on getting to know them I found them very attractive.

Is it just me?

girlinterrupted · #24 22nd September 2011, 20:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azi

I don't think I could be with someone who I didn't find physically attractive. That said, how attractive I find a person varies quite a lot depending on whether I'm attracted to their personality. There have been several people I've found attractive, but after getting to know them just couldn't see that any more. Likewise, there have been people who at first I didn't find especially attractive, then on getting to know them I found them very attractive.

Is it just me?

Nope not just you!