Going places on your own

[sillypenguin]

Good evening everyone,

I haven't logged on here for quite some time, nothing personal, I'm just really unsociable I hope you all have been as good as one can be during this crazy time!

I'm just wondering, how many of you feel confident about going places/trips by yourself? Im going a cycling trip tomorrow by myself (around 50 miles) then staying at a hotel overnight and then heading back. In the past I would have never dreamed of doing something like that due to my crazy anxiety. I mean I am anxious about it, but more because I'm excited! I have always envied people who can just go off on adventures by themselves without caring what others think and putting themselves off it with their own negativity. It's not like I don't have people I can do stuff with, but it's good to not have to be reliant on others and just go with the flow without worrying too much.

Got my backpack and cycle bag packed and been studying the map all day. Let's hope I don't get lost!

[biscuits]

Aww that sounds great!

I'll happily go to places on my own!

Have a great time!

[T]

Good luck with it sillypenguin hope it goes well for you!


For me i guess the older i've become the less nervous i've become, when i first started going to places/trips/gigs/festivals i was very very nervous and had alot of the negative thoughts of what could happen scenories but I pushed myself into doing it and so glad i've done it and it didn't hold me back... from time to time i still have a wobble but i just focus on the positive outlook why i'm doing it...

[Consolida]

That sounds great sillypenguin
I'm envious because it's something I couldn't do but would quite like to do if it wasn't for the wretched anxiety.

Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am that I have a husband to do things with but I find that if you don't ever need to do things on your own when there comes a time that you have to do something alone it is so much scarier. In a perfect world, I'd love to be able to confidently go off on my own as an independent person but still have the companionship of my best friend (my husband) when I wanted it.

When I was single I was definitely a lot braver because if I wasn't I simply wouldn't have gone out the front door which isn't an option if you have a young child. I'll never forget how proud I was of myself for travelling abroad alone - okay, I had a young child with me but it's similar to being alone when you're the one with all the responsibility).

@ The Devil, probably - it seems that whatever our circumstances, whether we have a partner or are alone, we all have reasons to be envious. A case of the grass being greener perhaps? I suppose having the companionship of a loved one but also being able to do things alone when you choose to would strike the ideal balance for most people.


Anyway, have a lovely bike ride tomorrow, sillypenguin, and please let us know how it went when you come back x

[AnxiousExtrovert]

That sounds great I hope you have a good time!

That makes me think of something else.

Has anyone ever suffered with agoraphobia here?

I don't usually have any problem doing anything by myself, often preferred even.
But in recent months I have become agoraphobic where when I leave home too far I suffer bad panic attacks. Actually I don't have to go far from home at all or even leave home to be getting them. I can tell when I'm not in a good place which makes it more likely. But being at a fair distance from home increases the chances massively.
I am seeing someone about it and I believe its because I am depressed and it's not just the leaving home which is the main issue. It just so happens that when I am further from home it is scarier feeling how I do and then panic ensues.
As said I do get these panic attacks at home too they just aren't in public which for me is the ultimate low point.

Has anyone else suffered with agoraphobia?

[anxiouslondoner]

I've visited a lot of places in Europe and Asia on my own. Also Central America but that was a guided tour. I've had some great times and some rather strange ones, but I won't put you off with the latter!

Just go. There's nothing like the excitement of being in a new place. I think it stimulates the imagination and gives you the thrill of not quite knowing where you are going to end up! It doesn't have to be far away, you can get this just as easily staying within the UK, though you don't usually have the same challenges with language here.

[choirgirl]

Yes, I have no problems going places on my own. Although I do have a tendency to get lost if my phone runs out of juice. Got lonely as hell on my last holiday though. It would be nice to have a holiday companion.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by sillypenguin

Good evening everyone,

I haven't logged on here for quite some time, nothing personal, I'm just really unsociable I hope you all have been as good as one can be during this crazy time!

I'm just wondering, how many of you feel confident about going places/trips by yourself? Im going a cycling trip tomorrow by myself (around 50 miles) then staying at a hotel overnight and then heading back. In the past I would have never dreamed of doing something like that due to my crazy anxiety. d

Well done. Hope it works out. The very fact that you’ve planned this shows you’re making progress. When I was at my worst, in my late teens, everything was agony. I couldn’t go in a restaurant with my family, or even sit in McDonalds, because I thought everyone was watching me and laughing at me. Now, at 44, I don’t care. I go everywhere on my own and feel perfectly fine. The great thing about getting older is that no one cares what you do, and you care less and less what they think.

