Best Wishes to everybody

[Tom1985]

Just wanted to give everyone on here my best wishes.
Life is such a struggle for a lot of us on a daily basis. Not one of us is responsible for the problems we suffer, we are not bad people, it's just the hand we have been dealt in life. Suffering with Social anxiety, depression, low self esteem etc etc is just so suffocating. Its just not something that has a foolproof cure. Life is difficult enough for people without these problems.
To have the same problems as everybody else plus all this on top is incredibly draining. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and accepting of myself.
Unfortunately I am just not in that place. Knowing there are others that struggle with exactly the same issues is the one thing that gives me reassurance and a place where I can be open about my true feelings.
The rest of the time it's just trying to cope as best I can.

[Ian]

You ok mate?.

[Consolida]

Once when I tried to explain to someone how tough it is to suffer with social anxiety and depression they responded by saying "Well, everybody has problems that they have to cope with" and then preceded to tell me how Mr so and so is in hospital with a broken hip and Mrs so and so has serious debt problems and so on...as if by suffering with SA and Depression it somehow got you off the hook when it came to dealing with all the other problems that 'ordinary' people have to cope with!
It made me realise how incredibly strong and courageous so many people with mental health problems are when on top of those issues, they have to also cope with everything else that life throws at them too. And despite it all, people such as yourself, Tom, are still able to share a kind word with other people who are struggling also.

I often say that I wouldn't wish SA and Depression on my worst enemy and I think we should all feel proud for just being here - supporting and sharing - when in some ways it would be so much easier to totally give up - just throw in the towel. Perhaps it's the glimmer of hope that things might someday get better that keeps us all going in our darkest hours.

I know that you are struggling a great deal at the moment Tom, but I very much hope that you continue to post your feelings here and seek reassurance from people who totally understand.

Sometimes coping as best as you can is enough

For what it's worth, you aren't alone

[Mr. Nobody]

^ + ^^ good points above,
I'd totally agree with that,

having SA and depression can often mean that much of life's possible experiences just pass you by,
it might seem stupid or inconsequential to others, but it's obviously not a choice,
it's often like an invisible barrier which keeps you back in many situations,

if I hear another person tell me to "just cheer up" I think I might strangle them.

[Tom1985]

For me I just don't know what to do with my free time. I think to myself, should I read
the newspapers, read self help books, etc. What I want ultimately in life is just to feel
comfortable socialising and have friends I feel comfortable with. I'm 34 years old now and
at a point where I've lost contact with friends I've had over the years. Part of me wants to be alone cause I often feel miserable but at the same time I want company. Also when I'm alone I just feel as though I waste time pondering, ruminating and don't do constructive things. I can watch a film or read a book or practice guitar etc when I'm alone but in my head I'm thinking "How is any of this gonna help you to enhance your social skills"
I just don't know. Not knowing how to spend my free time alone is a big problem.
Isolate myself, then don't feel happy. Whatever I do I think to myself I should be doing something else.

[Kipper]

Tom1985, Are there any opportunities to do some voluntary work in your area? Even if it's just a couple of hours a week. It can make you feel a bit better about yourself once you get over the initial awkwardness and anxiety of mixing with other people.Say, some basic voluntary gardening work with the local council, which is what I do. Or helping out at a local charity shop 'out the back' sorting out donations. Social anxiety is wretched and can make you feel lower than a Snake's belly, both physically and mentally,but then you already know that. However a distraction for a couple of hours a week can be beneficial , which is what I have found over the past few years.

[Tom1985]

Hi Kipper

I could do some volunteering work yes. I'm starting back at university next week. I'm sure there are opportunities for volunteering within the university. Also there is a social anxiety
meetup group in my city I could join. The problem with me is that I feel as though the people I will meet, I just won't fit in or identify with. I can imagine applying for voluntary work and being surrounded by retired ladies in their 70's or people who have learning difficulties or disabilities etc. I know that sounds harsh and shitty to say. I would feel out of place as I don't suffer with learning difficulties or anything like that and appear relatively normal I'm sure. I feel bad for saying this as I should look for any opportunity to socialise and befriend people. It isn't something I totally disregard but I'm just unsure how I would feel about it. At the moment my thoughts and focus are on university next week but I should consider doing what you suggest really. It's taking the step to do it and pushing through. I can talk myself out of anything. I know nothing ventured nothing gained. I've been working over the summer and the past couple of weeks I've just taken off for a rest. In a way it's not been great as I've just empty days where I ruminate and feel crap. Thanks for the message though and I may warm to the idea of volunteering in the near future.

[Moksha]

I've often felt intensely sorry for people on this forum. When I look back to myself in my late teens and early 20s, I also feel so sorry for that boy. I was a pitiful sight - lost, lonely, trapped, desperate, confused, terrified and so full of shame I could barely function. SA/avoidance and the anxiety, depression and shame they create are just horrendous. I've missed out on so much sex, fun, happiness, love, intimacy, laughter...Still, I do think there is a danger of exaggerating the happiness of 'normal' people. We all imagine others had a great time in their teens and 20s. Some did of course. Others, even without SA, still had an awful life. And there are worse things than SA. Some people endure sexual abuse, or are beaten and neglected. Then there are people who lose both parents in a car crash when they are 14, or whose mum dies of breast cancer when they are children. I wish my life had been better, but I know it could have been worse.

[Bluebear]

[MoonBear]

I've already said this in another post by Tom, but volunteering can be really good for you in terms of mental health and social interactions. Don't write it off before you've even tried it Tom, come on man. Uni could be a fresh start for you, right? Not many of us get that opportunity at our age.

[limey123]

^ I volunteer in an office weekly for a charity, and I love it. It helps them and it helps me, too.