Sick of not being able to talk fluently and the way it impacts on my social anxiety

[Marie8]

I'm feeling so fed up of my brain, I really struggle to get my words out and can't talk fluently or continuously, there are always gaps in my speech and I can't have conversations with people and can never think of things to say. Even if I do have something to say I usually keep quiet because the times I do try to speak it all comes out wrong and jumbled up and I forget words or use the wrong word and get really embarrassed
Its happened before where people have started talking over me as they seem fed up of waiting for me to finish. Recently my mum asked me about a book I read and I enjoyed but I couldn't put into words what it was about, I had to look on amazon reviews and copy one from there. I lack ability to put things into my own words. My thoughts are usually in feelings and images rather than words, I find it hard to explain.

Ive tried self help books for social and general anxiety, reading more non fiction books, watching documentaries, but nothings helping me to improve my language skills. I worry so much that my lack of ability to actually talk will make me so alone and even more isolated in the future. I'm really scared and its getting me down.

A colleague from work messaged me and it's taken me all day to come up with a reply and less than a minute later she replied back. I now feel so under pressure to reply back but I cant think of anything to say. I hate the current situation and she is sad because her family are in another country and I dont know how to reply to this, I am not the right person to offer help and advice to people. This is why I lost contact with friends I had in the past because I'm just not the type of person that should have friends I dont feel good enough I feel really stupid and dumb. I want to just ignore the message but then it will look bad and I'll feel awful about it, but at the same time if I do reply it will look bad because I wont say the right thing. I used to ask my mum to help me reply to messages and emails but I feel stupid ringing her and asking.

I'm sure it's more than my anxiety,but know it makes it worse as I have the same thing with my family, mind is just blank and I cant think of anything to talk about, questions to ask or how to respond to things they say. People probably think I'm just empty and an air head which I probably am. I dont know how to talk properly. Maybe I need a speech therapist, I dont know. I went to my gp a few months ago and she tried to refer me for tests but they weren't able to as I'm an adult and not in education.. I just feel so alone with this I dont feel like a real person. I have no thoughts really apart from negative ones like this. I really wish I could get some help but dont know how. I have tried reading today but I've forgotten most of what I read my brain cant retain information and my lack of general knowledge makes me look dumb and affects me a lot in social situations.

I really want to use this time to learn and improve my skills but I have no idea how. I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself but I am so fed up of the way I am.

[Gosties]

You would not get that impression with how clearly you convey your thoughts in posts like this one. I feel it seems when your put on the spot and asked to reply or explain your thoughts on things that you have what I would term a "Brain Freeze".
It also seems that you waste a lot on energy making an appropriate response to questions/texts etc and worry about making the wrong impression.
Not everyone feels comfortable leading conversations.
I don't have any doubts about your intelligence. You have always conveyed your thoughts in any of your posts. I have read them and they are clearly and easily understandable.
I don't think your an "empty air head". Your probably too harsh on yourself.

[Silent-Aro]

Hi Marie, I can completely relate to you. When I'm in a conversation it's like a constant battle on what to say next. I constantly worry about how to keep the conversation interesting. worrying about how many topics i have a little knowledge on. A lot of people have told me that the reason is because you just don't have people you can relate to. but as Ghosties said look at the the way your able to coherently and eloquently you can convey your thoughts. The evidence suggest that you are a hell of a lot smarter than you think. I imagine talking to you right now and I'm 100% sure the conversation would be amazing. Anxiety really does block the mind. A conversation to me is like work. Please don't let your mind trick you into thinking badly about yourself. You're being so hard on yourself that it's really quite sad. You remind me of me. I really know the feeling of having to rehearse what i'm going to say before a conversation even starts which probably does more harm than good. I know how hard it is. You are not alone in your thoughts but I would say your thoughts about yourself are being guided by untrue perceptions. It's a viscous cycle. Conversation leads to anxiety, anxiety inhibits social comfort which leads to depressed/self critical thoughts. In my conclusion is that it's probz because we are blocked by anxiety. Important thing to note I read your thread and you kept my interest so high. Please don't be too harsh on yourself. it's so unfair, my hunch is your probably smarter than most!!!! I guess it's a case of where do we start. The only way is through feeling happy internally cos anxiety does decrease with self love. Not easy but it's just an internal thing that we both must try to instill.

