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#1
13th October 2020, 00:47
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Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
Oh you're just overthinking things!
You worry too much! You are always so/too serious (no kidding that's what anxiety does to you) Smile more (I particularly hate this) It's you're fault you are like this you are being weak You are being antisocial That isn't a real condition 
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#2
13th October 2020, 10:48
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
"You're very quiet!" (said in situations where a dozen or so people all turn and stare at you)
"Aelwyn just likes to get her head down and get on with the job" (no I don't really, it's just the anxiety that makes me do that)
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#3
13th October 2020, 11:32
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
^
Oh God yes, the "You're very quiet" one used to kill me. It could be said with kindness - "You're very quiet, are you okay?" - or said with mocking - "What's up with your mate, is he mute hahahaha" - but both could be as equally as cutting (okay, maybe the mocking one is a little worse). Usually I was already painfully aware of how quiet I was in social situations as I stood there in a group, gripping my drink tightly as I nodded and smiled to conversation all the while desperately trying to think of something, anything to say but coming up with nothing because my SA brain had froze, so I really never needed anyone to bring any attention to it, no matter how thoughtful they thought they were being.
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#4
13th October 2020, 13:08
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
Thank goodness for this forum, man. I too also hate the you're very quiet question. In my experience people never make this remark without wanting to judge you or make you feel small.
Also there's "you seem scared", said in a patronising manner or the awkward tap of the shoulder from some well-meaning but unhelpful stranger.
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#6
13th October 2020, 20:48
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
Its all in your mind.
Your anxiety is the reason why people treat you badly
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#7
13th October 2020, 20:55
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
Another thing that annoys me is expressions of absolute amazement from people if I mention anything I ever did that was even just slightly out of the ordinary - e.g. travelling round India on my own - "What! You!??" - as though being quiet meant you would hardly ever leave the house.
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#9
13th October 2020, 22:17
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
There are worse things going on in the world.
You just need to relax. Stop being so negative. You're just imagining it. When people talk about you to someone else in front of you.. "well, you know how quiet she is and how dosey she can be.."
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#10
14th October 2020, 10:05
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
don't be so up tight!
everyone suffers with it... (yes but not to the point of it ruining your life.) be normal! it's all about getting out there and socialising... yeah obviously.
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#11
14th October 2020, 10:40
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
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#13
14th October 2020, 15:55
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
Yes,..it's odd isn't it?
"Society " is apparently now taking mental health issues seriously, Well, I don't think the message has quite got through to the general population yet. And I'm not holding my breath for it ever to get through, What's beyond annoying is that I can actually be feeling kind of okay, But because I'm not doing cartwheels and laughing hysterically I'm told rather bluntly to "smile ",.. Which inevitably makes me NOW feel bad, whereas I felt okay just up to that point,. My neighbour has often SHOUTED at me things like "cheer up" or "smile for God's sake" just as I'm walking from my car to my house,... Even not long after my Mum died, a neighbour sniggered at my simple "okay" response to "how are you ?" I probably didn't say it very enthusiastically, so that's worth a snigger,.. right? Funny though,.. I think it's basically people who know you are just meekly going to take it, rather than cause a scene,..it's a subtle from of bullying or an assertion of their imagined superiority.
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#16
14th October 2020, 19:36
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
I guess it's that you don't want to hear actual nutters creeping around your flat at night the moment you start to drift off to sleep.
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#18
14th October 2020, 20:52
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
As a child:
'you'll have fun when you get there' 'why don't you go make friends' 'some of my other mates are coming over' 'please ask your mum if you can have a sleepover at my house'
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#19
14th October 2020, 20:56
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
Quote:
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There's very much a dominance dynamic when such things are being said. As Mr Nobody said, there can be an undercurrent of bullying in all of these type of statements. Genuine concern it definitely ain't. And it does give the speaker of such things a level of "Oooh I'm doing much better in this social situation than you" Which, if this is their way of coping, is actually an insight into their insecurities.
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#20
15th October 2020, 07:46
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
Your quiet. You know what they say you should always watch the quiet ones. Said to me by a work colleague last week. I feel like saying to them well when I am at work I am trying to concentrate on what I have to do.
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#23
15th October 2020, 15:51
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
“You’ll be fineâ€
“Don’t worry too much†With those two, it comes from a nice place, but a bit patronising and unhelpful in my opinion (but depends on context) Worse are the ones which are more passive-aggressive, such as ‘stop having you’re glass half empty’ and so on. This is why SAUK is the only place I can talk about anything related to mental health. A bit frustrating when organisations keep saying to open up to friends and family - that’s only good if they are sympathetic and understanding.
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#24
15th October 2020, 19:45
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
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#26
16th October 2020, 11:35
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
"Everyone gets anxiety."
That does my head in. This thing is so much harder to deal with for it's being basically invisible. No sympathy, no understanding
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#28
17th October 2020, 21:17
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
I dread being asked how are you or how was your weekend. When you are feeling stressed or just had a generally shit day/week/year there is no way to answer that question without feeling worse. Especially at work. Sometimes no matter what you say even just "fine thanks, how are you" you just get a sneer or a funny look.
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#29
17th October 2020, 21:47
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
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#30
17th October 2020, 21:54
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Re: Things you just don't want to hear when you have social anxiety
I recall being beconed over by a couple of people in our office once,
I'm usually too busy to stop for pleasantries, but decided to follow their apparent interest,... Turned out two women in one of our departments decided to have some "sport" or "fun" by ripping me apart in front of their office,.. "Why do you never smile?" "Why are you never happy? " "Why are you always frowning? "Look," one says excitedly "he's doing it now". "Why are you always grumpy?"..."you need to smile more".. Man,. I'm SO glad I decided to walk over and hear what they wanted to say to me 
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