Work again - sorry !

[dadindoors]

How people responded to my query about work really intrigued me, and made me wonder whether SA is brought on more by the feeling of having to do things like work or socialise or get a partner etc, rather than those things themselves.
So, if we freed ourselves from the belief that we had to do those things, we would feel better.
And that made me wonder whether we would feel more relaxed in the world in general if we could stop believing that there is something wrong with us for being anxious so we mustfind a way of managing or eradicating our anxiety.
If anyone tells us this isn't it a bit like telling us it's wrong to be Jewish or blonde.
What's so wrong with being socially anxious ? in other words. I know people say it's wrong becasue it stops us doing things, but then perhaps there's a simple messaeg there - stop trying to do those things that make us anxious and do something else instead.

[Peyre]

Well this is what I am trying to do. You do NOT have to go clubbing every night, you do not have to talk endlessly to other people, you should not be forced into diving into a relationship just for the sake of it

And I do feel better, its not a cure, but it helps.

[scarlet_diva]

Originally Posted by dadindoors

How people responded to my query about work really intrigued me, and made me wonder whether SA is brought on more by the feeling of having to do things like work or socialise or get a partner etc, rather than those things themselves.
So, if we freed ourselves from the belief that we had to do

I don't think it's as simple as that, unfortunately. Because I get SA even doing things that I really want to do, not just things like work which I feel I ought to do.
For example, I love watching films but have to wait for them to come out on DVD most of the time, because I can't bring myself to go to the cinema. it's really, really annoying. But the crowds, and having people sitting around me, and the whole travelling bit is not worth the aggro (as opposed to work that I have to do or I would be out on the streets) so I just end up bailing out & wait for the DVD release. Also I love things like going to the parks or museums, etc, but most of the time, again, I end up bailing out because even though they are things I'm really interested in, I just suffer too much from the whole sensory-overload thing which exhausts me when there are people around.

There are things like clubbing which TBH I couldn't give a toss about, which I don't force myself to do, and going to pubs I'm not too bothered about either.

What's so wrong with being socially anxious ? in other words. I know people say it's wrong becasue it stops us doing things, but then perhaps there's a simple messaeg there - stop trying to do those things that make us anxious and do something else instead.

So I think basically, most people on here are not saying it's wrong to be socially anxious but they would rather not have it for the simple reason that it really gets in the way of letting us do things we enjoy - not necessarily really ambitious or wild things like partying & clubbing - or even being able to carry out everyday things that shouldn't cause us anxiety in the first place (eg just going to the shops or getting on a bus to work etc)

[wobbly]

I don't think it's because people feel they need to conform to society's values they think something's wrong with them. We need to socialise as a fact of life at all levels just to subsist. I don't think it is this conformist 'belief' in people that makes them think that there is something wrong with them but more a belief that they think they they may not have any value as a person in the eyes of other people. It's all about this judgement call about themselves that needs addressing and for me is based in self esteem issues.

[Tiger]

Wise words from you I think!

Words like 'Ought, should, must' cause us anxiety...these are pressure statements. Far better to say 'maybe I could do this, maybe that will go ok', it puts far less pressure on you.

I say be happy to be who you are, learn to live with whatever illness you have, manage it and don't be controlled by it. That alone will reduce your anxiety.

Nobody is happy with everything in their life so I do not believe there is anyone that is so called 'normal'!