The Great Relationship Poll

[Cespenar]

Straight, male, single. Naturally. Damn, I hope I never lose my sense of humour.

Originally Posted by Johnni

I have the same outlook. I guess its hard to know yourself how you are when you are'nt feeling the best.
I think i need to build more friendships first than relationships as i feel i can have a partner but i would still crave friends rather than vice versa. If i had friends i would feel that by having that social circle the opportunities to find a partner will come along so eventually it will happen. The worry is is that if i had a gf i would latch onto her too much and be less motivated to put myself out there more to meet people as i have her and do everything with her socially.

Agree with that.

[Toxic]

^ maybe!

shame 35 guys at last count are doomed

dunno why im laughing im prob one of them

[Dannysbabe]

Originally Posted by Moomin

I love how in these threads people assume all women get approached for relationships regularly. It is not reality.

I think a lot of men forget that when someone approaches (if you happen to be an approached often type of woman), they have targeted you as right/attractive/great for them. That does not mean you feel the same. Half the time you might not have anything in common at all. Yes your life can be good as an average woman if you go out with guys you don't like :/

Not all women get approached at the same frequency. Different women attract different types of men and at different rates.

When it comes to women targeting men and actually approaching guys that they like it can go tits up exactly the same. That's because there's no guarantee they will like you for a serious relationship.

Getting sex off random non specific men is the only way "women" have it easy IMO. In terms getting approached and being able to sift through many realistic/decent potential some women have it easier. Some attractive men also have it easier than other guys.

Thanks for telling it how it is Moomin

[Cespenar]

Originally Posted by Venom

^ maybe!

shame 35 guys at last count are doomed

dunno why im laughing im prob one of them

Sharing is caring.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Hetero male in longterm relationship.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Benfica

Hetero male in longterm relationship.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Moomin

I love how in these threads people assume all women get approached for relationships regularly. It is not reality.

I think a lot of men forget that when someone approaches (if you happen to be an approached often type of woman), they have targeted you as right/attractive/great for them. That does not mean you feel the same. Half the time you might not have anything in common at all. Yes your life can be good as an average woman if you go out with guys you don't like :/

Not all women get approached at the same frequency. Different women attract different types of men and at different rates. I'm convinced it's not a looks thing either. I know plainer women that have loads of guys dripping off them and have been out with downright beautifuls that hardly get approached often as people would imagine.

When it comes to women targeting men and actually approaching guys that they like it can go tits up exactly the same. That's because there's no guarantee they will like you for a serious relationship.

Getting sex off random non specific men is the only way "women have it easy" (majority) IMO. In terms getting approached and being able to sift through many realistic/decent potentials some women have it easier. Some attractive men also have it easier than other guys.

No I certainly haven't forgotten that as a man. I'd certainly much rather be approached at all, even by women that I wasn't that attracted to then never at all!

I think some women often lose sight of the fact that they may not be getting approached by the men they really like but how much worse would it be if they never got approached at all!

I never said it was easy being a women, just that it's easier than being a man. I don't see how anyone can argue that isn't the case.

[HelloWorld]

I think the true explanation for the discrepancy is that one gentleman is with all the ladies. He's a really fast runner and has a variety of elaborate and convincing disguises. He must be worn out. I hope he finds the time to twirl his best fake moustache.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Moomin

Humpph!!

If you don't have the regular offers of courting expected on here makes ya feel like a bit of a freak. I know for a fact it's a consistent experience for SA, or non SA women.

I do think that the system of women waiting for men to ask is unfair. I don't subscribe to it, if I really think a guy is special I will tell them. Also the need for approaching makes it difficult for SA men.

It's just the assumption that all women get approached all the time and that makes romantic life easy is really strange. Seems like the situation is looked at with rose tinted spectacles which men would only fully understand if they were a woman.

Now you would know what it is like to be like a man then

No one said all women get approached all the time. Lets not take it to extremes. The fact is that on average women get aproached far more than men, which is not at all for the majority of us.

But of course you could take Johnny Depp as your male and Susan Boyle as your female example if you just wanted to be silly about it.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I have known plenty of men from here who have found girlfriends. I noticed early on that they usually stopped posting once they pulled and disappeared from MSN

Yeah I've noticed this, but then I've also noticed women who pull on here who do exactly the same. I don't think there is much of a difference in terms of numbers.

[HelloWorld]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I have known plenty of men from here who have found girlfriends. I noticed early on that they usually stopped posting once they pulled and disappeared from MSN

I don't think much of his wig.

