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  #1  
Old 8th May 2008, 10:39
leon30001 leon30001 is offline
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Default this site would benefit from...

some sort of dating forum, imo. dating for the SA-inclined! I'm gettin desperate so I'd stick my photo up strai8 away!
  #2  
Old 8th May 2008, 10:44
ExSAguy ExSAguy is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Whilst I agree in principle i'm not entirely sure SA relationships work out well due to nobody speaking. Still i'd be happy to put myself on there
  #3  
Old 8th May 2008, 10:45
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

This has been suggested, discussed and rejected many times pretty much since SAUK first started out.

People are here for support, advice, chat and to broaden their social networking with other SA sufferers. I'm sure many relationships have been formed at meets, via online chat, email etc anyway without the need for a dedicated dating forum.

It would defeat the object of this forum overall if it were turned into a place for dating, plus as usual the ratio of men would vastly out number females. Remember there is a penpal forum anyway, maybe try in there for starters?
  #4  
Old 8th May 2008, 11:26
leon30001 leon30001 is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

"Chances are if you can't get a partner in the physical world, you won't get (or keep) one from the internet either"

gee thanks mate!
  #5  
Old 8th May 2008, 11:29
Amber Fyre Amber Fyre is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by leon30001
"Chances are if you can't get a partner in the physical world, you won't get (or keep) one from the internet either"

gee thanks mate!
Yes I agree that was a pretty cruel thing to say, and not necessarily true either. The truth is lots of people who haven't been able to find partners in the 'real world' have found partners online. There are quite a few couples on this site for example who met online.

As for a dating section on here - the administrators have said in the past that they do not want a section like that on this site. However, there are a few social anxiety or anxiety-based dating websites out there I believe? Plus as someone else said - there are meets, the penpals section, etc.
  #6  
Old 8th May 2008, 11:34
ExSAguy ExSAguy is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

I've had several online girlfriends. One lasted over a year. Whilst I've never had a 'real' girlfriend so that person is talking rubbish
  #7  
Old 8th May 2008, 12:13
Ben Ben is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
It may be cruel, but it most certainly on the whole is true. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule. However, apart from those with certain fetishes and unusual desires, all men and women universally and subconsciouslly desire the same traits in a partner and if one cannot get a partner the usual ways (pubs, clubs, social events etc.) that is evidence of unworthiness. There is a one in a thousand chance of an inadequate person meeting someone online, but it is extremely rare.
That is completely exaggerated I am afraid. Your argument does have roots in logic, but to extrapolate to those odds is incorrect.

In fact a poll was done in the basement not a long time ago about relationships formed here, and I can assure you the results of that in no way tallied with your guesstimate.
  #8  
Old 8th May 2008, 12:14
Amber Fyre Amber Fyre is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
It may be cruel, but it most certainly on the whole is true. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule. However, apart from those with certain fetishes and unusual desires, all men and women universally and subconsciouslly desire the same traits in a partner and if one cannot get a partner the usual ways (pubs, clubs, social events etc.) that is evidence of unworthiness. There is a one in a thousand chance of an inadequate person meeting someone online, but it is extremely rare.
So everyone is the same, desires exactly the same things in a partner, and there is such thing as an 'inadequate' person? Okay...
  #9  
Old 8th May 2008, 13:07
ExSAguy ExSAguy is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Cynic, you really don't want people to be happy huh? Perhaps you've never had a decent long lasting relationship online but I can vouch that many people, myself included have. There is next to no correlation between people not being able to date online not being able to date in reality or vise versa. My apologies if you've been hurt severely by either but let's not generalise
  #10  
Old 8th May 2008, 13:16
BlackSwan BlackSwan is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
Amberfirez, there is such a thing as animal instinct, which is dominant in humans, as much as youse try to deny it, they can't be helped, and yes, of course there are inadequate people. Are these school shooters not a prime example?
I don't understand how you think this is supposed to work though. As there is a close ratio between the number of males to number of females. What do the "inadequate" males and females do? Apart from wandering around telling each other how inadequate they are.

Or are their more inadequate males than inadequate females? In which case what do all the single women do about the shortfall in adequate men?

