Reasons for social avoidance; fear vs. losing-interest

[hollowone]

If anyone's had periods of their lives when they've been voluntarily isolated and reclusive, what have the main reasons been?

I think a distinction should be made between avoidance due to social anxiety, fear of being judged and shame etc. and avoidance motivated by disinterest and loss of desire.

If you get one of those periods where you lose interest in social connection, are there ways to get your interest back? What factors affect are desire to socialise, re-connect with people, put ourselves out there?

Also, why do we feel less interested in socialising in winter as compared with the summer?

[Tea'n'cakes]

I think it can sometimes be that avoidance happens initially because of anxiety, fear, shame but that this develops into avoidance due to losing interest. I think the constant feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness that come after many attempts at socialising and feeling you've failed can lead one to feel depressed and along with this comes a lack of interest. Because it's just too exhausting to maintain.

[tryinghard]

I think a sense that you are not gaining from other people's company leads to a lack of desire to seek it. For instance, if the relationships you have are to some extent one-sided, where you are providing for them but they are not providing for you (perhaps because you are not asking for any of your needs to be met). Or if you feel in some way that you simply do not fit in, then you will not get the same level of connection. I don't think it is all to do with anxiety at all. I often feel zero anxiety but simply feel I have nothing to gain from being with others.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by hollowone

If anyone's had periods of their lives when they've been voluntarily isolated and reclusive, what have the main reasons been?

I think a distinction should be made between avoidance due to social anxiety, fear of being judged and shame etc. and avoidance motivated by disinterest and loss of desire.

If you get one of those periods where you lose interest in social connection, are there ways to get your interest back? What factors affect are desire to socialise, re-connect with people, put ourselves out there?

Also, why do we feel less interested in socialising in winter as compared with the summer?

My past isolation and avoidance was down to anxiety rather than any lack of interest. This is why my SA felt particularly harsh, because I did actually want to do things and go places, yet felt I couldn't due to overwhelming feelings of fear and anxiety. If I'd actually prefered my own company and a more solitary life my SA wouldn't have bothered me even half as much. I tended to feel more like an extrovert who was being forced to be introvert. The gap between what I wanted to be and what I could manage to be was huge... hence the emotional pain filling the void inbetween.

Regarding the winter. I'm not sure really. Something I have noticed, though, is that I try to keep active all through the year. I try to keep fit and I go running. In winter I notice how my body wants me to eat more calories, to sleep more and generally go into hibernation. It's harder to find the motivation in winter. Maybe we were all bears in our previous lives and just want to hibernate once the dark nights come in and wake up again in spring.