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  #1  
Old 6th December 2014, 12:44
Miathecat Miathecat is offline
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Default Showing compassion

This morning I was thinking about the mean things I've said about other people but also how I've been expecting them to be kind to me and be nicer to me because I'm the one with anxiety. But I realised that if I don't do the same I shouldn't expect them to. I felt guilty for having undermined their suffering, and even though I felt bad I was determined to make up for it. I want to be a kinder, compassionate person and I need to make up for the things I've said about people. However I have these moments where I feel like if I rush into something in a moment of epiphany I'll regret it. But then I'm like, why should I regret beng nice to people? Also, I don't know exactly how I would show them that I cared-I was thinking, like a Facebook message (I know it sounds bizarre but it's the only way I can talk openly about things). I was just going to ask them how they were and if they needed to talk I would be there. Not like, a mad paragraph about how much I loved them and how I was trying to be kinder to everyone cos that's a bit cheesy! What do you think?
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  #2  
Old 6th December 2014, 12:46
Miathecat Miathecat is offline
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Default Re: Showing compassion

Also, my best friend is the loveliest person in the world and she's had a hard time because of family issues and I feel selfish because I've never really talked about it with her but I've known her for like, 10 years and I don't know if I should talk to her more or if it's a bit strange now after we've been close friends for so long. I was thinking, like one or two people who are having a hard time at school and not everybody.
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  #3  
Old 6th December 2014, 19:25
black_mamba black_mamba is offline
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Default Re: Showing compassion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miathecat
But I realised that if I don't do the same I shouldn't expect them to. I felt guilty for having undermined their suffering, and even though I felt bad I was determined to make up for it. I want to be a kinder, compassionate person and I need to make up for the things I've said about people. However I have these moments where I feel like if I rush into something in a moment of epiphany I'll regret it. But then I'm like, why should I regret beng nice to people?
Depends on what you value in life. I personally value kindness a lot, and try to be compassionate wherever possible. Seems like you are similar?

So yes it's a good realisation you've made and shows great self-awareness. A simple, short message on FB explaining what you've just said would probably be welcome, especially if your friends are having a hard time of it.
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Old 6th December 2014, 19:39
Beagle Beagle is offline
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Default Re: Showing compassion

Compassion is a great thing and something the world needs more of. I think it's also a great weapon against SA because if you can think compassionately about other people and yourself then you are less likely to think that other people are judging you badly (being uncompassionate towards you). If you have contemptuous thoughts about others then you are more likely to think that they are having contemptuous thoughts about you. Maybe?
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  #5  
Old 6th December 2014, 22:02
Miathecat Miathecat is offline
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Default Re: Showing compassion

Yeah I agree. I actually reached out to somebody whose been having really bad problems and I felt a lot better about myself afterwards, and I don't regret it at all, because I like to think that just talking to somebody about their problems might help them in a tiny way. The only problem is, they were talking about suicide and self harm and I had no idea how to respond. I just said, sorry I'm not very qualified or helpful but do you have people to talk to? I just panicked, I didn't know what the right thing to say was, because I've never had to do this before. They said I had been a big help though so hopefully I didn't completely mess up!
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  #6  
Old 6th December 2014, 22:56
Progress Progress is offline
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Default Re: Showing compassion

^ That's great.
Sometimes you don't really have to say much. Often someone just needs somebody to listen without judgement, just so they can get their thoughts off their chest.
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  #7  
Old 7th December 2014, 09:11
Coffee Coffee is offline
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Default Re: Showing compassion

I think this is great :thumper:

I mean I'm sure a trained therapist would say to be aware that just because you are kind to someone doesn't mean that they will accept it, you may even trigger them to deny things, or they might start burdening you with things you are in no position to help with.

There is a balance but I think the way you handled it, being kind but then referring them to qualified help when things got too dark, was pretty healthy for both you and them.
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