#601
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Quote:
Quote:
I've actually got an appointment with my Doctor on April 1st, not that that ever makes any difference. I feel like I've tried every anti-depressant under the sun over the years and have been on Citalopram for a couple of years. It's obviously not doing it's job anymore or perhaps I'd feel even lower without it I'm very slowly trying to wean myself off the benzodiazepines as I think they had started doing me a lot more harm than good, especially when it comes to exacerbating the Depression. But it's going to be a very slow process swapping from Lorazepam to Diazepam and then gradually tapering those down to nothing. Ahh, Life's never easy that's for sure! Quote:
You've done so well to go out running, meeting up with friends etc, inspite of your Depression. You are making big efforts to help yourself which is a lot more than I'm doing right now! Try to be proud of your efforts and achievements. A lot of people would choose the temporarily easier option and avoid but you haven't been doing this I can imagine the regular mood swings are particularly difficult for you to cope with as it's so hard to make plans when you don't know how you will be feeling from one day to the next. I think you said that you had stopped taking your meds? Although I know only too well that they all come with some negative side effects I did find that anti-depressants at least helped to level out my moods - which isn't ideal - but was slightly preferable to being a blubbing wreck one day and then full of unrealistic optimism the next. I can totally understand why you have started to seek solace in alcohol as in a way I've done the same with my benzodiazepines but we both know that because of the enormous risk of tolerance and addiction that they will only help for so long before they just exacerbate our problems. Why are the things that most help the very things that eventually cause us the most damage! These mental health issues suck big time don't they, Skitz, but I guess we must be flipping strong to have gotten this far! For what it's worth, you arn't alone with this and hopefully know that there are folk here, myself included, who can totally understand and empathise with all of your struggles. Take care lovely and vent whenever you feel like it |
#602
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Quote:
However, if you strongly feel that you are going to put such thoughts into action then it's wise to seek immediate help, even if it's just reaching out to a family member or offline/online friend or perhaps giving the Samaritans a call. |
#603
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Quote:
Reading this thread it strikes me there's a whole bunch of lovely people on this forum. You're a part of something here.. take care. You matter. |
#604
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
@ Melangell So sorry you are feeling this way. You've been through some very difficult times recently so don't beat yourself up for having such thoughts - we all have them from time to time, but they will pass. You've got at least two great reasons for carrying on. Hang on in there lovely
|
#606
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^ I second what newbs says. Take care of yourself Skitz x
|
#607
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Quote:
|
#608
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I know my constant depression and lack of motivation for life must be starting to effect the people around me that are so dear to me. If I can't ever overcome these feelings, as I don't think I can, I wonder what the very point is of my sorry existence.
|
#609
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ Thank you very much for your kind words Skitz. Just struggling rather a lot at the moment. Hope you start to feel better soon x
|
#610
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Hi Skitz, when was the last time you had a day of not drinking?
|
#611
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
@ Skitz I can totally understand why you are relying on alcohol if it briefly helps to dampen some of the emotional pain that you feel because that's the reason I've become so reliant on Benzodiazepines, but I think they both add fuel to the fire and massively increase the terrible symptoms of Depression when they inevitably wear off. That's why I'm trying to slowly taper off the pills but it's SO very very hard I know.
I hope you are able to find the strength to very slowly reduce your dependence on drink. But don't beat yourself up over it. You are trying to cope the best you can in very difficult circumstances. Just take ONE day at a time Skitz, we are all here for you |
#612
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Hi Skitz, have you tried the soberrecovery forum?
|
#613
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Yeah, it is tricky when you are stuck in that pattern. You can easily feel like there is no getting out of it.
Usually the best advice is the most obvious advice but it is difficult to see that when we are in the grip of habitual drinking. I think setting smaller targets at first helps you see it less of an insurmountable problem. So if you say, I will try only one day, then after that day, another. In them few days you will feel slightly better and quickly the cravings lessen. How much do you usually drink? Or easier way of looking at it, how drunk do you usually get? |
#614
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Well to be fair, that doesn't sound like a huge problem! I mean, if you are able to drink in a controlled way, I don't think it is that much different to smoking, or people who smoke weed everyday.
