Shyness vs. SA

Is shyness and social anxiety the same thing or do people have SA and have a completely normal private life???

Any insights greatly appreciated.

stu

[it's me]

Hmm I was thinking about the difference between SA and shyness, and I would say to address the point I have a normal private life, with the people I know and am comfortable with. People would not say I was shy when they've known me, and I don't consider myself to be shy.
I always see the difference as being this, bearing in mind it depends upon how you define shy so I'm probably wrong before everyone jumps on me and tells me that!
I think shy people are sort of quiet by nature. They fulfill that role in a group made up of different personalities of being the more quiet perhaps thoughtful (who knows) person and they are comfortable with this and it fits how they wish to be and wish to express themselves. Their personality is not inhibited because being shy or quiet IS their personality.
I see SA and being something that does inhibit you, so as I said I'm not shy, I have lots to say and I'd actually love to be loud and jokey and cheeky and the centre of attention and often am with people I'm close to- that's my personality. But because of SA I stop myself from being how I want due to anxiety and over analysing how people will react to what I do and say. I like to make jokes about things but I'm constantly holding back because I'm scared all get that stunned silence of people who don't approve or whatever and it's really tiring to have those thoughts but having to repress being you! It makes me take a back seat that I don't want to be taking and I hate blending into the shadows around peopel.
If anything people would probably call me stand-offish or anti-social because I put up a defence to people and will exclude myself from group situations because I feel intimidated but I don't like to show why and so I act like I find them all very boring or what they're doing (ie. clubbing) totally sad and mind numbing and a bit below me! I don't know if that makes sense?!! It's stupid because maybe if I did say things to people I'd find it a bit easier but hey that's another issue... I do try to make myself do stuff but it's so hard I seem to not be able to even force myself. ARGH frustrating as hell!
Incidentally last night my bf told me I'm weird because I'm kind of two ends of one scale, I can being really full of life and bubbly but I'm also really shy and it's hard to explain how... I was like omg well done you've worked me out ha ha how long did THAT take!

Same thoughts here. I think i the end it comes down to confidense, if we were all full of confidense i think sa and shyness would'nt exist.

stu

[LongerTripBackHome]

Not the same thing exactly, but IMO sa is just extreme shyness. The only way they could really be entirely seperate was if you get SA people that aren't shy, but haven't read about (or met, though I've never met anyone who is openly sa) anyone like that.

[Nickodemos]

For me, I think I became more 'SA' when I got a complex about being shy. When you realise that shyness is often percieved negatively you tend to obsess over it a little and dig yourself a hole.

[waltdisney]

I think it is question of scale. To be shy is perfectly 'normal' & common. There are many introverts around. Many lead perfectly active lives. Have lots of friends etc.

SA is on the extreme end of the scale. Too the extent that it can be debilitating. & can seriously harm your social life.

I guess its a line. And when you cross it is different in everybody

[nectar]

just read your distinction between shyness and SA and that really IS ME! most people think i'm really bubbly and confident and when i'm relaxed (generally in a home environment) i'm comfortable and fun but i do tend to avoid certain invites...and find dates almost an impossibility. i always feel like i have to psyche myself up to be the bubbly person i am before i go out cos the anxiety it causes exhausts me. i also find that my anxiety turns me into someone i'm not...i get defensive and on a date i want on last night the guy even said i'm a bit like an ADD person!!!was mortified!my close friends say that they can tell when i'm anxious cos my mind goes on overdrive and i seem to be grabbing at many different thoughts and conversations. am starting to get really upset by it all and how its getting in the way of my life. going to start seeing a therapist again...want to keep off meds if poss. basically concerned that if i dont sort this out now then i could risk being a very single chick for a very long time!!!!sorry...totally gone off on one...its just such a relief to meet other sufferers. hope to hear from you/or anyone who feels the same! xx

[Sazzlebop]

Hey, I think 'it's me' summed it up perfectly and really helped to explain what I see as a kind of 'split personality' going on in my head. I often question what my real personality is, whether I am just the shy girl I always act in a group or whether I am really the kind of girl I think I am and want to show to other people, who is restricted by this SA and I think you've really helped to clarify that for me. I don't think SA is just a form of extreme shyness, there is a whole scale of SA. I personally am on the much lower end of the scale and from the outside people assume that I lead a perfectly normal social life, however, all of the thoughts and issues that go along with SA I have. I think you can lead what would be perceived as a normal life with SA, however I often wish that people could understand how I really feel and know that without it I could be doing a lot more with my life. Although shyness and SA are clearly linked in many ways, I do think they are very separate issues.

[nectar]

totally the same...most people think i'm really confident and bubbly but in my head i am totally freaking out and wanting to leave certain situations...although in certain one on one situations i say things i dont mean cos i am so anxious and flustered...get so pissed off with myself and my confidence is getting worse recently. what you doing to try and combat it?

[Sazzlebop]

Yeh I know exactly what you mean. I have just learnt to know exactly what my issues are and so the other side of my head can kind of counteract it. It works in situations I know, but when it comes to new situations sometimes I just loose control of it and my mind goes into overdrive. I just wish I could get rid of it completely. My confidence goes up and down like a yo-yo too, a lot of the time I just want to hide away from everything but I usually just carry on doing what I do and the phase passes or something happens to make me realise that i'm just being stupid and I feel happier with myself again.

As they say, no two cases of SA are ever the same.

stu