Still don't feel like a grown up

[Marie8]

Does anyone else feel like they are still not a grown up? I am 31 soon and I still feel like a kid. I have been waiting to feel like an adult for years, but if anything I feel even younger than I did when I was 21. I don't have great knowledge of anything, have no opinions or personality, struggle to follow the news and current affairs.. no wonder I have nothing to talk about with people! I feel like a scared small child when I talk to people and I'm terrified of getting older and still feeling this way. I just don't know how to feel like an adult. Some 18 year olds seem older than I am, it really gets me down.

[Tom1985]

I can understand what you're saying to a degree. Although I've come across lots of adults who act very immature. Have stupid "laddish" banter.
I identify with the feeling like I have no personality or knowledge part though.
I just care about so little. Don't wake up and feel excited for what is going to be on the news. I do watch the news but quickly forget what I've just watched and don't really have much personal opinions on the stories. If it's to do with politics I often fail to grasp what is being said as so much of it is jargon and things I don't fully understand. Never feel like I retain what is being watched and am not able to make great conversation out of it with other people.
Keep your head up as best you can Marie, I know it feels as if you are alone in how you are but there's so many of us that feel exactly the same.
All the best.

[limey123]

I recently saw the remark that "People don't grow up, they just learn how to behave in public".

[choirgirl]

I feel I've become grumpy and uninterested in contemporary pop culture and weirdly interested in politics - classic middle aged stuff - but other than that, no. I think it's mainly because I live at home and my dad still treats me as fairly young, and I've never had a responsible or high-paying job, and I don't have children either. So it's very mixed. It will be interesting to see how things pan out once I finally, finally move out. But Brexit may put that on further hold. I'm starting to worry I'll get cancer or something by the time I move out!

[Jen.]

Does anyone ever feel like a grown up? It's probably impossible to say since nobody knows what that's supposed to feel like. I don't think I feel much different now to how I felt when I was when I was a teenager, but then maybe people who are 80 feel that way too.

[Toxic]

I'm 33 and not really living the adult dream.

The things I'm suppose to be interested in..I'm not, I don't really care about politics..or anything in the news. I'm aware brexit will likely shaft me in numerous ways over the upcoming years but I just carry on in my little bubble ignoring it because its "boring adult stuff" ..even though its going to be a bigger problem for me than it is my parents

I didn't use a train till I was 25ish? I didn't learn to drive a car till I was 27..I didn't go abroad till I was 30 (and I havent since)..hell I didn't get a proper full time job till I Was 27, I seem to be playing my life on the slow setting..but I'm running out of bloody time. I don't feel particularly grown up, sometimes it baffles me I've got 50 year olds at working taking orders from me..why are they listening to this kid

[Jen.]

I'm not sure if even doing "adult things" necessarily changes things for some. I've lived on my own for years, support myself, own property, know how to drive, am interested in politics, etc, but I often panic if I think about how I have to rely on myself for things, like when something needs fixing on the house or whatever, because it usually still feels like I'm just pretending to be a responsible adult instead of actually being one.

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by limey123

I recently saw the remark that "People don't grow up, they just learn how to behave in public".

And then when you get to old age you stop behaving again!

[Kipper]

I'm 62 and in many ways I still feel the same as I did in my late teens/early 20s because that's when my SA disorder first began. Not only that but I still enjoy listening to a fair bit of the music I discovered during those years, viz Uriah Heep, Black Sabbath, Genesis, Motorhead, Yes, Barclay James Harvest etc .
Having said that I have learnt a lot more about anxiety disorders over the last 20 years or so and how best to live with them.

[sophie123]

I feel like I act like a 4 year old in front of people but that's when my panic attacks started so I think I just never learned how to be around people from that age and l just clam up around them.

[Marie8]

Thanks for your replies. I felt really uncomfortable at work yesterday when they were all talking about Brexit, to be honest I don't really understand most of it and it hurts my head when it's on the news, I can't watch the news when it's about politics. I felt like the adults were having an adult conversation and I was the kid just waiting for it to finish, and hoping no one spoke to me to me to ask my opinion.

