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  #1  
Old 9th December 2006, 07:24
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
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Default Guys and Weight Issues!

im skinny and im not happy about it
i lift weights every day and eat plenty to try and put on weight but my metabolism keeps me quite skinny, my dad was a waif all through his twenties ...im taller then he was then and weigh more.

so ive actually had comments in the past "your scrorny" ...."girls like muscles you realise" ......the sort of comments that you walk away from with a sinking feeling of absolute dread

ill admit that its sifficult to deal with .....ive since toned up but im still not happy with my body as a male ....im not what girls consider to be cliched sexy for a guy and that is very difficult to digest, yet i know that its not all about body image

i also have a baby face ....so im always asked to provide ID at the bottle shop and pubs.

anyone else have this dilemma?

it also effects my social anxiety .....
  #2  
Old 9th December 2006, 10:25
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

sorry to hear you feel bad about your appearance. it's pretty demoralising.

i don't feel good about the way that i look, but i am able to fel better about this by just acknowledging that if you go out you will see women walking arm in arm with all sorts of guys, bald, short haired, long haired, fat, skinny, muscley, tanned, pale, macho, effeminate, etc etc.

the conclusion i come to is that i don't really understand what it is that women find attractive. i'm quite sure that rather than physical appearance itself, it probably comes down a lot more to things like posture, bearing, demeanour and body language, these sorts of things, as they are the link between your appearance and your personality.

Thinking about things like that is enough to let me put off hating my hairline issues, pasty skin and weasley, gormless appearance til another day. i know that if i keep working on sorting my head out i will come across as more confident, dignified and generally "better", and maybe then i won't feel so crap.

another thing that helps me is that relatiosnhips are going to be off limits for me for ages anyway, so there's literally no point thinking about whether i'm attractive or not.
  #3  
Old 9th December 2006, 11:04
Gael Gael is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Attractive qualities for me are voice and eyes... Warm sense of humour and caring and compassionate nature. Not all about looks.
Gael
  #4  
Old 9th December 2006, 11:23
Paul Paul is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

I'm also very skinny with thin arms and wrists, so I can relate a lot with what you***8217;re saying and even tried the weight gain stuff and gym. But I realise now that not all women like muscle. It is probably the people the pound iron every day that are overcompensating and they go way beyond what considered attractive to most people. Being muscle-bound is bad for posture; flexibility and they can get injured pretty badly. When I started doing martial arts I eventually stopped going to the gym because all it was doing was making my muscles really tense and ineffective. Also if you already have hypertension due to anxiety you do not want to make your muscles tenser it will add to your anxiety. So I would say aim to be healthily not muscle- bound.
  #5  
Old 9th December 2006, 11:42
ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Most skinny guys have a body frame that can never be muscular - its to do with genetics.

This is where you have the division in pro-athletics between the powerful sprint short-distance runners (musclemen) and the high endurance marathon runners (skinny).

But...you can become a little bit more bulked and toned to within what your genetic limits allow you. Then you can go out and impress all the honies.

People who are athletic / muscular at an early stage in life will have to struggle against weight gain alot more later on so there is a positive/ negative balance to this all.
  #6  
Old 9th December 2006, 12:28
Geekygirl Geekygirl is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Hello

I saw this posting and to write in. My current boyfriend is 6ft 1 and is very skinny.but I think he is gorgeous!! I think its fair to say, for every girl who likes rugyby type build and I suppose muscles, there are girls who love indieboy skinny/lean boys I do appreciate that the media do not necess reflect that view, but then the girls portrayed in media are only a certain type too. Ive always had a preference for the leaner boy Please dont get too upset...hard i know.

