Never believing anyone wants my company, trust, etc

[Mr Ploppy]

I have big problems believing people want my company, and history has largely proved this. Also when I do have company I can never shake the feeling they are only there out of pity or some malicious gain (get money, to hurt me, etc).

Has anyone had these feelings in the past and got over them ? How did you do it ?

[tiptop]

I have these feelings too Mr Ploppy, if it's any consolation. If I do meet up with people sometimes I feel that they're only meeting up cus they want something or have nothing better to do or anyone better to see. I have been dropped when someone 'better' comes along in the past. So now, I try not to get too attached to people so if it does happen, I don't go into a funk about it. Just enjoy it while it lasts. Saying that, don't feel like that with everybody but do with others. I have been asked to things because the person didnt have anyone else to go with (was made clear, no beating about the bush). So I basically wouldn't have been asked if there was someone more preferable.
I could go on, but I'm sure you get the gist.
Anyway, you're not alone.
Good luck

[Toxic]

oh i have this, i can go weeks without hearing from a few certain people..then out of the blue ill get a phone call..part of me wants to just come out and say "yeah what do you want?" ..coz i know they are only speaking to me when they want something..and yep...they want to borrow something or want me to help them

i get the feeling im the bottom of the barrel for people, especially weekends..oh shit im not going out on the piss this weekend whatever will i do!...oh ill go round to *toxic* he wont be out..dont even ring..they just turn up (though this is only 1-2 people im not exactly flooded with offers) ..or come and see me before they are going out with their real friends

the pity thing i get, not so much the malicious, although now you mention it im probably going to be thinking it

would be nice to feel somewhat wanted..and people who want to see me instead of just pity/boredom (although i cant imagine why anyone would want to be around me..havent worked that one out yet!)

[Mr Ploppy]

Yeah I would say I don't think there are many (or even any?) who actively dislike me either, it's the indifference, the not wanting to know me.

[AxelFendersson]

Originally Posted by silver-lining

I don't generally fear that people dislike me, I fear that people don't really care about me and won't go out of their way to be friends with me.

I tend to be the same. My default assumption is that nobody is more than dimly aware of my existence at all. I'm always caught off-guard when someone does invite me to something or otherwise acknowledges that they know me.

[Mr. Nobody]

I was thinking that becuase I don't really have an outgoing personality and don't really say much, or give much away, then other people don't really have much to go on, so I suppose I can't really expect anyone to readily want to be with me or take an interest in me as I'm not really ( on the face of it ) much of a 'person'

I think you really have to put your personality out there and get yourself and what you're about noticed, that way people will have something to be interested in, and I will be 'visible' to people.

I have sometimes felt that it'd be good to have someone take a genuine interest in me,.. but for the most part,..I've pretty much hidden who I am from the public,. so no-one really can see who I am and what I'm about,.. I think this is the curse of SA,.. no-one really gets to see who you are.

[thequietman]

I gave up worrying about this along time ago, I already know I am not liked wanted or needed, so I don't bother with people anymore.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy

I have big problems believing people want my company, and history has largely proved this. Also when I do have company I can never shake the feeling they are only there out of pity or some malicious gain (get money, to hurt me, etc).

Has anyone had these feelings in the past and got over them ? How did you do it ?

In the past I did wonder why anyone would want to be around me. When you don't really value yourself, you can be suspicious of others if they appear to value you and want your company. For me, this was in general friendship types of relationships rather than romantic ones, because I never really had problems finding those.

The relationship I have with my best friend took quite some time to get off the ground. I worked in community care and got to come into regular contact with the niece of a man I helped care for. We'd talk a lot and she seemed to see something good in me. She'd sometimes invite me up to her house on a friends basis, but I declined for ages. After a long while I did eventully go over and we'd chat for hours. I could never quite get my head around what she wanted or expected from me. I could never work out why she wanted my company. Even more puzzling was why she still wanted my company after getting to know me better. I thought the more she got to know me the less she would like me.

We did drift apart for a bit because I kept my distance. The whole thing puzzled me. In that time I was also doing a lot of work on myself. Doing personal development on my therapy courses. I built up a healthy level of self-esteem and realised I was no worse than anyone else out there. I suppose I became reasonably comfortable in my own skin, and this helped me realise that maybe I was worthy of certain others liking being around me simply because they valued me as a person and liked my company.

So I think it was the building of self-esteem that allowed me to lower my defences and accept others into my world. If you value yourself, it's a lot easier to accept that certain others may value you too.

[Dandelion10]

People are only human, they are going to be fallible and self-seeking even if they are decent. They steal, cheat, lie, use people for their own gain (sometimes as a reaction to hurt) but they're also gifted, interesting and funny. They're trying to be the best they can be and occassionally feel alot like us.

Try to have more trust in people. If you give you get back ten fold, they'll only pity you if you're alone. Do it for yourself.

I used to have low self esteem as well and still do but what are they going to do invent a better person for better company? They have to deal with us sooner or later.

[mhealer3]

hi friends,
i agree with the sometimes emptiness of human relationships.
yes i feel deprived of good care by parents, of genuine interest by 'friends',
& certainly of appreciation at work.
but i believe that each of those persons who failed me has been failed by others also.
i'm aware now, that people are empty themselves, & to rely on them 2 fulfill me is error.
it's constant disappointment that way, & i lost my younger sister to that.
she died out of hopelessness i believe, @ age 31-- because all her family (including me)
were useless, self-absorbed, & often cruel.
i never reached out 2 her because i was fearful of being spurned, as so many times my parents rejected us both.
i have 4giveness only by faith, but still am very lonely in this world.
each day i now treat as the ONLY day-- otherwise the dread of living alone would overwhelm me.
there is no salvation in this world, but only in reaching out 2 touch God.
blessings 4 the new year my friends....
i value your presence here very much.
have hope in God i can testify that He alone Saves me every day from dispair.
Peace 2 u.

[Dandelion10]

My attitude towards people is defensive at best, sometimes deliberately hurtful thats why this year I'm going to do charity work and go to church. That one day of helping out at Christmas made me feel on top of the world, it gave me trust in people, I felt love for the first time in a very long time and I want to make that a permanent part of my life.

Yes it's not easy to be around people, when they come and sit next to me I feel like pushing them off the chair but I also do want to make friends and find a 'proper' partner because it's heartbreaking without human contact.