[Wolfy15]

Hi MaryB the way you've written your post is brilliant, I'm 52 and can't put things across as good, everyone with SA find it hard to express things in words when speaking because anxiety can you lose your train of thought, try not to get frustrated, be easy on yourself, genorus to yourself, like you would to a friend or a acquintence who had the same problem, we tend to be very hard on our selves and very genorus to others

[Marie8]

Thanks for your replies, It’s nice what you have said, I just don’t really know how to reply and I’m sorry about that. My head just gets too full and I get this really overwhelming feeling. I don’t feel bad saying that on here because I don’t feel judged, but I can’t explain this to people I know at work because I’m scared they will laugh at me. This girl from work who messaged me yesterday I’ve still not replied to, I keep putting it off but I honestly can’t think of anything to say. I want to say the right thing so much and make her think that I’m a caring and nice person and offer her advice, but I don’t know how to do that. I think I can explain myself on here through posts ok, but this is stuff that goes round my head every day for years. But I find replying to people difficult and also I often read people’s posts and wish I could reply but can’t think of the words. There have been times when I’ve written a reply and then changed my mind and deleted it. And when it comes to people asking me things things (usually in person), such as what’s your opinion on x y z, or someone making a joke and me trying to think of something funny to say, or just any everyday talk at work, I really struggle and people have made negative comments about me in the past.

At school I was bullied and people called me gullible and thick. I was very shy when I was little and the bullying made me develop anxiety and panic attacks. Bullying about my appearance made me develop low self esteem from a really young age, which still affects me a lot now. I know I shouldn’t let this bother me anymore, especially as it happened so many years ago, but I am still stuck in th past with the horrible memories and nasty things kids used to say to me. I think this is the root cause and I had been having cbt but because of lockdown had to stop. I get really anxious going out and passing people in the street and get so anxious about what they will be thinking of me. I get especially anxious around teenagers because I worry they will start shouting abuse at me. I wear sunglasses and hats when I go out, but sometimes this draws more attention, if it’s a hot day and I’m wearing a bobble hat for example.

To be honest I don’t think cbt will help me overcome this. I think I need meds but still not sure they will help me and I have anxiety about side effects of medications, don’t even like taking paracetamol. I do also get a blank empty mind when I am relaxed and with my family. I am close to my parents but I still struggle to think of things to say to them. It can be awkward when we go out for lunch at a cafe and sitting in silence sometimes. I think another part of the reason I’m like this it’s because I didn’t do well at school because I didn’t listen and I didn’t do very well in my exams. I didn’t pay attention because of my anxiety and I do have a lot of gaps in my knowledge. I try to read more, watch documentaries but it doesn’t sink in, I think it’s my constant anxious mind won’t let me remember information. I think I could learn and become smarter but not with the way I am at the moment. I wish I could clear my mind of these thoughts it’s driving me mad.

[Gosties]

Just because you never did well in exams does not mean that you lack intelligence. Not everyone performs well in exams and with the stress through the bullying and the anxiety that comes from sitting tests in the first place it's no surprise.
You need to give yourself more credit. You've nothing to prove to anyone.

[Wolfy15]

What is your relationship with your perants good, and your family, do they understand fully what Sad is, and do you get a lot of support from them?, when I was young I started to get anxious walking past people in the street, Getting on buses, the things you mension or classic Sad, I would say your quite young, because I have got over these situation, but still have slight problems using phones around people, eating infront of people, when you get these multiple situations it's an absolute pain, when I was young there was no Internet, I had to get help through books, mental health teams, hypnosis, it didnt really help, this is why I would asked government to set up colleges combined with gradually exposer classes, because I think this approach would help SA sufferers more than anything else.