gg.
  #7  
Old 9th December 2006, 12:31
Geekygirl Geekygirl is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

oh and forgot to add, the comment about you looking babyfaced....its not necessary a bad thing! Compliment later on (I dont know how old you are! )If you are in your teens then its always a bummer being IDed but after the ages of about 25/ 30 its a compliment.My boyf got asked ID for a bottle of Champagne from Waitrose.He has just turned 30!!! He just saw it as a compliment and the person who asked was prob more embarrassed!!
  #8  
Old 9th December 2006, 12:54
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martyr U.S.M
Most skinny guys have a body frame that can never be muscular - its to do with genetics.
just wanted to point out that steroids are widely available these days and so you can have as much muscle as you want, but you might die, shrink your willy, get hair in funny places and turn into the governor of california
  #9  
Old 9th December 2006, 13:30
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

i suppose ive been told i look like an indie kid by strangers before, once at the golf course ...the first assumption from new people is "so you love music then" ....im toned but i just see alot of large guys around ....and ive noticed my sister always brings those types home or really tall guys, and thats her choice ...

(Martyr U.S.M) im not the really skinny marathon athlete ...unhealthy looking.

im sure people who are overweight may read this and think "what are you complaining about being skinny for?" ....well it can be as draining if you think about it too much, particularly for males

thanks everyone for replying
  #10  
Old 9th December 2006, 21:14
Paul Paul is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sullenskink
just wanted to point out that steroids are widely available these days and so you can have as much muscle as you want, but you might die, shrink your willy, get hair in funny places and turn into the governor of california
anabolic steroids can cause you to grow breasts.
  #11  
Old 9th December 2006, 23:11
Margham Margham is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Skinny guys can be super sexy. Actually, I prefer that to muscles. Really well defined muscles always makes me slightly suspicious that the guy might be a bit of a poser. Not that that's always the case of course.

For me, the most attractive quality a man can have is kindness. That's the most important thing in the world. That's the heart stopping, knee melting, stomach fluttering thing.
  #12  
Old 9th December 2006, 23:19
Sweet_Dioxide09 Sweet_Dioxide09 is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

how about I have lipo and you can share it all between you all so then everyone evens out
  #13  
Old 9th December 2006, 23:56
AlienHeat AlienHeat is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

You are training too hard. With daily weight training of the same muscles you can't put mass on.

Give the hard working buggers a chance to recover and grow, will you!

  #14  
Old 10th December 2006, 00:19
SoulSeeker SoulSeeker is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Hey GoldFish

Yeah man, i have weight issues also...5'8"..10st2lb. I mean that's not far off womens weight Also, it doesn't really help when your bro is 5'7''..12st3lbs.

Although i would like to be around 11-11st7lbs..it's not a major issue at the moment (more important things to tackle first). What really pees me off is the nerve of some people. I get the 'skinny' comment from fat balding people, beer ridden red faced gits, and people who are like 20 years older than you who look like there going to keel over any minute...and that's to name a few!. It's actually one of the very rare thing's that makes me feel angry inside.

Anyways GoldFish mate, there's a really good site called MuscleTalk UK (link????, DOH, ) if your looking for some sound advice on your weight training, diet, etc. It's full of knowledgeable and friendly people who are always willing to help. If you visit the site, take a look at ToxicToffees transformation. He went from something like 10st to 15st (nearlly all pure muscle) in a year and a half . He is an expert dietician and personal trainner though, but he's prooved it can be done...even if he was eating 30 eggs a day . Be warned though, if your a hardgainner like me...the diet is a killer to keep up

My dad is currently doing the shed out, so my bench can go in it..can't wait to start lifting again

Goog luck mate, and remember hardgainner or not..you don't have to be called skinny all your life. It just means you have to eat like a horse, master compound lifts, and get plenty rest...easy

Kev
  #15  
Old 10th December 2006, 00:24
SoulSeeker SoulSeeker is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Yeah, agree with you there AlienHeat. Recovery can take up to a week. Diet is key though
  #16  
Old 10th December 2006, 07:44
Concept Concept is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldFish
im skinny and im not happy about it
i lift weights every day and eat plenty to try and put on weight but my metabolism keeps me quite skinny, my dad was a waif all through his twenties ...im taller then he was then and weigh more.