He's so intriguing. That's the secret.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I have known plenty of men from here who have found girlfriends. I noticed early on that they usually stopped posting once they pulled and disappeared from MSN

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Yeah I've noticed this, but then I've also noticed women who pull on here who do exactly the same. I don't think there is much of a difference in terms of numbers.

I think alot of members on here fixate alot of their problems on the opposite sex and think that by finding a partner it will solve alot of their problems which is why i think they disappear once they find that person. I also noticed that some come back saying how their relationship ended a while ago and things are'nt going great for them. Maybe finding that partner did help with their SA after all or maybe it just masked the real issues they had that were'nt dealt with properly thinking that having a partner was the right way to solve them.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Moomin

I'm not just directing this at you. To sentiments in the thread and threads for the past 5 years

Some women never get approached at all, or hardly. I don't think I did until maybe the past year and it's still not that much!

You did say if you were a woman you wouldn't be out of a relationship which is not reality for a lot of women. Well if you want to be with someone on your wavelength, decent and attractive to you.

I understand that its more difficult for your average man and a lot more for SA. I just think the easier thing is relative and a woman can still be pretty bad in that area, lonely, or not have many opportunities.

Yeah for me. Of course I can only imagine but given my level of confidence, percieved attractiveness relative to women I'm pretty certain that in parallel dimension I would get approached far more than I do now, being a man.

Yeah of course. I'm not saying that women can't have it bad. And if you never have had a relationship as a woman and have never been approached then it can't get any worst!

BUT imho if you were a man, you have a lot further to go to sort that out. And even if you conquered your SA and were going out, and were considered of average attractiveness, both in looks and personality the likely hood is you would still very very rarely get approached.

The poll really correlates with that. Rougly 50% of female respondees are in a relationship while only 20% of male respondees are in a relationship. I think that speaks volumes.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Moomin

If I dig posts I will find many. I have seen people talk about men offering us this and that left right and centre and all we have to do is pick through.

I never said that.

Originally Posted by Moomin

In order for life to be easier there would have to be enough guys offering relationships in order to find a match, I'm not talking about being very picky either. I am outlining why it's not that simple even for women that get an OK amount of offers.

It's easier than it is for men!

Originally Posted by Moomin

I'm not saying on average in regards to SA people there isn't a big disparity because there is, but I'm not buying that all women can have sex with who we want and get relationships easily line.

Saying all you would have to do is be born female to have your sex/relationship life decent and continuous is what I'm talking about. Incorrect.

Never said that. It's easier though.

Originally Posted by Moomin

Many women have been ignored and/or rejected. I lived that life for many years. That doesn't make me know what its like to be "a man", it lets me know what it's like for some men. As far as I'm aware a lot of boys were doing a lot better than me at that time.

How you doing now? If you were born a man you'd likely still be a virgin.

[Dannysbabe]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

It's easier than it is for men!

How would you know this? Have you ever been an SA woman?

[Sadpup]

Bi n nope

[black_mamba]

I'm female, single by choice. This is the first time I've been single in over 10 years so I'm in no rush to get into another relationship.

I agree that SA men have it tougher for two reasons: shyness in men is seen as effeminate, and men are expected to approach women (a thought unfortunately still held by the majority I think).

But beyond this simpistic idea there are loads of intricate details, some of which Moonin wrote about. Being approached by randoms never usually amounts to anything, and I stopped getting attention when I'm out and about during the day when I got to my mid-twenties. But in the past I do remember it was the men that did all the chasing in situations that led onto relationships. Well, they had to. Back then my SA was horrific!

Having said all that my ex is getting insane amounts of attention from women these days. He is getting asked out loads and has loads of women openly flirting with him and asking to spend time with him and basically doing loads of chasing and pushing. He doesn't have SA, and he is a good looking guy but he wear glasses and dresses geeky and his humour tends to disgust and freak out 99% of women (gawd I sound like Cynic with my 99%'s haha). He is as shocked at the attention as I am, because he never got it when he was attached and went out alone. It's weird. Maybe the girls can smell singledom on him. Incidentally I've had pretty much zero attention since we split.

I'm trying to get across that although yes SA men have it tougher in the dating game, the reality is more multifaceted than that.

And like someone said earlier, there is no point arguing over who has it worst. There never is, regardless of the situation or context. It's a never ending debate and serves no purpose. (Yes I realise the irony of adding to that debate then saying it is ultimately useless).

