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  #1  
Old 11th December 2006, 15:09
jontyboyoh jontyboyoh is offline
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Default Why has my dad the social graces of a viking? Do I need to know why?

And they wonder why I'm ill!

Sorry. No one will know the answer to this. Maybe there is no answer.

Do we ever escape the impact of our parents?

FFS!!!!!

Rant over!
  #2  
Old 11th December 2006, 15:29
sophie79 sophie79 is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

My dad is completely socially inept, he's appalling. I can see where I got it from. My mother has no self-esteem whatsoever. I got the worst of each I feel like Danny Devito in Twins lol.
  #3  
Old 11th December 2006, 15:33
Occultus Occultus is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

Quote:
Originally Posted by yaztromo
My dad is completely socially inept, he's appalling. I can see where I got it from. My mother has no self-esteem whatsoever.
Hmm...sounds familiar, that.
  #4  
Old 11th December 2006, 15:46
crimson~raven crimson~raven is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

My parents arre total tarts!

I am nothing like them.
  #5  
Old 11th December 2006, 17:09
jontyboyoh jontyboyoh is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

When I posted this thread I expected it to be met with peeps tellin me not to blame my parents and to try to understand my father.......

But I'm glad u have joined me in some good, healthy parent-bashing.

Seriously, though: I have prob got a lot of SA from him. E.G: the way he'd much rather tell people to fcuk off than explain something or have something explained to him. Like when he has been trying to talk to someone at the door: as soon as he comes away he slags them off terribly......

Maybe I'm bein too serious, coz all my family has managed to pick up this trait......And if I'm not careful I think I will.

Oh, I don't know!

Cheers anyway!

PS: Can also totally relate to Yaztromo's 'the worst of both worlds' point: the three of us are victims!
  #6  
Old 11th December 2006, 18:03
Orchid Orchid is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

My step dad is awful at socialising and doesn't have any hobbies. He just sits in night after night with the TV for company. When I still lived with them, he would always be having a go at me for staying in and not being out several times a week like my sisters... and yet I went out more than him! My Mum has a lot of friends and is very social, not too sure about my real Dad, but there's got to be some esteem issues somewhere from one of my parents!
  #7  
Old 12th December 2006, 03:56
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

they are anti-social, although dad can be quite light hearted at family parties, i think that his heart is in the right place but its his arrogance and fascist mentality that lets him down

i think that the parent bashing is perfectly justified, your parents are a MAJOR influence on shaping your persona and attitudes, they take responsibility of you up to a certain age until you can handle yourself in middle high school(jnr college).

they have brought us up as if they own us like property where as the only way it works(generally) is if your parents take more time to befriend their kids, this never happened in my family, i had strict parents that i felt paranoid being the same room

now sure they have provided and looked after us, for that i am grateful.

i have a mum who all she does is nag about the most miniscule rubbish, leaving a draw unclosed or a crease in a bedsheet is like a tragedy ...she is also very old fashioned and doesnt show any hint of youthfulness, ok, fair enough, thats her choice.
she is a constant outlet of guilt and worry, everytime i walk out the door, she says "be careful" ..."drive carefully" ..."what if you need a jacket" (that is caring but its not exactly motivating)

my dad is verbally abusive and arragont, he believes that my mum has to agree with everything he believes, otherwise she is plotting against him...he believes everyone should live by his principles.

he has said some horrible things to me and my sister over the years, but mainly myself including

"your not my son" ...."youll be the death of me" ..."your a failure".

i dont have any good memories of times spent with them and my relationship with my father is almost non existant(his father, my grandfather used to hit him and this has had an effect on my dad) ...with my mum its not so rosy either.

also ive noticed my dad has worked a job that he doesnt enjoy, has no hobbies outside of work, my mum is the same, they just come home watch tv and then go to bed, get up go to work, watch tv, go to bed ...repeat, repeat ......to me this is not how you grow and its not exactly showing your kids a positive message.
  #8  
Old 12th December 2006, 09:13
wobbly wobbly is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

Whilst it doesn't excuse their bad behaviour, we have to remember that they are also the products of their upbringing as well. We have children sometimes with no understanding of how to bring them up and how our own insecurities can have a detrimental effect on them. I know as a parent how hard it can be to show them demonstrative love and affection (or give them quality time) when you are caught up in your world of fears, sadness and perhaps depression. We tend to take liberties in families that we wouldn't take with our best friends (for those who've got them) and perhaps a little more love shown would go an awful long way.
  #9  
Old 12th December 2006, 11:20
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wobbly
Whilst it doesn't excuse their bad behaviour, we have to remember that they are also the products of their upbringing as well. We have children sometimes with no understanding of how to bring them up and how our own insecurities can have a detrimental effect on them. I know as a parent how hard it can be to show them demonstrative love and affection (or give them quality time) when you are caught up in your world of fears, sadness and perhaps depression. We tend to take liberties in families that we wouldn't take with our best friends (for those who've got them) and perhaps a little more love shown would go an awful long way.
i agree with that completely but i also believe there is a line that is crossed where you just dont treat your kids like they are puppets which my folks have done over the years, the constant guilt and prejudice inflicted by both has effected me negatively ...and i am trying to reverse that ....its difficult for me to show love when i cant have a normal conversation without it turning into a lecture that lasts over an hour where at the end i feel like a nobody ....my dad is never happy unless i agree with him regarding every argument and the principles of Life! ...i dont live in a house where freedom of speech is seen as a good thing, as dad once said to me "you live in my house, you do as your told and as i say"

its so cliche the way they went about parenting ...i would rather they try to be more like a friend to me then people im paranoid to talk to. .....
  #10  
Old 12th December 2006, 13:04
wobbly wobbly is offline
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Default Re: Why has my dad got the social grace of a viking, and do I need to know?

I agree Goldfish that it's hard to be understanding of a person's needs when they are treating you like sh*t. One way or another some parents have a lot to answer for and I suppose your parents must find it easier to treat you like a puppet when they have such insecurities that prevent them from relating to you as a person. I suffered from the same treatment as a kid and wasn't shown any love at all (mum was a depressive and my dad was as cold as ice) so you and others in your position have my heartfelt sympathy.

I'm knocking on a bit now and (I think) only just beginning to recover from all the things that went on in my childhood. My Dad died when I was young and recently my Mum (when talking to her about my depression at the time) was kind enough to tell me that my Dad had never loved me - and she thought that was helpful!!!! Yes, parents do have a lot to answer for and I'm trying to remember that as I bring my boys up.
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