so ive actually had comments in the past "your scrorny" ...."girls like muscles you realise" ......the sort of comments that you walk away from with a sinking feeling of absolute dread

ill admit that its sifficult to deal with .....ive since toned up but im still not happy with my body as a male ....im not what girls consider to be cliched sexy for a guy and that is very difficult to digest, yet i know that its not all about body image

i also have a baby face ....so im always asked to provide ID at the bottle shop and pubs.

anyone else have this dilemma?

it also effects my social anxiety .....
We all form perceptions of each other based on how we look. That doesn't mean they're judgemental though - just that impressions and opinions are inevitable in being able to recognise other people.

I've always been underweight and extremely slender in build so I can relate. Do I use that as a stick to beat myself with because I'm not in a relationship?

No, because if someone pre-empts my ability to express myself based wholly on the impression of my physique then they're probably doing me a favour in leaving me alone. I wouldn't want to get to know them well.

In short, I recommend you take faith in yourself and don't use your body as the reason why you perhaps struggle with talking to women. It's a cliche to think that all of them want a muscles-with-bruscles heman who has a cock smaller than the wit displayed in a typical penis enlargment ad, just as it's cliche to think that all men want pouting lips, a big arse and globe-sized tits which are inclined to make one fall through the floor and splatter them into the next door neighbours' cereal. (Sorry, I seem to have leapt into an excerpt from the fanfic erotic literature I've been busy writing).

What we each find attractive is very personal and relative so don't knock yourself if you don't meet the perfectly groomed and sculptural elegance which is sold as the shining example to aspire to in hitting it off. Idolisation rarely has much to with reality.
  #17  
Old 10th December 2006, 23:32
diplodocus diplodocus is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldFish
im skinny and im not happy about it
i lift weights every day and eat plenty to try and put on weight but my metabolism keeps me quite skinny, my dad was a waif all through his twenties ...im taller then he was then and weigh more.

so ive actually had comments in the past "your scrorny" ...."girls like muscles you realise" ......the sort of comments that you walk away from with a sinking feeling of absolute dread

ill admit that its sifficult to deal with .....ive since toned up but im still not happy with my body as a male ....im not what girls consider to be cliched sexy for a guy and that is very difficult to digest, yet i know that its not all about body image

i also have a baby face ....so im always asked to provide ID at the bottle shop and pubs.

anyone else have this dilemma?

it also effects my social anxiety .....
Eating is the key! Keep a food diary. Work out how much you are eating at the minute and add 20% total calories to that and if eat consistently you will gain weight. Its impossible not too. I used to be the same always skinny, never seemed to put on weight until I really concentrated on eating. Contrary to what some people may think its actually quite difficult to eat alot when that is your actual goal. Your quite lucky in some respects, your diet doesn't have to be that clean and you'll probably not get fat. Try eating more calorie dense foods like nuts and other healthy fats to supplement your intake.

Training is obviously important but I'd say if your skinny then your diet is more important.
  #18  
Old 10th December 2006, 23:43
Paul Paul is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by deeshow
Eating is the key! Keep a food diary. Work out how much you are eating at the minute and add 20% total calories to that and if eat consistently you will gain weight. Its impossible not too. I used to be the same always skinny, never seemed to put on weight until I really concentrated on eating. Contrary to what some people may think its actually quite difficult to eat alot when that is your actual goal. Your quite lucky in some respects, your diet doesn't have to be that clean and you'll probably not get fat. Try eating more calorie dense foods like nuts and other healthy fats to supplement your intake.

Training is obviously important but I'd say if your skinny then your diet is more important.
It is true what you said. But for the small amount of people that that are not just skinny but have very high metabolisms then you really have to push the boat out. I'm not that bothered about being skinny but apparently to gain weight I would have to drink full fat milk and eat nuts, as well as other high calorie stuff.
  #19  
Old 10th December 2006, 23:57
SoulSeeker SoulSeeker is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Hey Paul

It depends whether you/i or whoever want's to do a clean bulk, or just eat everything in site (within reason), and lose the excess fat later.

