Bad day at work yesterday left in tears and my manager thinks im a nutter.

helstar39 · #1 13th May 2014, 09:16

Hi
Just need a friendly ear ..... Thanks for reading in advance...
Basically at work I have been feeling people are talking about me and they dont like me and yesterday, (it was a bad day anyway) I burst into to tears at work made a tit of myself.... I ended up telling my manager how I felt. I asked her do you think that people are talking about me think Im weird. or am I being parnoid. !!!! stupid thing todo as I think most of it is SA and stressed.... Anyway I took today off still feeling very teary and am dreding the school run..... on a plus my partner is being really understanding

ithinkiamlost · #2 13th May 2014, 09:37

Sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time and I hope it gets better soon.

I don't think it was a stupid thing to do because when we are down these things get on top of us and we need to release the pressure. If your manager is good at their job, he/she wouldn't want upset staff members.

Good lucky with the school run. I've never had to do anything like that but can understand how daunting it can be. At least you have an understanding partner and you are not alone.

helstar39 · #3 13th May 2014, 10:01

Thank you for your advice.. My boss gave me a telephone number for some counselling which she said is excellent and is a free service offered by my company.. So it that way I am very lucky.
If my problems becoming office gosspi it says more about them than me

Lifebuoy · #4 13th May 2014, 20:26

Sometimes things reach such a pitch that you just have to 'pull the plug'. Maybe that takes the form of bursting into tears, or like Kite, walking out of a job.

The really awful thing is that it feels like you have absolutely no option but to do that. But in truth, it's actually an over-reaction. In your mind, it seems that the situation has got totally out of control... it's become an absolute DISASTER... and one from which there can be no possible recovery. Yet other people have experienced precisely the same kind of 'rejecting' reactions from other people, but it hasn't particularly bothered them. You thought about the situation in one way... and they thought about it in a similar way but they didn't think it was a major disaster... as you did.

What they thought was 'These people are really not being very nice... but that's a problem for them... it's not a problem for me'. They also knew, deep inside, that they are really OK as a person. That it didn't really matter so much if other people didn't treat them with respect, because those people couldn't change that essential truth... that they are, genuinely, an OK person. Also they had enough experience of life to know that if you stay calm and let insults and unfriendliness run off you, like water off a duck's back, then things tend to get better. Other people gradually get used to you... and over time, get to realise that you're really quite nice. But you have to stay calm and confident... and patient. Not hurt and traumatised.

It's not easy though, is it? We tend to react in automatic ways when we're faced with an 'emergency' situation. But trying to get the way we think about ourselves... and the way we think about other people... to get them to be more in tune with how things really are, can help us not to reach for the 'panic button' quite so quickly.

So next time you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that second option... relax... let things pass... it will resolve itself given time... if you are calm and patient.

slrrrrp · #5 13th May 2014, 22:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by helstar39

Thank you for your advice.. My boss gave me a telephone number for some counselling which she said is excellent and is a free service offered by my company.. So it that way I am very lucky.
If my problems becoming office gosspi it says more about them than me

I'm glad there was a good outcome

helstar39 · #6 14th May 2014, 09:21

thanks peoplefor your kindness and wotrds of wisdom.
Kite 19 - thanks for sharing something that was very upsetting for you what a nasty person that girl was.and you thought you could trust her.
Lifebuoy - I agree with you. and normally I can dealvwith this sillynesss but on Monday I just started crying and couldnt stop. I use CBT but when my emotions are that crazy I just have to get out of the situation. I have been feeling emotional Crying ever since. I got though the school run yesterdayand painted on a smile. But inside I felt like I was going to scream!!!!!!

helstar39 · #7 14th May 2014, 14:12

well I didnt go in again today... I was possitive last night. but when I got up I couldnt do it. I couldnt even ring my boss. I text her. I am dreeding the rest of week.. I not back at work tilll Monday. I feel guilty cause I havent even told my mum Im not at work as I couldnt bear picking my kids up from school. I spose I have no choice but to go to the doctors tomorrow. I wish I hadnt told my boss my feelings now I hate people knowing how screwd up I am . Thanks for reading my posts just going through a bad patch Im sure it will be fine

Lifebuoy · #8 14th May 2014, 22:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by helstar39

well I didnt go in again today... I was possitive last night. but when I got up I couldnt do it. I couldnt even ring my boss. I text her. I am dreeding the rest of week.. I not back at work tilll Monday. I feel guilty cause I havent even told my mum Im not at work as I couldnt bear picking my kids up from school. I spose I have no choice but to go to the doctors tomorrow. I wish I hadnt told my boss my feelings now I hate people knowing how screwd up I am . Thanks for reading my posts just going through a bad patch Im sure it will be fine

Listen HS, most if not everyone in this place has been through the sort of crisis you're feeling at the moment. It's incredibly upsetting and it feels like the roof has come down on you. The reason you are feeling so awful is because you think you have completely blown your reputation at work, and on top of that you are mercilessly beating yourself up for being 'weak'.

In reality, things aren't as bad as you think. You just need to do a bit of repair work. So as soon as you feel able, phone your boss and explain that you just went through a terrible panic and say when you hope to be back. Your boss will understand and support you. It would be a good idea to visit your doc too to get his/her advice. In time, when it feels right, have a talk to your mother too. Tell her what happened and what the doctor said. If she is a sympathetic sort of person she'll be able to give you some support and encouragement... and it's really helpful to have people you can talk to about your feelings and difficulties.

You're right... this is just a bad patch and you'll be able to put it behind you with a shrug of the shoulders... and an understanding that this is just one of those things that you have to put up with from time to time. But you'll also know that it's quite survivable and not as serious as it seems at the time.

pheys · #9 15th May 2014, 03:02

your boss offered you help. that's the sign of a good boss! i wish my boss was like that!

BennyB · #10 15th May 2014, 07:24

Hi helstar
sorry you're having a tough time - I agree that maintaining relationships at work can be really difficult if you suffer with social anxiety. I've had many similar experiences as have no doubt plenty of others on this forums please don't be too hard on yourself. A short period away from work might do you the world of good. Best of luck

Star Rainbow · #11 15th May 2014, 08:19

Sorry to hear about your tough time. I think its great that you came here to seek support and hope you have found it helpful. Lifebuoy has posted some golden advice imo. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to work this through. I agree that when you are feeling calmer you should approach your boss and be as candid as possible about your condition, without making yourself wrong, and let work know how much you are able to offer of yourself and what support they could offer you. If they have a human resources dept there maybe someone you could speak to there.

Important - dont feel you are alone or unsupported.Wish you well.

helstar39 · #12 15th May 2014, 21:07

Thanks for advice. I decided to go to GP and just told him how I felt. I feel better now. just to get it all off my chest. he offered me therpy and medication. but left it up to me. Thanks again.

Z. · #13 15th May 2014, 21:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by helstar39

Thanks for advice. I decided to go to GP and just told him how I felt. I feel better now. just to get it all off my chest. he offered me therpy and medication. but left it up to me. Thanks again.

That's great. Was it the first time you've been to see anyone about it? I still need to go and was wondering what the process was actually like.

pheys · #14 15th May 2014, 22:17

excellent about seeing the GP!

you have made the first step to kicking SA in the goolies

zork · #15 17th May 2014, 11:45

Its hard work when you suffer with SA and workmates ( or indeed other human beings in any other situation ) are unduly nasty to you by doing things like badmouthing you behind your back, or worse still to your face. Most peoples response is to confront the situation and fight fire with fire but in my experience with sa I just say nothing and then bottle everythijng up and end up hating and blaming myself for being so weak.
Really hope you work this out and get back to work soon !!