When did you realise you had SA? This is quite a long outpouring but here goes!

[chargweagun]

Hi everyone. I guess I am here because I was deliberating whether to talk to a friend and dump a whole load of emotion on them, and it filled me with such anxiety that I just sat on my bed thinking “F*****************K”. My therapist has said to me that I should try reaching out on sites like this, and finding like minded people and online friends. It’s a big thing for me to do this, I think a year ago I would have scoffed at the idea, but actually a big part of that is ego. It’s a release admitting to yourself that you’re not better for being closed minded to ideas that society might think are nerdy. If that makes sense. I think in the past my ego meant I had negative ideas towards therapy, when actually it is the best decision I have ever made.

I had written a huge essay about myself and then tried to post it on a different website and I couldn’t work out how to post it, so I took that as a sign that maybe it was a bit too waffly haha.
Basically, I started going to therapy 6 months ago, and through going to therapy I realised that I am emotionally repressed, have low self esteem and social anxiety disorder. The thing which baffles me though is that I am 30 years old, and I never realised this about myself before I started therapy. When I look back on my life I can see that I have always been like that, but I was completely unaware. I love looking these things up on the internet (emotional repression, self esteem, SAD etc), I find it so cathartic to read things and see myself in what I read. It’s actually my favourite thing to do, I do it so much and I’m actually chuckling to myself thinking about how much I do it.

I’ve tried looking up “I have only just realised I have low self esteem”, but nothing comes up. Was I aware that I had low self esteem but then stopped myself from being aware? Or just thought it was normal because it was a part of me? Was it that I just hadn’t developed emotional intelligence? I just can’t understand it. There’s a quote that says something along the lines of “you don’t know what you don’t know”. But how can I not have known!? I feel like a child that has been away in her fantasyland when everyone around me has been in tune with themselves.

I don’t really know how to end this. I’m working on myself and will continue therapy. I’m glad that I have come to realise these things about myself, and I feel like I am getting more in tune with myself now, sometimes it’s hard, but I’d rather be in my boat than the next person’s. The next step after posting this makes me nervous, I don’t even know what this “next step” is, but I guess that’s part of SAD. I haven’t really asked a question in what I’ve written, but like I said I love reading about similar things on the internet. So I guess I’d be interested if anyone replied! I read a nice article btw called “What makes us happy” on the Atlantic. And I’ve just googled it now and there’s a “What makes us happy, revisited”. Great!
I hope everyone is having a good Tuesday, and that if you’re feeling s**t then you manage to find some moments of respite.
Bye! X

[ShyGuyy]

Hi there,

I haven’t posted anything on here yet, but this struck a chord with me so I thought i’d respond with a bit about my own experiences. I’ve never been to therapy (although it’s something I’m considering) so I came to the realisation that I had SA on my own, probably a couple of years ago now (that’s a long story for another post I think!). If you don’t mind me asking, what was it that prompted you to start therapy?

Like you, I’ve also been fairly opposed to the idea that I have a problem and should probably seek help with it. Again, my ego gets in the way, and I’m so used to being seen as measured and “laid back” by my friends and family that I am reluctant to challenge this persona I seem to project.

The reality of it is that I’m almost constantly anxious/stressed/overthinking about something. Usually this is a low level background anxiety, although it flares up in all the usual situations (public speaking, phone calls, etc) to become what I would describe as a much more physical fear.

I think there are probably other underlying problems that contribute to my anxiety. For example, I find it very hard to “switch off”. I’m always thinking about something and I daydream a lot. Perhaps therapy would help me figure this out.

Like you, I find it very cathartic to read about people who have similar experiences that I can relate to.

I’m not too sure where to go from here either, but for now it’s nice to have found somewhere to talk about all of this!

Bye for now!

[Peace1994]

Hello everyone I’m new to the site I saw your question and it was interesting the complexity of social anxiety in individuals, I feel it’s a huge relief to read about peoples stories even if they differ to my own... A little bit about how I came to realise I was living with social anxiety within the last few months about four years ago I got diagnosed with generalised anxiety which was a clue but not quite it.

Looking back since school I’ve been living with a low-level social anxiety I never really thought anything about it! I just felt cripplingly shy in my teenage years which can be perfectly normal. I had always been quite outgoing until secondary school but perhaps in my teenage years I had to deal with a lot of adult problems within my family and my parents been emotionally repressed didn’t help!. My dad is extremely dismissive and can be very unkind about people which I don’t like it just gave me some type of anxiety around being myself and feeling comfortable (it’s quite hard to explain). My whole family was very judgemental and commented on everything, if I want to wear something it was ‘oh you look ridiculous‘ or why do you want to eat that you’re going to get fat but it was just comments not awful abuse and telling me I’m a piece of shit - It was just like a commentary on my life basically making me feel self-conscious socially about all the decisions I make and how people see me. It’s not uncommon for your parents to make remarks but I felt like it was a very constant negative thing and even seeing them now I feel anxious to be myself and even change my hair or look how I want to look. I don’t blame anyone and I don’t hate my parents for being critical and my dad horrendously pessimistic as you understand that people are a product of their environment but I do you see how it’s affected my relationships, self-esteem and outlook on life. My mum suffers from quite bad anxiety so I guess that’s probably a genetic link I’m not sure, her sister exactly the same. I just noticed things in recents years like I didn’t like to go outside by myself, I started to get very anxious about meeting people in public, driving I hate because I get so anxious about making mistakes, the fear of embarrassing myself! my anxiety is just manifested into I’m scared what people think of me because of fear of judgement or meeting new people and them noticing I’m uncomfortable! I’m just not great around big groups of people and public speaking is my idea of hell! I just wanted to share my story look forwards to reading others always welcome to PM me x

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by DiamonD

I feel so much safer indoors and cannot ever imagine going out into the world again. Especially in this horrible, hateful modern world.

As horrible as the world can be, there will always be good people as well as bad people out there. It's possible to go outside and enjoy doing things that don't involve anyone else though - being away from your home doesn't mean you have to participate in the modern world at all. Not everyone likes going out and many people are happy spending most of their time at home, but surely it's better to stay in out of choice rather than out of fear? There may/will come a point where you're going to have to choose between leaving your home to sort medical problems or staying at home while things get worse, and that shouldn't be a choice anyone has to make. There are things to do outside the home that you'd probably enjoy that wouldn't involve interacting with others, where you could merge into an anonymous crowd. I know you love Christmas... wouldn't you ever like to go and see a brass band playing Christmas songs, hear a choir singing, or watch the local Christmas tree lights being switched on?

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by DiamonD

I do stay in out of choice rather than fear. But these days as i say the world in my opinion is so dangerous so i'm glad i stay in out of choice and there is no reason for me to leave the house.

If it was a choice then you could choose to walk to the end of your street and back right now in order to prove that it's a choice, right? If you can't leave your home because even the idea of doing so gives you intense anxiety then that's fear controlling the situation. Agoraphobia is fear of the outside world due to perceiving that it's dangerous, isn't it? Someone who doesn't leave the house all day because they simply enjoy spending their free time doing indoor activities but can go out for work or to dentist/doctor/optician appointments or go shopping before returning home to continue their indoor activities is someone staying in out of choice. We often justify irrational things to ourselves to make them more acceptable.

[Dougella]

^^ To be honest going out of the house has become a lot less appealing for a lot of people in recent times hasn't it! It also depends where you live, if you're in a place where there's a lot of crime and antisocial behaviour etc then it is objectively not necessarily that safe to be walking around.
I'm really lucky that I live somewhere pretty quiet so I can walk to local shops without having fear about anything like that, but if I lived somewhere different I know I may not be able to do it as easily.