If it's the clean bulk approach..full fat milk is out of the question, also..you have to keep an eye on those nuts, cheese etc

It's all about gradually increasing your weekly calorie intake, with a good balance of protein/carbs/fats (something like 50/30/20)..eaten at the right times of day. Along with a good routine that involves compound lifts, and rest is essential.

Kev
  #20  
Old 11th December 2006, 00:05
diplodocus diplodocus is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul
It is true what you said. But for the small amount of people that that are not just skinny but have very high metabolisms then you really have to push the boat out. I'm not that bothered about being skinny but apparently to gain weight I would have to drink full fat milk and eat nuts, as well as other high calorie stuff.
If you eat more calories than you burn off you gain weight. Simple as that. That's why I suggested 20% extra calorie intake. If that doesn't work add another 10%.
  #21  
Old 11th December 2006, 00:15
Mr Ron Burgundy Mr Ron Burgundy is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Ive had huge issues with my body image also, I would say body dysmorphia.

I too also went down the gym route. Im 5'10 and started at the gym at 14 when i was about 5'10 and 9 stone, thinking the only way i could overcome what i deemed a horrible useless personality was that way... at 18 I weighed almost 15 stone and could bench press 3 plates (140kg) and squat 4 (180kg) plates for 4 reps.

Later on at 20 and 25 i went for a very very lean - permament 6 pack and more look of a sprinter

In between that at 22 i went back to long distance running and weighed 10 stone again.

Now at 30 im 11.5 stone, reasonably fit but dont go to the gym, and have an average ok shape body - which i would have been disgusted at at 25 etc.

What Ive learnt is the most important aspect of being attractive is your personality and being a good person.

By that i dont mean being a loud outgoing wide boy womaniser, i mean developing your character in whatever ways interests YOU. Being moral, responsible, driven to what you want in life, balanced also..

From these things come self confidence - I dont mean SA will suddenly just go, I mean you can be more quietly confident in yourself, and this shines through.

The second thing to say, is that the obsession with looks is a) mostly in your own head - girls arent that fixated on them - many body builders over compensate for alot of issues by building extreme physiques as an example.

b) the girls who are obessed with 'i want a rugby player, or a man with a 6 pack' are usually under 18 - it is a very childish shallow outlook.

Those who are older than this and still have this criteria of a perfect man, are usually very superficial and vapid themselves.

There's a whollllle lot more to someone than the outside and people who dont see that, usually dont have anything more to them than their own outside...

Do you really want to date someone like that??

c) men who pick on you for your weight etc, are small minded bullies trying to compensate for not feeling confident about aspects of themselves, be it physical or mental - and as someone who is very shy you are an easy target. So really it reflects only their own inadequacies - ignore them or say a quip back, and keep these people out of your life. You dont need tossers in your life

TRULY sexy girls are ones who stimulate your mind as well as your body, and by taking away obsessions which are introverted and often take away from your character - lets face it training every night makes other hobbies hard to maintain -

you will be able to stimulate the most important part of a woman - her MIND!

That's what ive garnered from my experiences... as a 6 pack sporting muscley guy the girls i attracted were shallow and the relationships rubbish - as i was so obsessed by hating how i looked - even then, that i never developed my character.

Now as an 11.5 stone average 30 year old, Ive never been so successful with girls, and great girls at that.

What i say goes for my view of women and their bodies also - in that it baffles me this media obsession with size 6 models and how younger girls especially feel a need to fit this.

It's only the actual media and other girls who want this from a girl!! as a guy a size 12-16 looks great to me, and you know looks dont matter that much unless youre only after a one night stand and not wanting to find someone's personality sexy too.

