Major life achievement (PhD) - hardly any Facebook likes

[Selkie]

Hi all,
I really thought my SA had got a lot better. I have some form of social life although it's a bit quieter than I would like, and I really thought that my work with CBT etc had paid off. But it turns out I'm still really unpopular.
Yesterday, I had a major life achievement: I passed my viva and am officially a doctor. A couple of my colleagues were nice enough to post about it on Facebook, and I am embarrassed and disheartened by how few people on there seem to care. Other people I know who've done the same get dozens of likes.
Probably nothing much to say about this. Perhaps its my fault I've lost touch with people or whatever.

[limey123]

WELL DONE!!!!

[Avalon]

Wow, that's an absolutely fantastic achievement, Selkie, and you should feel super proud of yourself!

Don't allow a rather lukewarm response from 'friends' on Facebook to rain on your parade. As long as you, your family and your closest friends can acknowledge and celebrate all that you've achieved then nobody else matters. Don't judge your worth on the amount of 'likes' you may or may not receive on Fake-book.

You've done brilliantly and SAUK is proud of you

[Dougella]

Congratulations, that's brilliant! Facebook likes don't mean anything, I'm sure the people close to you are hugely proud and pleased

[LittleMissMouse]

You have to factor in that many people on Farcebook have never sat in a PhD viva, so don't really grasp the stress of being intensely grilled for 3 or 4 hours on the tiniest of details of everything they've done for the past 3 or 4 years, or appreciate that overwhelming wave of relief and ecstasy when your external opens the door to you after discussing with your internal and just says the word "Doctor" to you.

Anyway, well done, doctor.

[Bluebear]

Congratulations, Doctor!

[Selkie]

Thanks all for the nice replies! They have made me feel a bit better, and I will try to bear some of your points in mind.
It's true that most of the people on Facebook are not, and never were my friends. There's a small number though that I feel sad about, because even if we've been out of touch for a while, I thought they might be pleased for me.
Stupid Facebook.
But thank you again .

[Jen.]

How do you even know the people even saw what was posted? Not everything put on Facebook shows up on people's feeds anyway due to the algorithms, especially likely if you haven't interacted on there for a while as you say.

[Formershyguy]

Good for you! :-)

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by roro_1990

Congrats on your PhD. This post comes at a time when I'm going through a similar issue. I had my Facebook account deactivated for months because being on there tends to remind me how much of a lonely loser I am.

Yesterday, I was stranded in Dubai after missing a connecting flight. I decided to take a positive attitude to my situation and explore the city, taking the metro from the airport hotel that Emirates shacked me up in for the night to the city centre. I managed to take a few really cool pictures of the city.

Something then spurred me to reactivate my account and post a couple of those pictures in case people might be interested. Within 45 mins of the post, two people had liked it. I promprlty deleted it, because it was a swift reminder that nobody gives a **** what I do.

Posting on Facebook also managed to turn what was a nice unexpected little trip around a new city and a strong feeling of independence to something negative, like a kick in the arse for my self-esteem. I honestly think I need to delete it completely.

It's interesting to me that you see two people liking your posts as a negative rather than a positive. How many likes would have made you happy?

[snoo]

Amazing stuff, what subject is the PhD in?

Wouldn't worry about the Facebook stuff. I remember when I joined I too was keen to validate myself using their metrics (dumb comparisons like comparing how many friends even though you could add people you barely knew).

Maybe there is a game of tit-for-tat going on, if you haven't commented/liked other people's stuff they aren't going to do the same for you.

[Jen.]

^ If you haven't commented on/liked other people's stuff then it means they're less likely to even see what you put up on there. Facebook mostly shows you things from people/pages you interact with the most.

[Utopia]

Well congratulations, I would personally be interested to know what you've been working on for the PhD. People can see it as a sign that someone thinks they are better than everyone - like you are just bragging - and if it's not in something most people care about, then they won't be as interested. This is just the reality of human beings, unfortunately. Humility is a good trait to have, do things for your own personal self-confidence and not just to get social media likes.

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by biscuits

You should have posted a picture of your dinner and put a speech bubble coming out of one of the foods saying that you got your phd.

This probably wouldn't have been a bad idea. I remember years ago when I used Facebook and before people shifted over to Instagram, the most likes would be on photos of people, food, pets and babies. You'd get people posting a massive album of buildings and landscapes they'd seen on holiday and they wouldn't get many likes because it's actually pretty boring to scroll through that stuff, they're only really interesting to the people who took them. Everyone likes looking at the other stuff though.

[Seagull]

You base your self worth on social media approval and you’re setting yourself up for a fall. Who gives a flying f**k about that shit? Back in the real world, what an amazing accomplishment Selkie, wowser x 37! Congratulations. Now delete that f**king Farcebook account posthaste!

[Utopia]

Originally Posted by mutedsoul

^ That’s their problem is they see it as bragging.

This is my attitude, but it depends on the people, if the majority of your friends are unlikely to relate or, to ever feel able to relate, they won't like it, and that's also just life.

Seriously though a PhD is a thing you have done (most likely for a living unless 'privileged') and achieved a higher level degree in the process, most people don't do PhD's but most people (here in the developed world) can afford a lovely meal in a restaurant every now and then.

[Marco]

Well done, Selkie!! Hopefully your PhD will be the launchpad for a great career ahead (unlike mine lol). As others have said, you don't need approval from your FB so-called friends. This is your own personal triumph. All the best.

[alpha]

Congratulations on your PhD, I'd loved to have done something like that (I was doing a degree at one point but it basically wasn't to be).

I think with Facebook if you don't interact with lots of people regularly and post pictures of stuff like you with what you had for lunch (even better with Snapchat filters applied and some serious pouting ), then I find most people feel less inclined to react to them. Whether that's through awkwardness, spite or something else I don't know but that's what I've found.

[Copernicium]

Congratulations. What was your thesis about?

[Selkie]

I'm feeling a bit better about it now .

Thing is, I was part of a cohort, and they all seem to get so many likes (quite a few had over 100 after their vivas) so it was hard not to compare myself. I can see that people might see it as bragging, but I actually didn't post about it - my colleagues did! I also get that some people won't relate to it, which is fine.
I do also like other people's stuff on Facebook, but it's true I post very infrequently.

For those that were interested, my PhD is in the area of human sciences.

Thanks again for the replies, they really helped!

[Withy]

Dude, you're a doctor now, who gives a shit about Facebook.

Many congratulations.

[AutumnLeaves]

Fantastic achievement. Well done, Doctor!

In my own experience doing a research masters, I found that compliments tended to come with requests for advice on how they could get 'A' s in their essays too. It actually really distracted me and I could no longer study in peace in the places I used to hide as an undergraduate.

Silence on the Facebook front could be a sign of jealousy, even from friends. The academic world is pretty competitive as you know, and it can be hard to be genuinely happy for peers when they succeed. Perhaps your colleagues who got more likes on FB were the type of people others would want to suck up to and keep as a useful 'connection'? All very cynical and not worth thinking about too much though. You deserve to be really good to yourself after all that hard work.