I don't feel like my mind has matured properly and I'm about 5 years old at times. So in social situations when people talk about topics I have no or little understanding of I keep my head down and ignore them, hoping they won't notice me and ask my opinion, because I'd have no idea of what to say if they did (probably just laugh or say errrrrmmm... which is what I've done before and then look like an idiot). Feel I need to learn scripts of different responses and copy other people opinions as I lack the ability to develop my own.

[Kipper]

I don't think many people do understand the complexities of Brexit, even some of our politicians. At times like that, I just put my head on one side and just make what I hope are the right noises at the right time in the conversations.

Or you could do what Father Jack said in 'FatherTed'.. " Dat would be an ecumenical matter!"

[BritishPeace]

I felt like a grown up when my mum and dad died, then you realise your mortality. Enjoy your youngness.

[Gosties]

Although I'm 45 () still really don't feel my age.

I'm of the opinion in regards to myself that it's because I don't have kids that I feel a bit younger.
It's not necessarily that I feel immature it's just that their seems to be sort of established order to be an adult
:- Relationships, Marriage, Kids, Career Advancement, Property.

Going by what generally the stereotypical view of success in life ?
I'm not quite grown up but we all don't follow the same path.

I'm not always the greatest at articulating my thoughts !

[Marie8]

I am now 31 Most people think I'm younger, I guess both because of how quiet I am and I look younger. People tell me I look really young (I know I shouldn't complain about that, but I find people treat me differently because of it. I still get asked for Id when buying alcohol or lottery tickets, and that's embarrassing as they usuallty act all shocked and it makes me so anxious. I often give my mum the money to purchase these for me) I went to a work drink the other night and I was the only one to be asked for Id and there are people I work with who are like 10 years younger and don't get asked so it makes me feel so stupid (I have lied to people at work before about my age because I hate telling them and then get anxiois they will find out I lied). Anyway the work drink was horrible I wish I didn't go i felt so left out and uncomfortable. I am just not a people person I never will be. I just prefer to be on my own, I wish I didn't but no matter how hard I try I feel the same every time.I do anything social, feel.absolute shit for days after. I made an excuse after about an hour and got a taxi home.

I feel like I've been left behind and never properly grown up, I can see myself being no different in 20 years time and that depresses me. I have no friends, don't do much and have nothing to talk about. So that makes me feel younger as I haven't accomplished anything to speak of, dont have a lot of lofe experiences. Really I am still that teenager desperately waiting to finish school and hoping my life would change and I'd be included, make friends and feel grown up and independent.I always had this idea of what adulthood would be, had all these expectations. I look around me and it seems to come so naturally for many people, to talk, laugh, share, after all aren't humans meant to be social naturally. well no. Still the same. It's just a lonely place to be. I'm sure many can relate. I'm really glad I found this forum.

[LittleMissMouse]

I'm going to be 40 next year and still don't really feel like an adult. I think part of it for me is that I still haven't achieved a lot of the benchmarks that go with being a grown up, I'm still single with no kids, not even responsible enough to own a pet, don't own a house, I don't even own a car. I've never had aspirations to do a lot of grown up stuff either - I have colleagues that have dinner parties, drink posh gin, eat organic sun dried tomatoes and talk about politics, none of which I really care about. I'd far rather have some chicken nuggets and talk about what's good on Netflix.

I've also never really worn make up, which sounds pathetic, but mainly because I've never felt grown up enough to. I had this notion that I would start wearing make up when my teenage acne cleared up, and it never has. And now I am making the seamless transition from spotty teenager to wrinkly old lady.

[choirgirl]

^Don't get me started on makeup. I was just too lazy to wear it, found it hard to make it look good, and didn't want to spend my money on it when I was young. Now that is still true.

[sillypenguin]

I'm 32 and I've hardly hit any milestones and tbh I don't want to. I don't really care if I don't have a driving license, or a degree and I'm not exactly into marriage or children. Sure, I'd like to own my own property but I've only just started earning a salary again so it will take me a while to save a deposit.

Basically, if those milestones define 'being an adult' then I'd rather not adult.