It really is bizarre how the media and the same sex keeps up this circle that's so far from the truth

As a final comment - keeping good care of yourself is healthy in all ways and things like being strong and fit are great for confidence as part of the puzzle and in a HEALTHY balance, so just keep it healthy and keep perspective, theres lots more to life than muscles
  #22  
Old 11th December 2006, 02:07
Johnni Johnni is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

I can't speak for Goldfish or other guys that want to gain weight here but when i say i want to gain weight to family etc i don't want to be built like a rugby player with huge biceps and no neck but as a tall skinny man i want to get some weight that will make my physique more 'fuller'. Having a 34 inch chest and thin arms makes clothes fitting impossible and a general overall apperance of a tall, lanky guy.
I'm 6ft 1 and weight 10 & half stone and have gained around a stone over the past 5 months to get that stone on.
Eating is the most important thing i found, i tried putting weight on by eating a normal amount and relying too much on protein shakes but i now conceded that eating loads will put on weight more effectivley than fancy proetin shakes.
I think that most men who have weight concerns are quite tall as as someone said to me when your slim it shows more when you are tall.
This site i found useful www.menshealth.co.uk
  #23  
Old 12th December 2006, 16:47
Jambo Jambo is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldFish
anyone else have this dilemma?
Yes.

Hi GoldFish,

I have the same problem and it is quite severe. I am 5ft 9 or 10 and am under 9 stone. I am 25.

It really affects my confidence greatly. I also have really fair skin which makes it even worse in my opinion. Pale, skinny, some mild acne and crooked teeth. Needless to say I never had a serious girlfriend. People always say that looks aren't that important but they are to me, particularly as I have high standards and would like a model girlfriend. And I don't think that makes me shallow as I also want her to have a great personality too.

I do believe I have some potential if I can put on weight but it's such a struggle. I also plan to get my teeth fixed as soon as I can afford it.

So yeah, being underweight really sucks and it definitely is a major contributing factor to my social anxiety.

What age/height/weight are you GoldFish?
  #24  
Old 14th December 2006, 19:10
Peyre Peyre is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

I'm about the same as you jambo. 5ft 10,11 ish, 8 stone, and 18 yrs old. I also have problems with acne. It seems to be coming back! I'm also quite pale. But you'll find that the thinner guys usually are, as they lack nutrients.

I don't think I look too bad, I've had girls interested in me. If my complexion was a little darker and I had an average weight/build. I would be very happy.

My sister suffers from acne, shes not underweight though, but she's quite pale. It might be genetic (parents seem fine though). She is 23 now and still suffers from acne, so it is quite worrying.

I'm not too vain, but the least we can ask for is a clear skin or an average build relative to the amount that we eat.

Im just having a hard time understanding WHY, why me? Why can I stuff myself with food (healthy or unhealthy) and put absolutely nothing on (or loose for that matter!) Somehow its nice to know I'm not the only one. We ugly folk have to stick together :D

The acne situation has me baffled too. I was on some stuff prescribed by an NHS dermatologist, and it seemeed to work a treat, I was then told to change to something else, which brought it all back again and I haven't been able to it back to the level it was in the summer.
  #25  
Old 15th December 2006, 09:37
Geekygirl Geekygirl is offline
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Thumbs up Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

[QUOTE=

What i say goes for my view of women and their bodies also - in that it baffles me this media obsession with size 6 models and how younger girls especially feel a need to fit this.

It's only the actual media and other girls who want this from a girl!! as a guy a size 12-16 looks great to me, and you know looks dont matter that much unless youre only after a one night stand and not wanting to find someone's personality sexy too.

It really is bizarre how the media and the same sex keeps up this circle that's so far from the truth

QUOTE]

:santa3: What a lovely, honest, down to earth and insightful posting re girls.What a refreshing attitude

Im sure that you are not alone in this view, but sadly the media does seem to have a vicelike grip over the perception of "what makes a girl sexy" and "Whats attractive!" (And yes, the same applies the other way for boys....)
  #26  
Old 15th December 2006, 09:49
crimson~raven crimson~raven is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

I agree with the above - what a nice reply.

