complete disinterest in children

[timmytim7]

I just have no interest in them whatsoever

of course I hope very much that the children and babies in my family are happy and healthy, but I don't like playing with them or watching them play.

everyone else makes children the centre of attention and seems to love playing with them or watching them play. if I show disinterest people think something is wrong.

I don't mind picking them up or watching them for a few mins but I don't like playing with them and as said, I'm completely disinterested in them or find them annoying.

I do like animals though!

I have a day of children being annoying again tomorrow!

Tim

[DragonWing]

i am the same with all children but my own. i wouldn't have interacted with them at all before i had some and mine don't have friends to play because i have no idea how to interact with children that aren't my own.

[Reclue]

Yep - exactly the same.

I have 3 children and have no problems interacting with them - but other peoples children are a totally different proposition.

[asimovs_unicorn]

delightful creatures.

[timmytim7]

my family don't seem to understand my complete disinterest and non engagement with them. oh well.

yes heard it said that its different with your own children. I don't intend to have any though.

Tim

[Caribou]

I find them utterly tedious. My 8-year-old nephew drove me mad on Christmas Day. I have no idea where he gets his energy from but he did not stop jumping around and shouting all day long. At one point he wanted me to play tiddlywinks and I told him I was too tired because I was sick of him

When I was driving him home on the night he said to me "Why do you always go the long way round?" I said to him "It would be even longer if you had to walk!"


Cheeky little bugger

[Lenin the Parakeet]

I completely and utterly hate children (it's known as "misopedia") and have done so ever since I can remember. My reaction to them being near my house has led to me being taken for a psychiatric assessment with the threat of being sectioned.

The thing that really gets to me about this is that my reaction is always deemed to be MY fault despite the fact that they are visitors and the adults supposedly in charge of them are well aware of my condition.

If there is one way to really get my back up it is to say "They're only children". So what? My standard reply to this is "So were the killers of James Bulger".

I better shut up before I really do go too far.

Edited to add (with expletive deleted):

[timmytim7]

I hate it that you are expected to smile at babies or talk to them in a stupid voice.

My parents like children but they won't be having any grandchildren, I guess that is disappointing for them. must be hard seeing their brothers and sisters becoming grandparents when they never will be.

Anyway I still hate children, maybe not quite as much as lenin the parakeet though!!!


Tim

[misska]

I used to feel very awkward around children as I never knew how to react but when my nieces were born it changed, Once you make them giggle and see them enjoy simple things like bouncing on the bed it makes you feel happy inside. Some kids are little brats but i blame the parents

[Azi]

Bear in mind though, when interacting with children, how it felt to be a child and how devastating it was to be spoken to as though you were a problem just for existing. And how that might have contributed to your SA. I understand finding children annoying, difficult or scary, but don't forget they're people with worries, fears and feelings of their own.

[DragonWing]

agree with azi

in response to then 'when does it change if you have your own' question...i reckon it doesn't. i still have no interest in children. my children are my family, i made them, they are funny and annoying and the most important thing in my world. but i still have no interest in other children and struggle to speak to friends children but am beginning to realise i must try so they don't end up like me.

[timmytim7]

I think the problem is more how other adults expect you to like children / want children / react in a certain way to them.

of course kids can be cute / funny and so on but I still don't like them on balance!

I think it should be far more acceptable to not want children and not have any rather than looked down or seen as weird or a negative choice.


tim

[Azi]

that's absolutely reasonable.

[Mr. Spaceman]

My cousin has an 11 month old baby that I met for the first time on Christmas day. It's not that I wasn't interested, she was really cute and bright and happy and I enjoyed watching her playing with her balloons and toy drum. Problem was when she would sometimes stare at me, presumably expecting me to smile and start talking to her in a childish voice, but I just froze up! I think I'm worried that if I do try to do that she would burst out crying and I'd mentally scar her for life. I think inevitably I'll come to be known as the 'weird uncle'

[asimovs_unicorn]

i've got a neice who's about 3 and a 1/2 foot tall no idea how old that is, my sister sent me some random picture recently of her dressed up for halloween, i thought ok what am i supposed to say to that yeah great thanks sis. it's a bit like me sending her a pic of some carburettors off my motorcycle. seen her a few times since she was born most of those occasions i would have rather spent the time with my dads cat.

give me a shout when she learns to drive and wants her car fixed or a shelf put up or a boyfriend buried in the woods.

[asimovs_unicorn]

Originally Posted by john smith

have someone to care for you when you are old.

i'd rather save my money and hire a private nurse when i'm old and need bed baths.

[asimovs_unicorn]

Originally Posted by john smith

with my savings I'll be lucky to get the one on the right

[Caribou]

I'm SA around children. I find them very intimidating because they have no inhibitions and just say what they want.

[[Martin]]

No disrespect intended, but what on earth has not liking children got to do with SA?

[Tetsuaiga]

I don't mind older children but I can't understand why people like babies or find them cute. They're kind of like fat little caterpillars or something, they don't talk or do anything at all really so whats the big deal.

[Kelli17]

It has a fairly big role in SA really, I find it extremely difficult socialising, it is really hard and takes a lot of planning just to go to my friends house, but if her kids are there I won't go. Funny because I have kids myself, but other children are just brutal. They say exactly what they think and once it's been said that's it, everyone has heard it, everyone laughs and it upsets me more that her mother says nothing. My son said to his nan once why have yoiu got three big bellies? Luckily she doesn't have SA and thought it was hilarious but he got sent to his room to think about what he had done and was made to apologise in front of everybody he embarrassed her in front of. Bottom line, children are ruthless!!