It's better to direct your energies on trying to overcome your SA so you can feel happier around people, especially the people you fancy.

[Johnni]

Regardless of whether men have it harder than women if you do what is needed you improve your chances of finding someone.
I think this whole debate that has been on here for years is partly due to justify why some find it hard to get a partner if they can say 'well i have it harder than others so that's why i'm struggling to find someone'. Its like its reassuring them that what they are doing or how they are going about it is'nt wrong and that it's not their fault cos they fit a stereotype that is not attractive to the opposite sex supposedly.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

How can anyone deny it's NOT tougher for men logically it's beyond me. Statistics prove that the majority of SA men are single and I'm sure it's the same for non-SA men comparing against single women.

The whole dating/courting game is tougher for men over all because of silly traditions, historical gender gaps and conformity. Every women knows if they join a dating website they are flooding with messages from guys daily...

Give me a woman who can assert them self in the dating game instead of standing on a pedestal giggling and fluttering waiting for Mr Darcy seductively brushing his bushy sideburns to woo and charm them.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by afx

How can anyone deny it's NOT tougher for men logically it's beyond me. Statistics prove that the majority of SA men are single and I'm sure it's the same for non-SA men comparing against single women.

I think the argument is that (especially on here) women do have it tough also but not really acknowledged that much and it is more rather they have it easy rather than easier.

[Dannysbabe]

Now I remember why I rarely come on or post here. I feel like my experiences are ignored/invalid. Well I know how bloody impossible it is so thats all that really matters

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Moomin

Think that has to do with various factors including being happier in myself

Definitely, people treat me SO differently now because I'm much happier in myself and more visibly relaxed. Unbelievable how different the world looks isn't it? Took a bloody long time getting here though!

Originally Posted by Johnni

Regardless of whether men have it harder than women if you do what is needed you improve your chances of finding someone.
I think this whole debate that has been on here for years is partly due to justify why some find it hard to get a partner if they can say 'well i have it harder than others so that's why i'm struggling to find someone'. Its like its reassuring them that what they are doing or how they are going about it is'nt wrong and that it's not their fault.

I think it's partially that and partially the fact that it is hard to understand what it likes to be in someone else's shoes. It's an eternal human problem. When you try to have a debate comparing 2 different experiences from 2 different perspectives things invariably get very messy and complex, so the discussion goes on quite a bit as it has here.

[Duke of Prunes]

I'd say with SA, nobody has it easier. I've been approached by girls before, completely froze up and only said as much as I needed to get them to leave me alone because I feel too inept to talk to them. I imagine SA women have that issue when men approach them as well. Being approached and approaching are both terrifying.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Dannysbabe

Now I remember why I rarely come on or post here. I feel like my experiences are ignored/invalid. Well I know how bloody impossible it is so thats all that really matters

Don't take it personal, this topic has been done to death with many casualties taken in the past.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

When you try to have a debate comparing 2 different experiences from 2 different perspectives things invariably get very messy and complex, so the discussion goes on quite a bit as it has here.

Someone needs to say 'lets agree to disagree' Works in other circumstances

[Dannysbabe]

Originally Posted by Johnni

Don't take it personal, this topic has been done to death with many casualties taken in the past.

I know. Just it makes me feel like I'm somehow less of a woman because I don't have men throwing themselves at me all day long and if I'm single then it is definately by choice, if not then there must be something really, really,really wrong with me (we've done this one to death on the incel board too

[Johnni]

You could argue that being a single female when say 40-50 has more negative connotations (correct word?) than being a male at that age. The word 'spinster' just seems more negative than 'bachelor' and in my experience it seems the reasons people think why someone that age is single is worse if they are a female than a male.

[Dannysbabe]

Originally Posted by Johnni

You could argue that being a single female when say 40-50 has more negative connotations (correct word?) than being a male at that age. The word 'spinster' just seems more negative than 'bachelor' and in my experience it seems the reasons people think why someone that age is single is worse if they are a female than a male.

Thanks for reminding me

[Dannysbabe]

Originally Posted by kafkafan

What does it matter to a particular female struggling to find a relationship that the majority of other SA women find it easier than the majority of SA men?

Because it makes me feel like less of a woman for not even being approached even when I am out, especially when I'd like to meet someone and settle down. and knowing other SA women at least get approached makes me feel like I've just stepped off another planet to be honest (apologies if this was not addressed to me specifically )

[Pandapop]

Originally Posted by Duke of Prunes

I can pretend

Sounds perfect