Feel like i am in a rut.

[newbs16]

I feel like i am in a bit of a rut and have little interest in things.

If i have the offer of doing something i am not very interested and seem to be happy just being stuck in the house, watching tv, listening to music and sometimes going out for a afternoon walk. Occasionally i get a bad day and wish things were different and sometimes i compare myself to others and wish i could be like them but on the whole as i have got older i do not care as much.

I am starting to become a let down, a friend i mine keeps on trying to arrange to go to the cinema and i keep on putting it off. I struggle to try to explain to my friend why i keep on letting her down, I also suffer from IBS and its pretty bad at the moment which really doesn't help with going out. I seem to do things only if i feel safe and if its outside my comfort zone my anxiety gets pretty bad.

I am not really sure why i am even writing this..

Newbs

[Professor Willow]

I can very much relate to what you say Newbs
Most of the time I don't seem to care that I only leave the house for work and walk the dog but I also end up doing the comparing and despairing routine (a lot of what gets me down is related to relationships or lack of).

First thing I will say is that comparing ourselves to others is not a helpful thing to do, we are all unique and unfortunately society and the media like to tell us we should all be the same.

The harsh reality is that both I and you can only change things for ourselves, yes it will be unpleasant and hard work at times but we have to push our boundaries a little bit at a time and keep pushing them, slowly our comfort zone will grow.

One thing I have found good is to write down a few things I want to achieve, nothing outrageous or extravagant just small things, like walking through town on a Saturday when it's busy and making myself stay there, going to the pub up the road and just having a pint to begin with and slowly building on these little triumphs.

It's just taking little steps in the right direction and not beating ourselves up when things don't quite work out, just dust yourself off and move on.

I have no idea if that ramble made any sense but hope it helps in some way

[Rocket Spud]

Sorry you're feeling this way, i can relate also, it's crappy.

How far have you looked into your IBS issue, Newbs? That's something that could really give you a lift if you can get it under control.

[kirbycrackle]

I know how you feel newbie woo, ibs is a real bitch especially if you're not exactly confident in the first place. Being out can be terrifying when you think you might have a body malfunction, but in the other hand I think
Your lady friend will understand if you do go out with her and I'm sure she'll be supportive and help you to feel more confident with it.

The cinema is a good place to start as its just sitting in the dark really lol.

Also think you need to see your gp and try find something to help with the ibs a bit . I know it's embarrassing and doctors can be dismissive of it at times but if you explain how it's effecting your day to day activities they might try a bit harder to help you out.

Don't beat yourself up about things too much. You're a lovely person and your mate seems to think a lot of you.

[Toxic]

I can very much relate to the stuck in a rut feeling, you've posted it in the 30+ bit, I wonder if its something that really affects us once were in our late 20's/early 30's? as I think your a similiar age to me..and its only really started to get to me in the last 3-4 years.


I'm very much in the "work/eat/sleep" routine and the very few times I'm asked to do something I tend to make up excuses/put it off. I have a good friend from my old job who lives about 2 miles away...I havent seen her once since before she got pregnant..her first child is already at school...

I don't know how to find the motivation/ignore the anxiety and get out there..I really don't

In regards to your IBS, have you found out what your triggers are? I know frothy milk in coffees and certain chili's can have me doubled over in pain, the woman I work with ends up in agony from bread based foods (theres a lot of us with IBS!) If I have a flare up I tend to just use fybogel, have you tried that? just some husk stuff you dilute with water and make a strange drink...its not exactly "nice" but its alright...and for me anyway tends to fix..bunged up issues..or..not so bunged up!

[newbs16]

I just wanted to thank all of you for taking time to respond to this.

Sent from my SM-G800F using Tapatalk

[Silent Treatment]

If you're ibs fels better then come to parkrun with me..you've mentioned wanting to do it before

[newbs16]

^ Thanks, I'll let you know.

[Mr. Nobody]

it's easy to get into a rut,
but I'm beginning to think that we can train ourselves to lead a different life,
it's obviously super-difficult in the beginning, but also possible,. which helps.

it seems to me that a lot of our lives are linked to habits,. which are often automatic and involve "muscle-memory" and such like,.
your body/mind is used to a certain type of day-to-day living and anything outside that is seen as difficult or a threat or an unnecessary hardship etc.
but if we can identify or pick certain positive habits, (which will be difficult) and stick to a new way of day-to-day living,. then eventually your body & mind will be used to that exposure and will automatically feel it is 'normal' and will have acclimatised itself to expect to behave a certain way and do certain things that may have been seen as difficult or impossible before.

maybe the real challenge is to pick stuff that's going to help you the most in the long run and stick to that,
your body and mind DO adjust to accept as normal,. things which before you would certainly avoid or baulk at.

I've tried it with a few things I couldn't do before because of SA and now it's a normal everyday part of my routine and I don't feel 'exposed' by it anymore,.
but I think the trick is to link it to your habitual everyday routine,
that way, it's a lot more difficult to lapse back into more SA-driven behaviour,.

I still have tons of SA-driven avoidance and tons of SA struggles but a few things that I've tried with repeated exposure have worked over time.