I’ve never been abroad on my own, but I’m sure I could. In fact, I feel much happier and more confident when I’m in a foreign country, especially when it’s warm and bright. You have to make yourself approachable, that’s one thing I’ve learned. When I was young, I was so full of fear and shame I could barely move, and I gave off a “stay the hell away from me” vibe. Now, though I’m still awkward and still full of shame, my aura, or vibe, has changed. I’m more open and smiley and approachable.

[gregarious_introvert]

Hi sillypenguin, I'm a little late finding this but I hope the bike ride and overnight stay went well and that you'll feel confident doing something similar again soon.

Of course, I would never go anywhere on my own! Yes, I'm joking.

In fact, I've never really thought anything of going places on my own, because I never really had an alternative; when I was a teenager, I used to cycle to numerous places, although I would always cycle back the same day, never stay overnight (the longest trip was around 75 miles one way, 150 miles round trip). The lure of seeing my favourite bands was always so great that going to gigs or festivals alone was never an issue, but I would never consider going to the cinema or theatre alone (I actually made my first solo trip to the theatre last week, at the age of 59).

Travelling was something I always wanted to do, but never had the confidence to do alone until a little under nine years ago (at the age of 50), since when it's been something I do routinely. On that first solo trip (to Canada and the USA), I was still in the early stages of "recovery" (in fact, not so recovered, since returning from that trip was the beginning of an agoraphobic episode lasting almost three years) and still giving off that hostile vibe which Moksha mentioned; I was so withdrawn that I couldn't eat or drink in public, so was grabbing mostly takeaways and eating them in the hire car or hotel room. Now, things have changed to the extent that I don't give a second thought to visiting pubs, restaurants and cafes and often find myself chatting to locals and other tourists (I do try to learn the language wherever I go, although it seems futile in Iceland, Scandinavia and the Netherlands, but often find myself saying something in another language and being answered in English - which happens less often the longer I stay and start to pick up the nuances).

I have travelled with others - I've taken quite a few trips with my ex-partner and for three years, I ran a meetup group devoted to travel, but I enjoy the freedom of travelling alone and being able to set my own itinerary (although my ex-partner had similar enough interests that our combined itinerary worked well and I have one friend who travels in a similar way); apart from anything else, I can be quite intensive and want to see as much as possible so will be doing things constantly during daylight hours (and beyond, for city trips), whereas I find that the larger the group, the more coffee and food breaks seem to get inserted into the day.

Originally Posted by AnxiousExtrovert

That sounds great I hope you have a good time!

That makes me think of something else.

Has anyone ever suffered with agoraphobia here?

I don't usually have any problem doing anything by myself, often preferred even.
But in recent months I have become agoraphobic where when I leave home too far I suffer bad panic attacks. Actually I don't have to go far from home at all or even leave home to be getting them. I can tell when I'm not in a good place which makes it more likely. But being at a fair distance from home increases the chances massively.
I am seeing someone about it and I believe its because I am depressed and it's not just the leaving home which is the main issue. It just so happens that when I am further from home it is scarier feeling how I do and then panic ensues.
As said I do get these panic attacks at home too they just aren't in public which for me is the ultimate low point.

Has anyone else suffered with agoraphobia?

I've suffered with agoraphobia several times during my life, with the most recent (and longest) period lasting from 2012-2015, since when everything has changed (although I still have times when, usually because of life adversity, it's a struggle to go out - basically, I spent a month in bed after breaking up with my partner). I used to get anxiety attacks at home too.

I think the key to overcoming agoraphobia can be gradual exposure (I say "can be" because the same thing doesn't work for everyone): if you can go, say, a hundred yards from home one day, then two hundred yards the next day etc. - it's not as much about going outside your comfort zone as extending your comfort zone. I do believe that it's important to get out as often as possible (when I ventured out into the world again, I decided that two short walks per day was better than one longer one).

I hope the therapy works, AE and that you're soon able to go places at will again.

[quietguy]

On the subject of going places on your own, what are peoples thoughts on going to pubs/bars/gigs on your own? Does anyone have any positive success stories?
I recently pushed myself to go out of my way and go to a pub/gig with a meetup group, but due to events outside of my control I was late and ended up stuck on a table of freaks/weirdos, it was honestly one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. And it wasn't long before I was looking for an opening to get the hell out of there, which I did, I genuinely just didn't to be seen with them.
The point is it left me thinking I would have just been better going on my own, at least then I could have at least attempted to start up conversation with people that I actually wanted to speak to/spend time with. So thoughts... anyone ever done this? and if so how did it go? I'm seriously considering next time I see something/some place I want to go and have no one to go with, just going on my own...

