Hello from an ex SA sufferer

BarbM · #1 14th January 2016, 07:52

Hi everyone,

I struggled with social anxiety years ago and am now putting up a website with everything I think would benefit others to overcome it too. Even though I went through it myself, I find it very beneficial to talk and try to help others in order to understand better how others deal with it, since everyone is a little bit different.

One thing I am certain is that everyone can overcome it if they really, really work on it and believe it at least a little bit. When people think they can't, it only creates a vicious circle of negativity, so motivation is the first step

Wish you all a great day & see you around the board!

CliffHanger · #2 14th January 2016, 09:39

Looking forward to seeing the website

Well done for overcoming sa.

BarbM · #3 14th January 2016, 16:36

Thank you, it might take a few months, but it will be up at some point!

CliffHanger · #4 14th January 2016, 17:01

Well the statement in your op constitutes a legally binding contract so you don't have much choice :-) I will hound you here once a month until the site goes live

BarbM · #5 14th January 2016, 17:15

Hehe, ok, hopefully it will help me to get it done quicker

BarbM · #6 22nd January 2016, 18:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boy

Hi

I'm glad you overcame your social anxiety

I strongly believe that I can overcome my anxiety and slowly making some steps, although often when I'm failing, I'm backing out and it takes some time for me to get back on the road of fighting and trying.

Hey, great to hear you believe you can overcome SA and taking the steps! I always find it sad when people think they can't do it, and that it's something they will have to live with their whole lives. As Confucius said: "He who thinks he can and he who thinks he can’t are both right." Not saying it's easy, but still easier than to live with it!

It's normal to have setbacks, but setbacks only mean you've made some progress, so keep going! Good luck!

The Jerk · #7 22nd January 2016, 19:30

............... well done for overcoming your social anxiety............. you could post what you did to overcome it on this forum as i think it is the top UK social anxiety site.... so more people would see it here?

BarbM · #8 22nd January 2016, 20:34

Yes, I was thinking about that, but if I do it ***8220;quickly***8221; (in one post), it comes down to the things I think most people already know.

This is why I want to do it better, and want to describe all the concepts, mindset and perspectives well, because I think it will be more helpful. But it also means it takes lots of time to write (even more for me, cause english is not my native language) and will be longer to read

However, to sum up the practical part of what helped me, it***8217;s the following:

* Acceptance (ok, might not be considered as ***8220;practical***8221;, but it***8217;s so important I can***8217;t leave it out

)

* Acceptance and Commitment Therapy principles (I haven***8217;t followed the therapy, just used the principles in my own way. I didn***8217;t know about this therapy when I struggled with SA, but while reading about it, I was amazed by how close it is to everything that pulled me through, and still helping me to this day. From goals and values, to mindfulness and defusion of thoughts and feelings.)

* Muscle relaxation combined with autohypnosys. Autohypnosis might seem contradictory to ACT at first glance, but as long as you feel it***8217;s helpful, it***8217;s not contradictory. It is the kind of thing you have to be open and feel good about doing it for it to work. You also need to use right kind of statements, ones that don't trigger an inner fight with more negative thoughts.

As for muscle relaxation, I find people often underrate it because they might feel it has not enough to do with all the fears and thoughts and traumas in their head, but I have found that doing it REGULARLY really helped me to feel better in my mind (just like physical exercise). Besides, when you practice and learn to calm down, you start feeling the peace within and once you do, you can focus and expand that peace within your heart to your whole being, all over your body, and outside.

* As already mentioned above, physical exercise.

* Bach Flower Remedies. LOVE them. I don***8217;t think they can help on their own like some magic pill that will make it all go away in a second. If the problem is deeply rooted (which SA usually is), it probably won't solve it even in months. They work on a very subtle level and for months I didn***8217;t know if they even work at all***8230; until one day, when I was down completely and totally, I took one and it took that heavy feeling away from my chest. It was crazy and I know it was not placebo, I was down and beat way too much for a placebo to work. Besides, I physically felt the energy of the essence I took.

Anyway, for those who think the influence of energies is just some woo-woo thing, Bach Flower Remedies won***8217;t be their choice and that***8217;s ok. They helped me a lot but I***8217;m sure I would have made it without them as well, it would just be longer and harder.

* Breathing exercises (belly breathing, or deep, slow breaths before a stressful moment).

* positive thinking and "I can do it" attitude (essential), despite knowing I'm making a fool of myself; exposure is painful, as you all know :P but I've always focused on the positives and felt proud I did it, rather than dwelling on what other people think and how it turned out for them.

* Then there***8217;s the whole mind and heart shift that also has to happen, the transformation of fear into love and connection. This is the part I could probably write more than 200 pages about :P

Hope this helps a bit... I will post more once I write it all down more clearly