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I want friends but I don't want friends?
Sounds kind of odd this, but as an example its Saturday night wouldn't it be nice to go out to a beer garden and have a few drinks and laughs with friends, but here I am sat at home bored having a beer by myself as I do every Saturday night. Or perhaps someone to go out walking or running with, the list could go on really
It would be nice to have friends but then its a lot of effort to keep friends isn't it? Anyone else feel like this? |
#2
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
Its not odd at all, do you think you could join a club or something? Its hard to make friends but its even harder to make good friends. Am alone most of the time but i go to the gym and go out for a few drinks here and there with friends or close family. Its normally friends I haven't seen in ages or have known for years I wouldn't say I have a great deal of close friends as I am quite reclusive myself. Join a running club if there's one nearby you, there's not a lot of pressure to talk to people but its a good start to talking to new people and maybe gradually starting a new freindship wth someone.
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#3
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
It doesn't sound odd to me Dave. I've always thought that I've wanted friends. But I want friends on my own terms. So I want to socialise when I feel like it and the rest of the time I just want to be left alone basically. Not in an anti-social way or anything but I need to have a balance of being around people (which can be quite tiring sometimes) and spending some time on my own.
You do have to put the effort in to maintain friendships and keep them going. If you don't put the effort in then you will lose them. |
#4
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#6
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#8
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
My friends at the time persevered for a while. I came up with so many excuses as to why I couldn't go to places that I think they gave up and left me alone. I thought I'd feel happy about that. No more invites to places I didn't want to go. I just felt isolated instead.
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#9
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#10
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
You had a far better reason to cut yourself off from them than I did then
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#11
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
There,s nothing wrong with wanting time on your own.....is there?? Even people who have lots of friends don,t see them all the time.
Maybe people with SA are actually loners by nature. (Just thinking out loud here) but even loners want company sometimes - when it suits them. I know I love having peace and quiet but sometimes I do want people around. But if I,m honest I guess that I prefer being on my own around 70% of the time. |
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#17
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
Ahh Dave, but you,re not only drinking by yourself. You,re drinking whilst talking on this site. Multi tasking! ***55357;***56842;
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#18
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#19
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
You,re a phenomenon
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#20
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#21
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
It is a lot of effort to keep friends and I don't think I have the headspace and energy to have more than a couple of good friends (if I should ever be so lucky). One of the few things that makes me feel better about my lack of friends is that most of the time I do just want to be on my own. Being around people is just so tiring, even if it would be nice to have friends to hang out with and talk to properly.
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#22
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
I used to have lots but as my SA got worse I kind of dropped them one by one, I am now left with a couple of good ones but they must be fed up with me never going out to see them.
One of my good mates lives over the road and knows about my SA so I can not answer the phone to him for weeks but then still go over randomly at 3am when I suddenly feel social. Now I try to stop friends developing past the point where I feel obligated to attend things with them. I keep them at a bit of a distance, but am very close to them online. Sounds like a terrible thing to do now that I type it out A good friend will understand your SA though and make allowances, hopefully anyway. |
#23
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
After years of rejection. I don,t even try now. The last time was earlier this year. Someone was having a really bad time. I offered to go with her to do something that I won,t share on here, but wasn't nice. She declined. But sent a text saying how lovely I had been. Knowing she didn't want visitors I left a bottle of wine and some flowers on her doorstep with a little note saying. Hope this helps. To know someone cares. Here for you if you need me.
And ....she,s okay again now. But not a text...call...coffee...nothing. Can anyone tell me what I did wrong? .. |
#24
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
Yes, definitely. I can be happy some days just sitting at home and then other days I feel desperately lonely and wonder how I can change things so I didn't feel so awkward and tired and anxious if I did go out more.
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#26
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
One of my good mates lives over the road and knows about my SA so I can not answer the phone to him for weeks but then still go over randomly at 3am when I suddenly feel social.
and he lets you in? At 3am? That's a Great friend. ) |
#27
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
If you want friends, just make sure they are of good quality; don't just seek out "friends" to just relieve loneliness. That often makes you feel more lonely, when in the company of those you can't relate to.
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#28
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#29
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#30
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Re: I want friends but I don't want friends?
Guess it has to be a 2 way thing...which is the thing. If you only have friends on your terms or meet when you feel like it, its never going to work as may not suit the others or indeed they may not feel like it at the time. You sort of have to go out of you way to make it work such is the give/take necessity. I was in a group of six friends for many years, which was a tight group. When I began missing some things over time I felt more and more distant from the group, then any things I did go to I didn't feel as much a part of the group as before and so it went on till I felt totally lost in the group.
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