[limey123]

I've lived in several countries on my own. The strange thing is going to certain places alone still unnverves me.

[biscuits]

^ cool! I'd love to experience living in different countries. In which countries have you lived?

[AnxiousExtrovert]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

I've suffered with agoraphobia several times during my life, with the most recent (and longest) period lasting from 2012-2015, since when everything has changed (although I still have times when, usually because of life adversity, it's a struggle to go out - basically, I spent a month in bed after breaking up with my partner). I used to get anxiety attacks at home too.

I think the key to overcoming agoraphobia can be gradual exposure (I say "can be" because the same thing doesn't work for everyone): if you can go, say, a hundred yards from home one day, then two hundred yards the next day etc. - it's not as much about going outside your comfort zone as extending your comfort zone. I do believe that it's important to get out as often as possible (when I ventured out into the world again, I decided that two short walks per day was better than one longer one).

I hope the therapy works, AE and that you're soon able to go places at will again.

Sorry I've only just seen this, thanks for replying.

It sounds very similar to how I function in how you describe your symptoms. The worsening with bad phases and the panic attacks also at home etc.

I've had some awful periods in my past but I hadn't considered myself agoraphobic. I was going through a terrible time and was housebound to an extent but I was actively seeking help for relief of my illness and I considered it as such. I am I'll and of course I will struggle to function outside why I am ill.

However my current situation is similar but I am struggling to get the help and it's gone on so long now that I am coping at home but when leaving home I am struggling and it is agoraphobia.

I have so much distress mentally and I feel so defeated that I think that is making me worse the humiliation and struggle in public. And whereas I may have those overwhelming feelings of flashbacks or triggers which cause me distress at home, I am at home where its not the same as being a mile or two away.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ cool! I'd love to experience living in different countries. In which countries have you lived?

Denmark, Sweden, Germany, US. Plus a briefer working stay in Norway. Scandinavia and Germany were great. America not so much.

[Bored]

Blah blah blah......

[Blackflies]

That’s amazing. I really wish I could have the guts to do this. My challenge is still a coffee shop or restaurant alone. I’d love to just go off somewhere alone but I’m most frightened of getting lost and also stuck somewhere and unable to leave the hotel room save for room service. I hope you have or had a great adventure. You should start a blog when you get more comfortable with it. It’ll inspire others that have issues.

[biscuits]

Originally Posted by limey123

Denmark, Sweden, Germany, US. Plus a briefer working stay in Norway. Scandinavia and Germany were great. America not so much.

That sounds amazing!

[limey123]

^ yeah, living on your own abroad is character-building. Plus I had the feeling I could be more myself than I do here. Like I gave less of a damn!

[gregarious_introvert]

^ I've always envied that about you, limey; I love travelling (although I started doing it pretty late in life) but I don't think I could cope with living in another country.

[choirgirl]

That's so great, Limey. That would have been the making of me I think and sorted my head out on the issue I keep going on about,. I thought of doing TEFL so many times. I really lost my gumption though. If I'd used my own judgement, I could have partially recovered it, maybe. I'm scared of moving somewhere on my own now in this country for goodness sake. I became a massive wimp!

[Icklebitt]

I've been to a couple of gigs alone and like everything, the imagined horrors are never even close to the reality and I ended up having a good time. I will admit there was copious amounts of alcohol involved though :D

[Tembo]

I’ve been quite good at doing things on my own. I’ve been lucky to have friends throughout adolescence and up until now in my late 20s, but only in recent years have I had ‘proper’ friends. Even now though they are often quite busy with their partners/job etc, so I often have time to myself. I feel comfortable going to some cafes and pubs on my own, and enjoy it too. But, it has to be the right sort of cafe or pub. Some of them feel very awkward alone, but then there are some which feel perfectly comfortable. It’s hard to tell which is which! I often go on bus/train trips and walks on my own too. I’ve probably been on most bus routes, train lines and public footpaths in Kent now!

I spent a lot of my adolescence exploring London on my own, even those ‘no go areas’ which were actually perfectly safe. That went on to travelling abroad alone. I’ve been to Belgium, Poland, Czech Republic and Germany all on my own and had a great time. I’ve discovered my SA almost disappears when I’m ‘anonymous’, which is how I’ve been able to do this I think.

I’ve never been able to brave going to a music gig though. I love music, but I’ve never been able to go to a gig, apart from local music events. Hopefully one day.

[choirgirl]

Well I am hopeless because I am getting lonely as he'll on my own, after two days, even though that was the main point of the trip. Otoh, I am happily chatting to people confidently for no reason, even asking for directions etc.