[humphrey]

Marie8

You have done a lot better in your life than I have. I still live in the same house for over 50 years, never been able to move into my own place, financially or emotionally. You shouldn't dwell on all the negatives, you have accomplished a lot in your life.

[az1]

I know exactly what you are going through. I'm very bad with words and just cant get the right words out when I want to, so I end up mumbling or stopping in a middle of a sentence. I feel like it makes me sound thick.

Years ago I had a friend from work, we changed jobs but were friends on FB. Once he messaged me and he was chatting about personal problems with his wife and I just didnt know what to say to him. We never chatted again and after I realised he took me off his friends list! I'm the same with family members as well, everyones chatting away and I have nothing to say and even if I do I dont say it because I dont want to make a fool of myself

What I would say is it is nothing to do with your exam grades or intelligence. I kniw people who left school at the age of 14 and can just talk so fluently Thats one thing Id love to be able to do

[Messer]

I get this too. Sometimes I kind of choke on my words, it's like a throat spasm or something. Doesn't matter who I'm talking to.

[Mr. Nobody]

I have often found that many people seem to talk very quickly,
The words flow very quickly in conversation and all I feel I can do is listen, but even then, the fast pace of some people's speech makes me feel tired and a little depressed,

Depressed because I just feel that communication can't really happen with such a fast pace,.. it's like they're talking quickly (and often loudly) just to avoid things or force their own pre-ordained agenda, and I tend to just become almost mute and rather distant in these circumstances,

I can recall a moment not too long ago when I was asked a question about something, did I want this piece of furniture, it was a family discussion, and I was just receiving this in my brain, and picturing how I could use it or not, and just mulling it over, when two of my obviously exasperated siblings just laughed at me and said forget it,...
I'm not exactly sure how they couldn't just wait a few seconds for me to mull it over, but so many people seem to expect instant answers for some reason,..
Instant response, instant knowing, instant reflection,..I'm not quite getting why everything has to be so quick,..
It's almost as if no one wants to give time to simple face to face discussion or have time for simply being with someone and giving time to just 'be'

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

I have a stutter, though I'm more covert... where I carefully use words when speaking to avoid trigger words.

I'd highly recommend checking out www.stamma.org - A UK based charity with a support phone number or chat online. Also on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/starfishstammering/ The Starfish Propject, who have been running workshops for years to help people improve their speech.

Edit - BTW, Stammer/Stutter are the same... Stammering is used more often in the UK where as stuttering is global.

[Gosties]

I think that you are on edge when it comes to having normal conversations. Therefore it affects your ability to reply in a coherent manner. The worst thing about it is the more agitated that it makes you feel whilst doing so the less likely your able to give a normal response. Your wasting so much energy in trepidation of a potential conversation that you have nothing left when it comes to it.

[Neil123]

Yes some eloquent and amazing words from both Marie8 and the responders..I used to be very similar too - especially at work and especially with fast talking or confident people - or anyone that I didnt feel safe with - or indeed anyone who I didnt see as a little bit emotionally damaged. If I could see (or guess) the struggled with life a little too, I always felt much safer (and still do).
There was a time it was hard to talk with my parents and sister but - after breaking my leg and getting very unwell (MH wise) - I eventually said I need to talk to a doctor - he referred me to a counsellor. It was such a relief to spill all my issues to a human being. I then then told my parents about social anxiety, depression and quite a few other hangups/issues. The relief of having at least some people I didnt have to hide my struggles from really really helped.
For a long time after that I just talked about relatively downbeat things with just those I felt safe with - being entertaining or funny or trying to reach up to another persons energy level was too hard. There are certain kinds of soft people i have always found it easier to be with..
Anyway one of the things i do now - in terms of conversation - is try and talk about things that are interesting to me - hobbies, things I like on tv and really try and find things you have in common - safe ground so to speak - is very draining trying to talk about things that have no meaning to us...
I try and talk about things very current, like what you did yesterday, or the weekend, or something on the news yesterday - and i know its very hard but we need to just say what comes into our head - try not to filter it or feel you have to be funny/entertaining or even interesting, just try to speak your truth, just say whats on your mind or how you feel even when its different to what the other person might be expecting to hear
we have to be true to ourselves in the conversational moment and just speak about what feels interesting and if (hopefully) random connections/thoughts pop into your head just go with it and jump to that connection -e.g. oh that reminds me I saw/did such and such the other day..
I know I used to check each word/sentence before I spoke it - to make sure it was interesting and that it wasnt a complicated word I might get tongue tied with - it doesnt really work - its exhausting and by the time you have done the check(s) the moment has passed...anyway it is hard but if you can possibly find a social anxiety group of other socially anxious people locally it so helps to talk and practice with them as the safety and mutual understanding helps us grow…and if you feel able see that zoom chat/thearapy link i mentioned in one of the threads above - being with others that understand is so important...