Do you think that only "adequate" people mate and have relationships?
  #11  
Old 8th May 2008, 13:26
mostly_harmless mostly_harmless is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

If you happen to find your 'soulmate' through SA fair enough, but I think there is something extremely inadvisable about seeking out potential partners based on the fact they have the same mental illness as you.
  #12  
Old 8th May 2008, 13:59
Pangolin Pangolin is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
Try desperateanddateless.com fs.:rolleyes:

Chances are if you can't get a partner in the physical world, you won't get (or keep) one from the internet either.
Utter twaddle I personally know two couples that met on this site. I'm going to be at one of their weddings in a few months, in fact. Having SA doesn't make you unworthy, but it may well make it a lot harder to date and meet partners. I would write a longer reply to you but have to get ready for my girlfriend coming over... guess which website I met her on? :D
  #13  
Old 8th May 2008, 17:43
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
if the guy was a virgin at 35 despite being with his bird 11 years, then maybe she just felt sorry for him despite finding him a turn off.
I think that's a terrible thing to say, I found Moose's story very endearing and warm, and I sincerely believe that she loves him. You don't normally invest that much time and effort if there wasn't something special there in the first place.

One of the biggest attractive qualities of a person is being positive towards things, it gives you energy and belief; not only in yourself but also to your partner (or partner to be) and the whole relationship. I don't think it matters where you find that person as each environment requires a different approach and only that person knows how best to project themselves in the most favourable and comfortable way to them, for example, I really dislike clubs as a meeting place and don't consider them an appropriate meeting place for something sincere, meeting people in clubs has never ever appealed to me, maybe that goes for a lot of people here to, so the "conventional" way doesn't necessarily mean it's the best way. I like clubs to dance in though, that's all.

Things have changed and we now have so many different avenues to approach it that suits us better than there used to be.

Take Care
Danny
  #14  
Old 8th May 2008, 19:17
Ben Ben is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Poll I mentioned Cynic.

http://www.social-anxiety-community....ad.php?t=23111
  #15  
Old 8th May 2008, 19:21
leon30001 leon30001 is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Okay well maybe the ppl who think it's a bad idea cud just ignore it. But for those who think it's a good idea I don't see how it cud be detrimental to have a dating forum.
  #16  
Old 8th May 2008, 19:21
mi©o mi©o is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
Chances are if you can't get a partner in the physical world, you won't get (or keep) one from the internet either.
Thing is, most people with SA can't find a partner because they find it impossible to make that first move, they're exceptionally nervous on first encounters, find it hard socializing, they have a defensive body language, etc. First impressions aren't always the best, and we're not always putting ourselves into those social situations where you're likely to find a partner, but given the chance to dig below the surface it can become a very different story.

Having been around this site for quite a while I can verify that quite a few long term relationships have arisen from this place alone, even marriages. And that's one reason why you don't really need a dating sub-forum here. It's a social networking site in itself and if you're looking for a relationship there's no better way of doing it than talking to people, getting to know them and taking it from there.

I think there are some sites geared towards dating for the socially anxious, depressed, mentally ill, etc, but don't ask me what they are, I don't know.
  #17  
Old 8th May 2008, 19:54
I.G.
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by afx777
This has been suggested, discussed and rejected many times pretty much since SAUK first started out.
Yes, that's right.

The site owner, Administrators and Moderators don't want to have to moderate or take responsibility for a dating section. It has the potential to cause all sorts of problems. We are a social anxiety support site, not a dating site. The decision has already been made that there won't be a dating section I'm afraid.
  #18  
Old 8th May 2008, 21:09
I.G.
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quiet bloke with talkative cow
I don't think there's anything to stop you posting a dating sort of message in the Penpals section, it's been done before
Sorry to be a wet blanket but there is:

