Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

[Norris]

Most of the time it doesn't. And rationally I think there are so many children already in the world and we're all kinda related anyway and I don't want to pass on my messed up genes and blah blah blah...But sometimes when I think about life and death and family I get so distressed that I don't have any and probably won't. Like there's times when the innate urge to be a parent is so overwhelming, and I feel like I'm missing out on the whole point of life.

I worry that it might hit me even harder when I'm older. Like death in general is so terrifying but maybe if I was on my deathbed and I had a couple of kids who were doing well then I could deal with it better.

[R.H.I.N.O.]

It did in my 30's and still does later in life. Probably my biggest regret and the older i get, the more it hurts.

[cutepuffins]

Not at all, doesn't bother me in my 50s either!

[redcard]

It doesn't bother me, but I do sometimes think of all the experiences I'm missing out on by not having kids. I've got a nephew I take out once a month or so, and I'm happy with that.

Weighing it all up, I'd rather not give up my lie-ins at the weekend.

[SeekingSolace]

I'm in no fit state to have a kid. I imagine I'd have loved to have one, and it'd probably have helped me to get a grip and be more devoted to sorting myself out, but nah, I'm a mess, it wouldn't have been fair.

[Dougella]

I don't want children so no it doesn't.

I understand for people who would like to have kids that it must be something that bothers them though. It is still possible to have children in your forties (especially for men) so I don't think you should give up hope if you don't have any in your thirties.

Also it is possible to have a child alone through artificial insemination etc. I know someone who has decided to do this, as she just hasn't met the right person and wants to be a Mum.

[tryinghard]

I'm nearly 30 (29)....does that count? Most of my friends don't have kids yet, but they're getting there, and I'm not yet at the point I'm really afraid it won't happen for me, but I am starting to have my doubts. I think I might have been born a mother. I loved looking after dolls when I was a kid (despite being otherwise a tomboy), then looking after my dog as a teenager...and I'm sure many of my exes would resentfully tell you I wanted to look after them too (*slaps self on wrist*). I take a lot of joy in the idea of raising children who are happy and confident and helping them to have the best life I could give them - there's always been something in me that really gets a lot from nurturing others and I would want to create a kind of imaginative wonderland for my kids (without spoiling them, I also dream of thinking of good ways to instill discipline and a strong work ethic...) I just like the idea of being someone's Mam, really - probably even more so than being someone's wife!

Don't know if that stems from a problem with in me - I worried it was at first - but I think as I've grown older that I would want children for the right reasons (to give them a good life, not to fill some void in me, if you see what I mean). So it does sadden me to think it might not happen, but I think I would be jumping the gun to mourn yet! I've still got a good few years in me before my womb goes sour!

[Amplexor]

Yeah it does bother me a bit. I want children but it's hard to find a girlfriend who is accepting of SA! Anyone interested?

[Silent Ninja]

It does sometimes but I'd never be able to cope with the responsibility or be mature enough to raise a child.

I'm more concerned with the fact I've never practiced making any yet.

[Spectrelight]

Not at all. I've never wanted them anyway.

[Mo34]

Yes, of late. I'd probably be crap, but I guess I imagine I'll look back on my life in older age and regret it immensely.

[Toxic]

Nearly 30!

I'd say its good that I've never wanted kids because I don't think I have any chance of being in a position where I "could" have kids even if I wanted to, chronically single with no sign of change.

I can imagine if I was desperate to be a father I'd be bricking it at the moment as..yeah the odds really aint in my favour.

[chocolatechip]

yes I'd regret it/be worried about it

[pheys]

social anxiety, tuberculosis, inherited spasticated parapalegia run in the family. me having a child wouldn't be fair in my opinion

[Ben1981]

Doesn't bother me at all right now. I'm still undecided about wanting kids and theres also plenty of other things I want to do in life which having children would interfere with. These days it seems quite a few people don't have kids until their late 30s to early 40s so no need to start worrying about that yet.

[eMe]

Wouldn't say it bothers me as of now, but in 10 years time it would I think. Not just the children but missing the family life would bother me, much more so than job or success or popularity.

[Between The Bars]

Nut!

[Mr. Nobody]

children can give your life a new meaning that you'd never have imagined,
the bond, love and warmth you share with your children goes deeper than most other relationships,

I'm sure lots of people with children basically say,. their life started after they had children,.. before that, they were basically just messing about.

[Sun Wukong]

I’m north of 35 and it has stung a bit at times thinking/catastrophizing that I’m not going to get a chance to start a family, but then again, who knows what the futures holds .

Also, at times it’s actually feels like it wouldn’t be a bad thing either, in that a life without kids would be more flexible and opportunities would be open to me that are not to those with families.

[scratch]

I'm 34 and it is starting to bother me a bit. I would love to be a father and I know my parents would love to be grandparents because of the hints they keeping dropping which puts added pressure on me. I need to find a girlfriend first though

[Libbyjay]

Yes! I'm 38 in Jan and although I feel like I'm only 20 I'm being to get really worried it's never going to happen. But I've only got myself to blame. Had I sorted myself out 10 years ago things may be different. 1st challenge is finding someone that wants to be with me and stay with me as I couldn't hack being a single mum

[newbs16]

.

[purpleyay]

Yes. It does hurt me that I won't have children. It hurts me a lot.

[Pathetic_Earthling]

I don't want children to pass on my anxieties to. I do regret not not wanting to have them and I wish I felt capable but I don't.
My life has no purpose.

[tryinghard]

Eurgh....this thread keeps coming up, huh? Yeah I keep on trying to remind myself the clock is ticking and bully myself into dating but for reasons I do not fully understand the whole idea of being in a relationship is vaguely sickening to me. I'm so going to regret this when my womb goes sour...

[Norris]

Originally Posted by tryinghard

Eurgh....this thread keeps coming up, huh? Yeah I keep on trying to remind myself the clock is ticking and bully myself into dating but for reasons I do not fully understand the whole idea of being in a relationship is vaguely sickening to me. I'm so going to regret this when my womb goes sour...

I know right, I flinch a bit every time I see there's been a reply. Sorry forum!

[tryinghard]

^Haha, no, no don't worry, I can deal with my flinches...

[Dandelion10]

I've had two pregnancy scares recently (with my partner, no-one else). They were borderline hysterical bc, I don't know if anyone else gets this, those weird cramps you get after sex?

Well I thought that was implantation cramps and the test was positive but I later learned that you can't get an accurate test result until 4 days before your period, unless you use Clear Blue.

Getting pregnant is something I am really, really looking forward to in life and there's only one guy I would like to be the father (my S.O!) but I don't expect him to stay with me, not bc of anything he's said/done, I just don't really expect loyalty.

[Sunshine Recorder]

Not as much, cause my main hobby at the moment is board games, and you don't have to be young and physically active to play board games with kids.

[Coffee]

Not even a little bit.

A lot of parents seem almost religious to me. Like they have to keep reinforcing how great it is to help them forget about everything they lost.