[sillypenguin]

Im not interested in them and thankfully neither is my bf so no pressure there eh :P if others want them fantastic! But I dont expect to be judged because I don't want them, I find that a bit unfair. I would have nothing to give to a child so why would I bring one into the world. There's enough unwanted unloved kids out there. It's crap

[Mr. Nobody]

I think children can be incredibly perceptive and can often suss-out someone who's uncomfortable in certain social situations,.so perhaps the OP's aversion to children may be happening because they can see you're not entirely comfortable in certain social situations and maybe that's what's freaking you out,
I don't think children necessarily see anything wrong in social awkwardness,. but they certainly perceive it and may inadvertently comment on it in very frank ways.
but it's just that they're very perceptive, sensitive and alert,. it's not their fault.

usually, I love being around children, - for me, it's more often adults that can make me uncomfortable,.. simply because they often have certain expectations of how you will behave.
but I think personality comes into it too, and it can feel like a personal affront when you have to put up with some horribly spoilt little brat.

[Amber Fyre]

I can feel quite anxious around children, I don't feel 'natural' around them like others seem to. If someone shows me their baby I have no idea what I'm meant to do, I don't do all that cooing stuff as I'd feel silly and it's just not something I would naturally do. And I have no idea what to say to children, I don't put on a special voice for children or start playing about with them. I just act awkward and smile. Even my own half siblings (from my dad's second marriage) I didn't feel comfortable with until they were about 7/8 (when I could start having proper conversations with them). Playing children's games bores me to death, but I'm sure that's true of everyone. I can only handle a short time around children without wanting to escape because they demand so much attention and aren't very good at being quiet

I used to never find babies sweet, but I do so more now. With children, how much I like them really depends on the child and how they are raised. Some children are raised without any manners and are just rude and spoilt, and I can't stand being around them. But sometimes you bump into really polite 3-year-olds out and about and they are really sweet when they say please and thank you. I think little kids can be really sweet, I just wish I was more natural around them and that I didn't feel anxious around them.

[Dannysbabe]

I am female and at about age 10 said I'd never have any, I am now 46 and don't have any The whole being pregnant and giving birth thing has always repulsed me, I can't see anything good about having children. I can remember when I was 15 a neighbour brought their new baby son in to show him off and I put my head round the door to say hello (that was difficult enough) and she said do you want to hold him? and I said no thanks! and she looked a bit shocked! But why would I?

I find children a bit like dogs, in that I can't relax around them as they are so unpredictable. I find it annoying that people seem to think that just because you are female you should automatically want kids - why? My two older brothers are also childfree and thankfully my parents never hassled us into having any, I think that is really bad when parents do that.

[MrsF]

Hi Dannysbabe, I totally agree that dogs are like children. The main difference is that dogs don't grow up. Kids come in 2 varieties, the quiet ones who can be difficult to talk to because they don't say much and the ruthless noisy ones who often say just what they are thinking. Either variety is a challenge to an SA person but I have to echo what Azi said, they are just kids and they need all of us to look out for them, whether we like them or not.

Tim, I wonder if you are feeling pressured by your parents? You are perfectly entitled to have your own opinion about children. Personally I found that I liked my own most of the time but other peoples were more challenging.

[les]

I get on far better with children than adults when I had a partner she would be in the kitchen where all good party's end up and much to my ex's annoyance I would be with any kids who always seem to gravitate to me, I can hold quite in depth conversations on the Tweenies, Pepper Pig,Horrible History's how many of you lot can lead a bunch of 10 year old's in the Pachacuti song without referring to you tube? I can the only problem I have now; being on my own I have to be very careful around children despite having enhanced DBS /CRB checks for my job I would not like to be thought of as a peodofile.

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by timmytim7

of course I hope very much that the children and babies in my family are happy and healthy, but I don't like playing with them or watching them play.

everyone else makes children the centre of attention and seems to love playing with them or watching them play. if I show disinterest people think something is wrong.

Tim

I don't think there is anything wrong if you don't want to play with kids. Everyone is different.

When I go to large family gatherings (my partner's family) there are often a few adults there who can't be arsed with kids and don't really interact with them. The parents are understanding of this and make sure their children don't bug these adults too much. They don't think any less of these people - they understand that not everyone is into child's play or maybe they have a headache etc etc. It's a very caring, understanding group of people which is refreshing.

I find babies dull and ugly but I do love interacting with toddlers and even slightly older kids. Was on holiday in Cornwall few years back with 5 children ranging from 1 to 10 years old and had a great time running around the accommodation paying hide and seek, or looking for buried treasure on the beach.

Like someone else posted I also sometimes get funny remarks that only a kid would have the guts to say like "whats in your belly is it a baby" sorta thing when I get bloated after a meal. There is no malice in these comments, so I take it as a great opportunity to practice not taking things personally.

Whenever I want to stop I say something very clear and direct to the children like "I'm really tired now I'm going to have a break." Most times the parents will come to my rescue and get rid of their kids. Lovey as they can be, sometimes I just need a time out!

[Dannysbabe]

I've just re-read my post and it sounds rather bad I should maybe point out that I don't actually hate children just have never been interested in having any myself!

[Captain Nemo]

Notwithstanding the fact that it is highly unlikely, I find the thought of having children terrifying. They say it is different when you have your own, but what if that connection never developed? I also don't see how I would ever be fit for parenthood, and I would worry that any offspring of mine would be just like me (just as I see that I am in many ways similar to my Dad). I just imagine another painfully shy, lonely child. When said child got older and became depressed, I wouldn't have any answers.

I have young cousins who I often feel awkward around. At one meeting where we had actually bonded a little one of them told me she had always been a bit afraid of me. It made me sad to hear it (even my own relations!) but also glad that now a bit older she perhaps understands me a little more. And she is already a better, more rounded person than I am.

Don't pay any attention to those that try and foist parenthood on people - I have observed some of these types and they tend to be the most narrow-minded, conventional people. And usually ****ing boring.