[sillypenguin]

Originally Posted by Messer

I get this too. Sometimes I kind of choke on my words, it's like a throat spasm or something. Doesn't matter who I'm talking to.

Yeah same, it used to really annoy me and put me down but now I just try and make jokes about it, think folk are just used to me doing it now tbh. I'm much better at written communication though, I can create professional emails in work etc but when I'm taking calls or talking to people face to face, I'm a babbling mess

[Marie8]

Phone calls make me so anxious, I work in an office but have been furloughed for the last 3 months, I've no idea how I'm going to go back to work and how it's going to affect my sa. I'm sure many people will also feel like this. I cant imagine being on the phone anymore, I found it nerve wracking enough when I was working and I'd been there 5 years.

I need to call up about a bill I was overcharged for but I've been putting it off over 2 weeks and I am too anxious to call up, I've tried writing it down but when I try and do it my heart starts racing and I feel breathless. I want the money back but I am just too scared to do it. Wish I could email them but there is no option to do that. And if they start saying I'm wrong and the amount I was charged was right I'll probably be too anxious to argue and just say oh ok or something and hang up. Anyone else like this with phoning companies?

[Neil123]

yes certainly recognise finding telephone calls hard. I think its because we tend to get put on the spot with phone calls. There is nowhere to conversationally "hide" and talk about the weather or change the subject for a while etc. By their very nature they are short and focused and that isnt good with an issue that is difficult for us. Without the benefit of body language and time its all a bit intense and we feel if it doent go well we have blown are one and only chance. What I do is try and make the call when feeling good e.g. after I have been for a run and my self esteem/endorphins are good. also try and make the call with a supportive friend there with you if possible- it somehow helps me to have that persons emotional support and prescence (assuming you have such a person accessible with covid and SA et al). also i try t get in the frame of mind where i am just mentioning the subject "i was just wondering about the bill because it doesnt seem quite right" – make it just a polite enquiry – and if it you don’t get quite what you want you can always say “ok – can I think about that and do some more checks”….in other words give yourself a second chance to ring up. you are allowed to ring again (even the next day) when you have gathered your thoughts. Having the attitude of just ringing fro an initial “check” takes away the pressure of one all or nothing event..good luck…

[Toxic]

I've bumbled my way through a phone call this morning, it doesn't seem to get any easier. I'm actually better in real life these days - the phones still a write off. If I can avoid making the call even if it costs me money - I'll do it!

[Ro26]

Hi Marie8 í*½í¸Š

I have the same problem, though I know what I want to say the moment I try to articulate my thoughts, particularly when i'm anxious they come out all jumbled and I end up saying a diluted version of the ideas I want to express. Have you ever been tested for dyslexia or dyspraxia? I am a mature student at a university and was tested by an educational psychologist and learnt that thw reason why I struggle to sometimes verbally express my ideas or write them I can have trouble. I'm intelligent and get good marks on my assignments, but I now know I need to be patient with myself when expressing ideas inverbally and on paper. Have you tried speaking to a professional as they maybe able to shed light on your difficulty and help you í*½í¸Š

[Marie8]

I still haven’t made the call but this is good advice and I’m hoping to do it next week. I might do it when I go to my parents house and sit outside with my mum. In the past she has made phone calls on my behalf, but I find it more embarrassing these days to ask her to help me as I no longer live at home and feel I should be old enough to do it myself, as my mum used to say, I just don’t think she really understands my social anxiety, I think she sees it as a shyness I would grow out of, as she used to be very shy until her late 20s. I know she says this to help and to encourage me and she would make the call if I really couldn’t. I think she worries about me and wants to make sure I can do things myself. If I’m struggling maybe I could pass the phone over to her, at least then I’ll have made the initial part of the cell myself.

