Does social anxiety and avoidance get better or worse with age?

[Moksha]

In my own experience it gets a lot better. I am surprised by how many people on here find the opposite, however. I should have been a bit clearer on the poll options. I suppose I meant from around 30 onwards.

[3stacks]

I suppose it depends because if you keep avoiding what makes you anxious then your anxiety will just continue to build up but if you keep facing what makes you anxious then it will probably reduce.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by 3stacks

I suppose it depends because if you keep avoiding what makes you anxious then your anxiety will just continue to build up but if you keep facing what makes you anxious then it will probably reduce.

I have found it just eases off naturally. The one big upside to ageing is that you stop caring what other people think of you.

[Jen.]

I think mine has got better over time, but I'm not sure if that's because of age or because of therapy.

[Dougella]

^ I think the same, it might be to do with age but it also might be that we've found things that help or better ways of coping over time.

[T]

I think mine has with age... i still get it from time to time but thru getting older i've learnt how to deal with it alot better...

[limey123]

Definitely better.

[Kipper]

I seem to be in the minority here but for some reason mine has got worse over the last 10 years or so. Particularly since I reduced my working days from 5 to 3 days a week, 2 years ago. I experienced a major emotional incident a year and a half ago which I'm still struggling with. However I commenced group CBT for SA 3 weeks ago which has gone down quite well so far.

[sophie123]

Mine got a lot worse because of a certain situation if that didn't happen mine would just have stayed the same.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

My social anxiety has got much better but my avoidance seems not to have improved at the same rate.

Hmm, that’s very interesting. Thinking about it, I am the same. I suspect my avoidance is to do with more than simple social anxiety and fear. I also avoid because of paranoia, exhaustion, distrust, a hatred of noise and hassle, and a fundamental dislike of/disinterest in the majority of people I meet. Those things seem to be getting worse. I crave silence, space and my own company more than ever.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by biscuits

I have a black belt in avoidance.

A true black belt would have avoided replying to the thread.

[freedom00]

It's gotten better in some ways for me due to maturity and improved social skills but also worse in that I'm much more self aware, when I was young I was oblivious to what SA was and just rolled with it and was less hurt by it's implications as I thought it was just normal to me.

I was less self critical and blamed other things for my mistakes and flaws so I naturally protected myself. Since becoming an adult I've become more under control by my SA and I want to get back some of the qualities I had when I was younger.

[choirgirl]

My avoidance isn't better, if anything it's worse, but my social anxiety is quite a bit better, but I'm very aware of the possibility of backsliding since I'm only working from home at the moment. Truth be told, I had a lot more energy when I was younger to put myself out there even though I was intensely anxious most of the time. My social anxiety was only crippling in the workplace and job hunting, but I think if I'd gone straight into a permanent job at a well-run workplace then that might not have happened.

[Toxic]

My Avoidance is getting worse for various reasons

My Anxiety is getting better because the older I'm getting the less I give a shit what people think about me (Although I did have a couple of experiences last week that made me realise I'm not doing as well as I thought - still better than 10 years ago tho)

[Jane Doe]

My anxiety is about the same but my avoidance is getting worse. When I was younger I was always thinking about all of the things I wanted to do, and hoped that maybe one day I'd find a way to overcome my issues. That never happened and I've given up now. When I isolate myself these days, it's usually because I simply don't want to be around people as opposed to feeling anxious about it. I feel like my personality has been erased.

[choirgirl]

It's interesting that quite a few people have said this.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by choirgirl

It's interesting that quite a few people have said this.

It's also interesting that so many people make a distinction between avoidance and SA. I suspect many people on here (including me) have a certain personality type, largely shaped by genetics: they are highly sensitive, anxious, neurotic, introverted, low energy, etc. The SA is a symptom of this deeper/wider personality. Of course, because it is a crippling, debilitating symptom that has a huge effect on our life, we tend to isolate it.

If you look up the personality disorders (which is a slightly ridiculous idea - I mean what is normal? We are all messed up, just in different ways) there are 10 officially recognized. Interestingly, those ten are separated into three groups, in which the most closely related are placed together. The avoidant personality is placed alongside the obsessive compulsive and the dependent. It is also closely related to the paranoid.

I definitely have avoidant traits that have nothing to do with SA. I crave cool quiet, empty places, for example. I can't bear noise and stress. I generally dislike people and prefer not to be around them whenever possible (not everyone of course). Also, I expect the worst to happen and have an ingrained sense that the Universe is malignant and will hurt me any chance it gets, so never expose yourself to risk or danger. It's as if, deep down, I don't really want to be here and prefer to have as little to do with the world as possible.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by Moksha

I suspect many people on here (including me) have a certain personality type, largely shaped by genetics: they are highly sensitive, anxious, neurotic, introverted, low energy, etc. The SA is a symptom of this deeper/wider personality.

Interesting perspective!

Originally Posted by Moksha

It's as if, deep down, I don't really want to be here and prefer to have as little to do with the world as possible.

Wants by Philip Larkin

Beyond all this, the wish to be alone:
However the sky grows dark with invitation-cards
However we follow the printed directions of sex
However the family is photographed under the flag-staff -
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone.

Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs:
Despite the artful tensions of the calendar,
The life insurance, the tabled fertility rites,
The costly aversion of the eyes away from death -
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by limey123

Wants by Philip Larkin

Beyond all this, the wish to be alone:
However the sky grows dark with invitation-cards
However we follow the printed directions of sex
However the family is photographed under the flag-staff -
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone.

Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs:
Despite the artful tensions of the calendar,
The life insurance, the tabled fertility rites,
The costly aversion of the eyes away from death -
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs.

Certain lines of his used to rumble through my mind and ****ing torture me when I was young. I can't remember the poem, but he writes somewhere of
being young, how "it cannot come again/ But is for others undiminshed somewhere." Man, I did not need to read that when I was in my late 20s and felt like I'd completely wasted my teens!! He really could be the house poet of SAUK. When he writes that "an only life can take so long to climb clear of its wrong beginnings", god, that applies to two thirds of the people on here.

[limey123]

^ I won't quote it then!

Yes, Larkin really does, and always has, resonated strongly with me.

[emre43]

Originally Posted by 3stacks

I suppose it depends because if you keep avoiding what makes you anxious then your anxiety will just continue to build up but if you keep facing what makes you anxious then it will probably reduce.

This. I think also I came to learn that there isn’t anything to worry about in the first place. No more than anybody else should be worrying about (I’m 29, so not quite 30 OP)