Personaly I think each indivdual person has a 'best' look for themselfs and that is all they should aim for - what suits them. You can wear different clothes have different hair etc that makes the best of them. Some suit skinny some suit chuby but everyone suits just being them.
  #27  
Old 16th December 2006, 01:33
Jambo Jambo is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scandalus
Eating lots won't make you put on weight
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scandalus
You have to change your metabolism so that your food intake is a lot more.
What's the difference?

Personally, at this moment in time, I want to gain fat rather than muscle. I'm not saying I want to be overweight but the average person has some healthy body fat don't they?
  #28  
Old 1st January 2007, 15:24
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jambo
Yes.

Hi GoldFish,

I have the same problem and it is quite severe. I am 5ft 9 or 10 and am under 9 stone. I am 25.

It really affects my confidence greatly. I also have really fair skin which makes it even worse in my opinion. Pale, skinny, some mild acne and crooked teeth. Needless to say I never had a serious girlfriend. People always say that looks aren't that important but they are to me, particularly as I have high standards and would like a model girlfriend. And I don't think that makes me shallow as I also want her to have a great personality too.

I do believe I have some potential if I can put on weight but it's such a struggle. I also plan to get my teeth fixed as soon as I can afford it.

So yeah, being underweight really sucks and it definitely is a major contributing factor to my social anxiety.

What age/height/weight are you GoldFish?
you know what its like then.

im 5ft 10 ..so im not overly tall ...turning 23 this year and weigh 70kg.

its quite discomforting until i forget about it.

i know what its like, especially being 22, i can honestly say its gives me agrophobia, i just dont want to be seen in public as what people would consider to be "scrawny" for a guy ......so ive recently stopped going to the shops or public places unless im desperate

i since have put on a little weight by training myself, but looks these days are so important to young people our age, its hard to walk around not feeling satisfied with the physical self, especially when i see girls and guys that look like carved out roman statues or supermodels.

i just have to stay positive, but i cant imagine a girl going out with me for how i look now in terms of "ooh he is a big spunk", a few years back when my metabolism was slower i looked healthy but then it spead up, in our society where the male is perceived in a certain way, in terms of looks and muscle, there is a lot of pressure to feel comfortable in ones skin
  #29  
Old 1st January 2007, 19:47
M80 M80 is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

I can totally empathise with you goldfish as I had the same feelings when I was a bit younger. In my early 20s I weighed 8.5 stone and could not see how I was ever going to put on weight despite drinking protein shakes or lifting weights occasionally. However since getting a job which is mainly office based my weight has increased. My weight has also increased due to getting older. Since turning 25 my metabolism has naturally slowed which means I burn calories slower which allows fat to be deposited. I also bought a resistance trainer last year in order to tone up and build muscle and that has worked to increase my weight as muscle is heavier than fat. I now weigh 11 stone and am fairly happy with that but I would like to weigh 12 stone eventually. There has been plenty of good advice so far on this thread. All that is left to say is that there is light at the end of the tunnel for you. As someone suggested earlier the main thing is to keep yourself healthy and try not to obsess, or go over the top with your training and eating routines. Good luck!
  #30  
Old 2nd January 2007, 02:36
Mr Ron Burgundy Mr Ron Burgundy is offline
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Default Re: Guys and Weight Issues!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldFish
but looks these days are so important to young people our age, its hard to walk around not feeling satisfied with the physical self, especially when i see girls and guys that look like carved out roman statues or supermodels.

i
are you sure youre not just looking in the wrong places/letting your own low body image cloud things?

Also you said it yourself, and just what i said - younger girls, and shallower girls are the ones who are bothered about weight and looks to such a degree. Do you really want to go out with a shallow vain girl? what possible fun could that be, after the week where her looks allow you to ignore everything else?

been there done that, shallow girls completely bore me!
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