[Marie8]

I have spent years trying to find out what’s wrong with me, mainly searching online but also saw my gp which got me nowhere.

I know my social anxiety makes things wors, but I do think I have some kind of disability. I think it could be dyslexia, expressive language disorder, or possibly autism.

I’ve done online tests, i did a dyslexia screening test which came back borderline and quick online autism questionnaire which came back as possible. Both recommended having proper tests.

I saw my gp in November and expalined my difficulties, she said she would refer me for tests, but I never received a letter. She called me at the end of March to say as I’m an adult and no longer in education they couldn’t accept my referral. I just feel let down by the stupid system and looks like I’ll have to pay for any tests but I haven’t enough money, so not sure what to do. I contacted a dyselxica helpline and they said I’d have to pay and I emailed an autism helpline who haven’t replied. I just feel down about it and want to know once and for all what is it, as I’ve been like this all my life and was too afraid to ask for help when I was at school.

[Marie8]

Maybe I need to see a speech therapist? Has anyone else seen a speech therapist? I have always felt that I’m not very intelligent, but I think it’s more that I have problems retaining information. I could read or watch a documentary about something I’m very interested in and the next day would forget all the details. I have a terrible memory and even forget things about myself sometimes. I find writing hard as I get muddled up with words and don’t have a great vocabulary. I’ve bought books on vocabulary and general knowledge tests but they don’t really help me. I enjoy reading both fiction and non fiction but I’m a very slow reader and often come accross words I don’t understand, which I look up but then forget their meaning. Think it’s all a memory thing really, but I’ve always had this as a child so think it’s more than anxiety. I know my anxiety makes it a lot worse though.

[Marie8]

Also posting on here about my issues is easier for me to talk about, because it’s something that affects me all the time and I’ve had years and years to think about it and look into it online, by reading and hearing about other people’s experiences it’s made me better at explaining it than I used to. When it comes to discussing anything else I really do struggle. My mind is blank and I don’t really have many opinions of my own.

[Laurel]

I do get this, but then it can sometimes be on the spot anxiety. Sometimes I try think of stuff to talk about before I go. But yeah can sometimes inevitably get the painful silence.

[ShyGuyy]

Originally Posted by Marie8

Phone calls make me so anxious, I work in an office but have been furloughed for the last 3 months, I've no idea how I'm going to go back to work and how it's going to affect my sa. I'm sure many people will also feel like this. I cant imagine being on the phone anymore, I found it nerve wracking enough when I was working and I'd been there 5 years.

I need to call up about a bill I was overcharged for but I've been putting it off over 2 weeks and I am too anxious to call up, I've tried writing it down but when I try and do it my heart starts racing and I feel breathless. I want the money back but I am just too scared to do it. Wish I could email them but there is no option to do that. And if they start saying I'm wrong and the amount I was charged was right I'll probably be too anxious to argue and just say oh ok or something and hang up. Anyone else like this with phoning companies?

Having to talk on the phone for work is basically how I discovered I have SA. The job required very little interaction with other people (which I liked) but on the rare occasion my phone rang I would have a complete meltdown. I would start sweating, shaking, muddling my words and all the rest of it. I was just so self conscious that everyone around me (it was a very quiet open-plan office) was listening to the whole thing.

I started to become very fearful and anxious everyday about the phone ringing, even though weeks would go by without a call.

Eventually we did away with phones and used Skype instead. I ended up just muting the ring tone on my PC and would let calls go through to one of the admin staff who would take a message. I still had to call back but I felt a bit more comfortable doing this in a private meeting room and on my own terms.