Quote:
Originally Posted by FAQ
- Advertisements or links for the purpose of dating are not permitted on the public forums. Posts/threads discussing dating (dating sites in particular) will be reviewed on a case by case basis, and will be removed at the Moderators' discretion.
http://www.social-anxiety-community...._new_faq_item2
  #19  
Old 8th May 2008, 21:25
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Trouble is i can see a great number of male members and very few, if any, female members!!
  #20  
Old 8th May 2008, 21:38
Medea Medea is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver
Its completely pointless doing that cos no one ever replies to them anyway. I think advertising for a girlfriend would scare most girls off anyway
Definitely. Most people come here for support and don't want to feel people are looking at them in a preditory way. A dating section is definitely the worst idea for a mental health site imo.
  #21  
Old 8th May 2008, 22:04
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver
Its completely pointless doing that cos no one ever replies to them anyway. I think advertising for a girlfriend would scare most girls off anyway
Presicely, i think time would be better spent addressing the issues that are preventing people from getting out and meeting people then signing up to dating site.

Although i can of course well understand why some people choose the dating site option.
  #22  
Old 8th May 2008, 23:01
leon30001 leon30001 is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

it would be more a case of lonely ppl havin the oppo to alleviate that 4 ea other and maybe bring a bit of meaning into their lives, as opposed to predation.
Fair do's tho, can be looked at fr a variety of angles and is obviously about as popular an idea as, say, terminal illness, so perhaps we shud leave it dere!!
let's focus on a dancing banana instead.
  #23  
Old 8th May 2008, 23:25
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quiet bloke with talkative cow
"preditory" a little OTT surely ?

It always bothers me when I see things like this, it gives the impression of overbearing, manipulative men hunting for helpless gullible SA women to abuse and dominate
Exactly, Innervision wrote a brilliant post about this awhile back.
  #24  
Old 9th May 2008, 01:15
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by moose
did he? let me see
http://www.social-anxiety-community....733#post524733

Actually there are several great posts in that thread!!
  #25  
Old 9th May 2008, 03:38
Medea Medea is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

I didn't mean to imply that it was only men who were preditory. I believe women can be equally guilty. The problem is that some people with SA might have deeper mental health problems and so could be more vulnerable than your average person. I also think a lack of social skills (which I certainly have) might make it harder for someone in a "date" situation.

It is possible to find a partner through SAUK without a dating forum, as many of us have proved.
  #26  
Old 9th May 2008, 09:19
BlackSwan BlackSwan is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
I dunno. Most ugly women and weak males stay unnatatched as they are repulsive to each other, let alone to decent people.
But that would go against the animal instincts you so often talk about. If our animal instinct is to mate, we will mate with the best we can get.

You come across as a very bitter person, I think that would be more of a problem than any other when it comes to finding a relationship.
  #27  
Old 10th May 2008, 00:11
Occultus Occultus is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
I see this thread has been moved probably because of me. I dunno whether I should laugh or cry.
I moved the thread here because I felt the topic was best suited for discussion here. It wasn't moved as a result of anyone's contribution to the thread
  #28  
Old 10th May 2008, 08:59
Azi Azi is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
And if you're among the worst and most unattractive, you won't get any mates. Some people on this site say they're well into their 20s and 30s yet have never mated. That is proof that some people are universally undesirable. Just like those who are abused within relationships are usually inadequate too.
With respect, thats nonsense.
  #29  
Old 10th May 2008, 13:15
lucybell lucybell is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ExSAguy
I've had several online girlfriends. One lasted over a year. Whilst I've never had a 'real' girlfriend so that person is talking rubbish
sorry for being slow here, but what exactly is an 'online' girlfriend?
  #30  
Old 10th May 2008, 14:45
Ben1981 Ben1981 is offline
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Default Re: this site would benefit from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic

And if you're among the worst and most unattractive, you won't get any mates. Some people on this site say they're well into their 20s and 30s yet have never mated. That is proof that some people are universally undesirable.
Sorry to burst your bubble cynic but thats not the case at all. Part of being socially anxious is that you tend not to venture out into the wide world very often. I had my first relationship with another site member late last year and shed led pretty much the same sort of sheltered life as I have. Not because were hideous undesirable people but more because weve spent all our lives hiding away indoors from the world and thats no way of meeting a potential partner is it?
Also being SA doesnt necessarily mean your ugly. If you want proof of that go into the photo section and have a look at the random pictures of yourself thread if you havent already. Youll probably change your mind soon enough.
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