confessions of a normal

Kevin Hodge · #1 4th April 2007, 22:28

my deputy manager, who i share an office with, has a rather outgoing manner.

i've shared an office with her for over a year. i'm convinced that i was stand-off-ish and "too quiet" to start with. whenever i had to talk to her, i was really quite tense.

lately i have been trying to "open up" a bit more at work generally, and me and deputy have been talking a bit more easily.

the other day she said some things which surprised me. she had just spoken to me on the phone from downstairs, and she apologised for hanging up "abruptly". but what she did aws kind of just a normal thing to do, she had a message for me and then she hung up. it was fine.

she also apologised for something else...she had given me a lift to the supermarket after work on friday, and i said thanks as i got out the car. she then said thanks too - kind of that way where the words come out automatically without you thinking. she remembered this over the weekend and apologised on monday in case i thought she was being sarcastic!

i said these things were fine, "i thought nothing of them.".

then she said "all these wee things that make us panic"...i thought this was quite unusual coming from "a normal"! just thought it would be interesting to post this here.

you company man · #2 4th April 2007, 22:36

Yeah that happens to me too. Someone will apologize for something and i'll be amazed that they thought it actually required an apology. And the fact it's coming from seemingly confident extroverted people makes it even more weird. The mystery of what goes on inside the mind of another human eh....?

Ross PK · #3 4th April 2007, 22:37

Maybe she has a bit of SA too dude.

Kevin Hodge · #4 4th April 2007, 22:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ross PK

Maybe she has a bit of SA too dude.

not a chance! she's so loud and gabs on to people all day, she can't help herself! that's what made it so weird.

Ross PK · #5 4th April 2007, 22:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by sullenskink

not a chance! she's so loud and gabs on to people all day, she can't help herself! that's what made it so weird.

Well, you know that Julie KC that used to post on here? I've spoke to her on webcam, and trust me, she's well extraverted, even though she has SA.

Kevin Hodge · #6 4th April 2007, 22:44

that's right crazy fairy.

i think that the dividing line is probably something to do with...if you think your problems define you as a person, like you are painfully aware of them and therefore they restrict your behaviour.

whereas lots of people might be scared of doing a presentation and thik this is normal and not think anything of it, other than to worry about the persentation.

Kevin Hodge · #7 4th April 2007, 22:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ross PK

Well, you know that Julie KC that used to post on here? I've spoke to her on webcam, and trust me, she's well extraverted, even though she has SA.

it's tricky to pin this down...but although this person is very loud she is also very at ease with herself and is clearly not anxious answering the phone or anything like that, she just blunders on and doesn't give a toss.

i myself can seem quite extrovert socially but i think that it would be evident to a keen watcher that i am anxious.

Ross PK · #8 4th April 2007, 22:54

Lol, so you knew her as well?

Ross PK · #9 4th April 2007, 22:57

Nah, I can sort of see what you're chatting about, fairy.

Innervision · #10 4th April 2007, 23:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by sullenskink

my deputy manager, who i share an office with, has a rather outgoing manner.

i've shared an office with her for over a year. i'm convinced that i was stand-off-ish and "too quiet" to start with. whenever i had to talk to her, i was really quite tense.

lately i have been trying to "open up" a bit more at work generally, and me and deputy have been talking a bit more easily.

the other day she said some things which surprised me. she had just spoken to me on the phone from downstairs, and she apologised for hanging up "abruptly". but what she did aws kind of just a normal thing to do, she had a message for me and then she hung up. it was fine.

she also apologised for something else...she had given me a lift to the supermarket after work on friday, and i said thanks as i got out the car. she then said thanks too - kind of that way where the words come out automatically without you thinking. she remembered this over the weekend and apologised on monday in case i thought she was being sarcastic!

i said these things were fine, "i thought nothing of them.".

then she said "all these wee things that make us panic"...i thought this was quite unusual coming from "a normal"! just thought it would be interesting to post this here.

She just sounds like a considerate type of person, that's all.

SparklyEm · #11 5th April 2007, 00:28

I think the trouble that some SA-ers have is that they think there is an either-or situation: i.e. that you either have SA or you don't, and when you "get over" SA, it's like flicking a switch and you suddenly become the life and soul of the party. It isn't. There are many shades of grey inbetween. When you do overcome it, it isn't all happy ever after. You'll have your great days, you'll have your humdrum nothing days, and you'll have your crap days. It's learning how to cope with the crap days and realising they won't last forever and that it's part of life that matters.

And from what I've learned along the way everyone has a bit of SA or depression inside them - its just that some people hide it better than others, or learned coping strategies early on.

Ross PK · #12 5th April 2007, 13:17

Lol, nothing like that happened.

W!llow · #13 5th April 2007, 13:40

Quote:

I guess what I'm saying is the unhappiness at being anxious is what I see as the defination of having SA because it's a label we put on ourselves. If you're accepting and okay with the fact that you're anxious then you don't feel the need to have a medical terminology to explain it I suppose.

I part agree with what you were saying crazyfairy bur I think it probably depends on the level of anxiety somebody is suffering. I think if someone has a crippling fear in certain situations they are not going to be happy with how they are in those situations. If you have mild anxiety I think you can kind of accept it and get on with life.

Kevin Hodge · #14 5th April 2007, 17:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by dd100

She's probably sensed that you have been making an effort recently, to be more 'open' and friendly with her and she appreciates that it's taken quite a bit effort on your part to do so.

She's probably sensitive to the fact you're shy and doesn't want to do anything to knock your confidence and 'rock the boat' on the new and more friendly working relationship that's developed between you both

that's an interesting take, it suonds totally plausible, but it's not the one that occurred to me. this could easily be a result of me having a skewed perspective

my take on this is that she is just paying attention to me more because we have actually been talking a bit more.

i find that if you don't talk to people much, they don't make much effort to listen to you...they know you will bugger off quickly without saynig much, so they have little reason to pay attention, it's like a learned behaviour.

what's most likely is that, now i've started wowing her with my "charm", she is starting to realise that she fancies me, and so she's getting all self conscious

png · #15 5th April 2007, 19:48

I've noticed that some normals can get quite paranoid that they'll upset you by saying the wrong thing, etc. once they realise someone is sensitive. Anywhichway communication on that level shows honesty and trust which is surely a good thing.

(Is she nice then?

)

Kevin Hodge · #16 5th April 2007, 20:01

nice?! nah, she's kind of oafish but well-meaning. she's made some kind of..."retro" clangers, as if her morality harks back to a very different time. but i don't think she's malicious, just kind of backward