Anyway, I felt pretty ashamed of this behaviour and I think it was this, coupled with the fact that everyone else around me could answer calls without any problem, that finally drew my attention to the fact that my level of anxiety about using the phone wasn’t normal. It’s definitely being put in the spot that does it. I regularly write lengthy and complicated emails and letters for work, and they’re all fine. But when I have to communicate verbally I muddle my words and start babbling.

Only yesterday I bumped into friend and asked how he was. He said “not bad thanks” and asked me how I was. I responded with “bad thanks”. He just looked slightly confused and moved on. I’m absolutely fine talking to him when we meet up, but simply being put on the spot unexpectedly makes me nervous and then I muddle my words. Just have to try and laugh about these things I guess...

Originally Posted by Marie8

Maybe I need to see a speech therapist? Has anyone else seen a speech therapist? I have always felt that I’m not very intelligent, but I think it’s more that I have problems retaining information. I could read or watch a documentary about something I’m very interested in and the next day would forget all the details. I have a terrible memory and even forget things about myself sometimes. I find writing hard as I get muddled up with words and don’t have a great vocabulary. I’ve bought books on vocabulary and general knowledge tests but they don’t really help me. I enjoy reading both fiction and non fiction but I’m a very slow reader and often come accross words I don’t understand, which I look up but then forget their meaning. Think it’s all a memory thing really, but I’ve always had this as a child so think it’s more than anxiety. I know my anxiety makes it a lot worse though.

Also can I just say, you sound very intelligent to me. You write clearly and eloquently. Also, the ability to retain information is certainly not the only measure of intelligence. It’s just the measure schools choose to use as a means for testing us in exams. But it’s rarely very useful in real life (unless you’re doing a pub quiz!).

[Neil123]

That's helped me remember - that's just how the SA office anxiety started for me, well talking out loud in general but the telephone especially...
"The job required very little interaction with other people (which I liked) but on the rare occasion my phone rang I would have a complete meltdown. I would start sweating, shaking, muddling my words and all the rest of it. I was just so self conscious that everyone around me (it was a very quiet open-plan office) was listening to the whole thing."
It killed me to answer the phone - almost a panic attack really because everyone would hear me stutter and stumble..
The only thing I would say to my old self now is to try and tell the manager I was having problems - even say I had social anxiety (though i didnt know i had it at the time -I thought i was the only one the world!)
I know some people can't tell their manager because their job might be at risk - but - if you possibly can - tell your manager - tell your close colleagues and friends as well - I really believe this now - we shouldnt have to hide and suffer in silence any more - just like all the other conditions - depression, OCD, tourettes, panic attacks, being gay, being dyslexic etc - these are part of human experience and friends and colleagues kind of "need to know"....its so much easier when you tell people...some of the pain of the anxiety and hiding goes away. Maybe - with a good boss - you can be let off phone calls for a while - in time - with gentle pushing boundaries you may be able to do them again.....

[ShyGuyy]

Originally Posted by Neil123

It killed me to answer the phone - almost a panic attack really because everyone would hear me stutter and stumble..
The only thing I would say to my old self now is to try and tell the manager I was having problems - even say I had social anxiety (though i didnt know i had it at the time -I thought i was the only one the world!)
I know some people can't tell their manager because their job might be at risk - but - if you possibly can - tell your manager - tell your close colleagues and friends as well - I really believe this now - we shouldnt have to hide and suffer in silence any more - just like all the other conditions - depression, OCD, tourettes, panic attacks, being gay, being dyslexic etc - these are part of human experience and friends and colleagues kind of "need to know"....its so much easier when you tell people...some of the pain of the anxiety and hiding goes away. Maybe - with a good boss - you can be let off phone calls for a while - in time - with gentle pushing boundaries you may be able to do them again.....