I suppose it depends on how much of a toll it is having on and whether it seems like its getting worse. I used to just drink myself to oblivion every time I drank. |
#615
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Quote:
|
#616
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning,
^ I'm sorry you are feeling so down about your situation
I hope this doesn't sound patronising as I certainly don't intend it to come across that way but 28 is very young and you have so much time to still achieve so many of the things that you would like to do. It doesn't sound like you screwed up your youth at all and while it may have appeared that everyone around you was having a fun wild carefree time many were not or were just pretending to and probably too drunk to even remember. As for only having 3 partners by the age of 28, who an earth are you comparing yourself to? Hopefully not the promiscuous girl at College who claimed she had had 25 partners!!! If she didn't end up catching an STD or two and drastically reducing her chances of having children later on then I would say she was very lucky. Comparing ourselves to others is never a good thing as we ALWAYS compare ourselves with those folk that we consider far more successful than ourselves (those who have lots of friends, partners, higher paid jobs, nicer cars etc..) and not to the many people who have a lot less than us or even to the majority of people who are living very average mundane lives. I know comparing myself to others is something that I'm always doing myself, not helped by Facebook, but I do try to remind myself that what goes on privately behind people's closed doors is often no where near as enviable to what we see online. Wow, the fact that you are able to live in Thailand for a few months a year sounds awesome and something that myself and many others would never have the courage to do! It all sounds very exotic and I'm sure A LOT of your peers would be very envious of you for that alone I don't know when you are working from home whether you also have the opportunity to work within an Office environment too? The freedom of working from home sounds perfect for someone with SA but I can understand that it must also feel quite isolating and is perhaps fuelling your anxiety and depression. Working from an Internet cafe doesn't sound so bad if it means it is getting you out into a more social environment. It's a start Although you may not feel it at the moment it certainly doesn't sound that you aren't achieving things in life, quite the contrary in fact!! I really do think you should give yourself a lot more credit. Honestly, most people I've spoken to, (in hindsight, and when they've removed those rose tinted spectacles of nostalgia) hated a lot of their youth (constantly worrying about exams, girls, keeping up with everyone else, searching for jobs, blah blah blah) and actually find their 30's and 40's less stressful in some respects. It's good that you still enjoy certain aspects of your life - try to focus on these things while you are waiting for the feelings of despair to pass. To end things now would be such an absolutely tragic waste as you clearly have so much to offer, Thai Continue to stay strong, you will get through this difficult time you'll see x Btw, sorry about the long ramble. I hope something in that lot helped! |
#617
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Quote:
It is difficult to give you some advice as I'm not really sure of your situation, or the efforts you've already put in to dating. I would say, if you don't already, work out. Having a good physique will help you with looking attractive but not only that, it will help you feel more confident about yourself and will help with your posture since you sit around alot for work. Consolida has a good point, comparing yourself to others is futile. One, because you can never really know if someone else is having as good a time as you think, and two, because it makes you miserable and instead of trying to make steps to move forward with certain areas of your life, you will dwell on what you haven't done, and therefore have the attitude, 'I never will'. Do you socialise much or do online dating? |
#618
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
thaifoodparadise
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Just out of interest, what do you do? I'd love to spend my working life sat in cafes with a laptop!! |
#619
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I'm done.
|
#620
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ Has something happened Fantastical?
|
#621
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I'm out of fight.
|
#622
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Only one way to get that properly.
|
#623
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Can you reach out for help and support anywhere? (Ofcourse everyone here is always here for that too) If things have become too much, sometimes you need to take a step back, share some of the burden and let yourself have a rest like Melangell says.
|
#624
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
There's nothing anyone can do. Tried asking for help but there's nothing or I **** it up yet again.
Got people that care but that doesn't seem to make any difference. So ****ing selfish. |
#625
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
It sounds like you're being very negative towards yourself, which you really don't deserve .
|
#626
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Sorry to hear that you're feeling so low right now, Fanta, but I hope you can find a way to hold on until hope returns. You're a lovely person and it was such a pleasure to meet you at Leeds and York last year; you know that you have many people here, myself included, who care about you and will be there for you when needed.
Sometimes, we need to hit rock bottom to find a way back to what's good; I was there six or seven years ago, feeling hopeless, but within a couple of years things began to improve and have been getting better ever since; the future is unwritten for all of us and you never know what may be in yours. Please try to take a breath, recharge your batteries and come back stronger. Sent from my SM-J330FN using Tapatalk |
#627
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
.
|
#628
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning,
Quote:
Quote:
So true. This point needs to be stressed. Of course, some people really do have an awesome time and yearn to go back. But I'd say the majority of people struggle. In fact, I'd hazard a guess that at least half hated their adolescence and 20s. Never underestimate the power of self-delusion. Often, people who had a sh*t childhood or adolescence, or whose university years were scary and lonely, will look back with nostalgia. I've seen them do it. They twist and distort the past, and then they believe their own lies. The great thing about getting older is the freedom and space. People stop judging and pressuring you. And you stop caring what they think anyway. |
#629
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning,
Quote:
|
#630
|
|||
|
|||
Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Thought about it these last few days, the only thing I get any joy from is playing Pokemon games like I'm 8 years old again; which was probably the last time I didn't feel expectations hanging round my neck from myself or other people.
|