Yes that’s exactly how I would describe it really- it’s basically a mild panic attack. I wonder if perhaps we only notice our SA when we are forced to use the phone because a phobia of the phone is rarely talked about. I have always had a similar response to public speaking but everyone says that is “scary” so I assumed my response was normal. Very rarely do people say that about talking on the phone, so perhaps it highlights the problem to ourselves more than public speaking.

I am in a new job now, and we have offices. This has helped a lot actually. I think knowing people were listening made it so much worse. I just hate being the centre of attention. I also speak to my colleagues on the phone more frequently which gives me a chance to practice. I would say it is improving with time. I had to phone my bank the other day. Initially I could feel the adrenaline and my voice was shakey, but after a minute or two I calmed down and the rest of the call was ok. As you say, it really helps to gently push boundaries with colleagues, rather than being thrown straight in at the deep end.

Yes, I wish SA was given more recognition. Particularly in young people. I remember doing presentations at school and I would basically, again, be having a mild panic attack in front of the class. I think everyone was cringing so much watching me that nobody dared mention it. But I wish the teacher had perhaps taken me aside afterwards and talked about it and maybe done more to help push boundaries in a less intense way. We don’t force children who are scared of heights to immediately go skydiving!! :P

[az1]

Originally Posted by Marie8

I still haven’t made the call but this is good advice and I’m hoping to do it next week. I might do it when I go to my parents house and sit outside with my mum. In the past she has made phone calls on my behalf, but I find it more embarrassing these days to ask her to help me as I no longer live at home and feel I should be old enough to do it myself, as my mum used to say, I just don’t think she really understands my social anxiety, I think she sees it as a shyness I would grow out of, as she used to be very shy until her late 20s. I know she says this to help and to encourage me and she would make the call if I really couldn’t. I think she worries about me and wants to make sure I can do things myself. If I’m struggling maybe I could pass the phone over to her, at least then I’ll have made the initial part of the cell myself.

Have you sorted your bill yet?

[Neil123]

Originally Posted by ShyGuyy

Yes, I wish SA was given more recognition. Particularly in young people. I remember doing presentations at school and I would basically, again, be having a mild panic attack in front of the class. I think everyone was cringing so much watching me that nobody dared mention it. But I wish the teacher had perhaps taken me aside afterwards and talked about it and maybe done more to help push boundaries in a less intense way. We don’t force children who are scared of heights to immediately go skydiving!! :P

Yes - I do remember being at school and terrified that I would be asked a question or asked to read aloud in English. Whilst I know that lots of children don't put their hand up or want to be asked to read aloud I think I had a level of fear that was not normal.

I wonder if teachers know the children that are excessively nervous of speaking - can they tell us from the ones that are just quiet? They could never know how I felt inside (way too much fear cortisol etc) but I think teachers could at least be encouraged to mention social anxiety at times.

Teachers could say that "if any of you feel really scared to put your hand up or be asked a question in class that there is this thing called "social anxiety" - and mention it can affect friendships etc". Say to the children - you can "talk to me" or to your form tutors or school counsellors (if school is enlightened enough to have them).

I think my SA started at school (or maybe it was there all along waiting to pop out) but I probably could have been helped with the right kind of support - possibly by a teacher raising the “social anxiety “issue at a parents evening and the whole thing being handled "very very gently carefully" so I didn’t feel singled out or weird/different.

It happens at Uni/college too - I remember seeing a really strong alpha male looking guy kind of "fall apart" when doing a presentation to perhaps 20 others - looking back I should have said something to him (I knew all about SA by then) but too often we don’t want to mess around in other people’s private affairs.

Also there is the whole issue of what is SA itself and what is normal performance anxiety (which so many people have with or without SA). Either way – it was an extreme case with presentation chap and I – or the tutor – should have gently said something - its pretty difficult to get better without help/support.

Ideally schools, colleges and universities should be encouraged to mention social anxiety, presentation anxiety, depression and other anxieties at some of the start year introductory sessions.

It’s a big thing – we need to normalise the existence of social anxiety so more people get helped earlier...

[Neil123]

but - yes Marie8 - let us know if you managed the phone call...